Kane had made the dough and it was rising as he mixed up different sauces, and I cut up toppings.
"What's that smell, it's amazing." I said to him and he turned around to face me.
"You," he winked and walked towards me.
"Very funny. Are those tomatoes?"
"In the oven? Yeah, I'm making sun dried tomato pizza, so I am cooking the tomatoes so they taste like they're sun dried."
"I didn't know you could do that."
"Absolutely. It's kind of cheating, but that's how I did it last time too."
"I was distracted last time," 'staring at your arms.'
"Don't I know it." He took the knife from my hand placing it on the cutting board, and picked me up and put me on the counter beside the toppings.
"Yeah, sorry about that."
"No apology necessary."
He was silent for a while just looking at me and my cheeks slowly got hotter and I felt myself get redder.
"I love when you blush."
I smacked him in the shoulder lightly, "Well, stop making me do it, I hate it."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Why? You look so happy and young when you blush. You look adorable."
"Ugh."
He laughed at me and put my arms over his shoulders, with my hands together. His were still on my waist and he stepped closer.
"Is cute a better word?"
"No."
"Beautiful?"
I rolled my eyes and he grew a bit more serious.
"Well you're all three, so choose one."
"Which do you think I am?"
"All three, but overall, you are absolutely breathtakingly beautiful."
'I'm probably the furthest thing from it.' I looked down as I put my hands in my lap. He always said it so sincerely and I don't get how he could even think that. 'My sisters look better than me, Kat does too, so why me?' I tried to change the topic, hoping he would drop the conversation.
"How much longer for the pizza?"
He didn't fall for it, "Why don't you believe me?"
He lifted up my chin but I didn't look him in the eye. We had this conversation before and it always ends up the same way. Him trying to convince me that if I saw myself like he saw me, I would be a model. But he's wrong. He could be a model, beating the best of them, yet he doesn't believe me either.
"Dani? Look at me." I slowly looked up and met his eyes. They were a weird brown and were so full of love I looked down again, "Dani?"
I met his eyes and held it, "What?"
"Why don't you believe me?"
"Because I know at least thr-four people you know that look way better than I do."
"Dani, don't do this again. Don't compare yourselves to others, it's not fair," I was about to interrupt when he continued, "They don't even have a chance."
"Kane I'm serious. I love you, and I trust you more than anyone, you give me more than I could ever ask for. But I can't do anything for you. It's definitely not my looks, I have more problems than anybody, I can't even think about the future without me doubting myself-"
"Dani." He cut me off.
'I just don't get why it's me.' "Why me?" My voice was barely a whisper but Kane was trying to calm his, he always had an edge of desperation and anger in his voice when we talked about this. It actually made him mad that I didn't feel beautiful. I had told him once before that it was hard to feel beautiful when you didn't look it and he had kissed me senseless, he had kissed up my arms, across my collarbone, both sides of my neck and flowered kissed all over my face.
"You have no problems that you can't overcome. You are the strongest person I know, even without me, and you could survive anything. You don't have any problems because you hit them on the head and plow through them. You could literally get through anything and be just as strong, or stronger, on the other side, you already have. And I know you could do it again. You do more for me than I can count. You heard my sister, I was like a zombie for years until I walked into the diner and met you. You give me a reason to wake up, smile, laugh, live, breathe and dream again. And as far as doubting yourself: don't. Don't doubt yourself. You can and will get past anything because you are a survivor. I wasn't lying to you're mom, you are the most amazing person I have ever met, beautiful."
A tear rolled down my cheek and he pulled me closer, but not holding me against him, "Do you believe me? I've told you before and I will tell you again. I will tell you everyday until you believe me."
"I don't deserve you Kane, I really don't."
"We'll work on you not believing that too." I laughed and he pulled me right up against him. He was always convincing me that I was out of his league, when really it was the other way around.
I heard footsteps come to the door and was going to pull away but he kept holding me. I relaxed into him.
He dropped his voice and whispered right in my ear, "You're not going anywhere Dani, and nor am I."
"Thank you Kane."
"No, thank you beautiful. Without you I'd be nothing."
The footsteps ended up by the table and I pulled away from Kane to see my parents setting the table. They looked up at each other and smiled. 'I want us to be like that,' I thought as my father reached across the table, and placed his hand on her cheek. You could tell just from the one look that they loved each other. They made me think of the couple.
I picked my head up and looked at him.
"What beautiful?"
"I love you handsome."
He smiled, "I love you too."
I gave him a piece of cheese and he took it right from my fingers with his teeth, like every other time I gave him food. When he finished swallowing he took a pice of pepperoni and gave it to me. I smiled and took it from him with my hand, like usual, but this time he took it back, putting the pepperoni right by my mouth and I took it from his hand with my teeth.
"That's better."
It was better. And for one split second I believed everything would be okay. I nodded and he leaned closer before he realized my parents were here and stopped. Instead he pulled me off the counter and went to mix things but turned back. He put the sauces by the toppings and placed me on the counter again, "Actually, that's better."
"I can't help like this."
"Oh yes you can."
I rolled my eyes and he laughed. I watched as he rolled out the dough. I was mesmerized by his arms and how they flexed as he rolled the dough back and forth, turned the dough and repeated the process before grabbing the next piece of dough.
"Dani?"
"Hmm?"
He chuckled as I blushed, which only made him laugh harder.
"I was wondering if you wanted to dress them as I rolled them out."
"Oh, sure."
He smirked and I knew he had caught me staring again.
We were quiet for a while before he spoke up, "We should make more breads."
"Why?"
"Because then I have to roll them out."
"And?" I said knowing exactly where he was going with that comment.
"And I like catching you." I blushed and he added, "And I like making you blush."
Which only made me go redder.
"I think we should have more fruit salad."
"We have plenty of fruit salad." He said as if it was the only thing we had ever eaten. I laughed and he scowled at me before joining in.
I had forgotten that we had an audience until I looked past him and saw my parents at the table, both looked away when I looked over.
I noticed my mother was wearing a scarf and it made me smile.
"You're happy today."
"Why wouldn't I be, I have you and my family."
"Yeah."
He seemed to think for a while, "What was it this time."
"My mom is wearing a scarf."
He turned slightly and nodded, "She is. Maybe he still gets her them."
"I hope so. She was always happy, as if it was the greatest thing ever that he had remembered, even after years of him doing it for her."
"It only takes one time to forget."
"I guess that's true. I don't think he ever did."
"Your parents are wonderful. They remind me of the couple from the aquarium."
"I was just thinking that," 'I never noticed the looks and such that they've always done. I never realized how in love they were.'
"They are wonderful, that's for sure."
"I think that's why mom likes us, I think she sees it in us."
"Maybe, probably."
"That or it's your charm."
He laughed and rolled out the next piece of dough.
"That was delicious! I'm blown away. I really am." Tracy said stunned.
We had made six pizzas, so everyone could have a piece of each, equalling up to one pizza. I had eaten three pieces, which was half a pizza.
Kane nodded at me, but I disagreed, "It was mostly Kane, he makes great pizza."
He shook his head, "No, but we did a pretty good job."
"Yes, we did."
"Any plans for tomorrow?" Tracy asked and her and Kylie looked at each other.
"Me?" I asked and they nodded, I had the feeling they had something planned.
"Not yet, why?"
"We thought we would have a girls day, you know? We figured we could spend a day on the town, or go see something."
I really didn't want to go without Kane but his face was telling me to say yes to them.
"Sounds like fun," this got me a smile from Kane and two 'yays' from my sisters. I really didn't want to go without him, I couldn't imagine it. It would be fine at the diner or somewhere else I'm comfortable, but being here, even walking around town the other day, it just brought back so many memories. It was hard to block them out, and without Kane I knew it would be even harder.
I tried to smile but instead just picked up all the plates and brought them to the kitchen. Kane stood up, excused himself and followed me.
I put them by the sink, put my hands on the counter and took a couple deep breaths before he put his arms around me, "It will be fine Dani, what are you worried about?"
"Is it that obvious?"
"To me, maybe you're mother, but I don't think anyone else noticed. What is it beautiful?"
"When we walked around town the other day there were a lot of memories. It was hard, and I had you. What happens when I'm alone? What do I do then? What if I can't take it?"
"Dani, you're strong, you'll be fine. Just because I'm not beside you doesn't mean you're alone. If it gets to be too much, just come back, they'll understand. Maybe you three can play games or something here."
"You don't think they'll mind?"
"I think they just want to spend time with you, I don't think they care where that happens."
"Thank you Kane."
"Just remember I'm always here for you. Okay?"
"Okay."
"If you need to come back, I'll be waiting."
"What are you going to do?"
"I'll find something to do."
"Are you sure? Won't you be bored?"
"No, I'll be fine."
"Well, if it gets to be too much, you can come find me in town."
"Deal."
He kissed my head and I closed my eyes.
"Do you want ice cream?"
"How do you know they have ice cream?"
"I figured we could have cones with ice cream and chocolate sauce for dessert, I looked around."
"Incredible. I think everyone is full though."
"Who doesn't have room for ice cream?"
"Good point."
He took chocolate, and other stuff out and melted it together on the stove. We made five cones and he was about to make the sixth.
"I don't want one."
"Are you sure Dani?"
"I'm really not hungry."
His face had so much concern and worry on it, "What if I make a small one?"
"That's so much work, just leave it. I'll say I ate one already."
"Here, want to bring these out for me?"
'Slight change of topic', "Sure."
I brought them out and handed one to Tracy and Kylie who both said thank you. "It was Kane's idea, you should thank him. I'll be right back with the other two."
When I got back to the kitchen he handed me two more and sent me back out, he was acting strange.
"You two shouldn't spoil us, it's supposed to be the other way around." My mom said as I shook my head and walked back in the kitchen. Kane had cleaned everything up that he had used and handed me a cone. I laughed when I saw it and he smiled.
"Kane, you really shouldn't have." He had taken a ring of cone off the top to make it shorter and only half filled it so it wasn't too much and put 'Just 4 U' on the top.
"You can't be the odd man out. I know you've eaten more in the last week than before and I don't want to push you, so I'm trying to compromise."
"You're the best."
"No, but I'm trying, because you deserve the best."
"Seriously Kane, you always think of everything. Thank you."
"No I-"
"Kane."
"Sorry. You're welcome." I laughed.
He kissed me on the cheek but I turned and caught his lips. When we pulled apart there was a drip running down the side of his cone and I caught it with my finger. I was about to eat it when he took my finger in his mouth, "No way, that's mine beautiful."
He looked adorable and I laughed.
"Lets go before your ice cream melts."
"Good idea, although if it did melt..."
"I'm not catching it all with my finger," he had a mischievous smile on his face and I added, "Or tongue."
"I wasn't even thinking about that."
"Liar." We laughed and walked out as he put a hand on my lower back.
"You definitely spoiled us young man. You're a great cook."
"No-"
"Kane." I said barely audible and shot him a look.
"Thank you sir."
I hated that he called him sir but figured it would only be a matter of time before they were related, so I guess it didn't matter.
"Ella, what did you want to do tomorrow?"
Kane squeezed my hand and I calmed down. I really had to tell them before tomorrow.
"Dani, they have some ideas but it's up to you," my mom said with emphasis on Dani.
Kylie looked confused, "Of course."
My sister was clueless sometimes, but I guess I wouldn't think to change what I called someone either.
"I don't really care what we do. What is there that you like to do?"
"We usually catch a show and get our nails done. We shop for a while and go out for lunch."
My dad laughed, putting lots of sarcasm into his voice, "Sounds like fun Girlie." I looked at him, agreeing with him in a simple look as I rolled my eyes. My dad had called me girlie since I was young because I was the least girly of the three of us.
I didn't want to watch a show. At all. But without them knowing my past it would be hard to give them a reason.
Kane looked over at me and I knew he was thinking the same thing. I didn't want them to feel bad though.
"Sounds okay." His face was all worry and I felt bad for making him worry already, not to mention tomorrow.
"Awesome! I don't know what's on tomorrow, but if there's nothing we can just do everything else and call it a day."
"Okay." I know my voice got quieter but I tried to hide it with a smile, but knew it wasn't fooling Kane at all. I was really hoping there was nothing on that they wanted to watch. The memories from town would be enough, I couldn't stand a movie too.
"Are there any movies you wanted to watch Daniella?" Tracy asked.
I hesitated, I shouldn't still freeze. Not at the sound of my own name. "Not that I know of. I doubt it, but I don't know which are out."
Kane grabbed my hand and he just held it, letting me know I was not alone.
"Well, we can stop in tomorrow and check."
"Okay."
My mother looked concerned about me and I tried not to show anything other than what would be expected. I didn't want her worrying too, I already had Kane worried. I almost think he was more worried about tomorrow than me.
We had all moved to the living room and we had been talking, sharing stories from the past and they caught me up on my aunts, uncles, cousins, and other family members. A couple of them had died in the past few years and I felt bad that I hadn't even considered it. I just assumed that everything except me would be the same, but life went on without me. It sounds weird but I just assumed things would be the same. I didn't expect to have a cousin die of leukaemia, an uncle die from a stroke, and two aunts die from shingles. It never occurred to me that things had changed so much. I barely remembered some of my cousins who lived further away. I remembered the one who had died. He had already beat the cancer once, but I guess it had come back stronger. I remember us playing hopscotch at his house. The five of us, his brother too, used to play all kinds of games together. It was the best part of family reunions. I felt bad that I hadn't gone to his funeral. I hated that Charlie had taken that away from me. I should've mourned with my family, not heard about it two and a half years later. It just wasn't right. I didn't know the one aunt that died, she had lived hours away. My dad grew up a couple hours away, so we didn't see his family much. The uncle that died used to roll around with us. He was always smiling and used to pick on us. He was one of my favourites. He liked to read and would give me books. He had taken me to the library and pointed good ones out for me too, one summer when we visited for a couple days.
The other aunt that died had lived closer but didn't talk to us much. She couldn't have kids and always wanted a daughter, so her and my mom grew apart after my mom had the three of us. I didn't mind her, but there was always an edge to her words I didn't like. When I was younger we used to try to cheer her up, thinking we would be helping, but it turns out she thought we had been rubbing it in her face. I learned that when I was twelve and hadn't talked to her since.
Turns out I would never talk to any of them again. Kane seemed to sense how I felt and put and arm around my shoulder, holding me close. When I had found out about my cousin's death I had a hard time holding back the tears and a few had fallen on him. He didn't bat an eyelash, keeping me right against him.
They had also told me about some of the stores that closed down, some that opened, and others that changed company's or names. I didn't even remember some of them. I never liked shopping. They said an arena had been built at the furthest end of town and I wanted to go with Kane. We had our skates because of his sisters so I was hoping we would get there. Soon.
"Don't worry, we'll go." I heard in my ear as they kept talking about other changes.
"It's pretty far."
"I'll drive. We should skate again, it's been too long. It might do you some good to get some soaring in."
I laughed a little, "I think it will."
He dropped his voice, "If you don't want to watch the show tomorrow, don't. Please Dani, don't push yourself. I'm already worried sick." He didn't have to say it though, his voice said it all. I hated to make him worry this much, I could tell he was already worried about me breaking down in town, or worse keeping it all in and breaking down randomly and him having no idea what to do.
"I won't."
"Promise?"
"Yes Kane, I promise I won't push myself tomorrow."
"Thank you."
He put my head on his shoulder and I pulled my feet in closer. I wasn't really listening to the conversation, and I doubt Kane was, seeing how he was worried about me. I don't know if he had been listening at all. He had his hand rubbing up and down my arm slowly, being wrapped around me. I yawned as my dad and sister started laughing about something.
"Do you want to sleep?" He whispered in my ear.
"I can wait."
"Dani, we can go somewhere else, or you can go lay in your bed."
"I'm not going to sleep in my bed anyways, and there's nowhere else to go," I said before yawning again.
"You're exhausted, there has to be somewhere."
"Not that I know of."
He dropped his voice, "I can kick them all out of the room."
I laughed a little picturing him telling my dad to get out of his own living room, "That would go over smooth."
"Yeah, maybe not."
I laughed a little more.
"You would really do that?"
"Yes, you need sleep, and if that's the only way to do it then so be it."
"You need sleep too. You can go sleep upstairs."
"No, that would never work. I would want you in my arms."
"You can sleep now, I can curl up on your lap." I said half serious.
"You have no idea the temptation. I might just take you up on that."
"I'll wake you up before we leave tomorrow, if the temptation gets the better of you."
He pulled me closer on his lap.
"Daniella?"
I looked up at the sound of my name, after I flinched a bit and found my mother staring at me expectantly.
"Sorry, what was the question?"
"We were wondering if you wanted to go skating sometime. We used to go, but I don't know if you've skated since."
"Kane actually just helped me get back on skates, that would be fun." I looked at Kane to see him smiling and nodding his head.
"Maybe the day after tomorrow?"
"Sure, we're not doing anything then, right?'
"Nope, we're pretty free," he agreed.
"Perfect!" They got talking about it but I must have dozed off on his shoulder.
"...absolutely gorgeous. I really wish I could convince you. I wish you could see yourself like I see you. You are my beginning and end, my dream, and ultimately, you're my sunshine." It was so quiet I barely heard it.
I felt Kane move a little but pretended to still be asleep, wishing he would fall asleep. He had his hand running through my hair as he spoke barely above a whisper.
I had woken up a couple times to him talking to me like this. Usually the mornings after he tried to convince me that I was 'model material'.
"I hope our children look like you. Maybe we can open up our own runway. The most beautiful people on earth will be right there on it. I would even build it for you, or with you. Unless it was a surprise."
He chuckled lightly and I had to remind myself not to open my eyes. I wanted to correct him so bad. I wanted to tell him the runway would be him and any sons we had, because they would look as handsome and attractive as him. But he never listened to me, instead flipping it around.
"Oh beautiful, you're my everything. I really hate to leave you alone tomorrow. I hope you keep your promise, I don't doubt your word, but I hope you realize when you're pushing yourself. I wish I could be there, but I hope you know I am with you wherever you go. I will always be here for you."
He paused a little and stroked my hair a couple times, he sounded so worried, and it made me feel terrible, he brought a finger over my forehead and smoothed it out, making me relax, I must have showed my own worry.
"That's better. I'm right here, always and forever."
I pretended to be asleep a little longer as he stayed quiet, I don't think he knows I heard him most mornings. I didn't want him to stop talking as I woke up.
I waited a little before opening my eyes slowly. I noticed it was still dark, all the lights were off too. I felt him plant a kiss on my temple and I smiled.
"I love putting that look on you're face."
'I love waking up to you,' I had told him once before, but afterwards I felt bad because I could tell he was thinking about when we lived together and I didn't want to tease him. I know we spent a lot of time together, but living together was different, and I don't think I could do it. So instead I said what I usually did, "I love when you put it on my face."
"I'll keep putting it there then." He kissed me again leaning close to my temple, but I brought his face to my lips and I felt him smile before kissing me.
"You better."
He chuckled.
"What time is it Kane?"
"Almost midnight."
"What?!"
"You dozed off for a couple hours and your mom sent everyone to bed so you could sleep, about an hour ago."
"You've just been sitting here? Why didn't you sleep?"
"My brain won't shut off." Some of the worry came back into his voice.
I knew it was about me going with my sisters because he had said it out loud, "I'm sorry. You can go sleep upstairs."
"No, I want you in my arms, and the only way that's going to happen is if we are here, so I'm staying."
I had thought about letting him sleep beside me on my bed once, but thought that it would remind me of waking up beside Charlie, so I never went through with it. I know Kane would never push me, so I wasn't worried about that, but I felt bad that I might hurt him when I woke up if I thought it was Charlie. I felt bad that Kane slept sitting up on the couch though, it couldn't have been comfortable, even though he always denied it.
"You should go sleep upstairs Kane, you need sleep, and sitting up can't be comfortable."
"Dani, I've told you before, it takes me hours to fall asleep at home because I can't convince myself you are too far away, it's never going to happen if I'm metres away from you."
"You can't possibly sleep sitting up."
"I'm fine Dani, don't worry about me."
"I have to, you don't even think about yourself. You just worry about me."
"I'm fine, honestly. Just sleep Dani, you have a big day tomorrow."
'Maybe we could lay beside each other?' I thought. I know it would be tight, but he needs sleep, I know he was tired. I just hoped I didn't freak out on him when I woke up, I could only hope I didn't show it.
"Kane-"
"Dani, please? I'm not sleeping upstairs."
"Kane, I had another idea..."
"Dani, don't push yourself."
"What if we just lay here?"
"Here?"
"On the couch."
"I take up more space than you think. Dani please just sleep, okay?"
I stood up and motioned for him to lay down. He rolled his eyes but reluctantly laid down when he noticed I wasn't letting him win this.
I saw him move as far back into the couch as he could. I snuggled up beside him and he moved further back.
"Kane, I have lots of room, are you more comfortable?"
"Yes but-"
"Yes or no?"
"Yes but-"
"Kane. You need sleep too. Just try this once, for me?"
I felt him sigh, "Dani, can we switch places?"
"Sure..." I trailed off.
He flipped me and moved slightly and I ended up curled up on top of him. I rolled my eyes, "Kane, you can't sleep like this either." I knew I could, he was so warm and safe, but I knew he wouldn't sleep, he would just worry that I fell off of him or something. But this was a good position, laying on top of him with his arms around me.
He rolled his eyes smiling, but put me on the inside of the couch, with him facing my back. My knees were bent a little and his were bent with mine. He had one arm slung over me, resting in front of my stomach, and he was hunched around me, with his face in my hair.
I tried to move it but he grabbed my wrist with his other hand, "Leave it beautiful, just get comfortable."
"Kane, you can't sleep with hair in your face." I moved it over my shoulder and he took a deep breath.
"You smell delicious."
"Are you comfortable? Do you have enough room?" I moved closer to the couch but he brought me back to him.
"More than enough." His voice was low and smooth in my ear and I felt warm and closed my eyes.
"Honestly?"
"As long as you stay where you are."
"I'll try not to push you off."
"I meant, as long as you stay in my arms."
"Well then I'll be sure not to push you off, because I don't want to end up on the floor."
"I would cushion your fall."
"Kane, I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't. Just stay right where you are beautiful. This is perfect."
I relaxed a little more and agreed with him, "This is perfect."
He brought me even closer to him and wrapped his arm around my stomach.
"Are you sure this is okay Dani?"
"Yes Kane, it's perfect."
"I don't want you to push yourself, I can sit up."
"Kane?"
"What beautiful?" He picked his head up looking at my face as I turned my head slightly, but I couldn't meet his eyes.
"If I panic in the morning, can you keep holding me?"
"Dani, I can sit up." He moved to sit up but I turned over and held his shirt close, not letting him move.
"Kane, I'm fine, honestly, I will keep my promise, I won't push myself. But just promise me, in case?"
"Dani-"
"Kane, I'm not pushing myself, okay? I'm taking baby steps, like holding your hand, so please let me do this? I feel better with you holding me, I just don't want you to get mad if I panic. Promise?"
"Dani I would never get mad, I promise I will never get mad at you for panicking, or thinking of him. I promise Dani."
"Promise to keep holding me? Even if I do?"
"Yes Dani, I promise. I promise I will not let you go. I will hold you. I won't let you go."
"Thank you Kane."
"As long as this is not too far."
"Baby steps." 'Please, let this not be too far.'
"I love you beautiful, I promise I'll hold you."
"I love you too handsome."
I started to stretch out and felt something around my stomach. I opened my eyes as I tried to push at it but it held strong.
I love you beautiful, I promise I'll hold you.
I remembered that it was Kane's and I melted back into him. This really was perfect.
"Are you okay beautiful, it's just me." It came out with an edge of worry and I smiled, he had kept holding me.
"Yes, I'm okay." I was so happy I hadn't freaked out. It made me happy to know I could just lay beside him and be fine.
"You're sure? I'll sit up tonight."
"No, really. I'm fine." He snuggled up closer to me and I smiled bigger. "You kept holding me."
"I promised I would."
"Yeah, but I thought maybe you would take your arm back if you woke up as I was freaking out."
"Beautiful, if you had freaked out, I would have pulled you closer and told you everything was fine. I would've said it like this," he dropped his voice so it was deep, smooth and calming, "and I would've told you that it was me, Kane, that you were safe. And I would've brought you even closer," he pulled me to him and I let him move right up against me, with his mouth beside my ear, "and I would've told you that you were safe, that everything would be okay. That I would slay the worst dragons and climb the highest towers to keep you from anything that could hurt you. And I would've told you to focus on breathing, taking big deep breaths in and out, and that when you opened your eyes all you would've seen was me. Not him, but me. Because the only time you will see him is in court, or behind bars, but me, you will see me right beside you. Always. You will feel me right behind you, standing by you. And you would calm down, focussing on my words and on me. You would forget anything you were freaking out about because you would've trusted me to keep you safe and make everything okay when you opened my eyes. Then you would've opened them and you would've seen me," he turned me so I could face him, "and you would've calmed down even more, and then you would feel my lips on your forehead," he placed a small kiss there before continuing, "you would've felt me bring you even closer to me as you curled up against me with your head on my chest," he did as he had said and brought my face to his chest, resting my cheek lightly on his chest, "and lastly, you would've heard me apologize for any part I took in it, and I would've asked you if you were okay." he paused and I looked up to him. "Honestly beautiful, I'm sorry for making you think I had to lay down, I could've sat up. Are you really okay?"
"Kane, I truly am fine. It was maybe a second before I remembered who you were."
"You have no idea how happy that makes me."
"Probably as happy as it makes me. I trust you with all my heart, but it's nice to know my brain does too."
"Yes, it is."
"Can we sleep like this again?"
"Whenever you want to."
"Tonight?"
"Dani, I will hold you every night beside me, as long as I'm not pushing you."
"I'm not going to lie Kane, I thought I would think of him when I woke up."
"You did though, even if it was a second."
"No, I was scared that I couldn't move, but I didn't think it was him. It was more like a heavy blanket. Usually I freak out because I have his picture running loops in my brain, but this morning I didn't even see him, I just thought I couldn't move, it had nothing to do with him. I really thought it would, but I'm so happy it didn't."
"Me too beautiful. Me too."
He sat us up and sat me on his lap facing away from him. He always sat me like this and like today, I turned so I was straddling him.
"Why do you always sit me facing away from you?"
"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."
"This is comfortable."
"I don't mean physically Dani. I don't sit you like that because it puts us a lot closer, and I don't want to push you, or make you think I would do anything."
"I know you wouldn't."
He smiled and I leaned on him. He moved my sloppy bun to the side and kissed my neck. I reached back to redo it and took my elastic out. I hadn't worn it down since the one day at his sisters. it had been in a ponytail, braid or bun since then. 'For him, do it for him.' I put the elastic on my wrist and ran my fingers through it a little.
"You're beautiful. I love your hair."
'It probably looks terrible.' "It's been a while since it's been down."
"I know why though. I get it."
"I should wear it down though. It will be up today, but I can leave it down for now."
He smiled and brought it to one side, playing with random strands. He was always mesmerized by it, twirling it around his fingers, or running his hand through it and watching it flow through his fingers.
"Don't push yourself."
"I won't."
He continued playing with it before turning me around.
"What are you-"
I felt his hands begin to massage my head and I quit talking. His hands were actually like magic. They felt fantastic as they moved all over my head, in slow repetitive motions.
"Kane, this feels great." It came out almost like a moan and I blushed a light pink.
"Close your eyes, it will feel better."
I closed them, "How do you know when they're closed?"
"That's better. You relax more. You let your head move with my hands."
"Does everyone do that?"
"I don't know, I've only ever massaged you."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Not even in school?"
"There were volunteers, but they thought everything felt good. College girls, you know."
"I see."
"It never meant anything Dani." His hands slowed and he got really serious and nervous.
"What? I know. It doesn't matter if it had, I didn't know you back then. What you did was your decision."
"It was only ever for practice."
"Kane, it's fine. Even if you had known me, it probably wouldn't have been what it is. Kane, I don't care what you've done, or who it was with. You had your own friends and life, I get that."
His hands had stopped moving and he turned me around.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well, you probably dated girls all through college, what you did is in the past, I just hope it doesn't happen while you're with me." I looked down as it became an uncomfortable silence.
"Beautiful, I would never be disloyal to you."
"I know."
"Dani, I never even-"
"Kane, I honestly don't care. I would like not to hear about it though, unless you want to talk about it. I would listen, I will." 'I just really don't want any details, that's just too much information,' but if he wanted to tell me I would listen, because I know he listened to worse from me.
"Dani, I regret some of the choices I made when I was younger. I wish I had done some things differently with my sister, I wish I had tried a little harder with my dad, but I never did anything in college I could regret."
"That's good." 'So he doesn't regret any girlfriends, I'm happy for him. Why does he feel like I need to know?' I wondered.
"Dani, I don't think we're thinking the same thing."
He seemed lost in thought about how he should say it, but I really didn't care if he had been with girls. I mean, he was a guy in college.
"Kane-"
"Dani, I've never been with a girl."
I'm sure my face was all shock and I felt my jaw drop a little, but I tried to recover quickly. 'Yeah, we were not on the same page.'
"You clearly thought differently."
"Kane I- I didn't mean- I wasn't-"
"Dani, it's fine."
I took a deep breath, "No, I don't mean to be shocked. Sort of, I guess. I just- I figured you had been with someone, if I thought about it. I didn't mean that you were always with a different girl or anything." He seemed relieved and I realized I was right in thinking he thought that's what I thought. "Kane, I really didn't think that about you."
"I know."
"No, you thought I meant that. Kane, I shouldn't have assumed. I don't know what you were like."
"Don't be sorry, I'm not mad. I was in college after all, to be a masseuse. I was actually just kind of mad at myself that I came across that way."
"No, to be honest I've never really thought about it. I guess because it doesn't matter to me that I never even thought about it. It's never even crossed my mind."
"You wouldn't care even if I had?"
"No, why would I? The past is the past. There's no changing that."
"But we can change the future."
"Yes, we can."
"You'll be my one and only."
I looked down and my face heated up, "Kane-"
"Dani if this is about you not being pure I'm going to rant again."
He had ranted before about me saying I wasn't pure because of Charlie. He had tried to convince me then that I was more pure than a snowflake. But like now, I didn't believe him.
"Dani, why don't you believe this either?"
"Because its not true!" I said louder than I meant too. I didn't even mean to say it. I felt bad that I basically yelled it at him, I was sick of repeating myself, and I looked back down.
"I would never lie to you."
"That's not what I meant Kane, I know you wouldn't lie to me, I really do trust you."
"Then why don't you believe me?"
"Do you think you're super handsome and incredibly sexy?"
"No, but what does-"
"See, I tell you that and you don't believe it."
He was quiet for a moment and I got really nervous, I could tell he didn't like that I had trapped him into agreeing with me, but I wanted him to understand my side of it, needed him to see it how I did.
"Dani," he rubbed his hands up and down my arms a couple times before taking my hands in his and we both stared at them, it reminded me of the ring from a store we went to, "You are pure. You have never been with a guy you wanted to be with. You have never decided to spend a night with a guy just for a little fun. You have never-" he cut himself off, "This isn't coming out how I meant it."
"Kane, I know you think I'm pure because the raping doesn't count. But to me, it doesn't feel any different. To me, it still feels like someone else has had my body more than the one guy in the world that I would give it to. To me, I don't feel pure because you won't be my first."
He was kind of shocked before he spoke, slowly, as if he was thinking six words ahead, "But that's where I see it differently. The next guy you are with will be your first, because for you it will be the first time it has meant anything."
"The next guy?"
"Well, yeah."
"Kane, the 'one guy in the world that I would give my body to' was you. I was referring to you."
He was a bit more shocked, "Oh."
"Who did you think I was referring to?"
"I don't know, I just didn't want to assume, I didn't want to-"
"Push me. Yeah."
"Dani, you are pure, because it will mean something to you next time, for the first time."
"You really mean that?"
"Yes, Dani. You. Are. Pure. The next time won't be about control, it will be about love and commitment."
"I love you Kane."
"I love you too." This was actually the first time Kane had changed my mind and made me see it from his side.
"I believe you Kane."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"That makes me so happy. I wish I could now convince you of a couple other things."
"Don't push it." I chuckled and he brought me in close.
We were quiet for a minute until Kane looked me right in the eye, "What did you mean by the rest of it?"
"Rest of what?"
"You said that if we had met back then that we wouldn't be what we are."
I was hoping he hadn't caught that.
"Dani?" He picked my chin up again and made me look at him, I took a deep breath before saying it with as much confidence as I could.
"Kane, we were completely different people back then. If we had met any earlier, you probably wouldn't even have noticed me."
"Beautiful, if I had met you when I was two I would've kept you close." I laughed but he became more serious, "Dani, honestly, if I had met you when I was any other age from one to twenty-one I would've kept you as close as you would've let me be. I would've sat with you as you read, rode my bike with you, skated with you, watched your volleyball games, and done anything else you would've let me do with you."
"You're just saying that."
"No way. I mean every word."
"How do you know you would've even liked me back then?"
"Because you are the same person."
"I was a little different."
"But you've always had my heart. I never saw girls, until you. And now, I only see you."
"You didn't have girlfriends in high school or college?"
"Not really, in high school I was busy with my sister and football, and in college I was busy with school work and helping my uncle."
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"I'm sorry you had to say goodbye to your mom so young. I wish you had more time to be a child before you were forced to be an adult."
"I used to feel sorry for myself too, but I decided that her passing made me who I am today, and since you love me, it was worth it."
"Kane-"
"I'm serious Dani. Raising my sister made me who I am. I was forced to be independent but in a way I'm happy. I wouldn't have moved in with my uncle if I hadn't become independent."
"I love who you are."
"I'm sorry you lost your family at such a young age though."
"Kane, I hate what he did, and everything he's put me through, but he led me to you, and in a different way he made me independent too. I was forced to change who I was but you made it worth it too."
"I love who you are too. I wish it hadn't happened the way it did, but I love everything about you."
I put my face on his neck and placed my lips there ever so gently and he shivered as if a chill went through his body.
I pulled away, "What's wrong?"
He laughed lightly, "Nothing's wrong Dani, nothing at all."
"Then why did you shiver?" I was really confused.
He smiled at my naïveté, "Dani, I won't lie to you, every time you do that I want you so bad I have to tell myself not to take you right where you are."
I turned bright red, realizing what he meant, and he laughed a little before standing up, keeping me with him. I held on as I slid down a bit and he grabbed my butt, thinking I was falling.
He pulled back as if he was burned, "Sorry, I thought you were falling. I didn't mean to do that, it was just reaction."
"Kane, calm down, it's okay."
"I didn't mean to do that."
"I know. It's good to know you'd catch me though."
He did a small smile, "I would catch you."
"I know." I put my face on his shoulder.
"Are you okay Dani?"
"Yes." To be honest I was a little spooked at first because I had not been expecting that, but then I was worried because I thought something had happened to him when he pulled back but when I realized why he had pulled back I calmed down.
"Dani?"
"It's fine Kane, I know you didn't mean to."
"I didn't even realize, until you flinched and then I stopped."
"I flinched?" I hadn't even noticed.
"Yeah, I'm sorry."
"Kane, please stop apologizing."
"I tell you all the time I wouldn't push you, I mean it Dani, I wouldn't do anything to make you go too far. But then I do something dumb like that and-"
"Kane stop. It wasn't dumb, last time I checked, catching someone wasn't dumb, and it wasn't pushing."
"Are you sure? You're okay?"
"Yes, to both. I'm fine, I really am."
He pulled me against him and walked to the kitchen keeping me close.
Before he placed me on the counter. He exhaled, "I'm sorr-," but I cut him off as I kissed him.
I pulled his shirt towards me and then ran my fingers through his hair as he held my head to his. His fingers were laced through my hair and he tilted my head back, deepening the kiss. When we pulled away, he held his forehead against mine as we caught our breath.
"Kane, if you apologize one more time I'm going to give you fruit salad for breakfast."
He held his hands up in surrender, "You don't have to bring out the firing squad, I was just saying."
"Well don't, okay? All you did was stop me from falling."
"You weren't falling though."
"It's nice to know you're prepared."
"I'll always catch you. But I will never push you."
"You haven't. And I know you won't."
He hugged me and then I felt his stomach grumble.
"Kane, why didn't you say you were hungry?"
"I came in here to get breakfast before I accidentally caught you wrong."
"If I had been falling, how would you have caught me?"
"Probably the same way, why?"
"And if I do fall, how will you catch me?"
He seemed to think before responding, "Well I'll keep my hands closer to your knees."
"Kane, I'm just going to fall on my back that way. What you did was fine, and if I ever do fall, I would hope you would catch me like that, okay?"
"Dani-"
"Kane. I'd rather not have another injury, don't even hesitate. What you did was fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes Kane. Now what do you want for breakfast?"
He still seemed worried, as if he had dropped me rather than stopping me from falling, "We can make french toast, pancakes, or crepes. Unless you want something else."
"No, those are fine."
"Which would you like?"
"Kane, it's up to you, you actually eat it."
"Dani, please don't go there. You eat too."
"I eat like a quarter of what I ate when I was fourteen. That was over seven years ago, I should be eating more than what I ate then, but instead the biggest meal I've eaten in two months is half a small pizza and half a cone."
"Dani, you're appetite will come back." He always sounded so sure of me, he never doubted me.
"How do you know? How can you be so sure?"
"I can't guarantee it, I won't lie, but I will do what I can to get it back, and that starts with a good meal a day, or two/three small ones."
'What about today?' I had forgotten about the lunch today with my sisters. 'What would they say when I ate a piece of toast as they ate a whole meal?'
"Dani what are you thinking about?"
"Lunch. What do I say when all I eat is like five bites?"
"Order pie."
"Pie? For lunch?"
"Why not? You'll eat a whole piece of pie."
He was right, but I wasn't sure if where we were going had pie, "What if they don't have pie?"
"Order a different small dessert. Life's too short to eat food first anyways."
I laughed which made his worry lines go away, "Okay. Dessert it is."
"I just don't want you to push yourself. In any way."
"Well, if it gets to be too much, I will come back and if we go for lunch I will order pie or the next best thing."
"And if the movie is anything but a romance, comedy or any mixture of the two, or something else you don't want to see, you don't watch it."
"Okay. I won't."
"Even if it seems fine, if its not, walk out of the theatre."
"Okay. I will."
"Good."
He steadied me on the counter before taking out all kinds of food, from fruit to flour.
He handed me blueberries to rinse off and I put them in a strainer, I was tossing them and a couple came out and I put them back in the bowl and felt hands go around my waist. Kane put his hands on mine and tossed the bowl a couple times, "Try this beautiful."
I did as he did and he smiled, "Better?"
"Absolutely."
He moved my hair to the side and kissed my neck, "You're going to be a pro soon if I keep showing you."
"I like when you show me."
"You're a fast learner."
"I have a good teacher." He kissed my neck again and I held his hands, keeping him where he was.
"Dani." He said in a warning tone, with a playful side to it.
"Kane." I said innocently. I entwined our fingers and he inhaled a little sharper and I moved back into him, tilting my head to one side, leaving my neck right under his chin. He put the bowl down and wrapped his hands, still holding mine, around me. Our arms were across my stomach and he rested his chin on my head.
"I don't think we should be student-teacher anymore."
"Why?" I asked genuinely confused.
He laughed softly, "Because then I can't do this," he said before spinning me around and bringing my lips to his. He had his hands at the base of my skull, and I opened my mouth as he put his tongue in. I slowly brought my hands up his stomach, over his chest and grabbed his t-shirt bringing him closer. I started walking and pushed him against a wall. I leaned into him and he picked me up, I wrapped my legs around him as he turned, putting my back against the wall. He kissed across my collarbone as I leaned my head back against the wall and tilted it to one side as he kissed up the other side of my neck.
"You're gorgeous. So completely gorgeous."
He brought us back to the kitchen counter and teased me by pushing me down to the counter and making the kiss hot and fast.
When we pulled away my voice was full of need, "You're driving me crazy." I have never felt like I wanted him, all of him, like this, to this extent, ever before.
He kissed me again, before sitting me on his hips, and I leaned on the counter for support as he put one hand on either side of my hips, with his face inches from mine.
"Dani, you have no fucking idea." He sounded sexy as hell, and I wanted him to keep kissing me. I tried to catch my breath, I was heaving and he leaned in closer, "You have no idea what you do to me." His eyes were darker than I've ever seen them and I'm sure mine were too.
"Kane, you look sexy as hell."
I didn't think it was possible, but his eyes actually got darker and I blushed, he chuckled and I put my hands in his hair as he took a step closer. "Dani, you look extremely hot. You look amazing in every way possible."
His voice was raspy and he took another step closer, he pressed me up against the cupboards. He lifted me up and I was about a head higher than him. He planted kisses on my collarbone before kissing me again.
"God Dani, you're going to be the death of me."
"Unless you kill me first." He put his forehead on mine and was about to say something when I cut him off, not giving him the chance. I took his tongue in my mouth and he moaned, so deep it was just above a growl. I could tell he was aching and I tugged him closer, wrapping my legs tighter around him which got me another moan from him, and I felt his length on my stomach.
He took over, leaving me gasping for air, and I'm sure I moaned a couple times too.
He kept looking over my whole face afterwards and just stood there.
"I can never get enough of you. You're intoxicating."
"So are you."
He pulled me close to him, "I love your shampoos."
I placed my lips as gently as possible on his neck and he shivered again, this time I knew why right away. I love that I could literally make him want me with every bone in his body.
"Dani." His voice was no longer smooth, it was deep and raspy and it made him that much hotter.
"I love when you sound like that."
"You should make me sound like this more often beautiful."
"Maybe I will. Surprise you when you're least expecting it."
"God, that I hope you promise to keep your word on."
"Oh, well, you'll have to wait and see."
His eyes darkened and I kissed him on the nose.
"Since when do you like teasing me?"
"Since I realized how much fun it was."
"I'm going to tease you too."
"You already do."
"You haven't seen anything yet."
'Oh goodness!'
"I wish I could just keep you here all day."
"I wish you could too."
"It will be nice to spend some time with your sisters though."
"Yeah, I hope it's not awkward. I know it won't be exactly the same as it was, but it would be nice it if wasn't a long awkward silence all day."
"I hope it's not too, for your sake."
"What are you going to do today?"
"I think I'm going to draw some designs, I brought some stuff for a new contract I'm starting for a house after I finish this one."
"I didn't know you had any new clients. Do you call them clients?"
"Client works. I just decided to do it."
"I'm sure they will love it."
"I really hope they do."
{Kane's POV}
I wanted the 'client' to like the house. It was the house that would matter the most to me, because it was the house I wanted us to build for ourselves. The 'client' was Dani, she just didn't know it.
I had been looking into land for a while, one was three acres, the other was five and a half. I wasn't worried about the money, my uncle had left me more than I would ever use and I hadn't even touched it yet. I had made a good amount on my own too. My dad had all kinds of money too, it was in the will that Jaz and I would split it. I didn't want his money, I didn't need it or see a point in him giving it to us. Mom gave us her never-ending love and moral support, dad gave us financial support.
My uncle had told me that I should use the money for something that mattered to me. He said he never had someone to share it with, so he never used it. I just assumed that would be the case with me too. Then Jaz convinced me that I should use it to buy land and build the house, so that Dani and I wouldn't have to borrow any money from the bank. My sister didn't get any from my uncle, even though I had tried to give her some, but she refused. She made better money than me, but money didn't matter to either of us. Only to our father.
I looked at Dani as she ate her crepes at the table across from me and decided I would start bidding on the land. I decided that my uncle was right, 'Put your money into the dreams you share with the person who matters most. Money is just a dollar amount, but that dream with someone who wants what you want, that's worth something, and it means something.' My uncles wife had died many years before I moved in. She had died of a disease that paralyzed her. My uncle had done what he could, and when she passed he quit, all he did was work and drink. She had meant the world to him and I never realized just what that meant until I met Dani.
'I'm going to do what he said. I'm going to build our dream, with the most perfect person I could ever imagine. We have the same dream and I'm going to make it happen, because her, out of everyone, deserves it.'
Tracy walked into the kitchen and Dani told her there were plenty of extra crepes if she wanted some. We had gotten carried away and made too many. She sat at the table as Kylie walked in and Dani repeated herself to Kylie, letting her know she was welcome to have some too.
"So, are you excited about today?"
"Yeah. I know I haven't spent a lot of time with you two, and I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize Ella, we get it. It has got to be hard to come back to the life you used to live. You've moved on, we're just happy we have you again."
The way she said it made it sound like Dani had years to come back, but just decided to actually do it, I think she noticed too, because of the look she gave me.
"I haven't really moved on too far." Dani almost sounded defensive. I squeezed her hand and she calmed a little.
"Ella, it's fine, you can only hold onto the past for so long before you let it go or it brings you down."
"How long do you think I've been out?" She sounded like she was mad, but was trying to hide which worked really well, I think I was the only one who noticed, she sounded pretty calm, I don't even think her sisters picked up on her anger. She wanted them to know she came back as soon as she could handle it, but they were making it pretty clear that they thought she was just coming back after years of living without them.
They couldn't be more wrong.
I heard her mom and dad walk in the room, but I don't think Dani noticed.
"How long Kylie?" Dani's voice was barely audible.
She exchanged a look with Tracy, "Maybe three years."
Dani went pale and ran out of the room, she sped up as she passed her parents and I could tell her mom knew exactly what Dani and I had thought, she knew the truth but didn't mention it to her sisters because she didn't want to overstep Dani.
I ran out right behind Dani, as she ran up the stairs. Her mom grabbed my arm and I tried to go to Dani, but she held me still.
"Kane, I'm sorry. Maybe I should've said something. I know she wanted to come sooner. She told me she came as soon as she could, I want you to know I believe her." Her mother must've told her father because he nodded and patted my shoulder and took his wife's hand, letting me go to Dani.
I ran up the stairs, missing half the steps. I heard a squeak and knew she was going out to the roof. I slowly made my way there, opened the window, climbed out, and put the wood in the track.
Neither of us said anything, I just pulled her close and held her as she cried. Her sobs were wracking her whole body and I just rubbed my hand on her back. I felt useless and helpless, having no idea what to do, so I just brought her closer and held her.
"Three years?" I heard her mumble.
"Dani, your mom told your father and they both know that you came back as soon as you could. They believe you."
"My sisters think I just stayed away for three years!"
"Dani, they don't know what happened, all they know is that they lost a sister for close to eight years and one day she's back."
"I shouldn't have stormed out."
"No, Dani, what you did was fine. Nobody blames you. I was going to cut her off and tell her off, so leaving was probably the better option."
She slowly nodded but I don't think she agreed. It was quiet for a moment.
"Kane? Can I bring you somewhere?"
"Anywhere beautiful."
She looked like she was about to say something but closed her mouth again. Without a word she grabbed my hand and we went back inside. She slowed as we got to the end of the hall and she took several deep breaths, I put my arms around her waist.
"Don't push yourself beautiful."
"Baby steps."
I was pretty sure this was her old bedroom, now that I thought about it, "Give yourself time between those steps."
She kissed me and I pulled her close. She was clearly going through with this, so I decided I would just support her however possible.
She slowly opened the door and a couple tears ran down her cheeks as she looked around, "This was my bedroom."
"I'm sorry Dani."
"It's still the same." She seemed to calm down before she laughed and my jaw dropped a little, "My mother told me I would change the colour because I could never survive in a light blue room all the time. She said I would have it changed within a year."
"It's still here."
"She hated it. She said it was a nothing colour, but let me paint it anyways."
"Why light blue?"
"I wanted to be in the clouds."
"You've always wanted to fly," she nodded.
"And now you make me feel like I'm flying."
She backed into me as she turned and I held her back to my chest, put my chin on her head and wrapped my arms around her waist. I felt a tear fall to my hand but I didn't move, not even as a couple more fell.
"Sorry." She said wiping it off.
I grabbed her hands, entwined our fingers and quieted her, "Let them fall Dani. I don't mind. Just let it out."
"Thank you Kane. I would be a nervous wreck by now if you weren't here."
"I will always be beside you."
She melted into my arms. She turned slowly and looked around the room as I turned with her. Her knees buckled and she just about dropped to the floor, but I caught her and picked her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist as I put her arms around my neck. I felt my shoulder get wet but it didn't phase me. I know a bunch of guys complained about their girlfriends crying, but I felt relieved, knowing she trusted me to let her walls down, to be completely vulnerable in my arms. It let me know she trusted me as I held her and she cried. She didn't even cry in front of Lily. She only ever let me see her this openly, and that meant a lot.
"What is it Dani?" Why did she drop all of a sudden?
"On the shelf."
"Is it okay if I go look?"
"Just don't let me go. Please?"
"I will never let you go."
I slowly walked to the shelf and saw over a dozen trophies, awards, and plaques. I started to read a couple and realized they all had her name on them. They were volleyball medals, one was as recent as March 2009, saying she got MVP of the winter season. There were lots of MVP inscriptions and other plaques awarding her for other skills. There were gold and silver medals from tournaments over the many years she played. And there were a stack of photos, I could only see the top couple, and they were of her and her teammates with the years they played.
"They kept them all Kane."
"They did. They kept them all."
"I thought it would've been gone. I always rearranged them when I cleaned them, but it doesn't look like they've moved since."
"They still had hope. They never lost hope. They kept you in their minds and hearts Dani."
"And now they think I was just hiding, staying away from them. Kane, they think I didn't come back for years!"
"Dani, I think they don't know what to think. Your parents believe you, and your sisters will too."
"You never doubted me."
"There was and is nothing to doubt."
"That's not tru-"
"Yes, it is. They'll believe you Dani. They love you."
"Thank you."
"Thank your dad, apparently he gave you your strength."
"No, he gave me a small portion of it. You give me my strength."
She started sliding down and I held her ribs, trying not to grab her butt again.
She put her legs to the floor and hugged me tight, keeping me right against her.
She pulled away and grabbed my hand, starting for the door. I brought her back and held her face in my hands as gently as possible, "Are you okay? We can wait, they can wait."
"Will you keep holding my hand?"
"Of course."
"Then I will be okay."
I smiled and she hugged me before she took my hand again. I kissed the back of hers and we walked down the stairs. Before we entered the kitchen she stopped and leaned against the wall. I pulled her against me and she sighed, "Do you think they want to know it all?"
"All of what? The whole time? Or the last two months?"
"The whole time, from April to November. Do you think they will listen?"
"Yes."
"Kane, I don't know what I will do if I get four sets of eyes looking at me with pity and sympathy."
"Then just look at mine. Just focus on me, pretend you're telling me. But Dani, you don't have to do this today."
"Yes. They deserve the truth."
I nodded and she grabbed my hand again.
When we walked in everyone looked at us and I put my free hand on the small of her back, which seemed to help her. She sat on one side of the table and I sat across from her, she held my hand on the table. I rubbed my thumb over her knuckles and she seemed to ask me if she could speak. I nodded my head and stared into her eyes.
"I'm sorry Ella I didn't mean-"
Dani's mom cut her off with a look and Dani started, "In April 2009, a man named Charlie Dunham kidnapped me as I walked through the bush..."
Dani sounded strong except for the tells I have learned to be her nerves. She squeezed my hand so tight at the part about the rapes, but I didn't even flinch, I just smiled and looked at her gorgeous face as she talked. Her sisters jaws kept dropping further and her mom had lone tears escape her eyes as Dani spoke. Her father didn't look sad at all, he looked furious.
I know if anyone did this to my little girl that I would be mad too, so I understood it. Dani had been looking right at me the whole time, as if I was the only one she was telling and I tried to give her little encouragements. She blew me away. She didn't mention the worst parts, just the general things. She said how she was kidnapped, beaten, abused, locked up and raped. She mentioned how she got free and met Lily at the diner. She said that she lived there with her and Kat, and explained the aunt-niece thing. Then she looked down when she mentioned that we met about one week later, but didn't start hanging out for about three weeks, outside of her work anyways. A tear came down her face, one lone tear, the only one she had shed, when she mentioned Charlie storming into the diner. She mentioned the other times she met with him and finished with the trial in May.
Her father had double checked that there was enough evidence to lock him up and I nodded, I don't even know if Dani heard the question. She looked back up to my face, staring into my eyes before she said the last sentences, "Lily and Kat helped me a little in the beginning, they did what they could. But honestly, Kane has done more than anyone." I smiled but shook my head and she continued, "I have put him through tons. I have woken up to nightmares and attacked him, yelled at him, and fought him, and every time he just holds me and calms me down. I have nightmares every night to the point where I only get a couple hours sleep, some nights not even that much, but with Kane I sleep through the night. I don't wake up any more, or even dream about bad things. You four are my family," she looked down as if what she was going to say would hurt them, "But I want you to know that Kane is my everything, from best friend to hero. I love you four, I always have, and I always will. I hope you can forgive me."
I shook my head but Dani was still looking down.
"Honey, what are you apologizing for?" Her mother asked.
"I shouldn't have let you assume things. I should've told you sooner."
"We shouldn't have made assumptions," her mother said looking at her sisters in a not-so-subtle way.
Dani was about to speak again when she looked at me and must have seen me telling her not to apologize again.
"None of this is your fault," I told whispered.
"Thank you Kane," but she didn't have to say it, her face said it all.
Everyone was staring at us but I just focused on Dani, I wish I could pull her into my arms and just hold her. I could see she was fighting back the tears that wanted to fall, but knew she wouldn't let them come as long as her family was here, she wanted to look strong in front of them, even though I had told her before that tears didn't make a person weak.
"One more thing," she said looking back down, I knew it was about her name before she even said it, "He used to call me Ella, that's why I go by Dani."
Both her sisters and father deflated, especially Kylie who suddenly burst into tears, "I'm so sorry Dani, I wish I had known, I wouldn't have called you it."
"I should've told you. I felt bad because you have always called me it."
"I was bringing all that up again every time though. I'm so sorry."
Tracy spoke up for the first time, "Can we all call you Dani? I think it suits you."
"Yes. It's not a nickname or anything, it's how I introduce myself, it's no secret."
"Well, Dani, I think it says a lot about you."
"Thank you."
Dani looked back at me and I realized how exhausted she was.
"Do you mind if she takes a nap?" Dani went to argue but her mother told me that everyone would stay quiet as long as she slept, and I excused us out of the room. I carried Dani to the living room, which was a good distance away and I laid her on the couch, but she wouldn't let go of my shirt.
"Not again Dani, I don't want to leave you. I'm not going anywhere."
She let her fingers undo and I sat on the couch in front of her.
"Will you lay with me?" She barely got it out before she yawned.
"Are you sure Dani? You've had a long day and it's only ten in the morning."
"Please Kane?"
I got up and she rolled over as I laid down beside her. She moved closer to the couch to give me more room, but I held her where she was. I wrapped my arms around her and breathed in deep. This was one of my favourite ways to hold her.
"Are you sure this is okay?"
"Yes Kane, promise to hold me though if I panic?"
"Always. I told you this morning, I will hold you close and I will do all I can to calm you down."
"Thank you handsome."
I smiled, "No thank you required."
"Kane."
"Sorry. You're welcome beautiful."
I felt her yawn again and kissed her temple, "I love you beautiful, always and forever."
I woke up with something tickling my nose. I twitched it and opened one eye when I realized it wasn't going away. I moved Dani's hair slowly out of my face. It still smelled amazing and I brought her closer to me.
'I could get used to this, waking up alone is going to be horrible when we get back.'
I kissed her temple and glanced at my watch. It was two in the afternoon, we had been asleep for around four hours.
"I am going to have the hardest time falling asleep without you when we get back." I whispered in her ear. She still looked like she was asleep, but I know some mornings she just kept her eyes closed, I could tell because her face showed worry or excitement depending on what I was talking about.
"But it is worth it, to have you in my arms now. I wouldn't give this up for the world."
She moved her leg and it went from in front of mine, to between them.
'Don't do anything stupid Kane. Nothing.'
Her leg moved a little higher and I shifted as my pants grew tighter. She started rubbing circles on the arm I had around her stomach. She woke me up once doing it, she did it in her sleep quite often actually. It was relaxing and calming as she drew patterns on my skin ever so softly.
"You have the softest skin beautiful. Wherever you touch me, I feel it for minutes afterwards."
I could tell she wasn't asleep because she smiled playfully and dragged her hand further up my arm. She turned enough to bring it to my face and she closed my eyelids, "Keep them closed."
I moaned but she held them closed until she was sure I wasn't going to peek. I felt her turn over and her leg left mine. Her hands were running up my arms and over my face. She traced my jaw and I shivered and shifted my pants again. 'Don't open your eyes idiot, don't do anything stupid.'
I felt her hands go though my hair seconds before she pulled my head closer to hers as she planted her lips on mine. She was starting to draw back when I held her face in my hands and held her to me, deepening it as far as I could go without pushing her. I felt her nails in my hair and it drove me wild. I rolled so I was leaning into her on the couch and she pulled me down on top of her. I didn't fully turn because I didn't want to hurt her, so I propped one elbow up. She tugged me closer and I put one hand on either side of her face, and her hands roamed over my torso. I explored her mouth with my tongue and she moaned. 'God that sound was sexy,' it drove me wild every time.
She nibbled my bottom lip and a growl escaped, as I sucked her tongue back into my mouth. She moaned again and I drew back. 'Don't open your eyes.'
I rested my forehead on hers before I laid her on top of me and she curled up.
"Can I open my eyes now?"
She laughed a little, "Yes handsome."
When I opened them I noticed she was staring up at me and I turned her so she was laying on top of me, along the length of me. I was over half a foot taller than her, and she had her toes on my shins and her head came up to my chest. I held her face and she grabbed my wrists.
"Would you have kept them closed until I told you to open them?"
"Yes." 'Unless it became too much.'
"Oh."
"What did you think I would do?"
"Open them, actually I thought you would've after you kissed me."
"I try to follow orders." I said and she laughed. I felt it vibrate through her and I brought her head to my chest.
We were still for a moment before Dani moved. I had my eyes closed and was almost asleep. She put one hand flat on my chest and the other pulled my shirt down a little and she peppered kisses on every piece of visible skin. The kisses were delicate and gentle and I slowly opened my eyes. She seemed completely focused on me and didn't even look up. She started up my neck and her hand left my shirt, letting it to back to its place as she used it to tilt my head to the side. Another groan escaped and she laughed, "I love that sound."
"Good, because I can't seem to hold it back."
"I'm so happy I have that affect on you."
"That's just one of the many, many, many affects you have on me."
She blushed and I laughed as she returned to planting kisses all over me. She closed my eyelids long enough to kiss them and when I opened them her face was inches from mine, our noses about half inch apart. I ran my hands up her back and she arched her back, pressing into me. I drew lazy lines on the back of her neck and the occasional one dropped a little lower, just past the top of her shirt.
I nipped her neck and licked it before kissing and sucking it and she moaned, and her grip tightened on me. I did it again and her nails dug into my arms. I did it to a larger area, just under her collar, and she ran one foot up my leg as she put her head in the crook of my neck.
"Kane," she said in a voice so full of need I had to remind myself not to take her right here on her parents couch.
"Beautiful, I love how you say my name like that."
"Kane," she repeated and I sucked on her neck a little harder, and I heard her little intake of breath. I held her hips close to me and when she moved to get comfortable she rubbed up against my shaft, and I crushed my mouth to hers. It was hot and breathtaking and when we pulled away a minute later she was panting as if she just ran a marathon, which made me smile, knowing I was the only one to do that to her.
I buried my face in her neck and was overwhelmed by her. She truly was perfect.