Hey guys, it's Bella.
I don't really know how to do this really. How to really just put myself out there. It's not easy. But I think that it must be done.
One of the main reasons I almost never update, proceeding to break promises I meant to keep, is because.... well, it's because I struggle with severe depression and anxiety.
My depression is diagnosed by a professional but my anxiety is self-diagnosed, which does not mean it is still not there. It just means that the professional that diagnosed me with depression, did not know about my anxiety.
Depression is very, incredibly hard to live with. it's not just sadness, it leaves you unmotivated, numb, hollow, so many things that words can not come close to expressing.
Anxiety is a big contrast as well.
I found this explanation on Pinterest of having anxiety and depression. It said " Having depression is like never wanting to leave your bed. Anxiety is worrying and stressing about what you are missing or the things that you could be doing if you weren't laying in bed." To me, it's almost exactly what it is like.
My depression has left me slumped, too unmotivitated to be creative and do what I truly love. My anxiety has forced me to delete drafts of chapters because I fear they will never be good enough.
And it's not just this book, it's every book I published from this account to the others I have.
I couldn't do what I loved and it was heartbreaking.
But, I digress. I'm not writing this as an excuse nor a way for pity.
This is telling you guys that I'm fighting my depression and anxiety, and this time I'm intent on winning. And a way to do that is to do what I love, write.
Thank you, everyone who has stuck by. For every reader who added my story to your library or favorite list, every vote or comment.
I'm getting back up.
And I will be back.
I love you guys
- Theawkardburrito