V.
m e r c u r y
━━
ALL jimin felt like doing was crying, but somehow, he kept his emotions in check. he had been right the entire time, and it was his fault. but even if he confessed, jungkook a thousand-percent didn't return his feelings, so he would still be suffering from the stella syndrome.
at least he wasn't coughing up a ton. jimin could only see four or five stars in the toilet when he peeped in, and he couldn't see jungkook's facial expression so he couldn't tell if he was in pain or just annoyed that this was happening to him. he clutched his hands to his chest absentmindedly, squeezing his eyes shut and praying that it wasn't worse than he thought.
when they all got home and began doing whatever, jimin watched jungkook stalk to his room and swinging the door closed—almost. the younger boy threw a frosty glare at the blonde with his foot in the door, blocking it from shutting. "what the hell?"
after entering the room and locking the door, jimin crossed his arms and willed his cheeks not to flush. "something's wrong. you're sick."
he froze as jungkook's eyes turned icy, and the brunette snapped, "of you ignoring me? yeah, i am."
the elder flinched. "i-i—"
"no, you don't get to make up some lame excuse." jimin felt tears brimming in his eyes. he's angry with me. yeah, that was an understatement. the other boy inhaled through his nose deeply, trying not to lose his temper any more. his clinched jawline loosened as somberness blanketed his features, and his voice broke, "you don't care about me at all, jimin, so why do you care now?" jungkook cleared his throat as tears pooled in his eyes. "can't we go back to the way things were?"
the words were like a bullet piercing his heart, and jimin suppressed a tiny gasp. he thinks i hate him. "i-i'm really," he began, "really sorry, jungkook. but we can't."
the youngest member's eyes were shimmering with tears. "why did you do it, hyung? why did you distance yourself from me?"
he swallowed and whispered so quietly it was almost inaudible, "if i told you, you would never look at me the same way again."
the blonde spoke up quickly again before the other could reply. "but you're ill, jungkook. i saw you cough up those things... that's not healthy."
the boy glued his eyes to the floor, biting his lip. "i don't know why it's happening to me. but i do know that i can't tell them."
jimin's brows furrowed in confusion. "why? you have no reason not to... or do you?"
jungkook sighed. "if i tell them, they'll send me off to get tested for some crazy new disease, and i'll never be able to be an idol. the news will brand me as a freak, and things will never be the same. i don't want to change things."
oh jungkook, he thought sadly, don't you realize that things are already changing?
but the brunette continued, "you can't tell them, jimin! i'm begging you!" jimin resisted the urge to brush his hand over the boy's cheek in attempt to wipe the pitiful expression he was giving. "please..."
"okay," he mumbled, "i won't tell them." jungkook exhaled in relief and slumped onto his bed that hardy got any use anymore. "but," jimin went on, "we can't speak to each other."
instead of causing a fuss, the other just gave him his signature puppy eyes, sending jimin's heart in a flutter. "but why?"
"because i said so." because if i get too close, all of my feelings for you will come spilling from my mouth, and you'll reject me. because maybe if i stay away from you, my heart will stop beating for you, and you'll be cured.
jimin left the room before jungkook could guilt him into staying.
and god, he hated himself for it.
━━
JUNGKOOK was glad jimin clearly didn't know how bad it was, but he was upset that he didn't want to talk to him. ever.
he just couldn't figure out what was wrong with his hyung. for months upon months, he had pretended he hadn't existed, but then for a split second, he was worried about jungkook, but then it was back to ignoring him again. what had he ever done to him to make him treat him this way? the twenty-year-old scoffed; jimin had said he would never look at him the same way if he told him why, but really, he was just sick and tired of being taken for granted. especially since jimin used to be his best friend.
and once, he had wished they could be more than friends.
jungkook rubbed his neck anxiously; it had been a long time ago. they had been taking selfies after their "blood sweat and tears" performance, and after looking at the picture, jimin had thrown his head back and giggled like a toddler being tickled, bright blonde hair popping against the darker hue of the room like a lighthouse with the dark sea, and jungkook had felt it—a warm, fuzzy feeling in his heart that left him breathless. he had questioned it that night, but when jimin had pulled him into a tight hug the next morning for no apparent reason, he had known. he liked jimin as more than a friend, but jimin probably didn't return his feelings and was just being a sweet little koala like he was.
then all of a sudden, he had started drifting away from jungkook. one night, when jimin had rejected him for the tenth time in a row to play video games together or dance or sing or do whatever the heck jimin wanted, jungkook broke. he'd actually cried in his room that night, because his blossoming crush didn't want him. he didn't want him anymore.
his stomach began hissing at him, snatching him out of his thoughts to rush to the bathroom and empty the stars sizzling in his stomach. that had been the second attack in less than two hours. whatever. jungkook didn't care about his physical condition anymore; he just wanted to know why jimin felt he needed to leave. he wanted jimin back, at least as a friend.
and it was sprawled on the bathroom floor where jungkook finally got some rest for the first time in two weeks.