21:03.
baekhyun slept on the sofa that night.
roma slid into where mia had already fallen fast asleep, lifting the covers, her bare arms and legs curled in on themselves, chest heaving. she'd watched the slumberous sighs tumble from mia's mouth, her nose breathing heavily, asleep beside her. pretending. dreaming.
still so many unspoken words left to say.
counting breaths. eyes shut.
merely observed with heavy and clouded vision.
but roma didn't sleep at all.
even though she could hear baekhyun's light snores from the other room, other side of the door, and she knew how easy it would be to get up and go and lie down next to him, and how much more restful her sleep would be, she chose to stay where she was. perhaps, to prove a point to herself, or something.
slowly, slower than she desired, the blazing sun arose from where it had been submerged by the darkness of the horizon. the morning. roma had gotten up, feet firmly grounded, slipping through the bedroom door and past where baekhyun was asleep, hoping that her putting the kettle on wouldn't wake either of them.
leant against the counter, staring at nothing, waiting. waiting.
made coffee, and then she gently treaded across the living room, quiet as she went past the sofa, and pulled open the balcony doors, letting the sunlight flood in. past events. when baekhyun had slept on her couch before, when she hadn't even known him. and now, here they were.
the same sunlight had patterned his skin, traced across his muscles, tousled through his hair.
now it didn't reach him where he was lying, and she turned over her shoulder, mug in her hands, to see him sleeping beneath a shaded area, obstruction and hiding.
the balcony was warm and pleasant, and gave her a gorgeous vista of the winding, parisian-style, sun-lit streets.
lyon was beautiful. particularly in the sunlight. but it also reminded her of the deepest darkness, the darkest memories she could remember, despite the morning sun shining like there was no tomorrow.
things change.
mia had acted odd when she finally woke up, glassy eyes and bedraggled hair, eyeing baekhyun as if he was a total stranger. roma didn't understand. she wanted to. desperately.
but it was difficult to get mia alone, although it was their flat and their space. she left at around midday, claiming she had some shopping or something to do in town, and then she didn't come back until the late afternoon, looking more exhausted and still feigning that same, non-convincing expression.
baekhyun had suggested taking them both out for dinner, an attempt to lighten the mood, to which roma had glanced over at mia with a hopeful sparkle in her eyes, but to which mia thanked him profusely and said she was tired and was going to stay in tonight.
so roma and baekhyun went instead.
roma found it difficult to articulate her confused thoughts to baekhyun.
he also seemed on edge. seemed as though he was only taking in what she was saying blankly, mind elsewhere.
the restaurant was secluded and would have been perfect, if the tangible current resting thickly in the atmosphere hadn't have been present. couldn't be helped, she supposed.
"i wish..." roma began, then sighed, circling a finger over the rim of her glass of red wine. the liquid was dark scarlet; romantic and menacing.
baekhyun lifted his head up slightly, expression and interest piqued.
"what?" he replied softly. convincingly.
took roma aback.
"i just...wish that mia would tell me exactly what happened."
solemn expression, now. roma noticed how the dark shadows of the cornered and shaded area of the restaurant rested heavily into the creases and tired lines drawn and etched into baehyun's features. his nose bridged across the colourless planes of his cheeks, ending at his dry lips. his hair was getting long now, the beautiful, brown waves flopping forward over his framed orbs.
roma didn't even want to think about her own reflection. she hadn't looked in a mirror for a few days.
"i understand why she wouldn't want to," was all he let slip through his wavering voice.
constant stream of confused and puzzled and tormented consciousness.
she stopped fiddling with the fork on her plate.
"what...what do you mean...you understand?" roma spoke, voice louder and more piercing than she'd intended. the couple next to them glanced at their table fleetingly.
dark eyes.
"baekhyun, please, for god's sake, can someone just tell me what the fuck is going on? i'm so tired of all of this constant guessing and not knowing, and i can't--"
sudden outburst. her tone was sharp and demanding, and surprised even herself.
baekhyun's mind appeared elsewhere.
roma didn't realise how heavily she was breathing.
"mia is fine. don't worry," baekhyun said simply.
annoyance took over her thoughts and feelings.
"how do you know?" she continued to demand, somewhat aggressively, bordering aggravation. she sighed inwardly. "baekhyun, why do you always act so cryptic about these things? it's mia, like, i need to know--"
"roma, okay, mia isn't the problem here."
baekhyun spoke so bluntly, interrupting her train of irritation. he wasn't angry, or particularly annoyed with her outspoken words. he was just at a loss for words himself or explanations or something credible to say. nothing he could articulate without revealing his inner torments. and others'.
"so what is? who is?"
roma knew too well. he couldn't hide it anymore.
tension.
baekhyun reached forward across the table, over the plates, the wine, his calloused fingers gently grabbing hold of roma's smaller hands. she immediately, to even her own surprise, retracted them, not wanting to be sympathised with or patronised, even though baekhyun's intentions were purely comforting.
his pupils dilated, could have gone unnoticed, as he was slightly shocked by her forward actions. roma didn't have the objective of making baekhyun feel guilty or bad. not his fault. she was just reaching her limits.
"you were on the phone last night. what's happened? kai and sehun..."
pause.
baekhyun stared at her.
"you said s-something happened," she continued. quieter. stammered.
"yeah. something did."
roma hated this.
she felt a foreign sensation of anger towards baekhyun. for being purposefully discrete and mysterious, winding her up, although not intentionally.
"but, mia...?"
baekhyun's head tilted upwards slightly, eyes aligning once again with hers. black pupils. the whites of his irises shone. he looked momentarily terrifying. roma felt the shiver crawling painfully down her spine. then, he switched back, to a softer expression, just stern and serious now. eyes still, always, beautiful.
"mia was involved with kai in monaco."
baekhyun gave her the odd expression, almost as if he was saying, is that what you wanted to hear?
she didn't know at all how to respond.
voice became a sliver of transparent breath. had nothing to say, that could ameliorate the situation. lack of voice blocked any sense to be made.
"how was she involved?" roma asked sharply, intaking deep breaths to calm her quivering frame. she felt something coming. the pressure and weight on her shoulders, her collar bones, pressing down onto her frail chest.
heart beating.
pulse thudding.
baekhyun's eyes.
about to answer her.
the room transformed dimmer around the edges. wavering. like static television; grey and black and white taking over. white noise. no noise.
noise.
no noise.
constant binaries and oppositions.
everything felt strange. roma could almost have sworn that the tables and chairs and cutlery all slowly lifted up into the atmosphere, detaching themselves from solidity, dissipating into a less rigid form.
baekhyun's eyes were black. again.
"what's happening?"
this wasn't exciting. this was frightening.
kai appeared. from nowhere. had he been there this whole time?
his entirety stood in the centre, focal to the room and space around them, surrounding the room that was gradually closing in on her. couldn't breathe. his arms were spread out in front of him, as he looked at them with a quizzical expression on his face. wavering, also.
baekhyun stared at him. orbs widened; muscles strained, on edge, the intense worry on his face causing her heart to palpitate uncontrollably.
kai was still central. the main one. for a minute, it seemed as though the universe was rotating around him, and nothing else. the edges were blurry and unclear, but where he stood could be viewed with crystal vision.
"kai?!" baekhyun yelled above the static energy.
the shouting seemed too much, but there was no other way to communicate. even though it was deadly silent.
"baekhyun," kai started, beginning to take long strides towards where they were seated. "fuck." the process appeared to be a struggle.
roma still couldn't breathe.
the door of the restaurant slammed open, bashing harshly against the frame, an alternative roar of noise filling every visible gap of the polluted space, wind rushing into the curves of her ear drums. too much. overpowering sensation of the weight of the universe on her.
a storm.
explanations.
nothing.
kai sunk slowly to the ground, bending his knees and clutching his forehead. he let out a loud groan of pain. baekhyun observed him with severe concern. he stood up, patting kai vigorously on the back, trying to make him get up or talk or something. roma didn't know what to do.
she was scared.
a sudden cold tinged the area, indigo tint, shivering through her clothes and attacking her skin. she hugged her figure, attempting to protect herself from whatever was happening.
"we need to go," baekhyun stated, strictly and with intent. his voice was almost unrecognisable.
harshly, he grabbed both her hand and kai's huddled, distressed figure, hoisting him up roughly. kai still had a hand on his forehead, lips twisted into a pained grimace.
the beating of her heart was making it difficult to focus, or see straight, or try to form some sort of comprehensible vision of her bizarre surroundings. she was getting dragged out; dragged past the hovering furniture.
once outside, the dark sky had transformed. still pitch-black, but now it had been streaked with furious splashes of bright red and amber, of fiery oranges, of intense colour. now, it was really hot. the heat stung her eyes, perspired her quivering skin, clung to her every fibre. making it difficult to follow baekhyun's swift movements. kai kept on bumping into her, beside her.
crack in the earth. split in the atmosphere. tearing the universe apart.
they were running now, following baekhyun through the winding streets, towering walls, and busy paths.
kai was speaking; trying to say something intelligible, but was drowned out by the white noise. drowned out by baekhyun ignoring him completely.
outside the apartment. baekhyun's apartment, not hers.
calm but manic. roma didn't know how that was even possible.
baekhyun quickly pulled his phone from his pocket: it was ringing. the screen was blaring. roma could feel the tie between her and baekhyun dissolving. focused on a world that she could never be part of. a universe that wasn't made for the likes of her.
he pressed the phone to his ear.
the three of them stood in a circle, kai's own vision trained on baekhyun's every move. roma couldn't hardly breathe. and baekhyun had practically forgotten about her presence.
that's what it felt like, at least.
if only she knew it wasn't true.
"jongdae?"
sharp and interrogating. taking control. roma realised how intimidating baekhyun could be. veins bulging along his neck, his posture tall and powerful, intent on being in charge of the situation. but perhaps, he would have preferred if someone else was offering some form of solid guidance.
still couldn't breathe.
"you need to get the fuck out of here," roma heard, muffled through the receiver, crackling and almost inaudible.
"jongdae, fucking hell, please explain, we--"
"listen, okay. chanyeol and kyungsoo have gone to america. the equilibrium and the balance has shifted too much, we all need to spread out, again."
too loud and too quiet at the same time.
roma didn't understand. didn't recognise anything that was currently occurring.
kai's face had grown paler, as he listened to jongdae's message. a look of horror crossed his features.
the sky flashed.
the lights.
baekhyun opened his mouth a few times, but no sound emerged. skin was also drained from its usual, radiant colour. sudden realisation.
on.
off.
binaries.
on and off.
"r-right, o-okay-y. call you back," he stammered in response.
he replied after what seemed like eons of time.
a crack of thunder and a threatening flash of lightning took over the expansive atmosphere hanging dangerously above them. kai flitted between visibility, his eyes connecting with baekhyun's.
roma wanted to go home. doubted everything; her own heart couldn't take it. she couldn't handle this pressure much longer.
dark. light. dark, light, dark, light.
nothing was omniscient anymore.
breath tumbled desperately from her lips. hyperventilating. limbs felt frail and unstable.
she suddenly felt baekhyun's lips press firmly onto hers, his arms wrapping protectively around her shoulders, skin flushed against hers. his heart beat rapidly beside her chest.
he pulled away. amidst the chaos, he looked straight into her, his beautiful, mesmerising eyes translating what she knew was almost impossible to say with words.
"do you trust me?" he asked.
despite it all, despite the fear she felt for what was happening and what was yet to come, roma nodded her head.
"yes. always."
//