"Fake News Report:" by:Rob Allen
Reporters=Jack Horner and Jill Tourett.
Imagine a news report. Camera pans in on typical news, "team".
Close-up on male reporter, Jack. FLASH!!!!
Jack=Late last night a report, "over the wire" confirmed....
Jill interrupts=late last night some one with a scary bad case of diareaaaaahhhh
jumped up on his house (or cabin by the lake) and started some serious SHIT SPITTIN'.
Jack=Yes Jill I'd like to say someone shit a CACA Bomb so far...well... it got all over the lens of the HUBBLE TELESCOPE!
Scientist from all the, "LEADING"(?) nations studied the poop and found it contained large amounts of herbal tea...the kind used to help people quit smoking.
Jill=Jack we're not sure if the lens wiper was working when it blasted into space,
but the god-damn thing sure the fuck ain't working now!!!
Jack=Relax jill the government has all that stool specimen handled.
Jill=How???
The grand and glorious United States Of Amerika has arranged to barrow six hundred trillion, six hundred zillion and six cents.
It comes out like this:
China 90-per cent
United Arab Republic 8-per cent
Japan 50-cents
Spain 70-cents
Zimbabwe(piles of worthless paper money)
{not even good for wiping your ass...clogs the pipes}
England 32-cents
Peru 3-cents
United Nations Half penny
France will supply all and any SPIT if it is needed.
doooood .....do doot doot doo doo doooot dooot doooot dooo dooood oootFLASH
Jack= The person that gave the Hubbell that,"Soft Serve Coming Up" Has been traced to MICHIGAN!!! "The Great Lake State"
In the USA!!
Jill= terrorists come in all kinds.?!$ But dirty dookie it couldn't have been an Amerikan that released all those BROWN HOSTAGES!
Jack=Oh yes I was personally asked by the US government if I thought zillions should be spent on a germ spreading telescope....and being the God-Fearing, Boogyman fearing, cats are demons and there's a war with the devil....RED, White and Blue blooded Amerikan...I said , "HELL FUCKIN YEA"!
Jill=What The Fuck Is Wrong With You? You forgot what the piss-fuk we were reporting on.
Just start borrowing that god-damn money and clean that SHIT SHOWER already.
Jack= The latest, "over the wire" report.
Just when we thought he was livestock! Brought and sold in the marketplace. "OUR SAVIOUR! The Messiah Of The U.S."(someone shouts Al Gore)
Our BLACK President..(.yes the one that had every last drop of white-mans blood drained out of himself...just to be able to say that.)When he found out, "That urge to purge" had to be licked off...
Jill=He Had to do it himself!!!!
Jack=What a hero. (fuckin bitch I was suppose to say that)....
four and a half hours later...
Spaceship sound-BIG VOICE-echo&reverb ,SHITCLEAN TWENTY_TEN"Drum roll....
Jack and Jill from the big cable news network are now on location either at the space center in Florida or on some sound stage in New Mexico...They are not sure?
Jill= at 1200 hours "OUR LORD"OBAMA will be shot out of the "NASA" designed super special rocket, "The 786 SHIT CLEAN CANNON" USA
Jack=it's really nice and it doesn't at all look fake, it's like a transformer type thing or something???
(The whole thing was built in less then 3 hours, by half-assed contractors with the lowest bid)
Jill=It better look good and DO SOMETHING for the $$$$$money it cost.
Jack= Jill is there a sign in the women's bathroom over the crapper that says,"NO AMERICAN DOLLARS PLEASE!"
Jill=yes jack, they clog up the pipes. Now shut da' fuk up!!!pleeeeeeaaase! This cannon os really cool....
CUT TO COMMERCIAL
Toilet bowl cleaner designed using NASA space age technology.
"Has some one taken the BROWNS to The SUPER BOWL in You Bathroom"?
Etc., Etc., etc..
Back to the news...
Jack= At the press meeting where the government tells us what to write they said France sent four gallons of spit.
Jill= Thats good 'cause OBAMA ( angels singing)
will need all the spit he can get...to lick all that nasty feces off that lens.
Jack=He'll need all the spit he can get.
Jill=That's what I just fuckin' said butt-hole!
I donated 7 oz. of spit since yesterday.
Jack= True patriot Jill....true Patriot! (Jack looked at pictures of Obama's kids...masturbated furiously and donated 12 oz. of "his secret sin".)
Jill= it just brings tears to my eyes to see people from all over the world get together and pull together..
Jack=I was pulling.
Jill=Just Shuuut uuuup. I got the tities I'm the star.
anyway we usually just have wars.
Jack=All the bigwigs from far and wide are here. The washington crowd....world leaders. Big money types...hell...
Chariots of the GODS starts playing over the PA loudspeakers.
Jack=Everyone is lined up along the path, Ma-ah-God-Emperor OBAMA will be walking to the rocket/cannon. He's waving and everyone is spitting in his mouth...how beautiful!
Jill=Jack did you know the president had every last drop of white blo...
Jack=I think we mentioned that Jill. dumb cunt!
Jacks crying now
jill's crying
Jill=It's heartbreaking to see him say goodbye to his wife and kids.
Jack=their each spitting all they can in his mouth.
Jill= All the big-shots got front row seats.
5....4....3...2....1...Blast OFFFFFF
Jack=THAT Son-Of-A-Bitching' cannon!!!
Jill=MY GODDDD
Jack=The cannon exploded and blew OBAMA in a billion pieces!
CUT TO COMMERCIAL=
The Franklin Mint now you can get your very own piece of history, yes you can get your very own piece of OBAMA, with a certificate of authenticity. order now limited supply.
(a very small portion of each sale will go toward paying the debt and a few bucks will also be given to OBAMA's kids.)
Back to the news.
Jack= who is the vice-president anyway?
Jill=He was blown up too!
Jack= The nation and the whole world feel bad...well pretty bad..except the southeast united states....but hell they got caught up in the big media blitz anyway..
Jill=It would seem...if he really meant it or not....bbbbbby the hand of God...or the C.I.A or some hit men for international bankers or who-the fuck-ever...OBAMA and the rest of the ruling elite's puppets and even a few of the ruling elite are all dead as intelligence in the amerikan people.
Jack=Your going out in left field Jill...
Lets just say....Obama really did end up bringing us change.
THE END
Turd, dump,something barking at the back door,doo doo, masturbating out the back door, stool specimen, Brown turtle poking his head out. Growing a brown tail?
Additional stuff found in the Hubbell shit=Chicken, rice, corn, peanuts, traces of L.S.D., milk, Muscle relaxers, pain-killers, "Wild Irish Rose" wine, cheep beer, mountain dew, 3 pennies and a nickel, plus a micro-chip.?
COMMERCIAL=
Wild Irish Rose" the wine of the Hubbell...it's outta this world! etc..