It’s when Harry is twelve and Louis thirteen that happens the first conflict to make them realise how important, special and precious a friendship like theirs is. It’s in the worst way and for the first time realising this kind of thing they deserved to understand it in a less tragic way. But maybe it was what they needed so that their friendship could grow up, get stronger and so that they could gain more maturity. They’re so young, still, their friendship is so much more than what someone can expect from two kids in their age. Louis never made a friend like Harry, one that in his little head he could think that is so special to the point of not wanting to lose him so it can last and last. Louis was Harry’s first friend, which is something unique and something to make Harry think the same way as Louis. If it wasn’t Louis, Harry would be such a sadder kid… Louis makes him feel comfortable enough to act like a twelve years old and this, since they met.
But that’s not the point now, the point here is how they can help each other in such tender age. Support each other and see when the other needs help.
It all starts when Louis and his siblings have to stay the whole day and night in their aunt’s house on a Saturday because their parents say they need to go somewhere. They don't tell them where they are going and Louis doesn’t show much curiosity about it neither, because he is too worried about how he won't be able to be with Harry and also because he’ll get too bored in her aunt’s house. Then his mother allows him to take his PSP to solve the second problem but he still has the first one, which is the biggest one.
He can’t do anything about it so the day passes so on Sunday their parents appear to pick them up to go home. They look really tired and he is sure he sees his mother crying at her room, late at night. Louis doesn’t know what is going on but he lets it pass until on Thursday his mother doesn’t spend the night at home – which is something he is used to with his father since he’s a doctor but now he doesn’t understand. He asks Carl, his father, where she is going and he says he doesn't need to know, which makes Louis more curious.
He tells Harry about what has been happening on the next day at school and Harry tells him that Louis will end up knowing sooner or later so he should just wait. So it is what he does. He waits and the answer for it comes sooner than he expected.
It’s Friday and Louis is waiting for his father to pick him up. He’s late fifteen minutes which is unusual because he always arrives five minutes before the bell rings, Louis thinks that he might be working today but forgot to call Fiona to pick him instead, but then… he would never forget something like this.
If at least Harry was here he could have someone to talk with but he only had classes in the morning and all his friends are gone as well. Besides, to make matters worse, it’s cold and raining so he has to be sat on the bus stop not to catch the drops of water – bad time not to listen his parents about the umbrella thing.
5 minutes pass and he spots his father’s car. He sighs in annoyance, standing up from the uncomfortable seat and runs towards the car, opening the door quickly “What took you so long? I was freezing out there!” He protests and drops his backpack on his feet while putting the seatbelt. His father doesn’t say a word, not even a Hi or his usual how was your day. He makes a weird face and looks through the rear-view mirror to see his father’s dead expression “Dad?”
“We talk when we reach home.” Carl’s voice is raspy but it’s not his intention to sound mad at Louis
“O-Okay…”
Louis feels like he never reaches home that all the traffic lights decide to turn red, the whole people decide to walk by every crosswalk when their car drives pass and due to the rain his father decides to drive slower than normal.
When he finally spots his house and his father parks in the garage he gets out of the car with his heart beating fast. He thinks about all the mistakes he could have done at home, all the tests he took a bad grade and didn’t show to his parents, everything that could put his father like this. It happened once so maybe it’s gonna happen again. He really feels like something is not right.
When he walks to the kitchen he realises that what is about to happen is not something that will put him grounded. His mother wouldn’t cry because of some mistake he could have done. “Mom?” he drops his backpack on the floor and watches Fiona sitting on the small sofa from the kitchen with her hands on her lap and eyes filled with tears. It’s rare to see his mother crying, he probably just saw her once, when she cried overjoyed when told him she was pregnant by Peter, his three years old brother. But that’s nothing compared with what he’s seeing now, she’s not crying from happiness, for sure “Mom, what happened? Where’s Zoe and Peter?” They usually are here when he arrives from school
Fiona tries to talk but when her mouth opens to come out words she sobs and takes her hands to his face. Carl appears behind him and squeezes his shoulders. “Louis…” He starts and he pulls away from him to turn around and look at his father
“What is happening?” he’s so scared and confused.
“Grandpa… Your grandpa died” His father looks down and everyone could feel the pain and tiredness through his voice.
His mouth falls open and his eyes look at the tall man in front of him widely. He shakes his head frenetically and holds his tears because there is no reason to cry, this is a lie, this is not happening and with a bit of luck this is just a dream, a bad dream “No.” he says “No, no, no... It’s not true.” He says louder this time and he keeps shaking his head denying everything his father told him. “Mom?” he turns around to see his mother now stood up walking towards him “It’s not true. Grandpa is fine, he is in Manchester and next week we’re going to visit him for his birthday, right?” he’s holding himself, he’s trying to be the strongest he can be because he can’t cry. He’ll wake up on his bed, he’ll be in his mother’s arms and she’s going to whisper that it was all a nightmare and everything is okay now.
“Louis…” She whispers between sobs and watching his son’s face changing from fear, anxiety to sadness is the worst thing for her so her, tears don’t stop streaming down her face.
“No-“ he shouts
“Louis, he was sick… he’s not with us anymore but-“
“He’s not dead!” He cries interrupting his father. His bottom lip is trembling and his eyes start burning. He made himself promise last year that he can’t cry like this, especially in front of his parents. They shouted at him when he was having bad grades and he started crying, but he’s a man, he keeps telling himself, he can’t cry like this. “He’s fine.” He talks lowly this time, more like if he is trying to convince himself with his words
“Louis,” his father gives a step forward and raises his hand, probably to hug him but Louis pulls away the touch shaking his head and looking at his father in horror. His mother doesn’t stop crying, he feels suffocated and as if the walls were moving ready to smash him.
The only thing he thinks to do at the moment is running. He runs away from there, his father tries to catch him when he runs next to him but he doesn’t catch him. Louis’ mother stops him to go after Louis and lets him open the door and run away from that house. Louis could possibly run to his room and lock the door but he chooses to cross the road and go knock at his neighbour’s house. Of course.
He’s still not crying but he’s sobbing and his throat hurts by the strength he’s making not to allow the tears from falling down. He’s shaking and it’s not because of the cold air and the fact that he’s wet by the rain. The door is opened and right in the moment he sees Harry’s face the tears he was trying so hard to hold are stronger than him and he starts crying. Tears and tears fall down and concern is written upon Harry’s face. Louis’ holds tightly his sleeves from his shirt and presses his lips together.
“Louis?” he has heard his name being called so many times in the past five minutes but this one is different. The words are spoken in a different way, with a different meaning and this time Louis actually hears it properly.
Harry immediately walks closer to his best friend and wraps his arms around him for a moment to pull away just to grab Louis' wrist and walk with him to the inside. He rests his hands on Louis’ shoulders “Lou? Look at me, what happened?” Louis raises his head and if he wasn’t in this state would notice that Harry is as tall as him and just last year was shorter but his vision is blurry by the tears.
“G-Grandpa…Gran-dpa… my-“
“Lou, breathe. Stop crying, please.” Harry doesn’t drop his hands from Louis’ shoulder but he’s forced to do it when Louis closes the gap between them to hug him again. Louis buries his face on his shoulder and Harry doesn’t care about the tears wetting his shirt, he takes his hand to Louis’ back and the other to his head and lets his friend cry.
“He died.” Louis finally manages to let out the words after telling himself millions of times that he’s a man and needs to control himself “My grandpa… died.” Harry freezes. He usually doesn’t speak much but now, now he wants to say everything he has in his mind. He wants to talk till he doesn’t have more breathe because he needs to. He needs to say something to comfort his friend, his best friend. But he knows there is nothing he can say that will make Louis feel better and Louis isn’t expecting to hear anything – he doesn’t want to because he wouldn’t stop crying, he can’t imagine how deep Harry’s words would be.
Louis still doesn’t believe in this but he’s metalizing himself that he won’t go to Manchester next week, he won’t see his grandfather, he won’t go to watch the football match they were planning to see, he’s not also expecting to talk to him about the good news he has and all the things he has done with Harry because he knows, he knew his grandfather liked to listen to him talking about his best friend. He won’t have any other good Christmas with him, he’s not going to complete his jersey collection… he’s gone and there’s nothing Louis can do, not even bringing back his memories.
“Let’s go upstairs.” Harry says minutes later when Louis cries turn out to sobs. He squeezes Louis’ arms and takes his hand to walk with him to his room.
Louis cleans his face with the fabric of his shirt, from his arm when Harry makes him sit on his bed. Louis doesn’t even care that this is the first time he is here, the first time he walked past Harry’s front door and hall to the inside of his house. If it was in another circumstance he’d be looking around and watch all the details from Harry’s room that he was so curious about, but he only keeps his head down looking at the green, furry carpet. That’s Harry’s room for him.
Harry brings a blanket from his wardrobe and puts it around Louis’ shoulder. Louis doesn’t thank him like he normally would, he keeps quiet and unmoved on the edge of Harry’s bed, looking at the floor. Harry is starting to feel anxious, sad and something weird in his chest and belly. He never saw Louis like this, it’s like he and him had changed bodies because that doesn’t look like Louis, it looks like Harry is looking at himself in the mirror. It’s wrong, Louis isn’t alive to feel sad and look like this. Harry thinks Louis is alive to smile and make the whole world better with his personality, Louis is alive to show that there is still good kids in the planet. In this age Harry thinks what Louis did for him was all charity because why would a seven years old Louis talk to a quiet and weird boy, sat on the sidewalk and keep him as his friend for this long?
“Louis?” Harry decides to break the silence, sitting next to Louis and looking at him, not in pity but just in sadness. Louis’ grandpa was such a nice old man, he met him and he actually liked him. The three of them kinda spent some good moments because when Louis’ grandpa would come to Doncaster they’d always meet. And Harry liked to talk with him. Not as much as he likes to talk with Louis but still. He feels like starting crying but he can’t. He can’t, but not because he thinks is wrong, but only because of Louis’ sakes. He knows if he starts crying it’ll be worst for him.
“Lou? Do you… Do you want to talk?” These are such new words for Harry.
Louis doesn’t say a word, neither looks at his best friend. Harry wants to beg for him to be okay but he knows that’s not going to help. Nothing is going to help now, he just needs to be here for Louis.
He takes Louis’ hands from his lap and puts them on his own. He holds them tightly and draws small circles on the back of his left hand. Louis finally moves to look at the gesture and when raises his head to look at Harry’s face he’s just faced with green eyes looking at him as well. Harry sees Louis’ tears streaming down and he can’t stop himself by cleaning them away with his thumb. He offers a small smile – but big enough to form his dimples – and Louis feels like he’s going to have another breakdown by looking at that sweet boy.
“Everything is going to be okay Lou…” He whispers “He loved you. He loved you so much. He’s going to take care of you.” His voice is soft, gentle and careful. Every word he speaks sounds like eating cotton candy for Louis. Harry makes sure to say the right things, to think sensibly in its choice. “You need to be okay. You’re strong, you’ll do it. He didn’t left, he’s still with you.” While he speaks he caresses Louis’ cheeks, Louis’ hair, Louis’ hand, Louis’ arm… he does everything to calm down the boy.
Louis nods, pressing his lips together and he stops crying. The tears that still fall down are the ones that stayed gathered in his blue eyes and if they keep forming up he doesn’t notice, because for him it was enough tears already. “You’re going to be okay. For you, for me… for your grandpa all right?” Louis nods again and Harry opens his arms and lets the boy resting his head on his chest. Harry wraps his arms around him, joins their heads and caresses his soft and brown hair.
They stay like this for a long time, time enough for Louis to calm down and stop sobbing. Harry hears a sound coming from downstairs and he knows his parents just arrived. They pull away from the embrace and Louis raises his head to look at Harry's worried face. He frowns due it.
“You okay?” He asks and Harry nods but he still feels him tense “Do I need to go home?” He asks but doesn’t wait for a replay “Because I don’t really want to.” He says in a weak and sad voice. Harry worries about his parents fade away and he doesn’t really want to let go his friend now “Can I stay with you?” He looks at Louis and it’s like he’s having flashbacks from when he was nine. When he talked with Harry in his sweet and pitchy voice, his face soft and young.
“Okay.” Harry simply says “Wait here.” He stands up from the bed and walks downstairs. Louis brings the blanket more around him and looks around Harry’s bedroom. Now he realised it’s his first time here and he can’t believe. They’re friends for so long but he never got the opportunity to come here. A part of him thinks it’s because Harry’s parents. They seem not to have a good relationship, they seem to be overprotective over Harry but in reality they aren’t. They don’t mind leaving him alone at home or spend a week out and paying to someone to take care of Harry. Louis doesn’t know what they do, what's their job, but they seem to be quiet rich. Although he knows that most of the time, when Harry looks down, it’s because of them. He just doesn’t know the reason why.
He pulls away those thoughts to examine his best friend’s room. It’s big but simple. It doesn’t look like a twelve years old boy room, it's too cleaned and tidied and he asks himself how it looked like when they were seven. He also notices that Harry still has their Christmas tree above the desk, a picture of the two of them in a frame in the nightstand, Louis’ jacket that once he lend him on a rainy day that forgot to give him back – though Louis doesn’t want him anymore, he wants Harry to keep it – the books Harry brings from Louis’ home on a big bookcase and then when he looks at the side, in front of the big and tones of pillows Harry has on his bed, he sees his teddy bear–Harry’s teddy bear now. He remembers giving it to him when he was eight and he wonders if Harry still sleeps with him at night, if he still calls him Lou and if he still hugs him when he feels down. He definitely still does.
Louis hears someone talking quite loud from downstairs but he tries to ignore. Seconds later Harry enters from the door and closes it behind him. “Hum… I suppose you can stay here for dinner and, hum, for the night.” Harry says nervously “Just need to bring a mattress and sheets”
Louis gives him a small smile “Thanks.” Harry nods
They walk around Harry's house to bring a small mattress they had saved on the attic and clean sheets. Louis takes advantage of it to observe the house. It’s pretty big and well decorated, Harry walks fast around the rooms and Louis finds hard to follow him without losing himself. But in fifteen minutes they have the improvised bed done on Harry’s room floor. Harry lends him a pillow from his bed and puts the previous blanket Louis was wrapped on, on top of the sheets.
The spare time till dinner is spent with them in silence still in the room. Louis doesn’t feel like talking and the silence right now is welcome. Harry is still worried and feels like this moment is not normal, is weird and for the first time, for him, the silence is uncomfortable; but he decides to respect Louis.
At half past seven Harry’s mother calls them for dinner and they walk downstairs. Harry’s father is also there and Louis doesn’t know who makes him more uncomfortable if him or Sarah, Harry’s mother. Louis doesn’t know Harry’s father name so being sat in the big table with them is weird. And even weirder is the fact that the woman who usually opens the door for him when he comes here calling Harry, is the same who puts the food in the table. So is she like a maid? Not Harry's babysitter probably.
Louis keeps moving his toes under the table, is constantly moving his fingers as well and looking around the dining room. Seems too expensive with paintings on the wooden walls, a big fireplace, gorgeous curtains and a huge carpet under the big table. He thinks the table is too big, even though it only has four chairs. He’s in front of Harry but feels so far away from him.
They start eating, Harry doesn’t look at him, he thinks about talking but closes his mouth right away. “Do your parents know you are here, Louis?” Harry’s father speaks, his voice is rough and raspy so Louis nods as an answer, almost afraid to speak. They do know Louis is here, it’s obvious he is with Harry. “I’m sorry for your lost.” He says after some seconds, although the words he speaks don’t match with his tone of voice. He seems so cold. Louis keeps nodding and looking at his plate. “Don’t you have voice, boy?”
“David!” Harry’s mother speaks this time due how harsh the man was with Louis. Harry looks at her almost surprised with her intervention.
“The boy is being rude and I can’t have a word in my own house?” his voice is too loud but it seems like it’s the usual so Louis can’t imagine his tone when he’s actually really mad.
“Don’t you see how down he is?” Sarah whispers although Louis can hear it. Harry tries to ignore all the situation even though he wished he could say something to make his parents stop. His mother coughs and goes back to her strict position. “I just don’t want you to make this a habit. You can stay tonight, but only tonight.” She raises her tone in the word only “And I want silence in the room.” She finishes.
“Yes!” Louis finally comes out with some words, voice shaking.
“And you Harry, we’ll talk tomorrow about this.” She says harshly.
“Yes mother.” Harry avoids every eye contact in the room
The rest of the dinner is finished in silence and Louis is thankful when Harry’s parents allow them to go upstairs when Harry asks them permission to. Louis hopes that every dinner Harry has, from every day isn’t like this one and he hopes this time it was like this because of him, but a slightly piece of him knows that it’s always like this, if not worst. Louis still doesn’t ask why Harry seems so down sometimes, however he really wanted the boy to open with him more often. Louis wishes that the boy trusted him to the point of talking to him about what’s going on in his life, what his parents do that makes him so down, what he thinks, what he feels… everything. But he knows if Harry wanted he’d tell.
Louis decides not to talk about what happened on the table and Harry seems grateful for that. What could he say anyway? Your parents seem to be always mad with the world, what’s wrong with them? What’s wrong of a friend of your coming here? What’s wrong with their faces? So Harry tells Louis he can use the bathroom to take a shower and then lends him one of his pyjamas. He doesn’t take much time and when finishes is Harry’s turn. When Harry comes back Louis is just sat on the mattress looking at the wall. Harry decides to keep the silence and turns on the TV he has on his room. They watch some cartoons till is half past ten and Harry feels his eyes heavy. Louis is right next to him, they’re sat on the mattress Louis is supposed to sleep, with their back rested on Harry’s bed.
Harry looks at Louis and he bets he’s not paying any attention to what is playing on the TV because he’s with a blank expression and is probably only looking at the wall next to the television. “Mind if I go to sleep?” He decides to ask. Louis looks back at him and then nods. Louis never nods, even if it is to say a simple yes he talks.
They turn everything off and Harry crawls to his bed. Louis lays down as well, pulling the sheets and duvet on top of him. He takes Harry’s blanket to his side and grabs it against his chest. “Good night Lou!” Harry whispers
“Night” Louis answers weakly.
Harry is unsure about what he should do, he doesn’t want to see Louis this way and he sure doesn’t want to see him crying again. It was painful, it was the first time Louis cried like this in front of him and it made his chest aching and he doesn’t even understand why and how. Maybe he really do like this boy because he shows to be kind for him, he shows that cares about him and all of this in such a young age. The fact that Louis is the only person who Harry feels well with and the fact that he knows him already for five years basically makes Harry consider Louis an important person in his life.
He loses himself in his thoughts only to wake up minutes later with sobs and whimpers. “Lou?” He calls. He knows Louis is crying and that just makes him feel… sad.
Louis doesn’t answer so he decides to stand up from bed, not before grabbing his teddy bear he has always next to him. Right in the moment he takes his feet out of the bed he feels the mattress under them. Louis is facing his back at him and he can see his body going up and down quickly. He sits down on the space between Louis and his bed and touches on Louis’ shoulder carefully, almost afraid.
The older boy clears his tears with the sheets, rolls around to look at his friend and sits up. “So-Sorry if I wo-woke you up.” Harry looks at him with a sad expression. He still can see the boy’s face since the blinds from the window are open and the lights from outside hit the room.
Harry shakes his head as if saying that Louis doesn’t need to apologise much less hiding his sadness from him. Louis is kinda of embarrassed by crying in front of him and Harry knows it, but he doesn’t need to be.
Harry hands him the teddy bear he has on his hands, the same Louis gave him when he was eight and Louis looks at it in awe. “You said he could help me when I’d feel down. It worked for me…” Harry looks away “So it can help you as well…”
Louis grabs the bear but at the same moment he grabs it he pulls away and hugs Harry instead right away. He doesn’t even care how many times they’ve already hugged today but it always make Louis feel better for a moment so he decides that prefers Harry as his teddy bear.
Harry hugs him back when feels the blue eyed boy crying again. He wants to tell, beg him to stop crying but he knows it’ll make things worst “I can’t believe he’s gone…” Louis whispers between sobs “I want him back Harry…”
“That’s not how things work.” He caresses the boy’s hair who is basically laid down on his lap, grabbing Harry by his waist
“It’s not fair.” Harry agrees, it’s not. “I didn’t even say goodbye.” He cries harder
Harry takes a deep breath to control his own tears, not only for Louis but for his grandpa as well. “Say now. Tell him what you wished you could say.”
Louis takes some time till he speaks the next words “I just wanted to thank him. For being a strong man… for being with me. For being a father, a friend, a hero… For being the best person in the whole world. Just for being who he was.” His voice is muffled by the fabric of Harry’s shirt but Harry hears him, hears and understand everything still holding his friend
“He probably heard you Lou and I’m sure he’s proud of you. He’s going to watch over you. You’re going to be strong, all right?”
“All right.” Louis agrees and they don’t move.
Louis sobs calm down after some minutes but Harry keeps caressing him, making sure he won’t cry again and he’ll sleep well. They keep just like that and when Louis wakes up in the next morning he’s with his head rested on Harry’s stretched legs, Harry’s head is laid down on the side so is rested on the mattress of his own bed, lips parted, eyes closed and his arm still above Louis’ body.
Louis doesn’t wake him up, he lets himself be there and waits till his friend wakes up. When he does they share a smile but don’t say anything the whole morning. They get dress and walk downstairs to eat breakfast alone. Louis thinks it is a breakfast like the ones he eats on the hotels on holidays and that makes his mind relaxed for a bit.
Then he knows he has to go back home so Harry offers to go with him. He’s nervous about what his parents can tell him and if they’re mad but in the moment they open the door for him, he’s received with a hug. They even make Harry joining the hug with the three so it’s pretty special for Louis.
The next day is the funeral and Louis dresses his better clothes and goes to the ceremony. Harry is there with his parents, which is weird but at the same time relaxed because he’s there no matter what. Louis doesn’t cry while the coffin is buried, he just whispers the same words he said to Harry the previous night, because he’s going to be strong like Harry said him to be.
~*~
> Sorry about some errors this might have sometimes i just get too lazy to read again to fix it. I'm sorry !!