Just a warning...this chapter is kind of sick...like real f*cked up...or I am just exaggerating...read for yourself.
So be aware...aaaand enjoy 😅
Hear the song in the end please...I think it suits.
***
"Arian" the Moon goddess' voice boomed in the room demanding Arian's attention.
"Everyone deserves to be happy" she had an unknown emotion flickering in her eyes.
"Even you" Arian was again starstruck looking at the one and only goddess.
But the more she talked to her, the more felt Arian that she was so..human like.
Not perfect, her flaws shone clearly through, which confused Arian.
"Kill me" Arian whispered.
"I can't" the goddess answered honestly.
"AREN'T YOU THE MOON GODDESS? KILL ME!" Arian heaved in her chair, hot tear mixed with taste of blood in her mouth, she bared her teeth at the short haired woman.
"I can't" she answered again.
"Kill me...let it end....I want it to end" sobs left her lips.
The reality the goddess revealed was her last breaking point.
But as the moon goddess said, Fate is cruel.
Far more cruel than Arian could even imagine, he whole fate was bound to break her.
Her fate was to be broken.
How can you fight something that is almighty?
You can't.
Arian came to that conclusion too.
In all those stories, fate is praised as a happy magical thing to bring those together who will share a bond, love, friendship...it always ends with a big happy end.
Why? Because it was their fate.
People are under the illusion that fate means automatically happy end. That all paths will align for them.
But the truth hurts, the truth is hard, the truth is a cold wind that sobers you from the drunk state of day dreams.
The day dream of a happy ending.
Everyone is the main lead in their own story, facing fate thinking it will bring them nothing but good. Which is probably true for thoses picture perfect people.
But Arian was different.
Stories are always about people with a happy end. Where fate always works in their favour.
"Arian...I can't kill you. I can't kill anyone. Don't you think if I wanted to help you I would have already killed Liam? Or killed that Alpha before he killed your daughter 600 years ago? I told you, I can't interfere" the moon goddess narrowed her eyes at the crying Arian.
"But...you made me immortal...you gave me the power to kill them" Arian crooked out.
The moon goddess sighed "I only boosted your power with the life energy in you, I didn't give you any powers, I just concentrated the life essence in you and you then used it to kill them....you decided by yourself to use that boost only that way I was able to help you because you did it. You killed the large number of people which gave me the chance to make you a Bookman...you are the only Bookman who wasn't supposed to be one....that is why I have the hope you could change your fate--"
A dark breathy chuckle left Arian "Change my fate? Who are you lying to, me or yourself ?" Arian's chuckles became louder, loud blood filled coughs cutting in between her hysterical fit.
"Arian-" she was cut off by the sound of approaching steps.
A terrified look on the goddess' face was enough for Arian to know that she was right to fear what is coming.
"I am sorry Arian....I-I can't stop it..." Arian eyes widen at what seemed to be unshed tears in the goddess' eyes.
It only made her fear grow.
Because the Moon goddess doesn't cry, not for anyone.
"I am sorry" her voice cracked as she put a hand on Arian's cheek, the goddess' touch missed any warmth. Arian couldn't feel her. She said that she wasn't organic, that she doesn't have a constant form.
The door opened and the goddess was gone.
Arian's eyes were closed.
Her body began to shake, her body shook in pure horror but she didn't know why. It was as her body knew what was coming.
The moment Arian looked up....
She wished for death.
She wished for the most painful death in return to escape from this reality.
Her whole world came crashing down on her.
Her whole world which once only consisted of her baby girl.
"Oh I see you know each other" Liam smiled at Arian, his eyes gleaming at the Arian's wide ones. "You might wonder if you are dreaming Arianrhod, you might think this must be a lie. But trust me it is more than real. My friend...helped with it, it was quite hard to fix it since all the limps were lacerated...my father really has done a good job at that, he always knew how to handle filth" he smiled at Arian.
Tears.
Drop after drop like acid burning her skin, but no pain could beat the one in her heart. Her heart raced, her jaw clenched almost cracking her teeth.
Liam came forward a content smile on his lips "Why don't you greet her?" He spoke to the figure behind his leg.
Please don't...
I beg you...please.
Get her away from me.
GET HER AWAY!
Arian's thoughts never reaching the light, her body was frozen yet her mind was racing, begging.
Begging.
A small girl came forward, Arian felt sickness rise within her at the stitched skin, the stitches adorning her exposed arms and neck, her complection almost as pale as her white dress. Her dark blonde hair and blood shot hazel eyes made Arian's heart ache.
She doubted at that moment that anything of her heart was left. It was shattered.
Shattered and grinded to dust.
Her still angelic voice ringing through the room, the smile on her scared face made Arian lose a ribbling sob.
"Mommy!" Lily cheered.
No.
No.
No!!
She-...can't be.
"GET HER AWAY!" Arian screeched, a painful sob shaking her to the bones.
"Mommy? What is wrong? Why are you crying?" Lily asked in an innocent tone which only made Arian sob harder.
"Your mommy is so happy to see you, how about you get your toys to play?" Liam patted Lily's head, she smiled brightly at him and skipped through the door with giggles leaving her pale lips.
Arian's eyes squinted in anger, her jaw cleched as her blazing glare was me with Liam's amused one.
"WHO.IS.SHE." Arian gritted out, a dangerous low growl emitting from her.
All her pain was forgotton.
The reason she was here.
The truth the moon goddess told her.
All seemed to not bother Arian anymore, the one thing that sobered her was the fact her little angel just left the room with her once adorable giggles.
But now her voice only brought her pain...too much pain to bear for Arian.
Now her laugh would bring Arian on her knees if she wasn't bound to the chair.
Her laugh is like a scorpion sting, the the melodic waves like poison slowly numbing her till she looses consciousness.
"She is your daughter...or what we stitched together from her. After you killed my pack and father I met my friend, he made me a deal to help me get revenge on you but for that I needed to live. He told me if I killed 500 people he could make me seemingly immortal, I had one day and was able to as I targeted a weak pack wich lost their Alpha---
He told me, if I really wanted revenge I had to use your daughter who is the reason for your little massacre. It was hard to bring her back to life since her body was torn and soul already left her body. The one who wants to gain life energy has to kill the people...but she was dead, he told me it might be possible to bring her back but I had to kill in her place with my hands drenched in her blood. Her torn body was slowly rotting so I had to hurry. As you can see I was able to fulfil it.
I had to stitch her together, after my friend embedded the life energy in her she instantly came to life but the stitches and scars are still there, somethig that the life energy couldn't heal....so how do you like the story of your back-from-the-dead daughter? Aren't I noble to bring you back your daughter?" He put a hand on his chest smirking.
Arian spat out the red liquid in her mouth on his oh, so young face "Go to hell!" She screamed.
Liam wiped away the blood, he looked at the red liquid with satisfaction "I don't think I will get anough from the rich colour of your blood" he grinned at her.
A rustle came closer, Lily walked through the room a dirty pink back bag was dragged behind her. "I got my toys! Now mommy and I can play! Hihi" the small girl beamed at Arian.
Vomit was rising within her. She was disgusted at what extent he went to. His hatred must be overwhelming to even bring back the dead.
"Have fun Lily, and remember..." he smiled at the small girl.
"Slow to enjoy" the girl giggled.
"Good girl" he waved at her and closed the door.
Lily slid the bag behind her until she stood in front of Arian. She began to open the bag to take out her...toys.
Arian's breath became ragged, she felt fear rise within her.
No.
Evrything but this.
NO!
LILY...PLEASE.
NO! HE CAN'T DO THIS!
Her thought spinning around, fear, fear is what ruled her. Fear of the pain she will feel.
Lily hummed as she displayed her little knives on the ground, guns, poison, wolfsbane. Her little collection of torture tools...her own toys.
MOON GODDESS! IF YOU HEAR ME, STOP THIS MADNESS!
STOP THIS!
KILL ME!
b...but don't let Lily do this I beg you...
Please...
Burning tears are falling down her cheeks, she watched her daughter hum the melody she always did to her, when she couldn't fall asleep, when she was abset, when they were happy. It was a melody that still brings Arian the painful sting of memories back.
"Mommy, let's play" she smiled sweetly at Arian.
This isn't Lily.
It might be her body, her voice, her...eyes but this isn't her, Arian prayed that it wasn't her, that Liam didn't make her a monster.
Didn't make her his own little torture machine.
Her baby girl...was dragged into her mess. She is here because of her.
She had a dreading feeling before this, now she knew why.
She knew that nothing can bring her more pain than this.
She felt a pain that far suppressed everything...she hated herself for this pain. Having your daughter taken from you...seeing her lifeless body was hell on earth.
Arian loves Lily.
She loves her to death.
It broke her to lose her.
But now...
She knew she had to kill her.
And that thought brought her more pain that anyone can imagine. Liam wanted to torture Arian not only physically but emotionally...with using Lily he achieved far more than that.
Lily brought the small silver dagger to Arian's tear stricken face. It softly rested on her cheek her new tears falling onto it. Softly lily pressed the blade onto her skin, slowly putting pressure onto her her skin broke and her crimson blood trickled down her face.
"Mommy! Look! Red, uncle Liam told me you love the colour red. So I will paint you red mommy" her words so sincere...it brought a smile onto Arian's lips.
Her daughter was going to paint her with her own blood, what sick and twisted play is fate playing with her.
What does this bring her?
What is the purpose of this torture?
She lost all hope, all feelings, all purpose.
Her little angel was tainted, it hurt her to see her like this.
"Lily..." her hoarse voice spoke softly, scared that her little angel will use her wings and fly away.
Again.
"Yes mommy?" Lily smiled at her. She reached with her small scarred hands to pull up Arian's sleeves.
Arian smiled,
Smiled at her daughter, something she thought will never happen again.
Lily slowly placed the blade on her forearm, the blade leaving a delicate surface cut, Lily frowned as the cut disappears. Since the cut was so delicate her body was a ble to heal it. Lily didn't like that at all.
Lily whined loudly "Uncle Liam said...slow to enjoy but there won't be enough paint...mommy" Lily's teary eyes meeting her, Arian's smile faltered. Her heart wrenched at Lily.
It sickened her.
Lily was saddened to tears that her mother didn't bleed, it genuinely saddened her and Arian knew that.
She was once more aware that her little girl...is a small torturer.
Her torturer.
Funny...thought Arian.
I never hated Lily...from the second I found out she was in me. I loved her.
She was my own flesh and blood.
I had a feeling she was my new beginning, I was glad to leave my parents. I had finally someone after Arlen who I could learn to love. Who I could protect.
And now she is here.
In a fight I should be fighting.
Arian was painfully pulled into reality, Lily rammed blade bone deep into Arian's forearm. Tears still flowed down her cheeks.
Lily watched Arian's blood splatter on her skin, the oozing blood flowing down onto the ground. Lily left the blade in Arian's arm. She put her hands together to catch the spilling blood in her small hands. With a smile Lily slowly glazed Arian's forearm in her crimson blood. Lily looked up at her mother with the brightest smile. "You are red Mommy! I love red too" she giggled.
Lily pulled the blade out of Arian and went again on a different spot, the next cut nothing less than bone deep, Arian was loosing a lot of blood but it didn't matter.
She can't die...physically.
But mentally...she didn't know if she is dead or alive.
Lily went again and again stabbing the blade into her leaving deep cuts. Metalic smell of blood everything Arian was able to smell.
The smell of her own blood.
She was sitting here...bathing in her own blood...caused by Lily and Liam.
Arian was finished.
Arian didn't want to anymore.
All tension left her body, she slumped back into her seat, she tilted her head to look at her daughter while she enjoyed watching her blood painting her.
Tears stopped.
Sobs and cries...
All stopped as she watched her angel have her fun painting her mother with her blood.
This might be the worst moment to say it, but Arian was a little glad her angel was with her, now she could say the words she regretted not saying enough.
Her lips curved into a smile.
A smile of regret.
A smile of pain.
A smile that equalled her never ending tears.
Her never ending pain.
It was a broken smile.
The same she gave Jake when he tried to kill her.
"I love you Lily" Arian's voice soft and full of love.
Love for her dead daughter.
For her angel.
"I love you too mommy" Lily responded, her hand reaching out again to stab Arian's forearm again.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
Arian chanted in her mind. She was begging for forgiveness.
Begging forgiveness from her little angel.
I am sorry Lily....I am sorry I am your mother....I am sorry I brought you into this cruel world...I thought I am able to save you from the world...to save you before they tainted you...but I failed.
I am sorry you have to do this to mommy.
Mommy loves you Lily.
Between her chants Arian drifted into a memory.
Arian was sitting in her small apartment, she was close to completely losing her mind. It took all her might to not burst through the door to search for Lily. Arian dozed off just for minutes...maybe more and when she woke up Lily was gone. At first it wasn't so bad since the five year old sometimes went in front of the building to draw with chalk on the ground. But when Arian couldn't find her she immediately called the police. They advised her to stay if Lily found her way back, the cheeky five year old knows the area pretty good for her age so that hope still stood for Arian.
A loud knock erupted through the apartment, Frantically Arian rubbed her tears away to open the door. An officer stood on the door with the Lily behind his legs. She was clutching her small princess bag to her chest.
A sigh of relief left Arian, she thanked the officer and bid him goodbye. Lily ran into the apartment before Arian could get a hold of her. Arian found her daughter cowering behind the small couch with her bag still tight in her arms.
"Lily...won't you tell me where you were?" Arian asked softly. She knew where she went since the officer told her where he found her but Arian needed to start slow to find out why her daughter went out without permission.
"I...I..was...in woods" her little voice cracked. The officer has told the small girl how abset her mommy is because she left.
"Why were you in the woods?" Arian pulled Lily over the couch and sat her down. Just then she noticed the dirt on her hands and bag.
"....I...draw outside.." Lily had tears brimming in her big hazel eyes. "A meanie girl...she say...she say that I...am here becoose a bawd man...hurt mommy" Lily's small frame shook as she let out a loud sob.
Arian eyes were wide, she was shocked at Lily's words. Tears brimmed in her own eyes...kids can really be cruel or more like their parents.
Arian didn't bring out a word. She was unable to answer her daughter, because it was the truth.
Lily was the aftermath of rape. But for Arian it didn't matter, she didn't see her daughter as a child of her tormentor but her little angel which was sent to her.
"Mommy..is hurt....so Lily-- so...I want to brin mommy flowies" the small girl sobbed and opened her bag which overflowed with daisies and other small flowers that grow around here.
"She...sawid mommy...doesn't want Lily....b-but Lily brwought flowies for mommy....please..don't leave Lily...Lily Loves mommy..a lot" Lily's tears rolled down her red cheeks, she began to sob harder putting each flower in her bag in Arian's lap.
Arian felt a tight pain in her chest, her little angel...they hurt her. She wanted to hurt the little brat that dared to hurt her innocent angel. Her little girl gives herself the fault.
Something Arian never even dared to think.
She gave in, her tears also flowing down freely.
Arain took one of the daisies in her hand and put it in Lily's dark blonde hair, she smiled through the tears "I don't care that I was hurt, Lily, since I got you it was worth it...my little flower, I won't leave you...just promise me to never leave me" Arian wiped her daughters tears away.
"I powmise" she said with an adorable hiccup following.
"I love you Lily...you are my world, my little angel" she kissed her daughters forehead.
"Mommy not...sad?" Lily pouted.
"Mommy not sad" Arian smiled back her little angel.
Lily giggled and jumped in Arian's lap forgetting the flowers on it. She wrapped her small arms around Arian's neck and hugged her tightly.
"I love you too mommy" her melodic giggle brought Arian to ease, a content smile one her lips. She had her daughter in her arms.
She wished for nothing more.
Her angel was with her, her Lily.
**************
Did you cry?
For those who didn't notice that detail,
The promise Arian made with Lily "that they won't leave eachother"
Arian made Jake do the same with her...which makes this even sadder...doesnt it?
Do you remember when I wrote:
"I love happy endings"
Yeah I do, but I never said this will be a happy ending :).
*
I never said this story will have a happy ending....but I don't want to imply with that it will be a bad ending. I can't really talk about it...it is kind of in the middle?
Somehow sad but still a little happy. Maybe for some it is a happy ending but for me it is somehow in the middle.
Ah and let me just say this....if you read the author notes of at least the last 10 chapters you would know that I warned you all about how f*cked up it will get? Yeah we are at this point.
I don't take any offence if you want to quit, this won't be a sugar way to the ending but hey! I want to see Arian happy...somehow.
*
Not that I remember.
I hope these were some satisfying updates :) haha still have test soooo
*runs away*
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Enjoy<3 (I hope you did lol)