(18+)
Neither of us broke the gut-wrenching silence while Negan drove. My head spun in circles just thinking of everything that had happened. It was only moments ago that he had considered putting a bullet between my eyes; only a short while ago that my family could've died all because of me.
My selfishness is what could've gotten them killed.
The thought alone, of what Negan could've done to them made my heart race. I wasn't sure what he was going to do to me now, but I could only imagine. Everything had happened so quickly, that I was still running it over in my head.
I took a quick glance at him. His dominate hand was placed on 12 of the steering wheel, gripping it so tightly that I had to cross my legs to suppress my fear. A permanent scowl was etched into his stoic face, which could easily earn the award for most intense RBF. I could practically feel the anger rolling off of him in waves.
With this being said, I refused to look him in the eyes, so instead, mine settled rather comfortably on the passing scenery of my passenger window. His were focused on the road - barely acknowledging me aside from commanding me to get in the car when we had pulled out - the rest of his army in tow. They were transporting the materials he had taken from my people, which included all of their mattresses. For me, this was nothing but a hefty helping of heartache.
"Boys, go on back to the factory. I need to take care of a few things first," Negan's deep voice parting the thick silence made me lift my head towards him, his eyes steady on the road. "As a matter of fact, the mattresses..."
"Yeah?" Simon said attentively. Negan gave me a quick glance as the emotions contorted my face.
"Burn em."
My heart sank to the pit of my stomach as a million thoughts ran through my mind.
Was I the thing he planned on taking care of? Did he lure me out here just to kill me? That's it? Even after confessing for the first time that I truly and utterly loved him, he'd still do that to me? Was he seriously going to burn those perfectly good mattresses?
That managed to piss me off more than anything else. Knowing he took away my families comfort and just had no real regard for anyone else. He was treading on thin ice - I could only see this ending badly, and my people weren't going to go down without a damn fight.
"Yes sir," I could hear the snide in Simon's disgustingly pleasant voice. He would love nothing more than to see me pounded into the ground by Lucille. Ever since I met him, he'd hated me for stealing away Negan's attention. He wanted to be the big man, and little old me was capable of ruining that for him. The prick.
After Simon pulled off from behind us, the rest of the trucks and cars followed, honking when they passed. It made me queasy, just thinking about what my future held as Negan turned on a forked road.
Even through my worry and concern, my voice belted from my quivering lips, "S-So what now? You fucking kill me in the middle of nowhere? Are you hoping it'll make you feel like more of a man? Make you look good to all those people you claim to be leading down the path of righteousness? Huh?" I asked, tears now streaming down my face. He didn't say a word.
"Fucking answer me, you bastard!" I screamed, finally, body fully facing him now, and my hands clenched into tight fists. The tears streaming down my face blurred my vision, but I refused to take my eyes off of him.
Negan slammed on the brakes, stopped the truck and put it into park. I gasped for air, fear invading my entire body as I clutched the seatbelt across my chest. He didn't say anything for a very long time, and that made my skin crawl. Once he finally lifted his eyes to me, brows knitted together in furry, I knew I was the cause of that expression.
"Get out of the truck," He said icily.
"I'm not getting out-"
"Get out of the fucking truck, goddamnit!" He raised his voice at me, making me flinch as I grabbed the door handle, shoving it open. I just wanted to get away from him, after that.
So I slammed the door shut and I started walking - not a single damn weapon on me. If he wanted me dead then fine! I'd wander these streets until I found something to defend myself - but I'd be damned if I just willingly let him kill me dead, just like that - after all the bullshit I had gone through in this diseased world of those vicious animals.
Of course he followed, enraged. He didn't even bother to slam the door shut like I had. I almost smirked - feeling slightly empowered knowing that I had managed to get under his skin. That feeling soon faded as I heard the click of his gun, signaling that he pulled back the hammer. My blood ran cold at the sudden realization that he planned on using that weapon.
"You think you've got the balls to use it?" I asked testily, choosing my words very carefully. "Then, look me in my eyes while you do it," I demanded, tears drying on my cheeks.
He quietly stepped around to face me, the end of the barrel touching my forehead once again. I sighed, feeling worthless. It was like everything I had worked so hard to achieve had been disregarded, like I was reduced to one of those flesh eaters - a predator succumbing to it's prey. I stared into his eyes, trying to muster whatever bravery I had left inside of me.
I knew what it felt like to see my life flash before my eyes - recalling all the good and all the bad. Reflecting on the days when things were normal - when I was a student, eager to learn all that the world could teach me. When I was just a daughter - constantly being scolded by my parents over trivial affairs. When I was profoundly in love - memories of Aiden surfaced, but to my surprise, even more involving Negan blinded my fear.
I wasn't afraid of him. I trusted him with my life; I still did.
"You deceived me, you blinded me, you knew I'd do anything for you, and you took full advantage of that," He began. I could tell that he had been thinking over what he would say to me. He was a calculating man; he always had a plan.
"If it were anyone else, I'd kill you. I'd bash your fucking head in the ground - I don't really give a damn, and you know this. But yet, you still proceeded to test my very fine limitations. Deliana, you've got the biggest set of balls I've ever seen, darling," He said comically, chuckling, in that tone he had most times used in the factory while parading around theatrically before murdering someone - with good reason of course.
He was wearing that facade; he was trying to discard his humanity to make this easier on himself.
"You know I can't let this one slide," He stated, making my eyebrows knit together in confusion.
"According to who?" I wondered out loud, forgetting for a second that he still had a gun to my head. "Who decides this, Negan? You're the boss! Aren't you?" I exclaimed. He shook his head, evidently frustrated with me .
He dropped his arm which held the gun back to his side, turning away from me and groaning in defiance. He was obviously battling some inner conflict. I tried staying quiet during this outburst, but it was challenging, considering all the things I had left to say. Finally out of irritation, he ran a hand through his hair, a husky noise resounding from the back of his throat, startling me. In a different setting, it may have even been sexy, dare I say.
"A few miles up the road, there's a little run down cottage. I stocked it up with enough food and water to last a few months. I need you to go there and just this once, Deliana, do what I ask of you," He said, pleading with me. The look in his eyes said it all. He was desperate. I had no room to protest. This was my only option.
"Only if you take me," I said softly, feeling my heart yearn for his touch - for him the way I had come to know him.
He sighed heavily, conflicted.
"Get in the truck," he motioned, waving at it with the gun still in his hand. I led the way, getting back in on the passenger side. I watched as he stuffed the gun down the front of his pants, looking out into the distance.
Once he was sure we were alone, and not being followed, he took his place beside me and started up the engine, quickly driving down the long road until we came across the cottage he spoke of.
It was infested with intricate red plants and beautiful green vines that stemmed up all sides and onto the roof.
It was nothing like I had envisioned it would be.
"It's beautiful," I whispered.
I had assumed it would be some run down spot, with nothing but weeds and the death of the outside world to accentuate it's decay, but it was exactly the opposite of what I had imagined it would be.
"I found it a while back. I was out on my own, clearing my head. It was a little before I met you," He explained.
I stayed quiet, wanting to hear his explanation for his little hide out.
"I was planning on just taking the shit inside back to the Factory like we had done with every other place we'd found, but then I thought," he paused, staring at the cottage considerately as he put the truck in park.
"If shit goes sideways, I need a spot that no one else knows about...A spot just for me," He reiterated, speaking slowly as he gave me one last long look before getting out of the truck and heading towards the cottage.
Like some helpless little puppy, I followed behind him, being careful not to slam the door behind me. There weren't many walkers out around the area, but you could never be too careful.
"Then why did you bring me here, if it's your little secret?"
He stopped for a moment, looking away from me as he opened the door to the cottage, gun drawn ahead of him. I waited outside while he continued. It didn't take long for him to scope out the place - making sure that we were the only two ones there.
Once he was finished, he pulled me inside by my forearm, leading me inside before shutting the front door and locking it. I was exhausted, mentally, but I wanted things to stay like this, where it was just the two of us. Where we didn't have to worry about anyone else but ourselves - we could run away and never return. We could leave this life behind and build a new one on our own.
"Because you can't go back," he said finally. The look on his face quickly let me know that it wasn't up for debate, but nonetheless, his words severed my heart strings.