My Darling Anastasia,
My time upon my precious Mother Earth is drawing near. Before I go, there are things that must be said. Things that you NEED to know.
Anastasia, I have loved you from the moment I knew of your conception and before. You are the child of my dreams.
Remember how as a little girl you and I would walk in the garden and talk about the flowers and how each Autumn, you were saddened by them dying? And how I always told you that you would one day understand that they never really die, instead they lie underground waiting to be reborn in the spring?
Anastasia, your name means one who will rise again. Remember that. Believe that. Believe there is a purpose for living and for dying and that death of the body is not death of the soul.
You know that in my will I left my house to you and all your cousins. If you would do one last thing for your loving Grandmother, Anastasia? Go to my home and take care of it for me for a little while. Look through it and take what you need to remember. Stay as long as you need to Anastasia. Stay as long as you can. If you need anything, just call on Ahren.
And Anastasia, remember that I am always with you. Do not be saddened by my death, for it is not the end, but only the beginning. I am waiting to be reborn.
As Always I Remain,
Your Loving Grandmother.
A solitary tear roll down Anastasia's cheek as she read the letter from her beloved grandmother. She missed her so. It had only been a month since she had passed, but it felt like an eternity. There were so many things she wanted to ask her. So many things she needed to say and now it was too late.
Her grandmother, the only one who always knew what she was thinking, what she was feeling. The only one who ever believed her when she said that sometimes she knew things were going to happen before they actually did. Her parents just blew her off, didn't listen to her, still treated her like a child. Her friends laughed at her, but not her grandmother. She always believed. And now the woman whose loving arms Anastasia would never feel again around her was gone and she had no one who understood. And what hurt almost more than anything, she didn't even get to say goodbye.
Grandmother left specific instructions that there was to be no funeral, no memorial service. All she wanted was to be cremated and her ashes spread upon her land by her three children, alone. And they did. Alone.
None of the grandchildren knew what happened that day, their parents wouldn't talk about it. They only knew that they weren't allowed to be there per their grandmothers last wishes.
Anastasia always meant to make more time for Rhiannon, but life seemed to get in the way and now she would never have that chance again. Or would she?
What if Grandmother was right? What if she is still with me?
"Grandmother?" she asked of the room.
"I am right beside you my child. I am here," whispered the wind.
It was at that moment Anastasia knew she would be okay and she also knew what had to be done. She made a checklist of all the things she needed to take care of before she could leave for her grandmothers home.
Scratch that. My home.
First, she called her parents.
"Hello?" both parents answered at the same time.
"Hi Mom and Dad," she began, "I've got something to tell you and please just listen until I finish." She waited for a second before continuing.
"Grandmother sent me a letter and I'm going to stay at her cabin for a while. Before you ask, I'm taking a leave of absence. It's all worked out. I know what you're going to say, but I feel like I have to."
"I think it's a great idea Anastasia," her mother replied, "don't you sweetheart?"
"Well, I don't know," said her dad.
"Anastasia needs to figure some things out and the cabin is a perfect place to do that. After all, that's where I figured out I wanted to marry you instead of Stan Umberman."
"That's right," said her dad. Anastasia thought she heard humor in her father's reply. "I remember that time behind the cabin when Rhiannon was at church and you and I..."
"Dad. Mom. Gotta go. Love you. Call you soon," said Anastasia before her dad could reminisce any further and she heard something that was probably better left unsaid and definitely left unthought of by their daughter. She hung up on her parents for the first time in her life.
The next call Anastasia made was to her job at the real estate agency.
"Mr. Plummer, it's Anastasia," started the phone call.
"Weren't you supposed to be here an hour ago?" he grunted on his end.
"Well, yes, but there is a problem. A family thing I have to take care of," she continued quickly before he had a chance to respond.
"I need to take a leave of absence. Just for a little while. You know my grandmother died and I have to take care of some things at her place. I'll only be gone a few weeks, or a month or at the most two, so I need that leave starting immediately."
For a few seconds there was no response on his end. Anastasia thought he had hung up.
"Mr. Plummer?"
"No."
"But, I have to. My family needs me."
"In the eight months since you've worked here, you've taken more time off than anyone else. Up till now I've let it go because you are as they say "hot" and my male clients seem to respond well to you which made sales go through the roof. But no more. You don't get your cute little ass in here in the next thirty minutes, you're fired no matter how good you look in a tight sweater. You got that little girl?"
Anastasia couldn't respond. She always knew he was a sexist pig, but didn't think he would ever come out and say something like that. He was a professional, a boss, a leader in the community. A freaking pig.
"I'm not coming in. I will never set foot in your company again. I'll send my big brother in for my last check and you can say to him just what you said to me. And furthermore, you are a big stinking pig. You're mean, demanding and quite frankly, you're bald AND fat." She hung up before he could say anything. Her body shook from head to toe with anger. She'd never spoken to anyone like that before and couldn't believe how good and bad it felt at the same time. Whatever. He deserved it.
Anastasia called her cousins Melody, Edana, Gareth, and Adam and told them her plan. All the calls went basically the same way.
"It's Stace. Listen, I just quit my job and I want to stay at Grandmother's cabin for awhile just to get my head together. Would that be all right?"
No one objected and in fact seemed grateful that they didn't have to leave their lives at the moment to look after the place. She figured it was one less thing for them to worry about. Intentionally she didn't mention the letter from their grandmother in case none of them received one. Everyone all wished her well and both Melody and Edana said they wished they could go with her, but neither could get away from their jobs right now and promised to visit her if she stayed on for awhile.
The phone call to her brother Randolf was a different story.
"You have responsibilities. You have an apartment. You have a job. What about your car?" he asked.
"Look Randy. I know you're worried about me, but don't. I'm a big girl. I've quit jobs before and come out all right. I've got some money saved and I won't have to pay rent."
"Okay, fine. What about your car? An '86 Capri needs work. Who'll fix it if it breaks down?" he asked feeling as if he said the one thing that would make her change her mind.
"Uh, I will. Remember bro, you're the one who taught me to overhaul an engine."
Silence was met with that comment. She'd never shut him up before and grinned on her side of the phone.
"Fine, but if you need me, I can't just jump in my car and be there in five minutes like I can now," his voice sounded wounded and defeated.
"Randy, it'll be fine. I can do this. I need to do this." And he knew she did.
After several intense minutes, she finally got him to admit that she could take care of herself. Reminding him that her job as a receptionist was pretty much a dead end and also telling him what her stupid ex-boss said which shut him up real fast.
"I'll look for a job in a couple of days after I get the feel of the place."
"Sis, you know I love you but this flaky little girl crap needs to stop. You need to get your shit together."
"Yeah, yeah. Love you too. Call you soon." Anastasia hung up before he could respond. She'd hung up on people more in the last half hour than she had in her entire life. Randy was her younger brother if only by a few minutes, but sometimes he acted like he was the oldest, or for heavens sake, her father.
Next, she had to tell her roommate. Anastasia sat her friend
Misty down for a conversation. Best to be precise and to the point
she figured.
"Misty, you know I love living here. But, I have to go."
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, since my grandmother died, I've been feeling that I've missed out on something with her. Something important. I'm going to go to her cabin and stay there for awhile," Anastasia continued, "I know it's short notice and I can give you one more months rent, but I've got to do it," she said as tears formed in her eyes.
Misty watched her friend without saying a word. Anastasia became worried, but she knew she couldn't change her mind. She had to go.
"I probably won't be coming back. It's time for me to move on."
"What about your job? What about your family? What will they say?" asked Misty.
"I quit my job, no big deal there. And my family...well, they weren't happy about it, but they're kind of used to my changing my life every few months," she replied. "Wow, Randy was right. It sounds kind of flaky saying it out loud." Anastasia laughed at herself.
"I hear you. You can keep the rent money though, Jake moved in last week and he's got a killer job so he can pay through the nose for the privilege of shacking up with me," she laughed. "I was going to tell you, but didn't know how. I know you're not wild about him, but he's really a good guy," Misty sighed. "Anyway, he gave up his apartment and now he can just pony up a little more rent money, he's got enough of it," said Misty. "Plus, he does get some fringe benefits, if you know what I mean. Hell, maybe we'll even make it legal." She was serious. Anastasia felt nauseous.
Anastasia paused a moment before she gathered in her head what she wanted to say. Though she didn't like Jake, but she didn't want to hurt her friend, but damn, Jake was an ass.
"That's great Misty. I hope you'll be happy," she said knowing that there was no way this marriage could last very long. Anastasia hated the way Jake looked at her kind of like she was tomorrow's dessert. She knew it was only a matter of time before he cheated on Misty, if he hadn't already.
As the girls hugged, Jake walked in the door. He didn't say anything, but raised his eyebrows in a sneery way as if their hug was something sexual. Jake licked his absurdly thin lips, grabbed Misty's hand and pulled her toward their bedroom door. Almost before it was closed, Anastasia could hear him order Misty to take off her clothes. Nothing new. Almost every single night, she could hear the two of them. As it grew closer to dawn, their moans and groans got louder and louder as if they wanted her to hear them. They could literally go at it for hours and if Anastasia didn't get to sleep before they started, she knew it would be hours before she could even get a few minutes sleep. She didn't know if it was because it was that good, or if maybe he couldn't get it up and had to stop for a pep talk or something from Misty. Whatever the reason, inevitably they'd be at it again. Countless times she lay in bed and wonder how much longer she could take it, and there were some very lonely nights when she actually thought about joining them, because it had so long since she'd been with a man. Another good reason to leave.
One more night in this place, yes! She packed the only suitcase she had so full that she had to put it on the floor and sit on it to make it latch. When she finished there, she grabbed plastic grocery store bags for the rest of her stuff. Her checklist fell off the dresser as she filled the bags. She picked it up and mentally checked things off.
"Transfer mail, check. Close bank account, check."
Patting her pocket to verify that her money was still there, she sighed. All she had was one thousand, three hundred twenty three dollars and fifty seven cents. Grateful didn't even describe what she felt when Misty told her she didn't need any money. That would have dwindled her stash quite a bit.
Anastasia made a couple more phone calls to the few friends she occasionally spoke to. None of them seemed surprised that she was leaving and promised to keep in touch with them, but knew she probably wouldn't because her friends seemed to change as often as her job and addresses did.
I'll have to get a job quickly or my money will run out. Just something small, waitress, cashier, something that doesn't involve too much commitment cause I don't know how long I'll be there.
The bedroom lights flickered on an off a couple times as and involuntary shiver ran down her spine. She decided that meant it was time to get some sleep. Almost afraid to get undressed because she felt like she wasn't alone, she took out her money, put it under her pillow and grabbed a nightshirt. As was her routine every night since Misty's strange boyfriend moved in, she checked her door and pushed the dresser in front of it to feel a little more protected from the creep. But for some reason, that still wasn't enough. She searched the room one last time before she started to disrobe.
When she was satisfied that no one could get through her barricade, she lay down on her old, twin bed with the mattress that felt like it was stuffed with crumpled newspaper for what she hoped was the last time. She looked around the room and took a mental picture of it because she felt that she probably wouldn't return. Reaching over to the makeshift metal nightstand, she turned out the light and as she closed her eyes, she missed the glow that appeared near the foot of her bed.