(Do you think there are celebrities in the red queen world? Well now there are here you go
DUDE WHEN I STARTED WRITING THIS I CHECKED AND THERE WERE LIKE 400 WORDS SO I WAS LIKE OKAY AND NOW THERE ARE MORE THAN 1000 WHAT THE FUCK WHO TF--
Also, this shit is my feelings 24/7 when I just sit somewhere yeah I need help
Don't take this personally because it gets deep
Trigger warning also, I guess
GUYS THIS IS THE SECOND LONGEST FIC WHAT THE FUCK)
he was certain
so was I
You brush your hair in the mirror, Maven sitting next to you. You two talk. Talk about almost nothing. You smile when you hear his voice and he smiles when he hears yours. Time seems to slow like the universe knows how much you two love each other. When you put down the brush he rests his head on your shoulders. You put a hand on his cheek, staring at you two in the mirror. You truly do look like the perfect couple.
dreams and ideas should not be the same thing
Don't rip away from this, you whisper to yourself. You've got a life to live. You shouldn't be wasting time with a prince. You have a photoshoot today. You have people waiting for you. You have another life to live. You need to create something more, not waste your time.
Suddenly, you hear your heartbeat in your ears. Your vision starts blurring. Your hands shake. Don't waste your time. You can't waste your time. You have a life to live. You're wasting valuable time. You can be writing right now, writing a new song or an emotional poem. You should be creating something people should love. You need to rip away from this.
oh she'd want it
"I'm sorry, I have to go," you whisper with a shaky voice. Maven sits up, his hand going to yours. He looks at you with hopeful eyes. You don't look back, you just stay standing up. You know if you look at him then you'll force yourself to continue wasting time. "Stay safe," he whispers back before letting you go. Now you can breathe, now you can leave. And that's what you do. You leave without a goodbye.
if she knew
she could take it,
Why are you sad? Why does your throat feel like it's grasping for one more breath? You need to go, you need to...
Value life. Value what you have.
Get out of my head. Please. If you don't leave you'll lose all of your fame. If you don't leave everyone will forget who you are.
be careful be cautious but you just wished harder
You need to keep looking at the future, you're future. You're one of the most popular people in all of the regions, you don't have any time. You need to go, no matter how much dreaming it takes. Your head pounds. You can feel your brain banging against your skull. It hurts, but they don't know it.
you waited smiling for this
Maven. Loves you. He feels blessed to have you in his arms. When it gets quiet, you think. He doesn't like it when you think. You don't like it when you think either. Then, you leave. You leave every day.
When Maven was a child he read books and magazines about you, you have always been as famous as you are. You are the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. He's always dreamed of looking into your eyes. When you two first got together that's all you ever did, stare into each other's eyes. Now you don't. It's too painful.
"But they love you!" over and over "they love you!"
Sometimes Maven feels helpless. You have so many people who love you, so many people he can easily get replaced with. You flirt with most people around you. They think of it nothing but he can't stop seeing flashes of your other life without him. As of now, you get distant. Caught up in your work. It scares him but he doesn't say it. He doesn't know how to. He loves you too much to let you go.
thousands and thousands of eyes
just like mine
Maven wasn't the only boy who read you in books and magazines. Maven wasn't the only child who wished to be with you; longing to look into your eyes. Maven doesn't know how special he is. In a crowd of everyone who loves you, he's just like everybody else. Watching you. Having ideas about your next moves. Never blinking, never looking away. You'll burn yourself out like this. You just need to be cautious. Everyone loves you. You can't turn away. You need to work harder, if you don't, everyone will leave. You need to...
Value every moment you have with him.
You can't.
words only get through
if they're sharp
If you work harder, you'll get no hate. You'll get no more people calling you fake and over your own head. You'll be loved and supported by everyone, right? You just need to work harder. You can't stop creating, you can't stop breathing. You need to work out more, you need to stop eating, you need to create your own personal paradise of a body. Then, everyone will love you.
Oh how fitting
for one so fake
"Smile for the camera!" You exclaim while smiling with a fan you sought on the street as you take a picture with them. Somebody to smile at you, that's all you need. Somebody to remind you how loved you are because... sometimes you forget. The fan has the most beautiful smile.
It isn't raining but it sounds like it.
Maybe that's just the static in your head.
make me a fairy
whatever it takes
Deep breathes and you'll live. Deep breathes. You're slacking off.
Snap
Hold yourself in tighter, make sure to smile.
Maven will love these photos
Do it for Maven.
Snap
"A little bit of criticism, but..." a tear rolls down your cheek. You don't listen. You're too perfect to listen. They don't get it. They are the ones who are wrong. Maven understands you, where is Maven when you need him? Why can't Maven be here right now?
and just like her tale my dream was a scam
Actually, Maven can't see you like this. He can't see behind the scenes. He needs to see how perfect you'll be.
When you show him the pictures he smiles, lightly taking them from your hands. He doesn't notice how thin you're getting. He says he loves you as he stares at the pictures. Another tear rolls down your cheek. You both stare into each other's eyes, fake smiles as a cry for affection.
I am burnt out
I smell of smoke
When Maven gets mad he lights on fire. When Maven argues the room goes hot. When you ask Maven if you're beautiful he feels slightly offset. When Maven notices how burnt out you are he grabs your wrist.
Maven holds you close, patting your back as you cry on his shoulder. He doesn't know what to say. Should he tell you how beautiful you are? Should he remind you how much people love you? Or will that stress you out even more?
You're scared to lose him. You're so distant, you constantly poke fun at him. What if he takes it too seriously? You can't tell him anything, you're too scared he'll push you away and think of you badly. You keep putting on your girlfriend persona that he easily sees through but says nothing of. I'm sorry.
it seeps through her cracks and so I start to choke
Maven feels your tears. He feels them on more levels than physical. He feels them on his own cheeks. He feels all of your stress and depression on his own cheeks. Isn't that beautiful? It hurts.
You waited smiling for this?
Maven closes his eyes, listening to your sobs. Everyone loves you. Your tears become his own as he starts weeping too. He loves you. Everyone loves you. Not the way he loves you.
I can just talk about it
maybe I'll talk about it
Letting out a sigh, you squeeze Maven close to you.
Error.
Error.
Ouch.
i'll never talk about it
I'LL NEVER TALK ABOUT IT.
Maven will hate you if you express yourself. You need to stay as a barbie doll. He'll love you like everyone else. Life will be perfect with him forever by your side.
You flinch.
Ouch.
Why did you do that?
A laugh slips between your lips.
Ouch.
You flinch.
Ouch.
don't build hope on something broken
You squeeze Maven tighter. Why does it hurt so much? Suddenly, you can't hold Maven anymore. Your stomach hurts and your chest clenches. You take in deep breathes, trying to hold onto your life. There's an error in your head. Maven cries. You can't speak. It will only make it worse.
i might just leave soon.