"I hate my life," pulling the hood of your jumper over your face, you groan loudly. You feel so embarrassed by last night. "Why me, just fucking why."
The couple beside you flinch at the volume of your voice. You groan loudly again because who really cares about the well being of the three customers beside you in this small retro looking alley cafe in the middle of nowhere. Especially when coffee around here costs an arm and a couple toes. Actually, you aren't sure why more people aren't just as angry as you.
"Ooh, that isn't a nice sound coming from your sweet lips Y/N," Namjoon, the cafe manager hands you an iced americano (on the house of course because you designed their web page). "What existential malaise is plaguing my dearest wallflower urchin today?"
Accepting his offering, you place it in front of you. "Besides the condescending wince you made when I joked about your below average quality of coffee beans called cool beans. Nothing. Nothing at all." You aggressively move the straw against the ice in your cup.
"Ah, the ups and downs of Y/N's life," he says, watching you sip your americano through a green crazy straw as per your request. "Just last week you were celebrating the beginning of your sexual identity and now you're in the slopes. You're a very interesting character."
"I'm going to take that as a compliment and not a cutting insult. What about you? How are you?" You ask, watching him pull out the chair in front of you. "Any cute new customers?"
He sits on the chair, folding his arms across his chest and one foot over the other. "Unfortunately the only cutie in my life is Seokjin and my life is great. Of course, besides the constant self-abnegation for people with a lack of modesty and empathy on a daily basis with a twisted sense of consumerist mentality, I am surviving." He says quickly. Leaning forward, he looks at you with bulging eyes. "But that's not why you are here now is it."
You nod silently. "I'm sensing a man with fire in his eyes and trouble in the south." he whispers.
You nod again, prompting a revelatory gasp from the man who quite possibly knew everything and the answer to absolutely anything. "Here I was thinking you were a young lesbian with a bad haircut and a strikingly heinous obsession with yellow hoodies."
You look down at your attire, it was comfortable, come on!
"Well in that case, how can I help?" he offers.
"Hmmm. Well, if I were to be completely honest with you. I don't know what to do," you mutter as though the very issue hindered more than just your thought process. "If a perfectly able young man were to offer you ...his... um... offer you his ugly turtleneck to ...let you use it whenever you wanted ...you know, learn how to wear them. Would you let him?"
Pushing the black square glasses up the bridge of his nose, he rises from his seat at the prompting of his service bell. Standing on a lean, gripping his chin in thought, he mutters. "Would wearing this turtleneck impact your quality of life?"
You blink. "No...."
"Do you have plans on returning the favour?"
Heat creeps across your cheeks. "Yes. I mean, we've done it kind of once already."
"Well, my life motto these days seems to be 'fuck it' so that's what I'm going to gift you right now in trade of that poorly constructed hypothetical. If the man wants you to have sex with him whenever you want, why not try it if that is what you want?"
You stare at him. "That's not what I mean. I'm just ...I guess I am afraid that it won't be what I want."
"Well, I am assuming that this man is Jungkook and from the ghastly look on your face, I'm going to assume that you want to bump uglies as well but you're too shy to admit it out loud or to yourself. So in that case, maybe you should go and talk to him again."
"How the fuck did you know???"
He winks at you. "I'll talk to you later, I must service these customers. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
"But you'd do everything," Dropping your head onto the table, you groan again. "Fuck my life."
Your phone pings with a notification, vibrating against the table. Reaching out for it, you lift your head and read the message from the familiar brown haired boy you were just thinking about.
Jungkook: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/confessions/tips/a3497/oral-sex-tips/ You haven't messaged me in a while and so I thought I'd drop by and fuel your growing mind [12:41]
"What the hell?" you whisper, opening the url. "I'm not reading this." closing it immediately.
You: What did you just send me? [12:42]
Jungkook: Can't talk, am about to finish class. Like I said, oral sex is a good place to start. You know what sex has the potential to feel like now. So we'll go from there. I'll start with you and then you can reciprocate, so read up [12:42]
You: Are you giving me homework? [12:42]
Jungkook: ...and if you don't do it, I'll have to bend you over my desk and punish that sweet ass of yours [12:43]
You immediately turn your phone off before reading his next text. Tossing it to the far end of the table in disgust. He'll start with me? Groaning, you slump into your seat. Gross.
"You okay there buttercup?" Seokjin, Namjoons partner asks, sitting in front of you. "Fancy seeing you here."
You lift your gaze to his as he sits in the seat in front of you. "Saw you talking to Namjoon before, he said you were in quite a pickle, anything I can help you with?"
"Honestly, I'm about to engage in an unhealthy relationship with Jungkook where we have regular sex and he wants to give me oral sex and besides the shaving of my pubic hair and the stretching in the shower I'll have to do-" you raise your hand "-I know, TMI but other than the fear of tasting and smelling bad down in the bat caves. I'm literally so terrified of what is going to happen next and I don't know how to be sexy with that kind of stuff and I was wondering if you could help me because I can't even help myself." you pant, almost blue in the face at your little rant.
Seokjin stares at you baffled. "All of that came out so quickly."
You nod, sipping your drink. "I'm scared that I'm ugly down there."
"Well, thank you for being honest with me. This must be difficult for you to express yourself so openly and honestly."
You nod again. "I feel like I'm tossed into a salad mixer and you know me, I hate vegetables."
"I don't know what that is supposed to mean in that context but I can tell you one thing Y/N, I wouldn't worry about being sexy. Jungkook is a young wee thing, I've seen him get a boner over you in shorts so if that is any consolation, don't worry about that."
"What? A boner...." you mumble, "Can I ask you a crude question?"
He nods.
"You've eaten ass which is pretty much the same thing as a vagina, any tips that could help me be more comfortable?"
He laughs, shaking his head at your vulgarity and ignorance. "It's not quite the same thing my dearest. But, shower first. Make sure everything is clean. Wear some nice underwear. Shave and moisturize your legs if you want, just something soft. Wash your hair, give it a little spruce and just be yourself."
Namjoon walks up behind him, putting his hands on his shoulders. "And if that all fails my dear, just sit on his face."
"Sit on his face?" you ask, "Why would I need to do that?"
They both laugh at you. "Just sit on it."
"His face...?" you question, mortification obvious across your features. "Why..."
Namjoon and Seokjin look between each other, laughter ebbing out of their mouths. "And if he doesn't open his mouth, just tickle his waist. His mouth will be wide open then."
"Just have fun." they surmise at your confusion. And you're about to investigate further when your phone pings with another notification, distracting you from addresing your confusion.
Jungkook: I just left class early and am running to you now. Should be at the cafe in less than a couple mins [12:54]
"Jungkook's on his way," you muster, taking your hood down. "Seriously, any last minute advice."
"Use your fingers is all I'm going to say." Seokjin says and Namjoon laughs shyly.
"Take it slow, experience it all."
"Okay, talking to both of you hasn't helped because now I have more questions and I am even more confused."
The doorbell sounds and you all look to the entrance of the cafe. Spotting a panting and sweaty Jungkook, you wave him over. He smiles when he spots you and you smile back as he rushes over.
"Well, we better leave you two then." they say, letting Jungkook take Seokjins seat.
"I'll bring another coffee and cafe for Jungkook over," Namjoon says, giving you a wink. "Iced americano coming up for the man."
"Yes please." Jungkook grins, putting his backpack on the ground and sitting comfortably in front of you. Then you watch Jungkook grab the napkin and pat his sweaty forehead with it.
"Well, I'm pretty hungry. How was your day?" he asks, leaning foward, giving you all of his attention. It was unnerving.
You look at anything but him. "It was good and then I got your texts..."
He winks. "Let's talk about those later tonight okay?"
You nod.
Namjoon places a mudcake with cream in front of Jungkook and his eyes widen into saucers before digging in. You watch him shovel the cream into his mouth with a stupid happy grin, some of it catching on his upper lip.
"Jungkook?" you ask, prompting his attention.
He smiles at you, "Wh-hat?"
Frowning, you point to his upper lip. "You've got half the cake on your upper lip."
He grins louder before poking his tongue out to get it and you slump in your seat watching him try. How can someone be so good at making you feel things but on the other hand, be such a child? It confused you. He confused you.
And one thing plagued your mind while you watched him. "I don't want to be confused anymore and I want to sit on Jungkook's face" -whatever that meant.