What is this? It's soft and smooth. Almost silky.
I open my eyes. There's a naked man in my bed.
WHY IS THERE A NAKED MAN IN MY BED?
I try to move away from him.
"FUCK!" I shout as a pain like loads of stabbing needles piercing my brain. I turn to see the man has turned over.
Why is Jungkook naked in my bed?
"Are you alright?" He asks. I move again. Nodding, I notice there's another pain but it's more of a sore pain. It's coming from down there. I look under the covers. I'm not wearing anything either. I quickly grab all the covers as close to me as possible.
"Jungkook," I say with worried eyes. "Did we?" I turn my head to look at him worried for the answer.
"Yeah," he answer. I begin to sob into the covers. He puts his arm around my shoulders. I hit him off.
"Jungkook how could you do that?" I ask. "That was my virginity." I see the guilt overwhelming his face.
"It was mine too," he mumbles. I open my eyes wide. I completely forgot it was the same for him. "Anyway, it doesn't mean anything." He announces.
"How can you say that? Of course it does," I ask.
"No it doesn't," he tells me. "It was mindless sex, nothing special. You were drunk. I was drunk. It was an accident."
"An accident!" I shout, but before I can continue I have to clutch my stomach as the pain from the night before has coursed it's way up there as well. He reaches his hand towards me.
"Go away Jungkook!" I shout trying to ignore the pain within me. "I never want to see you again." I push him out of the bed and pull the covers over my head as I cry into my aching body. A few moments later I hear my door slam.
I've hurt him haven't I. I don't care he hurt me too.
"I think I love you," I hear a voice in the back of my mind say.
Who said that? It must have been Tae, right? Yeah it's got to have been Tae.
I look at the clock next to my bed. It's 7:45am. I have school in a bit. How can I even think about school? My friend mum just died and I just lost my virginity to a guy who doesn't even love me. Maybe I should go to school it'll take my mind off of things.
I change into my day clothes. Wearing nothing special just hoodie and a pair of black ripped jeans. I limp downstairs to make myself breakfast, when there's a knock at the door. It's so loud that I jump out of my skin.
Why is someone knocking on my door at 8 in the morning?
"Hi," I smile as I see Tae standing on the other side. He pushes his way through the door.
Fuck. Does he know what happened? How could he know? Only me and Jungkook know, right? He can't know, Tae hates Jungkook and Jungkook hates Tae.
He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. We stay in silence for a few minutes before I notice a pair of grey socks out of the corner of my eye. They're Jungkook's from last night. Crap.
"Are you alright? I heard what happened," he asks. Shit shit shit shit shit. I shy away a little, looking down at the floor. "Your friend's mother died." I nod tears coming into my eyes.
"I'm okay Tae," I tell him. "I've got to be strong for Ru-Ri." He smiles at me. He leans in to give me a kiss as if to say everything is alright. I smile back.
"You making breakfast?" He asks looking at the milk and cereal I've left out on the table. I nod and turn to make it before the sore pain shoots up through my system. I stumble a little.
"Are you okay?" He asks. "You're limping."
"I'm fine," I wince through gritted teeth. I suddenly notice a small purple bruise on my shoulder. "Hey Tae. Can you-" I'm cut off by the sight of him holding the grey socks on the end of his finger.
"Who does this belong to?" He asks. He doesn't have to wait for my response as my guilt is shown all over my face. "They're his, aren't they? They're Jungkook's." I nod bowing my head in shame. However instead of getting annoyed he walks over to me.
"Is that why you're limping? Did he hurt you?"
No. I hurt him.
The fact you didn't react immediately makes him assume he did.
"I'm going to kill that bastard," he says heading towards the door. I jump forwards and grab his shirt cuff. The sudden movement causing me to drop to the floor in pain. He turns around as I hug my stomach in pain.
"I'm sorry," he says tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. I pray to God that he doesn't notice the mark on my neck. Luckily he doesn't.
"He didn't do anything," I tell him. "He actually comforted me." He smiles at me. I can only muster enough energy to lift one side of my mouth. I stand up ignoring the pain in my stomach as the headache has finally gone.
"I'm going to finish getting ready," I say. "Can you make my breakfast?" He agrees. I eventually reach the top of the stairs I walk into the bathroom to cover up the bruise on my neck. After successfully doing so I come back downstairs and eat the food Tae has made me, then we head to school with me still hiding my awful secret.
I'm sorry Tae.
***
It's been a week and a but since I lost my virginity and I still haven't told anyone. I feel awful for not telling Ru-Ri, but what would she think of me. Tae's step-mother still hasn't tried to meet up with me after I didn't turn up to meet her. My body still feels wrecked but it's probably because I can't sleep. The guilt of what I did to Tae always creeps up my back when I am about to doze off. But worse than how I feel is that Jungkook hasn't shown up for a whole week. No-one has seen him, it's if he was just a dream. However he isn't a dream, he's a person I care greatly for and I need to find him, to apologise for the way I spoke to him, for the way I hurt him.
I make it out of my last lecture and walk out with the girls. Jang-Mi turns to us.
"Have you seen Jungkook recently?" She asks everyone. The other girls shake their heads and continue to drink their drinks they never finished at break. I, on the other hand, decide to freeze up and look like a total idiot.
"Ask Ai-yeon," says Seulgi smiling cutely towards the rest of us. "She knows him the best."
"Oh yeah Ai-yeon," Jang-Mi smirks. I open my eyes widely and awkwardly look to the side as if I am not listening. "So you never explained it to us. I believe you told us that you didn't know him."
Fuck, why do they have remember that?
"What?" I turn to them pretending to be clueless.
"I asked why you lied about knowing Jungkook," Jang-Mi says.
"I didn't know him," I explain. I mean I'm not really lying, I'd only met him once before. "I'd just met him once. I guess he didn't know anyone else here and wanted to talk to a familiar face." Jang-Mi nods as if it is making sense until...
"But then why did he get annoyed at Tae last week?" Seulgi asked.
Dammit Seulgi. You never seem to pay attention to the world around you, but then as soon as people are reminiscing you know more than everyone else. What a strange girl you are.
"I suppose he doesn't like something that happened in the past that I don't know about," I say.
"But didn't you just say he doesn't know anyone else other than You," Seulgi says.
Ugh Ai-yeon. Why did you have to contradict yourself?
"I don't know anything about their relationship so don't ask me," I snap back. I have war going on inside me about my feelings for the two of them so I don't want to think about them any more than I already do.
"Guys, calm down," Jang-Mi says. "I have an idea. Seeing as it's Friday, how about all of you come stay round mine over night?"
"Sure why not?" I say. I don't know plans to do anything with Ru-Ri tonight, I'm sure she'll be fine.
"I'm in," Seulgi smiles cutely.
"Na-yu?" Jang-Mi says after she doesn't respond, she's too busy texting someone on her phone.
"Sorry what?" She asks.
"You want to stay over tonight," Jang-Mi asks.
"Yeah Sure," she says absent mindedly.
***
"Truth or dare?" Jang-Mi says as we sit in a circle on the floor. "Except without dares cos I can not be bothered to stand up." We laugh.
"Seriously Jang-Mi how old are you?" I ask sarcastically.
"Like 10," she says rolling her eyes. "Anyway let's play." We all reluctantly agree. She picks up the spinner that she took out of a twister game she has and spins it. The arrow points at Seulgi.
"Seulgi?" Jang-Mi says thinking to herself. She taps her chin with her finger. "Seulgi are you really as innocent as you pretend to be?" We all lean in wanting to this answer.
"Of course," she smiles. However with a raise of an eyebrow from Na-yu, she breathes out in defeat. "Okay. I admit I've has sex once."
"Damn," Jang-Mi says pretending to fan herself. "That means someone out there knows what it looks like under that skirt." I laugh at her remark and smoulder. Seulgi flicks the spinner. It lands on Na-yu this time.
We finally get to know something about Na-yu.
"Na-yu, what's your biggest turn on?" Seulgi asks as if she doesn't even have to think about it. Na-yu's cheek flush red.
"Abs I guess," she mumbles. Jang-Mi laughs at her.
"Is that all?" Jang-Mi asks.
"Yeah," she says shying away. Jang-Mi laughs. Na-yu hits the spinner and it faces me.
"Guys wait I'm going to grab some drinks," Jang-Mi says rushing into the kitchen to grab us all a cider. We all thank her.
"Who was your first kiss?" Na-yu asks me being very upfront about it.
"Tae," I answer smiling. I open my bottle and take a sip.
"Oh tell us more. Tell us more," Jang-Mi teases. Seulgi rests her head in her hands and puts her elbows on her knees. I proceed to explain what happened and all of them are completely engaged in what I'm saying.
"Aw that so romantic," Jang-Mi says.
"Like something out of a story," Seulgi sighs.
"Totally," Na-yu says. We all turn to look at her. "What it was cute?" We all begin to laugh. I take another swig of cider and spin the spinner. It lands on Jang-Mi.
"Wow all of us got a go," I laugh. "It's like it was scripted or something." The other laugh too. "Anyway. Jang-Mi, if you had to kiss anyone in our dance class, who would it be?"
"Obviously Na-yu," she says grabbing Na-yu face and pretending to try and kiss her.
"Ew get off," Na-yu says pushing her away.
"In all seriousness, the new boy," she answers genuinely.
"There's a new boy," I say in confusion.
"Yeah, you hadn't noticed?" Seulgi nods. "He joined the day you went to Ru-Ri's mum's funeral. He sits next to your boyfriend at the front of the class." I raise why shoulders and shake my head slightly.
"You really hadn't noticed," Jang-Mi says, surprised. "He sits next to your boyfriend. Most girls stare at their boyfriends during class. Heck, most girls stare at your boyfriend during class."
I don't stare at Tae anymore. I used to stare at Jungkook, now I just stare at his empty seat wondering where he is and how he is.
"Wow you really didn't notice," she says. I shrug. "This is him." She gets out her phone. It's the boy that was with Tae the day after I slept round Jungkook's.
"His name is Jimin. He's soooo good-looking," she states before sighing slightly. "But I don't stand a chance so I'll just look from afar."
"Aw it's okay Jang-Mi," Seulgi puts sarcastically rubbing Jang-Mi's head.
"Anyway," Jang-Mi says removing Seulgi's hand. "I have a truth for all of you." We sigh, knowing this can't be a good idea.
"All of you, how did you lose your virginity..."