September
{TAYLOR POV😌}
It's night time and the stars is out. The fog is misty and the air seem denser. The dark clouds begin to form and I knew it won't be long before it start thundering.
The bruises on my face had swollen up. Blood gushing from my lip and my hands were sweaty as heck. My knees were about to give out and my legs begin trembling.
He got me exactly where he want me. As I thought to myself.
My back about to break and I'm about to go downhill. If my legs wasn't trembling so bad I would have kicked him in his nuts and this will all be over with.
UNFORTUNATELY, I'm having a nervous break down. Sweat beads rolling down my face and my arm pits begin to sweat.
"Think Taylor. THINK ! How do you get him off you ? How do you be the killer instead of been killed ? "
I keep asking myself but no matter how hard I try to come up with a answer I can't get self control over my body.
It's like my body has shut completely down when I saw how far I'm going to fall when we first came up here.
Now would be a prefect time for a master plan. I can't tell him what he want to hear because I can't breath. I can't do nothing but PRAY.
Before I could PRAY his hold got tighter.
My heart racing. It feel like it's about to jump out my chest. I need to get him off me. FAST !
Leaning backwards on top of The Empire State Building fighting for my life, my oxygen has been cut short. My throat burn and my eyes are about to pop out my head.
All I hear is police sirens and helicopters coming our way. With all this fog, I'm surprised somebody down there noticed I was about to be murdered and called for help.
Maybe it was all the yelling he was doing but whatever it was I'm thankful that somebody called for help.
"YOU GOT ME FUCKED UP ! I TOLD YOU ABOUT PLAYING WITH ME ! BITCH YOU GONE LEARN ! IMA SHOW YOUR ASS !" He say furiously with spit fallen out his mouth .
If I wasn't so concern about my life, I swear I would be freaking out about his spit on my face!!!
I looked over to the left out the corner of my eye and I see the long way down. Its official he trying to kill me. I need to do something fast.
"get off of me ! " I say breathless.
He on top of me choking the shit out of me. I'm losing breath fast and my eyes begin to feel a inch closer to popping out my head. I'm clawing up his skin but it's not working.
I'm about to go downhill fast. I can feel it. I try to pray his hands lose but I'm feeling weak.
"I can't die like this. GOD please don't let me die like this. " I repeated over and over again in my head.
I begin to cry. Tears rolling down my face and I stop fighting him. I slowly relaxed and let him have what he wanted. I thought about our son and whispered, "Tell Tyler I love him."
When those words left my lips, I felt completely relax and was waiting to met my maker.
He choked me harder and smiled like his face was stuck.
BANG BANG BANG !
I jumped out my sleep in sweat. As I placed my hand on my throat and thank GOD it was just a dream. I tried slowing my heart down until I heard the banging again.
What the hell ?? I got out of bed and walked towards my front door. As I look out the pep hole there were a familiar face. I open the door and let him in.
Standing in front of him I noticed I got on my solid baby blue t shirt and laced baby blue panties on so that's why he had the Joker smile on his face. I rolled my eyes and placed my right hand on my hip and my left hand on my head.
It was my killer.
JOSH !
" What's wrong with you?" He say out of curiosity.
I took a deep breath and lead him to the bedroom. Josh was in New York just for the night. He was checking to see if Tyler was okay.
Tyler been sick lately. He have on and off fevers like his father and I. So it's important that he take his medicine like told.
The doctor said it's only temporally but when he turn five years old it should be gone away for good. However, my son is going to have anger problems when he gets older and that alone can trigger his health issue.
" I'm fine." I say restless.
Josh nod his head and picked up Tyler. I laid back in bed and Josh went to lock up the house with Tyler in his hands. When he came back in the bedroom he laid Tyler next to me. I knew he was spending the night but I don't know how much more I can take with him getting in my bed smelling like different girls perfume. Well it probably be one girl with different perfume types.
Anyway, I couldn't protest when he brought up the idea however, he promised to keep his hands to hisself. Even though I wouldn't mind a booty rub or a boob grab here and there but I guess he trying to respect my wishes and stay on good terms because he haven't touched me in 4 months.
Having another baby by Josh is not one of my lifetime goals. I mean he's a great dad but, he just crazy as heck and giving him one child is enough for me. Besides, I'm not trying to marry him ! He tried to kill me !
As he got undress Tyler begin to toss and turn. I patted him on his back and he went back to sleep. Tyler always know when his father is around. It's like a weird bond that they have. It started when he was in my tummy and I thought it was going to go away when he was born but, NOPE! He loves that ugly thang. UGH!
Josh pulled back the covers and got in behind me. We cuddle and went to sleep. I kept waking up in the middle of the night so I can make sure Josh isn't trying to kill me.
Josh kept waking up too because he couldn't sleep with me keep waking up like that.
Like I just had a dream of him killing me and he want to look at me like something is wrong with me. NO! I'm sleeping with BOTH eyes open!
As I finally got some sleep, I heard the door closed. Josh has a key but, he only use it when he leaving out. I got up and checked on Tyler. He was okay and freshly changed. Since he still sleep I decided to put him in his crib and get in the shower.
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My mind drifted back on the nightmare I had. That was so intense and thinking about it sent chills down my spine. I put on a solid pink t shirt and some lace pink panties with the matching bra.
I went over to the curtains and pulled them back. I stood there on my balcony and enjoyed the fresh air. I decided not to look down and walk back in the room. I closed the balcony door and turn some music on.
The start of a good day. As I thought to myself.
Tyler will sleep through anything. I shook my head and sat in the middle of my bed and checked my phone.
As I blast the hip hop song "Boyz N The Hood." I decided to take Tyler to Chuck E. Cheese today.
It's been awhile since Tyler and I did "mommy and me " day. I can actually say I be more excited than he do.
My mom thinks rap is a total waste of time and listening skills. Yea right ! Her choice of lyrics are Beyoncé " Me, Myself, I."
Right ! An emotional wreck. Oh ! I'm sorry. Let me introduce myself.
Hi ! my name is Taylor. Taylor Marie Monroe and I am 19 years old. I was born on July 4, 1994.
I love my birthday because it's NEVER a boring birthday. It's always something to do and I'm always throwing the hottest party for myself.
I'm so in the popular crowd. UGH ! it also can get frustrating sometimes.
One would think I would get my way and life will be handed to me but, it doesn't and it's frustrating trying to prove myself to other people.
I graduated from StoneCrest High School with all honors even though sometimes I can be a silly blonde.
I'm 5'2 with sky blue eyes and a red bone complexion. I have Megan Good lips with a Nicki Minja face.
I have that Hispanic long black hair thing going on. I'm not skinny like a cheerleader and I'm not fat like some gum ball. I'm simply thick. If I compared my body to a celebrity it would have to be Nicki Minja.
Thunder thighs with a small waist and average size boobs. Perfect pearly white teeth and a normal size nose and not long and pointy like Kim Kardasian.
My mom is a Brazil beauty and my dad is Hispanic and African American.
I'm mix with Brazilian, Hispanic, and African American. I have more of my mother accent rather than my fathers.
However, that's because my father used to leave my mother and I alone in this world. Rather he was doing time in prison or going out of town for a month or two, we were always alone.
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Frank "Frankie" De'Shun Monroe is the name of the best father in the world.
My father is a light skin heartbreaker with a singing voice better than Maxwell.
He used to sing to my mother and I until we fell asleep. He was our night time radio and we were his listeners.
Gosh! I miss those days. Once you turn a certain age in life, EVERYTHING begins to change.
He is 6'3 and red as red can be. My father has sky blue eyes and a baby face. My father is well fit to be a 25 year old man and he can still move like the energizer bunny.
My father is mix with Hispanic and African American. He keeps his hair well waved and groomed. My father is a 135 pound muscular man. He has the prefect size lips. The ones that's small but juicy.
My father has every girl that comes his way drowning in their own wetness. When I was younger and my father and I would go to the park, women would offer to play step mom to me. My father and I would just laugh and walk away.
Of course this was daddy and I little secret because if mommy found out ...... BIG TROUBLE!
My father is the number one MOBSTER in Los Angels.
Him and his friends been running shit even before I was thought of.
He takes care of me and he NEVER let anyone get away with hurting my feelings. Not even my MOTHER !
My father played ball all throughout his life. That's one of my grandfathers greatest accomplishments. Every male in the family played basketball rather they liked it or not.
My father and the males in his family put down the ball after they graduated from the University of Makaveli.
A college full of rich THUGS but don't get me wrong it was more STUCK-UP people there rather than thugs.
It's NO such thing as lasting ONE DAY there so how my fathers and grandfathers and uncles pulled off graduating is beyond me.
That is the hardest, most meanest college to get into. Your BLESSED if you graduate from there.
Once they graduated from college my grandfathers made them join the "family" business. They never objected or protested. They were all excited.
My dad told me they used to sit around and wait for the day their fathers let them go out of town and stuff with them. When they got their foot in the door they were bouncing off the walls.
I'm the only child my mother and father have. My dad doesn't want to make any more children with my mother because just like me, when he or she get a certain age or end up pregnant she gone stop been a parent.
That's were the problems really came in at.
My dad has 10 brothers not including him and he is the 8th child. He is also the only child with one child. Everybody else has at least 8 or 9 children by one women. However it's a lot of Chucky seeds running around LA.
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My mom name is Angel Nicole Monroe. Happily divorced and proud single mother of one and happily grandmother of one. She's a Brazilian beauty. All the guys make fun of my dad for letting her go but like me she refuse to be somebody trophy wife.
The reason I say trophy wife is because the only things trophies do is sit at home and collect dust I'm not about to sit at home day in and day out rating my baby and let Josh walk all over my heart and think I'm going to be okay with it.
My mom is 5'3 and wow a inch taller than me. She has that cute little beauty mark above her upper lip. She has marble hazel eyes.
Yes I get my eyes from my dad.
My mom and I are shaped a like and we can pass as twin sisters. My dad and her divorced when I was 16 years old. My mom got tired of it and my dad was more than happy to give her a divorce.
It hurt me a lot but I realize if it's meant to be you will do whatever it takes before you call it a quits. It's crazy because both of them taught me that and look where their at.
RIGHT !!!
My mother has 2 sisters not including her. My mother has a small family. My mother really doesn't talk about her mother. I used to think my grandmother Linda was dead until my father told me she treat my mother like my mother treat me.
LIKE SHIT !!!
I got sad and I realize it's my grandmother fault my mother stop been a parent to me.
I still blame my grandmother after all these years and until she own up to her responsibility she can't see MY son and can't call MY phone and she can't come SEE us.
At least that's how it was until she surprised me at a family reunion around the time my mother started treating me differently, my grandmother took my hand and told me to wiped my tears away.
My grandmother stood up to my mother that day and my other grandmother joined in and by the time they was done with her she was in tears crying like a baby and that's the day nobody will ever forget not to mention my father having the picture person take the picture and the recording man recording everything.
Even though my mother has a small family, she hardly go see them. She talk on the phone with her sisters mostly everyday and they have certain months when they get together and go shopping, but that's about it.
Oh pardon my manners , My mother is the second triplet . My auntie Claudia and Morgen are the best aunties in the world.
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I was born and raised in Compton California. Home of the gangsters and loud mouth, ratchet, bum hoes. I moved on the rich side of California when I was 13 years old. Los Angeles California is where my mother and father resided.
My mother and father met at a club in Compton. My mom was hot and every guy wanted her including my father. My mom caught my father eyeing her time from time but never went up to him. She didn't really pay him any mind because all the guys wanted to sex her that night.
My father eyes was glued to my mothers every move even though she thought he was gone be the one stalking her that night.
That's actually the reason they left the club. My father was standing behind the glass window in the VIP section looking onto the dance floor when he noticed her.
When my mother and her two best friends were leaving the club a guy name Jeremy wanted to hop in bed with her however she turned the offer down. He followed them out the club and to my mother four door mustang.
When my mother pressed the unlock button on her keychain Jeremy pulled out a gun and pressed it against her back.
My mother frozen and Jeremy flashed my mother two best friends a smile. They got in the car and Jeremy whispered in her ear: "if you scream I'm going to kill you. "
My father put Jeremy in a choke hold from behind and the gun dropped to the floor. My mother two best friends jumped out the car and pulled out their guns. Jeremy collapsed on the concrete and my father friends dragged him in the allay.
My mother and father eyes connected. It was love at first sight.
My mother had tears in her eyes, with her Brazilian accent she said " Thanks". Just like that he fell in love with her.
My father open the door for her and trailed her until she made it home safe.
After that day they start hanging out and traveling the city together.
My mother and father start dating the third month of them knowing each other. The first time they had sex my father got her pregnant so no guy would ever be with her. They was crazy about each other so my mother didn't mind because the only thing she wanted was him. His planned work and right til this day nobody in LA would talk to my mother as far as dating.
When my father first hit my mother I didn't see it but I heard it. It shocked me and when he came out the back room I ran into the hallway and had tears in my eyes. He looked at me and stretched his arms out. I ran in them and cried. He picked me up and told me everything gone be okay. My father and I never spoke of that day again but he didn't put his hand on my mother for awhile.
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I stay in New York City and I must say the condos in New York are beautiful. I moved out of my parents house as soon as the graduation ceremony was over. I was so ready, I was counting down after they said my name. I was damn near hopping out my seat.
I stay in a 3 bedroom condo in New York City.
My mother had it remodel so it could fit my personal needs. 530 Park Avenue was my home for the past year and two months.
Moving out my parents place was the happiest yet depressing day of my LIFE ! Of course I wanted to move out but it was like my mother convinced my father into kicking me out.
This is all my mother doing. She figured if I wasn't around her then she wouldn't have to deal with the responsibility of a mother.
Never have I had that high school love like the relationships that float across the t.v screen. Gosh! I wish but my father tells me everything that glitter isn't gold. I'm a daddy's baby and a mommy maybe.
That's another thing my mother can't stand and another reason she came up with this stupid ass plan to move me to New York.
I love New York don't get me wrong but my life been on a pedal stool since I got pregnant!
I couldn't never go to my mother and talk about boys. Not even sex if I wanted to. I always went to my father but the sex topic he just said "when your ready you will know but I prefer you wait until marriage."
What kind of advice is that? However, I'm glad he's not like most parents and want to really talk and go into details about it.
When Josh and I start going together, my father was the first person to give me advice and the TRUTH. He told me " he a nice catch but, Taylor you about to regret this choice you made."
I looked at him crazy and 2 weeks after that conversation I came in the house and ran to my dad. He was standing in the kitchen searching for something in the refrigerator. I slammed the refrigerator in his face and he looked at me like I lost my mind. I pouted and I had tears in my eyes. He walked over to me and stroked my hair. He didn't say "I told you so" but I knew it was on the tip of his tongue.
Josh and I been on and off for the last year. He stay in LA with my family and friends. There's a lot of reasons why we have an on and off relationship.
In high school he only wanted me because I'm like the show off girl. I refuse to let a guy use me so he can have score points with his guys.
Like really how old are we ?
I been through a lot of shit with this clown and he still only used me to get some kitty points.
From jumping out of cars on a high speed chase and getting assault chargers and etc. I did it because I thought this clown loved me but it was all just a motion picture for him.
However, come to think about it I did have fun while it lasted. Probably might do it again.... Who knows ?
I'm a spoil brat but I don't be meaning too. A lot of people call me snobby and stuck up but I brush it off. I don't see it. I think I'm the most nicest person you'll ever meet.
Oh did I forget the fact that I'm highly RICH !?! A lot of people will kill just to walk a mile in my size 5 Red Bottoms. I don't understand that though. Been rich comes with too much problems.
There's always pros and con's to been successfully rich and most people can't handle the rich lifestyle. I'm not one of those people. I can handle any and everything except for Josh.
I'm still working on that.
Most people has a problem with my attitude but I seriously don't care. How would you succeed in life if you keep trying to please others and change what you love about yourself for them?
Popular girl and popular guy equal MISERY. Popular girl with an basic guy equal LOVE.
As you can see from that I'm not really in the dating game. Josh blew that one for every other guy that came my way. He just like my father.
I'm a party girl. I believe it's okay to have as much fun as you want to. Just don't get caught up.
I used to be on the wild side though but something well someone changed my world for the better.
His name is Tyler DeShawn Monroe and he is 3 years old.
His last name is girlie but hey it's different and cute. A lot of people like it. If he doesn't like his last name then ima switch it over to King even though I'm not gone like it.
He was gone take after his father at first but, having the last name King comes with to much drama.
He is the little bundle of joy that changed my life for good. I love my 3 year old son even though his dad is such a huge penis.
I got pregnant... no let me rephrased that .... JOSH GOT ME PREGNANT in July of last summer and I had Tyler in the spring.
April 5 to be exact.
Josh was my first. You know the first person I ever had sex with. The first person I ever fell in love with and the first person I will give my all and last to.
However, when Tyler came into this world Josh became number two and Tyler became number one.
Josh got me pregnant on purpose. Normally it will be the girl that trap one of the hottest jock in school with a baby however, in this case it was the other way around. When I told Josh I was pregnant he was literally happy.
Josh was bouncing off the walls and then some. I was happy to leave LA from time to time just to get away from him and his dramatic personality.
I wanted to go to college after high school but Tyler had changed all that. Been a single parent from time to time is hard work but I like it though. I would do anything for my little bundle of joy and everybody know that.
I spend money on him every chance I get. That's my world and he the only reason I keep moving forward. His smile can turn my bad days into better days and my better days into even better day.
Of course my mother had a problem with me not going to college but she really couldn't say anything because I graduated high school and I was about to hit 20 in a couple of months so fuck her and her opinion.
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My mom and her best friends has their own company in L.A and I must say it work itself up to the top. It start from been a small local company to a well furnished nationwide company.
So I'm in New York handling business here at my mother company. I'm the BOSS and Vice President here. I'm only the Vice President when my mom is in town and she want to play boss and make sure im doing everything right.
Every older adult look at me and be mad. They always say things to other employees like " why we working for her she still a baby?" or "she too spoiled and she think she can handle this lifestyle now she in for a rude awaken."
I catch employees saying negative things about me daily. I don't say nothing though but when they noticed my presence they instantly give me an apologetic look. No matter how hard I try to keep it professional it's like my personal life is the talk of New York.
My father been in trouble with the law A LOT of times and every time his face is plastered on the front page of the newspaper. Employes go on the web daily just to get the next hot scoop about my abusive father and money hungry mother.
That's just the polite names that society name them.
The hard names would be murder and God-Father of the Mafia. My mom would be a jealous, motherless, gold digger who send her child off to grow up in a cold cruel world alone.
I look at it as people like that are just jealous. Yes I might was born with a silver spoon in my mouth but I'm human just like you and I go through shit just as much as the next person. I'm not the only one with family problems. I see it everyday when I walk out my condo.
However, it's crazy because I'm the only one getting judge!
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IF I ever offending somebody about their baby daddy or threw up the fact in their face that they having baby daddy drama, I'm sorry.
Baby daddy drama is NO joke. That shit is really stressful and hard to deal with. Josh put me through shit just like a single parent even though I'm not a single parent.
It's complicated and we not sure what the future brings for our small family.
When I'm in New York I'm a single parent however, when I'm in LA I'm not a single parent. Tyler has both of his parent and living under the same roof makes me been a single parent sound ridiculous.
Back to my business.
My mom had my dad build this building when I was sixteen years old. Until I was old enough to run "the family company" my mom ran this company for me until I graduated.
While she was to busy in New York every weekend partying with her white lover and taking care of his motherless child Sammy like she her mother, my mother best friends ran the company in L.A.
My mom love affair was secretive until one of my father employes spilled the beans. My father was on a rampage to kill him and her until I walked in the house just in time to see him pull out the gun. Every since that day my mother haven't seen her white lover but she talk on the phone with him almost every night. My dad found out and he whooped her ass again.
After the beating she explain to him that his ( at the time) 16 year old daughter Sammy mother died and she was just lending a hand and how she couldn't turn her back on her now that she really likes her.
My dad whooped my mother ass again as soon as she let that fly out her mouth. He told her " first you need to be there for your daughter before you play real mom to somebody else motherless child. "
After that day my dad took me and ran away. My mother was a hot mess when we came back. On my 17th birthday I step foot into a dirty, broken house. That wasn't my home anymore. That wasn't the home my mother and I grew up in. No. That was a house my mother remodel to personally fit her needs.
Maybe it was there all along or maybe I didn't want to see it but when I hit 18 years old I saw everything I needed to see.
One thing I've learned about my mother and other people like my mother there's always strings attached. I don't ask my mother for shit. I don't even ask her to play or watch her grandchild whenever I'm in LA.
Even when Josh and I are on a battle field against each other. I always go to my dad and she always be mad. If I lose my father I don't know what I'll do. I don't want to be stuck in this world with this lady.
Every time she calls I hang up the phone in her face every chance I get. I don't be having time for her and her bullshit. I'm the only one that can save her life from my father but as much as she hate me I don't hate her period. I just wish her the best of luck in life.
However I do have some hated feelings towards the shit that she do towards me.
She always tell my dad on me and he just look at her or hang up in her face. If I'm not into some kind of trouble or dead then he don't care. He doesn't stay out my mother and I business , however, he the reason why I don't hate her. I got so used to him making me do the right thing it's like a hobby for me when it comes down to her.
All teens have those get away and never coming back thoughts. Don't judge me it's normal. However, she can't blame me if I did. The reason why the thoughts might have crossed my mind here and there is a different story.
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So back to my "amazing" life as a lot of people calls it.
New York is a big city and people will do any and everything just to prove a point or get ahead. So just to be on the safe side and been a over protecting parent Tyler stay with me at all times.
My mom told me I should invest in one of the daycares they got up here but I'm good with my prince been right here next to me.
Monroe Planning Event Service is New York's second Billion Dollar Company. My mom and dad was so proud of me. For once in my life that day I spilled the news to them we actually seem like a happy family again.
That day was so amazing everything went right. There was no fussing and no fighting. Everybody got along even Josh and I.
Back to my morning.
Today is a Saturday and I been in meetings and conference calls all week. Today is my off day and the only thing I want to do is relax.
Every morning I have to listen to some rap music to calm my nerves from all these crazy people that step foot in my business life.
Tyler is not a morning person and neither am I but hey I plan on chilling out today and not to mention it's Tyler and mommy time. We have that on all my off days. Them the days we stay in and chill.
However, today I might take him to Chuck E. Cheese.
As I touch his tiny body he instantly open his eyes and smile. His small Chinese looking eyes are marble blue. Gosh ! he look more like his dad than me. He a good healthy tiny baby. He's not to little and he's not to big. As I run his bath water with him in my hand, my iPhone X decide to ring.
" Fuck what I said it don't mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw 'em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I don't want you back "
I already knew who it was. Josh picture is plaster on my phone screen. I'm not in the mood to fuss with him right now. I let the voicemail catch him and didn't have plans on calling him back.
Not to mention he was just here early this morning.
As I begin to give Tyler a bath my phone ring again. I swear that boy be calling like he dying.
After I had Tyler I haven't been sexual active. I been to busy and these New York guys is full of shit. They only tell you what you want to hear and I'll be damn if one get me pregnant and disconnect their phone.
Every chance Josh get he makes sure I'm not in a guy face. He calls 24/7 and if I don't answer he text me like he dying. He put so much energy in keeping up with me in New York that if he would have had this same energy in high school maybe our co-parent relationship will be a little bit better.
Josh is capable of a lot of things and murder in all degrees are at the top of the list. The internet and gossip folks say "just like my father" Josh is a bad boy.
Josh and his brothers was the hottest bad boys in school. Me and my girls was the baddest bitches that step foot in StoneCrest. Therefore, it was only right for us to cuff each other up. Josh and I made the cutest senior couple in the school yearbook.
I love bad boys but when I gave birth to Tyler, I drop Josh and his bad habits. I don't want my son to grow up in his father or grandfathers footsteps.
I said grandfathers because Josh dad work with my dad and he work for the both of them.
As I wrap Tyler in his baby blue towel my phone ring for th's 5th time. Im annoyed and Josh about to catch my fade.
"OMG!!! Josh stop blowing up my phone". I said really loud.
Tyler stop smiling and just looked at me. I made a funny face and he start laughing and making spit bubbles.
One thing Josh is good at is driving me crazy. Like what's so important that you got to call me like somebody is about to kill you. You calling the wrong person if that's the case.
" If u would have answered your phone when I first called you then I wouldn't be blowing you up " he said yelling back.
I hate that he still think I belong to him. This not that!
"Okay I answered now bye." I said with an attitude.
"See you think a nigga playing with you. Just wait until you come back home." He said furiously.
Me and Josh physically fight when nobody is around. NOT EVEN A MOUSE.
" You ain't gone do nun. Ain't nobody scared of you." I fired back.
" Yeen gotta be scared but you gone learn." he said with a attitude.
" Why are you calling me?" I say as I roll my eyes and put kisses on my son face.
" The fuck you mean why I'm calling you ?? I'm checking on my child and you. You about to piss me the fuck off with these childish ass games you playing. And I don't give no fuck if I don't pay this phone bill you better answer the phone when it first ring. Ion know what the hell got into you. Do you want me to beat yo ass ??!!!! " He say loudly.
There he go again thinking I still belong to him. And I know he just didn't say I'm playing childish ass games. I had to pull the phone from my ear to make sure I heard him correctly.
"BYE JOSH ! " I said as I looked at the phone.
"Hang up this phone in my face and see what's gone happen. " He said firmly.
This is why I can't deal with him. Just plain stupid ! I can hear him getting mad and when he get mad he do childish things out of anger. He has a serious anger problem and I seriously can't deal with him. He is always like this when I come back to New York. When I'm in L.A he just show me off like we back together. We hardly talk when we around each other.
Josh was never like this before we got together. After we got together everything changed. He was always under me and always wanted to know my every move. We start getting into it more and everything is an argument with us.
Don't get me wrong he still lovely and charming but that's his problem he too spoil. I need a man not a daddy boy.
Josh and I physical fight sometimes but it's none major. After I got pregnant with Tyler all that came to a stop. We just talk shit to each other all day everyday and that's why my child looks more like his father than me.
I know he gone have Josh ways but I just hope and pray it's not the bad ones.
Everybody knows it won't be long before I do go back to him. Whenever I come back to LA Josh is charming and sweet. He a gentleman until he say some stupid shit to me.
Josh and I could be siting in a living room with the t.v off and into our phones after we had a decent conversation, he would come out of nowhere and say stuff like:
" What The Fuck Taylor. Why the fuck you do that? " or " What The Fuck Taylor. Who the fuck you been talking to?"
And just like that we would argue about some sick twisted fantasy he had in his head.
Going to deep in my thoughts I forgot he was on the phone.
" Taylor ??? He said with a raised brow.
Before I could hang up the phone in his face Josh spoke.
" Taylor wait. I don't know why it took me forever to say this but hear me out. i miss you and I need you by my side. Okay I get it. I fucked up but now I know who I want and I want our family. I don't want to tell you all this over the phone but I know if we were standing face to face your hurt gone be written all over your eyes and face and those tears gone come out and I can't brace myself to look at that sight. I played you to prove a point. You taught me what loves really means. I know we argue a lot but that's how we always been. can we try again? " He said in a pleading voice.
Is he serious ? When I wanted him he didn't really want me. He looked at me as a trophy wife !!! Now he got these feelings ? NO!!! He just don't want me to find love with someone else. Giving Josh the benefit of doubt is like giving a " re-tired " crackhead some crack.
As I focus my attention on Tyler laying in my bed I think it's time to feed him because he ain't keep looking for food in my empty mini refrigerator.
Tyler has Josh and I eyes. He gone have Mario Lopez dimples when he get older. My son is a heartbreaker. I look at him and still can't believe I had him.
Judging by my silents Josh decide to change the topic.
"I guess that was too soon. I'm sorry Taylor. Are you still coming back to L.A tomorrow? " He said with a sad voice.
" it's never too soon to tell somebody how you feel Josh. I'll see you soon. Bye" I said sounding nonchalant.
"I'm serious and I mean every word. ima let you and Tyler have mommy day in peace. bye." he said seriously.
I could tell he didn't want to get off the phone but he knew if we would have stayed on the phone any longer it would have been a heartbroken moment.
I could tell he was sad and he wanted to say something else. So I called out to him.
"Josh ... wait." I said sadly.
"Yes Taylor ?" He said softly.
"Nothing, just don't feel like that." I said softly.
" I have to go bae. I love you. " he said seriously.
"So now you leaving me." I said softly.
Why did I just say that ??? Maybe it was the fact that he called me bae and he told me he still love me and put that charm back on and it worked.
Now my heart is racing just to get back to L.A. and be in his arms.
"You be driving me crazy when you do this shit Tay. It's either you want me or you don't. I can't keep falling into depression about this shit especially when I got the world on my shoulders every since yo lil bad ass put it there." He said honestly but softly.
I knew what he was referring to.
I used to help my father and them push dope in and out the country.
I didn't want to but I was 15 and my father and his best friends needed me.
I used to be the coldest bitch in the game.
You couldn't tell me shit.
I never got caught and the only reason my dad did is because of my mom.
Not the pigs and not the feds.
I stop because he got out and picked up where he left off .
Tyler was 1 when I stop and that's around the same time my mother shipped me off here.
" I know Josh but you be doing the same shot to me too tho baby daddy." I whined.
" I want you home baby okay. Come home to daddy baby." He said softly.
" okay papi." I said while giggling.
We shared a laugh and hung up the phone.
As I hang up the phone a lot of thoughts seem to race through my head. I don't hate Josh but I'm not in love with Josh.
Ion think .
Sometimes he can be the most sweeties person like when we first was dating and getting to know each other.
At other times he is a DICK and I just want to slice his fucking neck.
I'm not looking forward to been in L.A for a month with Tyler.
Josh gone be all up in my face and gone want to prance around L.A like we the prefect family.
I love Josh but I just want him to do right by me. I'm not trying to go back to him and nothing has changed between us and our problems still there between us.
As I lay in my queen size bed and Tyler fallen back to sleep under me, I decide not to pack and just do Tyler and mommy time tomorrow.
I turn my phone on silent and watch my baby go to sleep. As soon as I was sure he was sleep I put him in his baby bed which is directly across from my bed.
Tyler and I share a room. Even though he got his OWN decked out room !!!
It's more than big enough for the both of us. Tyler has more clothes and shoes more than toys. My mom think that's bad because he might get tired of playing with the same toys.
Tyler hardly play with his toys he still on a sleep and eat program. He not to the point where he want to stay up and play all day. If Tyler play with his toys it's because I sat him between my legs and we play together. Tyler love toys that got music so I try my best to find Mickey Mouse toys that sing or dance.
He the most low key 3 year older I have ever seen.
My father said he got that from me and Josh.
That's why it's gonna be easy for him to determine who real and who fake once he get older.
As he slept I walk in my kitchen and go to my snack pantry. Cheetos with a mountain dew is the prefect snack for me. As I walk back to my room and pick up my phone my mom called twice.
I shouldn't call her back since my father told me to ... I can't do none but listen to the boss.
When she answered the phone I begin to become nonchalant and I didn't try to hide it.
" Hi Hun. " she say excited.
"hi." I say.
"you still coming to see me ?" She say still excited.
"Ion never come home to see you , so why should I start now and why the fuck you acting so damn nice." I say.
"where's Tyler ?" She say getting annoyed.
"Minding his goddamn business." I say.
"I just called trying to have a mother and daughter moment Taylor that's it damn." She said annoyed.
"My daddy must beat yo ass?" I said.
My mom and I are like enemies but it's always boundaries to that. She always knows when I don't want to be bother and when Josh piss me off. We always fuss at each other but I'm her only child so somebody got to deal with her bullshit whenever my dad don't have the time.
My mom chosen my life for me. My dad stepped in at the right time.
It's not a such thing as perfect timing, however, for my dad it's like he know when to do something and when not to do it.
He didn't do a very good job because I'm stuck in this lifestyle where him and my mom know this is not what I want to be doing in my life.
When I was little the only thing I wanted to do when I grew up was dance and be successful.
Been a young, attractive, single parent was not on my to do list. I wanted to live in New York and become a outstanding actress and dancer. I wanted to be on every channel on t.v. I wanted to be in music videos and law in order episodes.
There was a time that I wanted to marry Josh but just like time Josh and I changed along with it. Josh is a great dad but a great boyfriend is something he is not. I don't like to play games just be straight honest with me and save me the tears and broken heart pieces.
Josh on the other hand love pissing me off. He do the smallest shit and he know that's gone irk my last damn nerves. However, I can't walk away from him. We been through a lot and he all I know.
Not to mention Josh and I are still engaged.
And I really don't plan on leaving him no time soon.
He mean the world to me but I'm not trying to go back to the physical abuse.
In my own thoughts I forgot she was even on the phone.
"are you taking the private plan or you driving?"
She repeated for about 5 times.
"yea we gone take the private plan and ima have my car ship there so I won't have to worry about Josh tryna come get me." I say.
"you sure you don't want me to order you a rental?" She say.
"positive." I say annoyed.
"can you talk to your father for me Tay." She ask honestly.
"I knew yo bean burrito head ass called me because of him and then you tried to cover it up like you actually give a fuck about my life." I shot back.
"Look here you ungrateful ass bitch , I'm the reason yo ass got all this fortune and fame and I call and ask you to do one lil favor and this how you gone disrespect me bitch you wonder why Sammy is my favorite." she said harshly.
There she go again giving me that guilt shit. It's always like that. I call my father off from killing her and instead of her thanking me she treat me even more like shit.
By the next go around she call like tonight and give me a " if you wanna be my favorite child again " speech and I'm so tired of that shit.
But that's my mom tho and I don't want nothing bad to happen to her.
"I'll talk to him." I said sadly.
" And if you ever disrespect me again I will fucking kill you." She got back.
Hanging up the phone in my mother face was normal for me especially when she get to threading me.
I left L.A because of the bad things I was doing but I swear to GOD .... that lady do not want me to bring the ruthless T back.
I only put up with so much shit because my mother was like my best friend and I want that relationship so bad but she keep talking like that ima have to bust a cap in her ass.
Well HEY Arnold re-runs are on and I'm munching on my little snack while slowly packing Tyler and I bags.
After Tyler went to the bathroom for the 5th time I noticed its 10:00 pm.
Josh called 20 times and left voicemails. I don't know why he knows I never check them. He text me a hundred times like Tyler and I fell off the face of the earth.
I wanted to call him back but I decided against it until he text me.
SOULMATE 😩😭😍🤗😘 : I know you woke by now.
ME : what ?
SOULMATE 😩😭😍🤗😘 : I need you here by me bae.
ME : what's wrong ?
SOULMATE 😩😭😍🤗😘 : you not here with me and I need your advice on something.
ME : what's up ?
SOULMATE 😩😭😍🤗😘 : if a chicken was messing up the other chickens in the coupe game ... how would you handle that chicken disloyalty ?
I thought about the question for a minute because the whole chicken in the coupe threw me off.
He talking about one of his men's talking to the cops and stealing products.
ME : I'll see what the chicken and the turkey had to talk about and I'll have all 4 for dinner.
SOULMATE 😩😭😍🤗😘 : what if that chicken was family ?
ME : still have it for dinner because if the chicken really is running stuff behind the Rooster back then all 4 plan on having the Rooster for dinner pretty soon.
SOULMATE 😩😭😍🤗😘 : I love you ‼️
ME : I love you too 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
SOULMATE 😩😭😍🤗😘 : can't wait to see you girl . 😏😏😏
I didn't even reply. I'm going back to bed. That was the end of the conversation for me.
My dreams consist of me either killing Josh or Josh killing me but for some reason tonight I have a different vision.
It's Josh and I been a perfect family and Tyler enjoying every minute of it. One would think that's a good dream but no it's a nightmare for me. I don't want to be with that boy and he don't want me. He just don't want anyone else with me!