Song of the chapter: He is We, "Blame it on the Rain" Song at right.
You, got me caught in all this mess.
I guess, we can blame it on the rain.
My pain is knowing I can't have you,
I can't have you.
Tell me does she look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?
I catch my breath,
The one you took the moment you entered the room.
My heart, it breaks at the thought of her holding you.
Does she look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?
(Is it more than a crush?)
Maybe I'm alone in this,
But I find peace in solitude knowing,
If I had but just one kiss this whole room,
Would be glowing.
We'd be glowing,
We'd be glowing.
Does she, tell me, does she look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?
(More than a crush)
Does she, tell me, does she look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?
(More than a crush)
Does she look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?
Tell me does she look at you the way I do,
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?
*End*
5-16-14
This week was so boring without Kevin around. He just came back yesterday!
"What's going on?" Kevin butted into my conversation. He had a habit of doing that.
"Ally is holding my present hostage." I laughed.
"Well we'll go together and go to Ally's and take it." He joked.
I laughed. "Yeah Ally! Kevin's going to come get me then we're showing up on your doorstep!"
Can you imgine Kevin actually picking me up in his truck? That'd totally be when I would tell him goodbye.
I had been thinking of how I'm going to tell Kevin goodbye and nothing is coming to mind other than tears and feels.
* * *
"Are you mad? Are you mad at me?" Kevin scrunched his face up and asked.
"No?" I looked at him, confused.
"Okay." He went back to smiling. That was random. All I did was groan because he was pushing his butt against Alina which made her run into me. So I jabbed my elbow into the pencil's side and groaned.
While I was getting pissed at Jake for taking stupid slow motion videos of me, Kevin took my iPod.
I felt around my body and didn't feel anything.
So Kevin did take it like Kenna told me.
I looked at him and glared. He literally looked like the wide eyed emoji but with a smile.
"Give it!" I groaned.
"I don't have it Kenna does."
I'm going to kill one of them. The ginger or the blonde.
Kenna being the ginger.
After like three minutes of arguing, Kenna gave it back. Heather tossed it to me which everyone gasped.
"That gave me a mini-heart attack." Bella sighed.
"It has a case." I retorted. A survivor case to be specific. These people and cracking their damn iPhones.
I mean I had caught the thing perfectly anyways.
"Selena's going to be in the NFL." Kevin laughed.
Just because every time someone tosses something at me I catch it perfectly unlike the softball girls who always drop it.
"I hate you." I hissed. And I meant it. He was pissing me off today.
He pointed to his eye, made a heart with his hands, and pointed to me. This wasn't the time to 'heart' me Kevin Brooks. Especially with your stupid girlfriend in the mix.
Though I had just thought of an idea on how to tell him goodbye.
I would snapchat him on the last day I'd see him next week.
Wednesday.
Me: So when are you moving?
Him: (answers)
Me: Oh well even though I hate you, I'm going to miss you.
It may not be an exact, "I have feelings for you.", but it's close enough to not have regrets on not telling him anything.
I'll tell him I'll miss him so that technically implies that I care about him which implies feelings. And if he just sees it as a friendly bonus, well additional points for me then.
So it's set.
I have to say goodbye to Kevin Brooks.
No matter what his stupid cheerleader girlfriend holdes back from me.
Like the classic Taylor Swift song says, "You belong with me. She wears short skirts & I wear tee shirts. She's cheer capitan and I'm on the bleachers" Except I don't even go to games and I'll be mad as hell if she's the cheer capitan. But hey, this isn't a Taylor Swift song. But it's pretty damn close.
5-19-14
"I don't like this odds game." I huffed. Who invented this modern day truth or dare came?
The rules were simple.
Pick a range from 1-99. 99 being, "Hey I don't want to do this." and 1 being, "This is no punishment."
Then if you and the person that odds'd you pick the same number, you have to do what they said. If otherwise, you got it safe.
"I odds you to tell Kevin a pickup line." I smirked toward Ally.
I ended up winning. Kevin totally laughed it off and told her a lame pick up line too. The odd thing was the fact that these pick up lines they were choosing from, were Kevin's. He placed them on my desk. On accident, not on some weird purpose.
He did refuse to answer my question on why he had them.
"Um... I odds you to hug Dylan." Ally smirked.
"Fine. Five." I laughed.
"One, two, three!" "Four!" "Five!" She groaned.
"I really wanted you to hug Dylan!"
"We'll go again. Six." Of course I stuck with five and she called five too.
"Ha!" She laughed.
"Oh I have to hug Dylan? Oh darn." I smirked.
I walked two feet ahead and examined Dylan in an oversized hoodie, cramming his work into a class period.
Did I mention that he's not playing football next year? I was very dissapointed.
"Um, I have to give you a hug." I mumbled.
I was concidering just hugging him but that would be awkward and just what Ally wanted.
He dropped his pencil and stood up.
He wrapped his arms around me. I got on my tippy toes and put my right arm over his shoulder and my left arm under his arm, as he did me.
He pulled me in and pressed me against his chest.
His hugs were like heaven and I could stay in his arms for days! Seriously!
We untangled outselves from each other and I sat down, may I add with a huge smile on my face.
"Hm." I smiled proudly at Ally.
"I hate you! That was supposed to be awkward not cute."
"We were cute right?" I beamed.
"Very." She grumbled.
Now that I think about it, I wonder if Kevin saw.
Oh who cares? He's in the back with his arm around Lauren. I wonder if his stupid girlfriend would like that?
Whatever. I just hugged Dylan. I could care less about Kevin right now. In the back of my mind though I am hoping that he saw. Just to be jealous.
Kevin had been taking a habit of putting his fingers in my hair and rubbing almost as you would do to a little boy.
He's seriously been pissing me off lately.
I mean that doesn't mean my plan is void but he's totally working on it!
Why is being so annoying before the end of the year? He's moving! Is his inner jerk-ward coming out for one final time?
Yeah Kevin just make my year.
Two half days and I never see you again. Try not to push it will ya?
Sigh.
Two days left of the rest of five years. Wow. Crazy ride huh?
5-22-14
So you see, the whole snapchat thing was supposed to take off yesterday.
But once I got in a fight with Kevin over a stupid calculator yesterday afternoon, I gave up on the idea for the day.
But on the bright side, we both had to come in this morning.
Well, supposed.
i had a driver's ed meeting and Kevin never showed.
But just when I gave up on ever being able to see him again, he stomped his big feet up the stairs.
I was just walking away from feeling a little bit better about getting my first C. Sure it was a 79 and it was for a semester grade but still. It still hurt. But my teacher made me feel better by saying that I was still a smart girl. And most smart kids don't get all A's.
I almost concidered turning back because I was almost sure the guy in a sky blue tee shirt and faded jean shorts was going to science. But nope.
He was deaded my way.
Well not my way, but the direction I was going.
Okay Selena. Now or never.
"So um, when are you moving?" I asked.
I gripped on the sides of my skirt. I was wearing my favorite high waisted, daisey skirt and black shirt. I thought I looked pretty cute. I was trying out new glasses which I was still skeptical about but still.
"I don't know." He said quickly.
He didn't even look at me.
Okay Selena think fast! I couldn't say I'd miss him just yet.
"You don't know?" I laughed.
"No, shh!" He held a finger out while he took a sharp turn into the math room.
"Don't shush me!" I hissed.
All I wanted to say was how I would miss him. That I cared for him.
But that was it. The very last words I would say to Kevin Brooks. The very last fight we would have.
Unless some type of miricle happens when I go in for my math test tomorrow morning, I'm pretty sure Sevin, is over.
5-23-14
I believe in miracles. They just don't always happen.
I didn't see Kevin Brooks. I even had to go to the gym and around almost the whole school (thanks to teachers) and he still was no where to be seen. No I wasn't looking for him. I was actually trying to find my teachers.
I doubt he even came today.
So if you read my book Daydreams, (which you should read if you don't), I specify how often my main character has daydreams. I have about the same amount of millions of daydreams.
I have a point here I promise.
I had a daydream. I can't let Kevin go without telling him goodbye at least. So despite he pissed me off yesterday, I had to do something. So change if plans.
Instead of, well whatever I planned, I would just say "Hey I forgot to tell you something yesterday." then after his varied response, I'd say, "Well I'm going to miss someone to fight with."
It was cute and simple. So after taking over five minutes on a decent selfie and spending another five just staring at the send button, I hit send. Dear God just let him respond... now we wait.
* * *
Kevin didn't respond for hours later. And I mean hours. But interupting my reading of The Fault in Our Stars, anxiety grew in my stomach.
I held open the snapchat.
"What did you forget to tell me yesterda??" Two question marks. He must be curious... He mispelled yesterday but it didn't matter. Here goes nothing.
I gave up on a selfie and snapped a quick picture of my laptop. "That I'm going to miss having someone to fight with."
Please don't let him respond with something that'll piss me off.. If it's not a "I'll miss you too." Then I'd much rather him ignore me.
But it was true. I was going to miss him, just in more ways than one.
I'm going to miss the anxiety in my stomach from his name popping up on my lockscreen.
I'm going to miss the gap in his teeth and the way he laughs. I'm going to miss a lot of things.
Kevin was the first guy I ever really cared for.
But now I just have to find someone that cares for me too.
I still hate you Kevin Brooks. I hate you for everything you put me through over these peast five years.
But also thank you.
Thank you for the book series (that's a total hit). I thank you for the butterflies and the smiles and the undescribable incidents that were too surreal to write online.
I want to thank you for caring even though you denied it. For even thinking I was mad and asking if I was okay. Sure I lied to you half the time but, you cared.
I will probably never get over Kevin pissing me off the last day I saw him in person. But I just have to move on.
One of the millions of quotes I'm adding at the end of this chapter is, "You can't start a new chapter in your life if you keep re-reading the last one."
This is true.
I can't dwell on the past (which I do anyways and will probably always will). So I won't pin the person you come off as in these books as the person in which you are.
You're way more than my petty writing can compare.
I don't know where I went wrong with you Kevin Brooks.
Not sure if I took a left at 'denial' and walked two steps past the 'boundry' line.
I am probably never going to tell you about this series. It's for me to know about. For me to look back on and notice how much I've overcome. Not just with you; but with myself and others.
I'm fifteen now.
I'm not the same little twelve year old girl who started this series in 7th grade when I wanted revenge. That's right. I started this series as almost revenge. I wanted not only for you, but for others to see how you treat me. But you ended up being the star.
Then this series became so much more than that. I loved looking back on the memories and saying "Hey, I overcame that."
So thank you for that too.
A lot of the time I asked myself where I went wrong with you Kevin. Why some things were too easy or way too complicated.
Why it was easier for me to continue to think your flawless even though you picked out every one of mine...
I didn't get the anwswer until about two days ago from an instagram photo.
"My first love
was some insignificant boy
when it should have been
myself."
I cannot stress this quote enough.
I don't know why it never really spoke to me until now. It's in songs and books! It's everywhere! You have to love yourself before you love a boy. So how come I didn't?
I'm still getting there.
I have my concided days where I know I'm beautiful inside and out.
But there's also those days where all I want to do is watch Lifetime and read one too many books here on wattpad.
But you have to appreciate yourself. How can you see the beauty in someone else if you don't see it in yourself first?
I think I know that now.
I'll miss you Kevin.
And I'm seriously hoping that I won't fall for your best friend Dylan because that will make things so much more complicated!
But hey I'm fifteen; complications are just beginning.
Have a safe trip to whereever you're moving.
I hope your girlfriend realizes what she's got in front of her.
On a small note of girlfriends, I probably won't be one of them seeing as I'm not blonde. I have glasses, brown hair, brown eyes, and light olive skin. Not your type. But if you decide to break your pattern of girlfriends, you know where to find me... on the internet (:
Goodbye...
New snapchat from Kevin: "Ima miss you too!! Maybe we can hang out before I leave!"
Holy f*cking shit.
To be continued...
~~~~~~~
I'll be honest this was supposed to be the last chapter and I was just a response away from posting it then he responds with that!
So...
I lied. Another chapter should be up soon!
How about that shocker?
Make sure to comment, vote, and fan to become apart of the wolf pack!
Love you guys!