It had been a while since Aiinata left me here.In this empty room.
I had changed and now I sat gazing into the yellowish orange flames burning the wood in the fireplace.It was getting cold out due to the heavy rainfall that had stopped a few minutes ago.Cold winds found their way inside from the open patio doors.
I got up and closed them.I didn't want the comfort of the stars tonight.Nor that moon which hung brightly in the cloudless sky taunting me of my incompetence.Sharing it's glory for the bottomless pit of darkness that had made it's home inside my heart. I didn't need it today.Not anymore.
I came back and assumed my position of sitting before the fire.I pulled my knees up to my chest and folding my hands over it,lowered my head on them and contented myself by gazing into the fire that had successfully destroyed my dream,unknowingly.The flames devoured the whole wood pieces slowly and efficiently not leaving a single place alone.No resistance was offered by those wood logs.Only the cackling sound of burning filled the otherwise vacant and silent room.
How magnificent yet ferocious.
Was that how it happened..?
Everything destroyed in just a small span of time.Burned to the ground.All those plants and those..
"Zairi..?" A knock on the door and Ainata's voice stopped my thought process but I didn't turn to look at her.She didn't enter and I didn't offer her to come inside.
"Zairi. Granna wants to talk to you."She said still standing by the door afraid of my tumultuous emotions all over the place.I knew she didn't want to hurt me anymore than I already was.She was trying to be helpful.But right now I didn't want to talk to anyone. Didn't want to even see anyone.I didn't know what I would tell Granna. In the state I was,I was afraid to say the wrong thing and that was the last thing I wanted.She had successfully taken my Ma's role here and I held the same respect and love towards her that I held for my Ma. Granna won't ignore today's events.She would want to know the truth.A truth I was incapable of giving her.She will wage a war on her own kind because of me.
How can I do that to her? How can I snatch the only happiness in her life by being mean and selfish.?How can I be the reason that tears her apart from the people, who were a big part of her life?
"No,I don't want to talk to anyone right now.Please tell Granna.I want to be alone." I whispered the words knowing that Aiinata will hear them .
"I know that you are hurting right now but it will do you good to talk about it.Keeping it all bottled inside won't make it go away.From the moment you have been here you are doing that.You have to talk to Elder Kurona." She insisted.
I shook my head slightly."I cannot break her heart like mine is breaking,Aiinata.I won't let her go through that pain.She means much more to me."
"But Elder wants you to.."
"Aiinata I know she's worried about me but I need some time to myself.I am in no condition to talk about it again.I need some time to take it all in first.Please make her understand.It's already late.I promise I'll talk to her in the morning." I said not averting my face from the flames licking the fire wood.
I heard her sigh .She took the few steps towards me and bent to my level.Taking my face in her hands she kissed my forehead "You are not alone.I am always here for you.Never forget that."
I pressed my hand over her and conveyed my gratitude.
She left after that leaving me to my solitude.
My eyes were getting heavy.The fire had started dwindling so I added few more log pieces and laid down facing the fire.Not yet ready to let it get out of my sight.
My ankle throbbed as I stretched down on the carpet.I winced at the pain.I had forgotten all about it in today's events but now it was making it's presence known.I didn't move and suffered the small agony.On their own accord my eyes closed and I started feeling asleep.I guess it was catching up to me. Everything that happened today.
For the first time since I had started living here,I didn't wait for him.
Strange noises entered my sleep.I ignored it in my lethargic state not paying it much attention.I was about to collapse in deep sleep again when the sounds got louder.I willed my eyelids to open.My gaze went on to the fire that died in the hours I was asleep.I yawned and stretched my body.Rubbing my arms when a chill made me shudder.I should have taken a quilt to cover myself up.
I sat up in the dark room.A groaning noise had my eyes zeroing on the bed.It was really dark.With the patio doors shut tight and the fire dead,it was much darker than usual.I was starting to get a bad feeling.I felt uneasy.My heart hammered in my chest.A restlessness surrounded me.
The squeaking sound of the bed had me alert instantly.What are these noises.?Was Aeran having a bad dream..? I narrowed my eyes in the direction the sounds were coming from.
A feminine giggle reached my ears then and my body tensed.It changed to a long moaning sound.My heart started burning.But I didn't pay any heed.My instincts were screaming at me to get out of the room instantly.To not go further.To disappear from that place immediately.
I resisted.But it felt as if my body had a mind of its own.My mind lost all the power and my heart preceded to take the actions that were eminently taking me to my downfall.And I couldn't do anything but follow.
I got up slowly and took a few steps towards the bed.The burning got intense as I started closing the distance.Each step I took made me shudder in pain.Making me physically unable to move.I willed my hands to clutch my heart because it literally felt as if it will bleed out any second.I willed my legs to stop as well but they didn't stop moving.They continued supporting my weight.
I was almost to the bed.I was afraid of what I'll find.
"Yes Aeran,like that.Aah..Aaahh..Right there..Oh yes.."
My feet stopped suddenly.I froze not aware that I had stopped breathing. My mouth falling open.My heart burned but my eyes took it all in.Saw it all.
There, right a few paces from me,two bodies were writhing and too lost in ecstasy to acknowledge my presence.My legs trembled and I fell down hard on the ground.My knees will bruise by tomorrow, no doubt.My legs no longer capable to support me.
My eyes didn't leave the scene playing out before me.They are....they...
No coherent thoughts formed my head.My heart stopped beating.I couldn't feel or hear the thumping sound anymore.The last piece of my soul crumbled and fell.
When a long masculine growl accompanied the satisfied feminine groan,I jerked.I saw it all happen.The male body above fell down on the female one heavily,completely oblivious of the world around.No grunts left the female body.She cradled his head on her chest ,eyes closed in relief and complete, utter delight.A sigh escaped those red puffed lips.Those eyes then diverted to me and a sensual smile covered her mouth.
I gasped unceremoniously.The male head jerked to me then and I saw the shock in those hazel eyes.
My head felt dizzy but still I didn't let go of the breath held inside.
I scrambled to get up,falling back again because of the uncoordinated motion of my muscles.
I tried again and finally established my task of getting up.I walked backwards one step at a time.I saw him getting up and out of her.The popping ,wet disgusting sound reaching my ears.I looked at him horrified.
"No..Wait..." He stretched his hand out palm up as if trying to sooth a frightened animal.
I didn't wait.I ran out banging the doors open.I ran and ran wildly not paying any heed to the pain.As if something went unhinged in me.
Not stopping even when I heard his agonized scream "Zairiyaaaa........"
I ripped open the main doors and ran in the muddy ground to the only place that was my own.
Barefooted I reached the ashes not registering the pain of the sharp rocks on my heels or the soreness of my ankle and crumbled down with the weight of my pain.
Falling down I tried controlling my sobs that were erupting deep from my lungs.It was getting difficult to breath.Everything was closing in on me.I couldn't take it.The red hue was clamoring and fighting to escape out of my eyes.I shut them tight.But it kept on banging against my walls.The agony was too much to keep inside.It kept on escaping the holes that were slowly tearing apart my heart.
I couldn't manage to control it any longer
A sad wail erupted from deep inside my soul.I kept on shrieking until it started hurting my throat. Until it was sore.And even then I didn't stop.
Everything inside me cried but my eyes .