When a good thing goes bad it's not the end of the world
It's just the end of a world that you had with one girl
Setting: CAST Recovery Center, Malibu, California
There was a white, Steinway baby grand piano that sat in the sun room facing the ocean that Demi had been walking past every day for the past two months, but she could never muster up enough courage to sit down and run her fingers over the smooth keys or even play a single note. Music used to be what ran through her veins but she hadn't played anything since before the miscarriage, so it's not like she could blame it on that. It was just her. And maybe that was weird because she always said that music is what she needed to survive but that wasn't the case anymore. She just couldn't play. She couldn't write. She couldn't appreciate it like she used to. So, even though she hesitated near the glass door and almost let her finger tips brush against the steel handle, she caught herself and continued her walk back to her room so that she could take a nap before being forced into one of their afternoon activities. Her roommate seemed to have a different idea though.
What she had learned about Cassie was that she was loud, she snored, and she was a huge Beyonce fan. Since Demi had finally attended all of her therapy sessions without skipping, one of the nurses had put a TV in their room and Cassie finally stopped being so mean to her. Apparently watching TV was a privilege and they had curfews and everything, but Cassie had been watching the same Beyonce documentary on HBO ever since. Usually Demi managed to slip out of the room to read one of the books that Kris had sent to her but today, she wanted to nap. So, even though she wasn't really trying to, she still found herself watching it as she tried to dose off.
Then suddenly she was watching Beyonce talk about a miscarriage that Demi wasn't even aware that she had, and then she was listening to a song about it as well. And then Demi was crying, and her sobs must've freaked Cassie out because next thing she knew, she was being escorted to an emergency therapy session. But she couldn't stop crying. It was like that day in the hospital all over again.
"Demi, what happened?" Ella Thornberry was her therapist and she was really sweet and she didn't make Demi talk about things that she didn't want to, but she was so good at coaxing information out of her that Demi was really convinced that these were things that she did want to talk about. And today wasn't any different. She was rubbing her back the same way that Kris did whenever she was crying, and she kept offering her tissues as if that would do anything to stop her sudden onslaught of tears.
"I don't know. Cassie was just playing this documentary...that Beyonce documentary. And she started talking about how she had a miscarriage and then she sang this song. I don't even know when I started crying, I just did..." Demi cried as Ella continued to rub her back.
"How did you feel when you heard the song?"
"Bad...just bad."
"Why, Demi?"
"Because the same thing happened when we were at the hospital, when Trey took me there in the middle of the night. And they did an ultra sound to see if they could see if anything was wrong and there was no heart beat because the baby was already dead. And then I saw Trey's face and he was crying, and he never cries, ever, and I know he hates me because I killed our baby...it was my fault," Demi sobbed as Ella plucked another tissue from the box and handed it to her.
"Did he tell you that?"
Trey didn't say anything about the baby after the miscarriage. They barely even saw each other until she was in the hospital again after trying to overdose. Even then, they didn't talk much until she was breaking down in his arms and apologizing for killing their child. And he didn't say anything. He didn't say it wasn't her fault or that he didn't blame her, he just held her and rocked her back and forth, and kissed her temple. But he didn't say anything to go against what she kept crying about so she had assumed that he blamed her too. And she wasn't mad at him for it either.
"No, but it is my fault. I did kill our baby because I'm stupid and I don't like to eat and I spent an entire weekend away drinking wine and I'm so dumb. It's all my fault that my body wasn't strong enough. It's all my fault," she whimpered.
"Have you asked Trey to come and visit you? I heard your visitation got extended to two hours instead of one. Would you like it if he came to see you?"
"He doesn't want to see me, he hates me."
"Did you ask him?" No. But if the roles were reversed, Demi would hate him.
"How about we ask him to come down this weekend? You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to, but I think it would be good for him to see you. You've made so much progress, he'll be happy to see you."
Demi wanted to object but all of her fight was gone. So, she just went along with it. That's all she could do at this point.
True to her word, on Saturday morning Demi was waiting with Ella in the visitation room for Trey to arrive. For the past two months, she had been roaming these halls like a zombie but she had actually put effort into her appearance today. She had brushed her face with makeup, curled her eyelashes, and let her hair fall down her back all pretty and wavy. Instead of sweatpants or leggings, she was wearing a nice dress that Kendall had brought for her from Paris and she felt like a teenage girl waiting with her mom for her date to pick her up and take her to the movies.
When she stopped anticipating his arrival, that was when he walked in, wearing a light blue hoodie that looked so good against his skin and a pair of jeans with white Puma shoes. He had sunglasses on as he signed in but once he had accepted his name sticker and turned around, he took them off and her breath literally caught in her throat. Ella placed a hand on her shoulder as she waved Trey over but Demi was frozen, which was ridiculous because it was Trey. She knew Trey. He knew her. They knew each other. But it still felt like they were meeting for the first time and there was so much that Demi wanted to say to him, so much she wanted him to say to her, but once he reached their table and said hi, she couldn't even open her mouth.
"Demi, why don't you take Trey on a little tour and then meet me in my office in an hour?" Ella suggested, but she was already getting up to leave so Demi figured that it was more of an order. She patted her shoulder before she left them alone and Demi fiddled with the charm bracelet that Kourtney said North and Penelope had picked out for her.
"So...how about that tour?" Trey said as he stood up, so Demi did as well, almost mechanically. He didn't even know where he was going but he still started to walk before she did, so she forced herself to follow him.
"This place is beautiful," Trey commented as they began their walk down the hall that looped around the entire center.
"Yeah..."
"Must feel like paradise."
"I think it's a little closer to prison, just a little nicer though," Demi retorted in a quiet voice, causing him to chuckle.
"Are you okay here?"
"I mean, I guess. The people are really nice, the food is okay, we get to go to the beach on the weekends. I think I'm okay," Demi replied as she folded her arms across her chest.
"I'm sorry I haven't come to visit you. I asked Kris about it and she said I would have to contact you but you don't have a phone and I thought we just needed some space," Trey explained as Demi slowly nodded her head.
"I wouldn't want to visit either. Oh, here's the sunroom. Some girls come in here to paint and stuff," Demi pointed out, but before they could continue walking Trey went to open the door.
"Can we go inside?"
"I mean, yeah, but why?" Trey was already inside so Demi followed after him.
"You've probably produced masterpieces on this piano," Trey joked as he sat at the bench but Demi shook her head.
"We should go, I don't want to be late to meet Ella..."
"Why did you say 'I wouldn't want to visit either?'" Trey questioned, turning to face Demi as she leaned against the piano.
"What?"
"What you said earlier when I explained why I hadn't come to visit..."
"Because," Demi started off, feeling her voice break in weird places before gulping down her tears. "You know why."
"Demi, if this is about the miscarriage..."
"Don't."
"No, we have to talk about it. Is that why you think I haven't come to visit you? Because I'm upset about the miscarriage?"
"You hate me..." Demi trailed off, feeling her eyes prickle with tears as Trey stood up to approach her but she shook her head as she backed away from him.
"No, I don't. I don't hate you, Demi. I was never mad about the miscarriage. Upset? Yes. But it had nothing to do with you. Demi, do you know what the doctor told me after I went out to talk to him while you were sleeping?"
"No...what'd he say?"
"He said that if you kept the baby with the body that your state was in, eventually, they'd have to make a choice between you and the baby," Trey stated, causing Demi to furrow her eyebrows.
"What?"
"I loved our baby, and I'm sad that he's gone, but I can not picture my life without you. Even if we're not together, even if we never get back together ever again, even if we're not talking...just knowing that you're still alive and you're still okay is all that matters to me, okay? I don't hate you. I could never hate you," Trey explained, causing Demi to finally let her tears fall as Trey pulled her in for a hug. She tucked her head into the crook of his neck as she continued to cry and he tried the best that he could to comfort her. Seeing Demi like this, seeing her so broken but on the way to healing was so different, and all he wanted was for her to be okay. That's it. He didn't care about anything else. He just wanted Demi to be Demi again.
"Hey," Demi answered after finally hitting the answer button.
"Hey...are you home?" Trey asked, causing Demi to nod until she remembered that he couldn't see her.
"Yeah, um, I think I'm going to make dinner or something. What's up?" Demi said, putting her phone on speaker so that she could quickly get dressed. It was time for her to eat and knowing Kris she had stocked the refrigerator and the pantry to full capacity.
"You're going to cook?" Trey questioned as Demi giggled and headed down the stairs.
"Crazy, right? But yes, I am. So, what's up?" Demi repeated as she turned on the lights in the kitchen. It was so quiet in the house. Maybe she should've asked Max to make a detour to her parents' house so that she could get her dogs.
"Oh, um, I was going through some things and some of your stuff is still here. I was wondering if you'd like to come and pick it up," Trey said as Demi set her phone on the counter and opened the refrigerator.
"Um, you can just throw it out or give it to charity or something. I mean, if it's been over there that long it's obviously not that important. Thanks for letting me know though," Demi said, pulling out chicken breast, spinach, and brown rice. That seemed easy enough to cook.
"You don't want to come and get it?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because the last time I came to get something from your house, I ended up pregnant," Demi said through a chuckle as she tied her hair into a ponytail.
"Oh...well...okay. If you do want to come and get it though...just let me know, okay?"
"Okay."
"And I'm glad you're home and you're okay..."
"Thank you, Trey. I'm going to start cooking and lord knows I shouldn't be distracted while doing that so have a good night," Demi said.
"Oh yeah, you too. Bye."
"Bye."
And then the phone call was finally over and Demi felt like she could breathe again. She hadn't seen Trey since he came to visit her in rehab and that was only one time. And she wasn't sure if she was completely ready to see him either. There was so much that she had learned about herself, so much that she had realized about their relationship and the way that they functioned and she just needed time to adjust. That's all she needed. Time.
As Demi was flipping one of the chicken breasts over in the skillet, she heard barking outside of her door, and then a few moments later she actually heard the doorbell ring. She hadn't given her address out to a lot of people but she still wasn't sure who could be visiting her. And she didn't really want visitors either. She was about to conquer her first meal post rehab and she wanted to do it without getting stared at like she was a freak for taking so long to finish one meal.
The door swung open and for the first time in three months, Trey saw Demi. And she looked breathtaking. The one time that he had seen her in rehab, she was timid and nervous and the visit had ended with her crying in his arms, but she looked different now. She didn't have bags under her eyes anymore, her hair was a little longer, her face a little fuller, her cheeks a little pinker...she just looked so beautiful and...confused?
"Um, what are you doing here?"
Trey was so caught up in staring at her that he completely forgot the reason why he had went through so much trouble to come and see her.
"Oh, well just making sure that you don't burn your new house down," he joked, and then her eyes widened and suddenly she was running into the kitchen. Trey took that as his cue to come in so he took the two dog carriers with him then closed the door behind him. It was easy to find the kitchen with the open floor plan and when he entered, he saw Demi flip something over in a skillet then turn the eye down.
"Guess I came just in time," Trey said with a chuckle as Demi playfully rolled her eyes.
"Not to be rude but I didn't give you my address..."
"I know, so I went to your parents' house to get it but they didn't have it but they did have your dogs. Then I went to Kris's house and she only told me your address because I told her you might want your dogs so don't be mad at her," Trey explained as Demi walked around the counter and knelt to the ground, unzipping both carriers and smiling wide as Batman and Robin basically attacked her and licked all over her face.
"You didn't have to bring them. I was going to pick them up tomorrow."
"I know but I figured your first night in a new house would be lonely and I didn't want you to be by yourself," Trey said as Demi stood up and offered him a smile.
"Thank you, Trey. I really appreciate it. Um, have you eaten anything?"
"I don't have to stay if you don't want me to."
"No, you can...you can stay. As long as you help me finish dinner," Demi said, gesturing towards the uncooked spinach on the counter.
"Okay, deal."
I didn't want y'all guessing what happened between her and trey, which is why i added this part in. By no means are they together or getting back together anytime soon, just FYI. Thoughts?