"Life" he said. I backed up, completely shocked at the word. My lips parted slightly in awe as I looked at him with widened eyes. His eyes were full with sorrow, as if he knew something I didn't. He didn't seem happy with this new information and change in our lives. Something was wrong, I felt it.
"No.." I said letting the word linger in the air. Penny stood up, his height intimidating me as always. I looked up slowly, afraid to meet his eyes. My fingers fought against my palms, sweaty. I bit my lip in anxiousness, trying not to give into full panic.
"I'm fine" I whispered, not meaning to make it sound so soft. It sounded almost as if I was trying to convince myself. Penny stepped back slightly, trying to get a full image of me. His blue eyes scanned my whole body, making me feel insecure. I grabbed my opposite arm, looking down in awkwardness as my feet shifted from side to side. I could hear Penny's heavy breathing clearly, it was almost comforting.
"Yes" he said slowly.
"Life is fine" he argued gently but his eyes were electrified with sadness, sparks of helplessness. My eyes shot upwards, lips trembling as I felt electricity rush through my veins, like a rush of energy, a rush of new life.
"You can't be here anymore, among the weak.. among the common" Penny said with a thick and stern voice, no longer sounding childish like usual.
"Please" I said with a shaky breath. My eyes began to fill with tears, stinging my eyes. I looked at him with eyes that swam in emotion.
Drowning.
Without another word, Penny swiftly picked me up. I didn't cry out, didn't fight against him, didn't make a sound. I just laid over his shoulder, gentle as ever. I understood this was something I couldn't fight. It was someone that for once, I couldn't be stubborn against. It was something I had to accept.
I laid on top of the old mattress in the lonely lair. The occasional sound of water droplets hitting the ground being my only companion. I refused to look up, or even open my eyes. I didn't have to look to know where I was. I could feel it in the air, feel it on my skin. The atmosphere was thick and rugged. My stomach sank every time I thought about the life growing inside of me. I could feel my chest burn, but I didn't want to see the light. I didn't want my eyes to reflect the beautiful golden lights that had made a home in me. I didn't want to face the truth anymore. If I really was pregnant, which I didn't doubt anymore, I knew my life would end there. I would be a walking box of emptiness. Would I even be useful to Penny or the lights anymore? I didn't know much about Penny's origin and here I was ready to give life to something I didn't understand. A replica of something that had put me in so much danger before, and I was responsible in keeping it safe and raising it. Penny was bound to sleep soon, which meant I would have to do this all on my own.
And I didn't know if I could.
"You're back" I said with my closed eyes when I heard the familiar jingle of bells. I quietly sat up, my eyes opening slowly. Penny's beautiful stature stood above me. I looked up, squinting due to tired eyes as he towered over me. His mouth was slightly tinted red caused by his recent hunt. His chest rose and fell rapidly as his eyes looked forward, into the dark crevices of his lair, deep in his thought.
"Soon" I said, the word tasting bitter in my mouth, drying my lips out. Penny walked over me, his long limbs striding against me, my hair flying slightly back. His sweet scent lingered around me as his footsteps grew more and more faint. I didn't turn around, I didn't want to see him walk away, I couldn't face the mere action of it. I pulled my legs against my chest, trying not to cry. I sat like that, hours passing me by, caressing my skin until stars kissed the dark skies. Penny refused to be around me. It was almost as if he was afraid of me but I knew deep down I couldn't leave. He wouldn't allow it and not knowing the reason why frightened me beyond belief.
Sometimes I found my hand resting above my stomach, the area feeling warmer than any other part of my body. Somehow I didn't feel so alone, even with Penny gone, subconsciously I knew I wasn't.
I wasn't alone.
I didn't sleep the whole night. I couldn't. Penny checked up on me occasionally, which only consisted of him standing in a dark area of the lair, staring at me with his bright blue eyes that even filled with such electric sea hues, looked so dark and gloomy.
Scratch that, they didn't look sad
they felt sad.
I called out to him a couple times, but he didn't respond. His body language refused to let him get near me on occasional nights. I could feel him growing tired and weak and it scared me. Sometimes I refused to look at him, his stance, the way his eyes dropped and his chest took in slow and small breaths scared me. I didn't want to see what felt like him dying. I didn't want to see him slowly leaving this earth. Even if he was coming back, I'd be lying if I kept hiding the fact that I couldn't deal. I couldn't deal with the fact that the one thing, the one heart I loved the most was leaving and there was absolutely nothing I could do.
Nothing I could do but watch.
Days passed, and regardless of the short communication and physical contact I had with Penny, I seemed to have become more attached. It was as if I had fallen into another level of love. Another dimension.
Some nights I prayed that he would take me with him. I prayed to the small dust whispers that collected around me and I prayed to the rays of sun that peeked through the openings of the lair that reflected them. I prayed to the puddles that formed on the solid ground that couldn't seem to keep me grounded anymore. I prayed to the wrinkles on my hands that reminded me I was alive and human. I prayed and I prayed. I prayed to everything I believed in, even if I had let go some of my religious beliefs after Penny. I prayed.
I just prayed.
But I knew there was no hope. The heaviness in Penny's eyes crushed the hope in me. The single hope I was latching onto because without it, I'd go insane, and slowly I was. It was such a beautiful thing, to go crazy because you loved too much, and it pained me that it was so. I didn't want it to be as poetic as it was, but everything seemed to move so beautiful and slow around me and around us, like spring.
Some nights, as I pretended to sleep, I could feel Penny's hand rest above my stomach. Sometimes he'd lay it above my chest, and it took everything in me not to give into the simple affection. It was better if I didn't feed my desire to be with him so closely because it would hurt more when he had to go, but deep down I knew I wasn't giving in for him. It would hurt me just as bad with or without feeling his skin against mine. He was different. He was deeply disturbed by something and the feeling grew stronger that closer he got to me. Almost like sleeping in the room of someone who you recently lost. It was painful nostalgia, and as beautiful it was, it was just as painful.
It was all too painful.
I laid in the dark silence, my eyes looking up into the vast darkness of the somewhat ceiling. I hadn't seen Penny throughout the whole day. You would have assumed we would take our lasts days together and spend them as beautifully as we could, but we didn't. We just let the sadness and anticipation run through us like a river, not wanting to fight against it, not wanting to fight against the strong current. The inevitable war of loss to come.
I heard sudden movements in the dark. I slowly sat up, my eyes trying adjust to the change of scenery. I could see a pair of blue eyes peeking at me through the thick night. I felt my body relax at the familiar gaze. They eyes grew closer as Penny's large figure appeared in the darkness. He kneeled in front of me, his face inches away from mine. I saw his eyes swiftly look down at my stomach before they shot right back up at me. This was the closest we had been in days, and I felt electricity run through my spine.
"My love" Penny said as crawled over me, making me fall gently onto the mattress. Our eyes didn't break gaze as his body hovered over mine. His hand reached up to my hair, brushing it softly. I could feel the warmth of his body blanketing my own and it was an irreplaceable feeling. He looked so beautiful in the dimly lit moonlight. The moon seemed to have illuminated brighter than usual that night, it glowed brighter just for him.
His lips slowly let out the words that caused my chest to tighten in grief and sadness. I felt my eyes fill with tears, not caring about them threatening to spill.
"I'm going to miss you" he whispered into the dark.