Throughout the night I felt awful and I couldn't even sleep. I wanted to run after Jake right when I was done saying what I said. Though I knew it was for the best. How could I be committed to one guy when my mind and body were desperately wanting another. I couldn't do this to Jake any longer I knew deep down he felt things shift in a different direction between us. He just didn't want to accept it nevertheless address it out loud. The breakup didn't necessarily mean I was pushing Jake out of my life for good. I just couldn't be unfair to him or me for that matter.
Deep down I knew I didn't want Jake out of my life. Although I knew better that it was impossible for us to be friends. Strong feelings like the ones I held for him didn't disappear over night. I'm not quite sure I'll ever get over it. After all he did play a big part in my life. Until James came crashing into it like an ocean wave completely messing things up for me. I didn't even see him coming. Things just happened so unexpectedly. He was irresistibly hot and charming not to mention his kisses and the way he touched me. He provoked fascinating chills all over my body.
What started out as passion and desire soon turned into deep feelings. I not only yearned for his touch anymore. I also wanted his presence near me. I didn't realize I felt that towards James until that night we both shared at the park. The way he opened up to me caught me by surprise. I thought he was just a tough bad-ass that loved to get into trouble and had smart remarks about everything. Underneath it all there was this thoughtful kind soul that actually cared even if he was afraid to show it. He wasn't as bad as people described him or as tough as he played out to be. His mom had been right all along.
Maybe all he needed was rescue. Someone to show him honest sweet love. Maybe all he needed was me. I couldn't have been more wrong to think this way. How could I of all people be the right person for James. When my heart was clearly divided by two different souls combine in one magnificent feeling. Both Jake and James made me feel a different way and they now shared my heart and mind.
I ignored the meaning of love after my father left us back then. Love to me meant nothing but just an empty word with no meaning. When Zane left me I felt completely lost. Even though what Zane and I had wasn't real love. He was the only one there for me and who truly understood me. That was until I met Jake and soon my whole perspective of "Love" changed. It all happened because of him. He showed me how to feel again. He revived me just when I felt dead inside. Jake was wonderful to me in my darkest days he was my candle..a hope of light.
I was afraid to love and be left again after what took place with my Father. It was a risk I took with Jake and I didn't regret any of it. He stayed through all the pain and tears with me. Without any words just a simple hug from him. I knew everything was going to be okay as long as he was by my side and I was by his. Nothing else mattered. Nothing could hurt me.
That was until I met James he opened up my eyes to a different type of world...a dangerous one. It felt like reality not a fairytale. If it wasn't for him I would've always thought love was pure and decent exactly what I felt when I was with Jake. I wouldn't have experienced the meaning of hot, intense, consuming desire. James was definitely the one to blame for bringing out a naughty, seductive, sexy side of me that I didn't know existed.
The more I tried to stay away from James the more my body wanted him and my thoughts wondered about him. He was a drug and I was getting addicted. It was hard to stop or control myself when I was around him. His touch ignited my body into a burning flame of desire enough that I'd lose all my senses. I weakened with just a simple stare of his piercing blue eyes. The way his soft lips touched mine in a hot sexy way. Feeling his breath on my neck every time he got close to me only provoked me to feel desperate for more. He was definitely dangerous..but it was too late..I couldn't keep away.
.
.
*Early Morning*
Rose- Jaz you are still laying down?..Aren't you going to be late for school?
Jazmin- Mom I don't feel good I rather not go to school today..
Rose- What's wrong honey?
Jazmin- Heartache...
Rose- Would this have anything to do with Jake?
Jazmin- (Ugh if you just knew) Um..
Rose- Hun. You know you can talk to me if anything is bothering you..
Jazmin- I know mom but it's fine I just need to rest..& hopefully I'll feel better later on.
Rose- Well you know I don't like you missing school..but if you don't feel good I rather have you rest then. Call me if you need anything or stop by the bakery shop when you feel better.
Jazmin- Thanks mom..I will.
Rose- And Jazmin...
Jazmin- Yes mom?
Rose- Whatever it is that's bugging you..It won't be the end of the world..Just brush it off your shoulders and pick yourself up. *Smiles
Jazmin- (She must be talking from experience)....Thanks mom I'll be alright.
Once my mom left the room. I got up brushed my teeth and went straight back to bed. I had no intention in going anywhere else. My head was still throbbing in pain from all the thinking I did all night. I felt like a complete zombie. I heard two voices talking outside the house one of them was my mothers so I got up again to check.
Rose- Yeah I know how hard it can be raising kids alone..
Emma- Fact is we are super mommies I just hope one day they'll understand why we worry so much about them..
Rose- I couldn't agree more..So I'll see you at the bakery shop?
Emma- Of course I'll be having the same as usual..*Smiles
Rose- See you then Emma..
What?...Since when does my mom have conversations with James Mother! And she goes to the bakery shop too!? Ugh just great.
I went back to bed and cuddled next to my teddy bear that Jake had won for me at a fair back in Jacksonville. I remember that day clearly just as if it had happened yesterday. I was so excited to go to the fair it was my first time and to go with Jake only built the excitement even more. I always heard the rides were scary and daring even though Jake was a wuss for rides of any sort. I always wanted to experience the thrill. That day we made a bet if he won me a teddy bear on the "pop the balloon" game he wouldn't have to go on a ride with me. However if he lost he would have to get on the most highest and fastest ride they had. Sure the game sounded like a piece of cake. Well it wasn't. He had to stand from a far distance and with a single dart he had to aim towards the balloon that would be constantly moving from position.
ONE TRY and that lucky guy succeeded..Unbelievable. After he confessed to me that his father had him practice at a shooting range when he was only 10 years old. All because he needed to grow into a tough young man. I told him the saying my dad would say as a boxer "Holding a pistol doesn't make you a brave man, Fighting with your fists does". I changed his point of view in things when I shared that quote with him. He told me he always thought his father was wrong when it came to using pistols to prove a point. Then again he did see his father as someone powerful and strong. He then would suddenly stop talking about him. Now that it was over between us, there wasn't anymore reason to hide me from them. Although I did wonder if he ever mentioned me to them.
I spent the rest of the day watching movies no romantic ones just action. I didn't want to shed anymore tears. I ate junk food like never before knowing I would end up regretting it later. I couldn't help but look out the window here and there just to see if I saw James. His car was parked outside so I guess he missed school also. At times I would look at my phone as if I was expecting a call or text. Although silently wishing I would get one from Jake. I didn't like the way things ended between us after the years we had spend together. I also knew I had shattered his heart in pieces and he wasn't going to want anything to do with me. Which was exactly what I was afraid off but what else could I have expected?
*Phone Rings*
Jazmin- (Finally a call)......Hello?
Ashanti- Girrrrrrl!!! Where have you been??
Amy- Hey Jazzzz!!...You're on speaker..
Jazmin- *Laughs...Hey girls..Long story to tell over the phone..I'll be at school tomorrow though..
Amy- Ooh juicy details...
Ashanti- Noooo....Juicy details are the ones we have to tell you!
Jazmin- What happened? (Please don't let it be about James & Lina!)
Amy- There is some new hottie that just enrolled to school!!!
Ashanti- Amy you are such a blabber mouth! Way to kill the suspense!...
Jazmin- Ha...really that's all you girls called me for?
Amy- Nooo also because-
Ashanti- Lina the schools whore already has her evil eye on him..
Amy- Heeyy...
Ashanti- I can be a blabber mouth too ya know..
Jazmin- What about James?
Ashanti- Girl that has been done and over with..The entire school knows he left her for you..
Amy- Ash! She doesn't need to know that yet..
Exactly what I had been dreading for actually happened. The rumor was out and I was officially schools hot new topic.
Jazmin- Wait what???...
Ashanti- Oops did I say too much?..
Amy- You think?.....
Jazmin- What exactly is everyone at school saying??..
Amy- They are all just stupid Jaz don't listen to them..
Ashanti- She'll eventually find out why don't we just tell her?
Jazmin- JUST TELL ME!
Amy- There's rumors that James and Lina broke up because you got in -between them and also that your boyfriend left you because he found out you were hooking up with James behind his back..
Jazmin- Unbelievable...That is NOT TRUE!!
Ashanti- Girl don't sweat it people will always talk about others no matter what because they got nothing else better to do..Just ignore it..Right now you're topic next week someone else will be..
Jazmin- Ugh...I hate my life right now...
Amy- Hey at least most people have their attention towards the new guy at school..They even started up rumors about how James will lose his crown as the most popular guy at school because of this new hottie!
Ashanti- Well I can tell you this much..The boy is hella tasty looking..
Jazmin- Well I hope he takes some of the attention off me...Otherwise this is gonna be a long dreadful school year...
After a couple minutes of talking we said our goodbyes and I laid back down. I wondered who was the new guy at school that was stirring up so much talk. I also wanted to know how those rumors had started. I shut my eyes tightly wanting to forget everything I had just heard. However the more I tried the more I visioned in my mind. People pointing at me while they quietly murmured about me everywhere I went. I was definitely not looking forward going back to school. A sudden knock startled me causing me to quickly get up. I walked to my front door wondering who it might be. I knew my Mother was staying at the bakery shop until midnight plus she had a pair of keys to our house. I slowly opened the door and right in front of me stood James. He had one hand inside of his jagged blue jeans pocket while his backpack hanged from one of his shoulders. He stared at me with a flirtatious grin on his face. "Hey tiger..Mind if I come in?".