Y'all, there's A LOT in this chapter. Angst, graphic depictions of murder and self-harm, and smut~
"Why do you have a shit-eating grin on your face?" Yoongi's eyebrow is raised as Seokjin walks through the door later that afternoon. He sets aside the song he was working on so he can lean forward and study his housemate's face. "Something happened. What did you do?"
Seokjin plops down on the couch next to Yoongi. "I didn't do anything." His voice sounds purely innocent, but the look on his face speaks volumes of debauchery and temptation.
"Lies and slander. I know you, hyung. Spill the beans or I'll assume the worst."
"Alright, alright." Seokjin holds his hands up in surrender, and then he runs them through his hair, lightly tousling the dark locks on his head. "Namjoon kissed me today." Saying the words out loud makes him grin like a dork before he realizes what he's doing. Seeing the look on Yoongi's face makes his grin disappear. "What?"
Yoongi sighs deeply before speaking. "I don't want him to hurt you, hyung."
"He said something before we kissed, though. He told me that he wants me to help him, and for the first time in a really long time, he wants to be helped." He places a hand on Yoongi's knee. "I'm getting through to him, Yoongi-yah. Finally, I'm getting through."
Seeing the earnest look on his hyung's face makes Yoongi bite back the argument he wants to make. His smile is strained as he places his hand over Seokjin's. "Just be careful. Please."
"Don't worry! I'll be okay. I will be careful, I promise." Seokjin squeezes Yoongi's leg before standing up to go to his room. Yoongi isn't so sure, but he lets his housemate go do his thing while he goes back to working on his song.
Seokjin, meanwhile, can't stop replaying the kiss in his mind. Namjoon's lips had felt so good against his, so right, like they were made to kiss him and only him. But this is crazy. He can't have these kinds of thoughts about a mentally unstable man who raped and killed countless women. But, he said he wanted to get better with Seokjin's help. That's got to count for something. He lets that thought rest and lets his mind wander, and he finds it easier to imagine what it would feel like to have Namjoon fucking him into oblivion.
The more his thoughts wander, the more he feels his pants tightening, and just when he's about to give in to it, there's a knock on the door. "Yes?"
"Hyung, you left your phone out here and it's rung a few times now." Yoongi's voice is slightly muffled, and then Seokjin's phone starts ringing again.
"Oh, I'm coming." Seokjin opens his door and steps through to take his phone to answer it. "Hello?"
"Seokjin-ah, hi. We need you back at the mental hospital. There's been an emergency involving Namjoon, and he's asking for you. Get here now." Dr. Lee's voice is urgent, and Seokjin is flying towards the door at the mention of Namjoon's name.
"I'm on my way out the door now." The call ends, and to Yoongi, he says "There's an emergency, Namjoon is involved somehow, and I need to go since he's my patient." He shoves his feet into his shoes and grabs his keys, barely registering his best friend's look of surprise before he shuts the door behind him and runs to his car.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"But, Dr. Zhang, do I have to?" Hoseok is scared. Really scared. He doesn't want to relive his past, his background, his reason for being in the mental institution. Right now, that's about the last thing he wants to do.
Dr. Zhang sighs. "I'm afraid you do. It's the first step in this test, Hoseok. I have to hear your story and gauge how you react to telling it. It could be the way to start helping you."
Hoseok remembers how he reacted the last time he had to tell a doctor about his past. With a shudder, he recalls the doctor with the bloody nose and clutching his arm, the nurses all backed up against the walls to get away from him, the furniture strewn all over the room, a mess of shattered glass and pens and papers everywhere. The way he'd seen all of that within a matter of a couple of seconds before he'd been shot with a sedative and blacked out.
He doesn't recall what happened when he woke up after that, but he does know that that day is the reason why he started beating himself instead of other people.
Knowing he has no other choice, he adjusts in his seat as well as he can with one of his wrists cuffed to the table and closes his eyes, bowing his head as he calls to mind that fateful day.
"Appa loves you, Hoseok. Appa loves you so much, baby. You're so good for Appa. Always so good and so tight. You take Appa's cock so well. I fucking love you, baby." Over and over. In and out. Brutally fast. A torturous rhythm that was forever ingrained in Hoseok's mind.
"Appa no, please no more, it hurts!" Hoseok screamed and writhed under his father as he fucked him raw. Hoseok could feel the blood and cum beginning to cover his ass and thighs, and he was crying hysterically, barely able to breathe because it hurt so bad.
"Shh, baby, shh. Appa loves you. That's why I do this, baby. I fucking love you so goddamn much." With a groan, he finished inside his son and left him lying there. "Clean yourself up. We have company coming over soon."
"Wh-what kind of company?" Hoseok sniffled. In the Jung household, there were two kinds of guests: The kind that met with his father for actual business dealings, and the kind that paid him to abuse Hoseok in whichever way(s) they saw fit.
"Mr. Choi is coming. Oh for God's sake Hoseok-ah, clean yourself up. He won't want to touch you if you're covered in blood." With a sneer, he threw a towel at his son and left the room without another word.
Hoseok hated Mr. Choi. He liked putting wigs and women's clothes on Hoseok when he abused him. Called him feminine nicknames and derogatory terms. None of the other men did that. Hoseok knew, though, that if he didn't comply to his father's wishes, it would be worse on him.
He was fifteen. This had gone on for nearly ten years, ever since his dear mother passed away. His father hated Hoseok for reminding him of her. Yet he claimed he loved his son. What Hoseok hated the most was that in some twisted way, he'd started to believe his father. He hated him, and he hated himself. He knew better than to take his hatred out on himself, though, because his father liked him naked when he abused him, and any mark he found that wasn't by his hand would add to the number of times he got hit with the whip.
All of this went through Hoseok's head as he forced himself to get up and go to the bathroom to wet the towel so he could clean himself up. At that moment, he looked in the mirror. He saw an emaciated, pale, miserable child who had lost the will to live. Fresh tear tracks were on his face. His lips were dry and chapped. His cheeks were hollow from the way his father starved him. He looked nothing like the kids he went to school with. They were all happy. He wasn't. He couldn't go on living this way.
Hoseok is hyperventilating as he relives that horrible day, and he rocks back and forth. "Hoseok, relax. You're not there. You're here. You're doing good." Dr. Zhang's voice is soothing and soft as he attempts to calm down his patient. "Now take a deep breath, and then tell me the rest. Tell me what happened after you cleaned yourself up." Hoseok nods and, after taking more than one deep breath, closes his eyes and tearfully recalls the rest.
He couldn't go on living this way. Any future with him continuing to get abused the way he had was not something Hoseok wanted. Any future with his father there to continually rape and torture and starve him wasn't something he wanted.
The chiming of the doorbell cut into Hoseok's thoughts, and a few moments later, his father knocked on the door. "Hurry up. Don't keep Mr. Choi waiting. His wife is gone on a business trip for the next two days, and he needs a hole to fuck. He said he wants to try something new involving me. I think that means you'll get two cocks in your ass at once. You should feel special. He doesn't even do shit like this for his wife." At the sound of his father's words and his cold, clipped laughter, something inside of Hoseok snapped.
Still naked, he left the bathroom and grabbed a half-full bottle of soju from the console table in the hallway. His blood was boiling in his veins as he walked up behind his father and hit him upside the head with the bottle, watching it crack. "I am NOT just some hole to fuck!" He hit him again, launching himself at the older man and straddling his back as he hit the back of his head again, and again. "I'm a fucking human being! I'm your son! All my life, you've treated me like I was no better than a fucking prostitute." On the fourth hit, the bottle broke in half, and Hoseok's father threw him off.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? I've given you everything!" Hoseok was on his feet in the blink of an eye, the broken bottle clutched in his fist so hard his knuckles were as white as a sheet.
"You've given me nothing but scars and fear. And I'm done being hurt and afraid." He lunged forward and jabbed the bottle into his father's abdomen, over and over and over, not stopping when he saw blood, not even stopping when he realized his father was on his back and he was still stabbing.
He only stopped when he sensed a presence at the end of the hallway and looked up to see Mr. Choi. Hoseok looked down to see his father lying dead underneath him, his eyes open but seeing nothing. "Oh my God, what have I done?" His hands shook as he dropped the bottle, not even flinching when it hit the ground.
"I'm calling the police!" Hurriedly, Mr. Choi fished his phone out of his jacket pocket and ran out of the house. About a half an hour later, the police found Hoseok in the bathroom, covered in blood, sobbing loudly, and making multiple cuts in his skin with a broken razor blade.
"And then I came here after a month of being in a normal prison, because I kept cutting myself and punching other inmates." Hoseok fists his hands in his hair, and his voice is small and quiet. "I killed my own father." When he says the words out loud, for the God-only-knows-nth time, the floodgates open, and he sobs inconsolably. After a moment, he rips out multiple hairs, throws the clumps aside, and starts beating himself. He's stopped by an orderly injecting a sedative into his hip, and he feels like he's floating right before he loses consciousness.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"We'll have your test results soon, Jimin, but everything looks good." Dr. Lee chooses his words carefully while he escorts the patient to Jungkook's room. "And I'm going to have to ask that you don't interact with Hoseok at all. It would be the safest thing for both of you."
Jimin's eyes widen, and his face is the perfect picture of contriteness and understanding. "Okay, doctor. I won't talk to him."
On some level, Dr. Lee can see right through Jimin and the act he's putting on, but, based on past experiences, he knows it's better for both of them if he pretends like he doesn't. So he simply nods and gives him a pat on the shoulder, not saying another word as he exits the room.
The second they're alone, Jimin turns slowly to look at Jungkook with a smirk and walks slowly towards him.
"How the hell did you manage to get out?" the younger asks as he wheels himself closer to Jimin until they meet in the center of the room.
"I have my ways, Kookie. You know that." He settles into the younger's lap. "You won't lose me again. I'll make sure of it." Their lips meet in a heated kiss and soon, clothes are shed as they lose themselves in one another.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Seokjin rushes into the hospital and seeks out his sunbae. "Dr. Lee, what's going on with Namjoon? I'm here now."
"Aish, thank goodness." The older doctor runs a hand through his disheveled hair. "Somehow he got ahold of a pair of scissors, God only knows where from, and he points them to his chest every time one of us gets near him. He keeps saying 'I want my doctor', and he won't tell anyone anything. Can you help?"
"Take me to him, please." Seokjin tries to come up with something to say to his patient as Dr. Lee leads him to his temporary new room. He looks through the door to see Namjoon pacing back and forth, the scissors clutched tightly in his fist, and it looks like he's muttering to himself. With a nod to Dr. Lee, Seokjin carefully opens the door and softly calls, "Namjoon, I'm here."
Namjoon whips around to see who's talking to him, his eyes full of rage and menace, but when he sees that it's Seokjin, he falls to his knees and lets out a choked sob. "Thank God you're here." Seokjin rushes into the room, hearing the door click behind him, and sinks to his knees in front of Namjoon.
"What happened?"
Namjoon takes a few shallow breaths and raises his head to look into Seokjin's eyes. "You're going to think I'm insane." Seokjin raises an eyebrow, and Namjoon looks down. "Ah, considering where we are, that wouldn't be too far of a stretch, I suppose."
"Namjoon," Seokjin says softly, "I promise not to think anything less of you, no matter what you tell me. Let me help you."
"Okay." Namjoon takes a deeper breath than before. "I couldn't stop thinking about how we kissed. And then, it was like, there was some weird blockade in my mind trying to make me forget it, and I kept trying to bring it back to the forefront of my mind. But it wouldn't come, so I got desperate. I wanted to be able to remember our kiss again."
"You know that stealing a pair of scissors and threatening to stab yourself with them isn't the answer, though. I know you know that, Namjoon."
"I know." Namjoon sighs and slowly shakes his head as he runs his fingers through his hair. "It was something I used to do when threatened with something I didn't like. Old habits die hard, I guess."
Seokjin nods for a minute and looks at Namjoon while he debates something in his mind. "Well, there's only one solution I can see." Namjoon looks up at him confused. Seokjin's back is to the door, so, not wanting to look conspicuous, he murmurs "Is there anyone looking into your room?" Namjoon's eyes flicker away from Seokjin's for a split second, and he shakes his head no. "Good." Seokjin cradles Namjoon's face in his hands as he leans in close until their lips meet. After a few seconds, he hears a soft clatter, assuming the scissors are no longer in Namjoon's hand, and then feels his patient's large, strong hands on his hips as he tilts his head to deepen their kiss. There's a voice in the back of Seokjin's mind warning him to stop, but he doesn't want to. Namjoon's tongue slips into his mouth, and Seokjin's arms wrap around his neck, drawing their bodies closer together.
With great reluctance, Seokjin pulls away, smiling at his patient as he tries to catch his breath. "Well this is a form of therapy I haven't heard of before."
Namjoon laughs softly. "I was about to say the same thing." He frowns. "But what are you going to do when I'm moved back to my room?"
Seokjin is about to say it's going to be okay, but he stops himself, because he knows that it won't be, especially with the fragile state Namjoon is in. "I wish I knew, Namjoon-ah." He blows out a sigh and sits back on his heels. "I wish I knew." Just then, there's a soft knock on the door. Seokjin turns his head to see Dr. Lee standing there.
"Hello. How are things in here?"
"Hi, sunbae-nim. I'm still trying to calm Namjoon down. I can't tell you what he told me, but you don't need to worry." Seokjin smiles reassuringly.
Dr. Lee's face and demeanor instantly become more relaxed. "I am glad to hear that. Do you need more time?" He glances behind Seokjin to see Namjoon's hands fidgeting in his lap, and he's visibly growing more agitated.
Seokjin doesn't have to look at Namjoon to know he's silently pleading with him to say yes. "I'm afraid so. And may I ask for some kind of covering over the window on the door? He's been insisting that he needs complete privacy to keep talking to me."
"That's an odd request. Are you sure that's a good idea?"
Seokjin smiles again. "I'm sure. I know he won't hurt me. Right, Namjoon-ah?"
"Right, Dr. Kim. I don't want to hurt you." Namjoon tries to make his voice sound fragile but reassuring. "You haven't done anything to hurt me."
Dr. Lee breaks out in a smile. "Wow, you're doing really good work. Keep it up, Dr. Kim. And I will have a nurse put up something over the window. Take all the time you need. I'll make sure no one bothers you." He walks in to retrieve the scissors and then backs out of the room.
"Thank you, sunbae-nim. I appreciate it very much." Seokjin and the older doctor exchange a bow of their heads, and Seokjin turns back to face his patient with a grin when the door has been locked.
"Thank you, hyung." Namjoon bows his head and squeezes Seokjin's hands.
"You're welcome. Let's just say I know a thing or two about how to get what I want in this sort of environment."
"Oh, and what is it you want now?" Namjoon asks with a raised eyebrow. He glances over Seokjin's shoulder. "They've covered the window." He doesn't give Seokjin a chance to respond before he pulls him close, their lips crashing together in a kiss more heated than they'd shared before. Seokjin completely gives in, and the voice telling him to stop isn't even in the back of his mind anymore as his hands grip the hem of Namjoon's shirt.
"Wait." Namjoon pulls away panting heavily. "I haven't had sex since--"
"I know." Seokjin cuts him off with a gentle smile. "Let me help you see what it's like to have sex with someone who wants you as much as you want them." He has to choose his words carefully, since saying the wrong thing could really set Namjoon off. But the effect the doctor's words have on him is a good one, since he smirks and lightly runs his fingers through Seokjin's hair.
"When I'm through with you, you won't want anyone else ever again." Namjoon's voice lowers a couple of octaves, and he pushes Seokjin's white lab coat off of his shoulders before his long fingers work to unbutton his shirt. Seokjin helps him and lays both garments over the back of the less rusty chair at the less rusty desk, and then the two stand to their feet simultaneously. Namjoon takes his own shirt off and tosses it onto the desk, and the two only gaze at each other for a long moment. "Are you sure you want this?" Namjoon asks softly.
Seokjin closes the gap between them and hooks his arms around his patient's waist. "Only if you are." In reply, Namjoon dips his head to capture Seokjin's lips in another searing kiss. He groans softly when he feels the older's hands travel down to his hips to push his pants and boxers down his legs, and Namjoon's fingers fumble slightly as they work to undo his doctor's belt and pants. When they're both naked, Seokjin steps back and his eyes widen slightly when he sees how big Namjoon is. Seeing the look on the younger's face, he smiles softly and sinks to his knees. Before Namjoon can make another move, Seokjin grips the base of his cock and rubs his shaft for a brief moment before taking the head between his plump lips and sucking lightly, drawing a moan from the younger's lips.
"Please don't tease me baby." The nickname slips easily from Namjoon's lips, and Seokjin licks a fat stripe up the underside of his patient's shaft, digging the tip of his tongue into his slit, and without warning, he takes his entire cock into his mouth, swallowing when it hits the back of his throat. He pulls his head back and, with his free hand, swipes three of his fingers through the mix of saliva and precum that's covering Namjoon's cock.
Seokjin grins seeing Namjoon's confused expression. "I hope you don't mind me using your precum to prep myself." His mouth is back on the younger's cock before he can think of a reply, and he reaches behind him to slide one of his fingers into his hole, moaning at the feeling of pleasurable pain it gives him as he swallows around the head of Namjoon's cock.
"You're so fucking sexy." Namjoon moans and lightly bucks his hips forward, amazed when he discovers Seokjin doesn't have a gag reflex. "Add a second finger, now. I want to get my cock in you." Seokjin is happy to obey, his eyes rolling back into his head at the heightened pleasure he feels. He rapidly twists and scissors his fingers, working as quickly as possible to fuck himself open. At the same time, his mouth never leaves the younger's cock, hollowing out his cheeks and sucking as hard as he can, his fist rapidly pumping whatever won't fit in his mouth.
Soon he has all three fingers in his ass, and his hips are rolling back and forth with need to feel more. Namjoon is in pure bliss from the way Seokjin's fingers and tongue are expertly working over his cock, and it's not long before he can't take much more. Slowly, Seokjin pulls his head back. "Will you fuck me now please?" he pants desperately.
"Oh thank God you asked. Get on your back on the bed. I want to see your face when I fuck you." He smirks as Seokjin immediately stands up and lies on the bed with his legs hanging over the edge, his cock standing hard and red. Namjoon wastes no time in making his way over to him and slinging his legs over his shoulders. "Try to relax." Seokjin nods as Namjoon grips his shaft and lines up with his doctor's ass before pushing in slowly. Both men moan softly, and Namjoon stays still to let Seokjin adjust to his size.
"Move, please Namjoon, please move~" Seokjin's voice comes in a soft whimper, and Namjoon draws almost all the way back and pauses for a couple of seconds before snapping his hips hard and making Seokjin moan more loudly than before.
"You have to be quiet. As much as I would love to hear you, we can't risk being found out." Seokjin nods and bites his lip as Namjoon starts up a rhythm of thrusting quickly in and out of the older, tilting his hips until he finds his prostate. Seokjin's lip pops out of his mouth and his body jolts, and Namjoon quickly leans over to kiss him and effectively swallow his loud moan of pleasure. He pulls back and looks deeply into the older's eyes as he moves faster, hitting his prostate with every single thrust and making his eyes roll back into his head. "I'm going to cum, hyung." Namjoon says between quiet moans. "Cum with me." He grips Seokjin's cock and strokes quickly in perfect time with his thrusts.
Seokjin lets out a nonsensical string of curses interspersed with Namjoon's name as his cum shoots from the tip of his cock and lands on his chest and stomach. Namjoon follows soon after with a groan, his body tensing up as his hips jerk forward and he throws his head back. His thrusts finally slow to a stop, and he smiles softly as he kisses Seokjin on the lips, running his fingers through his hair. Seokjin is the first to speak upon pulling away. "That was so much better than I thought it would be."
Namjoon chuckles. "It was for me, too. And I'm glad I wasn't the only one fantasizing about it." He kisses Seokjin one more time and then goes to put on his clothes. He leans over Seokjin and licks the cum from his body, chuckling at the way the older shivers and squirms underneath him.
"You have to promise me something." Seokjin stands up shakily to retrieve his own clothes. "You can't have another episode like you had today. I won't always be around for you to spend time with, and I don't want anything to happen to you." He shrugs into his shirt and takes hold of Namjoon's hands. "Promise me."
Slowly, Namjoon nods as he presses his forehead against Seokjin's. "I promise. This will be impossible to forget." He smirks seeing the older blush. "Seriously though, I know I have to keep myself together if I want to keep seeing you at all."
"That's exactly right." Seokjin kisses the tip of Namjoon's nose and then backs away to finish getting dressed. "I'm going to go home. I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay?"
"Okay, hyung. Goodnight." The two kiss one more time, and Seokjin smooths down his hair as he walks to the door.
"Goodnight, Namjoon." He leaves the room and closes the door behind him, inhaling to calm himself and putting on a professional face and demeanor as he exhales, in case he passed anyone he knows. Thankfully, the halls he has to walk on the way out are empty, and once he's in his car, he breaks out into a goofy grin that doesn't leave his face, even after he gets home.