WARNING- This book can very much be a trigger warning to people suffering with anorexia as well as bulimia. Please lovies, do not read if you are suffering or will be triggered at all. Also, please be safe, it will get better. You are enough and I love you all. Please, get help, tell someone, I promise you this will get better. You are enough lovies. If you ever need someone to talk to, message me at anytime <3
Disclaimer ~Yes, I know a lot of things are changed in this story. Like, I know that Liam only had issues between birth and four and then check ups in between and also that his kidney healed itself in 2012 but just bear with me here :)
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-the picture attached is Shea, a model called Emily Rudd is who Shea looks like-
~3 Years Prior~
I opened my eyes and yawned, I looked around the room. I saw the usual large glass windows that were decorated with pictures I had drawn and quotes I had picked and written out in pretty letters. My guitar and my ukulele sat up against the wall.
My stomach growled and I looked down, slapping it quickly to shut it up and chugging the glass of water on my bedside table.
I put down the empty glass and grabbed my mobile, opening messages, immediately texting my best friend to see if he was up.
I heard a soft knock on the door before the familiar red haired nurse called Kendra walked in cheerfully with the usual tray of food that she set down next to me.
"Good morning Shea. Alright this morning?" She asked.
"I'm well Kendra, thanks." I said.
"Alright then, have a bite to eat yeah?" She said. I just nodded at her solemnly.
I'm currently in the hospital in inpatient for anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. I arrived here a few months ago when I fainted in the washroom from lack of food and my mom found me. I️ weighed 36 kg (81 lbs) when I️ first came in.
My best mate is Liam and he's in inpatient too but because of his kidneys. He had kidney damage to one of them and we were on the same inpatient floor because we were in the pediatric ward. When I first came here, he came and held my hand when I️ was scared, even though he didn't know me properly.
I picked my mobile back up and finished the text to Liam to ask if he was awake yet.
I lifted the lid on the tray to reveal my breakfast food for the day. Today there was an egg sandwich on a bagel with bacon on it.
You don't need it fat cow.
The voice inside my head talked and I shook my head, not that that would get rid of it but I️ tried. I picked at the edge of the bagel, putting a few bits in my mouth but gagging as I chewed. They required me to eat a bit every day and it made me sick. I didn't need to make myself fatter than I already was.
I chugged the glass of water that was next to the tray and I put the cover back over the tray, putting it to the side of me.
I pulled my light blue cover away from me and got up out of bed, still in my flannel jogger bottoms and jumper as I slipped my feet into my soft brown slippers. I opened the door that separated me from the rest of the hospital and exited, watching the doctors and nurses in uniform chivvying along.
A few of them stopped and greeted me before going back to what they were doing. I️ continued walking until I reached Liam's room.
Liam had gotten to this place a little less than a month before me. He was like my big brother, and was very protective over me.
I️ saw the familiar mop of light brown hair sticking out of the covers. I went over and sat on him, hitting his back until he woke up.
He groaned and rolled over so I was sitting on his stomach. "Hiya." I said.
"Can't a lad get a bit of sleep around here?" He grumbled.
"It is 9:00. That's quite enough sleep." I laughed, patting his hair.
"You're mad. It's bloody early" He grumbled and I stuck my tongue out at him.
He finally sat up and picked me up off of him by the waist as he moved and sat me down across from him.
"What have you got today?" I said, while sorting my wavy hair into a messy bun.
"I've got treatment." He said, sticking out his tongue in an annoyed way as he reached up to grab a loose piece of hair to help me get it into the bun.
"Ugh, proper annoying." I said, finishing off the bun.
"Very much so." He sighed. "Right, have you eaten?"
"Yeah I had a bit this morning." I said, half lying.
He looked at me skeptically, "no you didn't, come on then, we are gonna have a bite to eat. I'm famished." He said, hopping off the bed and grabbing my hand to help me down.
We were going to my room of course because they gave me the "good" food. They figured that this would tempt us? I guess?
Once we were back to my room, we both sat down on the bed and he set the tray between us.
Liam was such a good chap. He didn't force me, he just had us eat together like everything was proper normal. He'd help me not think about it and he wouldn't make anything a massive deal.
I managed to eat a half of my half of bagel painfully slow before I couldn't do it anymore.
He ate his half quite quickly and then when I was quite finished he set down the tray next to us.
"Do you think we will ever get out of this proper wretched hospital?" I asked suddenly.
"Oi, you always ask that. 'Course we will." He said, smiling as he fixed a piece of hair that had fallen out of place.
I smiled back and crawled over to him. He wrapped an arm around me and I snuggled into his shoulder. He kissed my hair and we continued talking about random stuff.
.
~Present Day (3 Years Later)~
"I cannot believe it. I cannot believe you're really going to be on the X Factor tomorrow. Absolutely gobsmacked but also really chuffed at the moment." I said. Liam and I were sitting on the couch in his house and his arm was slung around me. Karen was out at the food stores and Geoff was off at work.
"I know, it's so massive. I'm beyond nervous." He said.
"You're mad. You have absolutely nothing to be nervous about. You're ace when it comes to singing. The judges won't even see it coming. I'm going to feel quite chuffed when you win the whole massive thing." I said.
"Cheers love." He said.
"Right, just don't forget about me when you're rich and famous." I laughed. "I'll have to properly kick your arse mate."
"Believe me, even if I wanted to forget about you it is proper impossible." Liam laughed.
"Oh, don't tell me any of those porkies now. Once you become rich and famous you could forget about me in one second." I laughed half heartedly.
"Oi! Impossible. Don't talk tosh love. Don't even fight me on this." He said. I just rolled my eyes and settled back into his shoulder.
~The Next Day~
"Come on then Shea, we don't want to be tardy yeah?" My mum called from downstairs.
"Just a minute yeah?" I yelled down the stairs. My mum and I were going with the Payne's to X Factor.
My mum had gotten very close with Liam's parents because when we were in the hospital they would always visit together. When we were out of the hospital, we would always get together and have massive dinners and barbecues.
My father hasn't been in the picture since I was born. He left two days after my birth and he could be anywhere but we didn't really care.
I looked in the mirror one last time. I was wearing a simple grey tee and jeans with my trainers. I had French plaited my long hair to keep it out of my face.
I️ grabbed my mobile and left my room before mum could leave the flat without me.
"It's about time my love." My mum laughed.
"I'm sorry mum!" I️ said.
"Come on then, let's go yeah?" She asked and I nodded. We lived close to the Payne's, only a few minutes away actually.
After a few minutes of driving and chatting, we pulled up to the Payne's house. The front door was open but no one was outside yet. We have a quick knock before walking in.
They were all just doing some last minute fixes on their outfits and hair. Liam was wearing a white v neck skirt, black trousers and black shoes. When he saw me, he immediately came over and gave me and my mum a hug.
"Thank you for coming." Liam said, smiling at us.
"Of course Liam." My mum said, reaching up to ruffle his hair slightly.
Liam's mum and dad came over and gave us hugs.
"Everyone about ready?" Karen asked. We all nodded and then a few minutes later we were in the Payne's car. My mum and Karen in the middle section, Geoff in the drivers seat and Liam and I in the very rear seat.
Liam fumbled nervously with his fingers and looked out the window as we got closer and closer to arriving.
"Liam." I said. He didn't turn around. "Li Li." I️ repeated myself, poking his shoulder. He continued to look out the window so I poked him again. "Liam look at me."
He finally turned and his deep brown eyes met mine and I could see the nervousness in them.
"Listen to me." I️ said, taking both of his hands in mine. "You're going to do great. Yeah? Trust me." I said, gripping his large hands and looking straight into his eyes.
"Cheers." He said, and then leaning over to kiss my forehead.
"I love you Li." I said.
"I love you too." He said.
When we finally pulled up, he grabbed my hand in his shaking one for support as we walked into the building.
After we were all signed in, we went into a huge room with a whole bunch of contestants and stuff with a tv to watch the auditions that were currently happening.
-A whole lot of waiting later-
"Liam Payne?" The woman who had been calling contestants onto the stage called.
We all looked up expectantly and walked towards her, Liam in front, shaking nervously.
"You're up next. Soon as this contestant comes off." She smiled.
We all thanked her and then she walked away. Liam wrung his hands out and wiped them on his shirt.
When the contestant was off, it was now Liam's turn. I️ adjusted his shirt and gave him a kiss on the cheek and then he walked to the middle of the stage and had some banter with the judges and chit chat and then the song started.
"And now you say you're lonely." Liam sang.
I smiled proudly at my best friend massively smashing it on stage right now and mouthed the words as he sang along. I knew every word since I was the main person he would practice in front of.
When the song came to a close and he held out the last note perfectly, I jumped up and down excitedly. "Go best friend! That's my best friend!" I pointed to the Liam and the announcer person just laughed.
When he got all yeses I squealed and waited for him to come over to us as he exited the stage. As soon as he appeared, I ran over and jumped into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist as he spun me around and jumped about excitedly.
"You made it!" I yelled.
"I made it!" He yelled back.
The smiles on our faces would not and could not be contained. He had wanted this for so long and now it was finally happening.
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Hello ummmm I never really know what to say in these things... let's just pretend that I'm being an active writer... okay? Okay hehehe. Love you guys x
-laney