Now my heart is open
I can finally breathe
Setting: Hidden Hills, California
"So, why didn't she just come here since she got out last night?" Kylie questioned as she watched her mother bustle around the spacious gourmet kitchen trying to put away all of the new items that had just been delivered to the house.
"You make it sound like she just got out of jail," Khloe chuckled as Kylie lightly shrugged her shoulders.
"Well she was only allowed to use her phone on the weekends, it might as well be," Kylie mumbled as Kris huffed.
"You know, you guys could help. She's supposed to be here any-"
"GUYS. LOOK WHO'S HERE!" Kim exclaimed as she walked into the kitchen with a nervous Demi trailing behind. All six sisters immediately engulfed Demi in a huge hug, causing her to giggle as they bombarded her with questions and "I missed you's" and a few kisses here and there.
"Okay, guys, let her breathe," Kris chuckled, and once they let her go Kris wrapped her arms around her and kissed her forehead. Demi felt herself relax into her touch and smiled and Kris squeezed her before letting her go. "I thought you weren't going to be here until later?"
"I was stalling...this place is beautiful. Thank you for doing this for me," Demi said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear as Kris rubbed her back.
"It's no problem, sweetie. This is the only thing you asked for and you know I love doing stuff like this," Kris said as Demi nodded in appreciation.
"Um, we can take you around and give you the grand tour, just to make sure you like everything," Kim suggested once she noticed how teary-eyed Kris was. Demi nodded and then she was whisked away to tour the house as Kris used a spare tissue to dab at her eyes.
Six months ago, Demi had been rushed to the hospital at 2:40 in the morning, cramping and bleeding like she was on her period. Six months ago, they had all sat in the room when Demi woke up and had to listen to Dr. Crane explain to her that her body just couldn't handle the pregnancy and that's why she had miscarried. Six months ago, Kris had watched Demi break down until there was only a shell of herself left, blaming herself for the loss of her baby. At first, they had tried to tiptoe around her. They tried to give her time and space. They tried to make her as comfortable as possible. But Demi slipped deeper into depression every day until she attempted to down a bottle of pills and was rushed to the hospital again. Then, when they were at the hospital the nurse who was attending to her left the pills near her, and that's when she downed the rest of them then spat "you fucking bitch, if I just tried to kill myself why would you give me pills?" and that's when Kris knew that something much more serious was going on besides her just being upset about the miscarriage.
She stayed in the hospital while everyone tried to work out what was best for her. And she didn't want to go. Who actually wanted to go to treatment? Kris was going to give up until one night, after a visit from Dianna, she broke down in Trey's arms about how guilty she felt for basically killing their child and how it was all her fault and she didn't want to be like this anymore. Kris didn't know what Dianna had said to her that triggered Demi's breakdown but a few days later she was checking into CAST Recovery Center in Malibu and saying her goodbyes to everyone. And now, here she was, five months later, back at home and Kris had no idea how to handle the situation. There was so much that she did know how to handle, so much she did know to do, but dealing with someone who had just gotten out of rehab? Kris really felt lost.
The house was beautiful. Kris was seemingly good at everything, including home décor and real estate. But it was also huge and this was going to be her first time really living alone in about a year. She had lived with Trey then when they broke up she immediately went to live with Kris. Then she went into treatment. She didn't know how to be alone but she needed to learn, and she knew that.
"So, since we didn't really get to celebrate your birthday, we were thinking that we could take a trip somewhere. Anywhere you wanna go," Kendall proposed but Demi shook her head.
"I don't really want to celebrate. Maybe we could all just hang out over here? Have a sleepover," Demi suggested, and since they just wanted her to be comfortable they all began to eagerly make plans about tacos, Victoria's Secret pajamas, and chick flicks. Demi let them make whatever plans they wanted to because she knew they were just excited about her being home. Probably more excited than she was.
A few hours later, Kris had finished setting everything up and the girls had gone to get food and everything so Demi was just laying down on the couch in the living room because she really didn't know what to do with herself. She could've gone with them but she didn't really want to be out in public. And she had finally turned her phone on and was trying to respond to all of the messages she had received but she couldn't keep up.
Settling on the fact that the girls probably wouldn't be back for a while, Demi decided to go upstairs and take a bath just to calm down. The bathroom was to die for, covered in grey and white marble with a tub that looked like a giant bowl. Kris really went all out to make Demi feel comfortable and she really appreciated her for that, so she made a mental note to take her out to dinner or something just to thank her. Kris hadn't stuck around for long after the girls gave her a tour and asked her about how she felt and all of those mandatory questions that you were supposed to ask someone after they got out of rehab. And Demi knew why. Kris didn't know how to handle the situation and she didn't want to make Demi feel uncomfortable or awkward, so she removed herself from the situation.
And Demi was actually thankful for that. She wished everyone would take a page out of Kris's book. She just needed time to adjust and she needed some time alone. The worst thing about rehab was that she was never alone. There was always someone there; a nurse, her roommate, a doctor, her therapist...always someone looking over her shoulder to make sure that today wasn't the day that she was going to have a mental breakdown or shut down, to make sure that she was eating all of her food, to make sure she was gaining weight, to make sure that she wasn't slipping back into the depression that had landed her in rehab. It was a lot...for anyone. And all Demi wanted was to be alone.
The tub filled up rather quickly so Demi quickly threw in one of the bath bombs that Kris had stashed in one of the cabinets then quickly, avoiding looking into the mirror across from the sink. She slipped into the tub, letting the baby pink water wet the ends of her hair as she took a deep breath and felt herself immediately relax. They didn't have tubs of any sort in rehab in fear that someone would try to drown themselves. But something that Demi had quickly learned that if someone is desperate enough, they'll find a way to kill themselves.
Once she dried her hands off on one of the fluffy white towels, she grabbed the iPhone 8 plus that Max had gotten for her last night and scrolled through all of her notifications. She stopped when she saw a message from a number that she hadn't saved, but considering the contents of the message, she knew who it was.
She couldn't stop crying. Every time she thought she was okay, every time that she thought she could finally breathe again, she would realize how empty her stomach felt and she would start crying all over again. After her little freak out yesterday, the nurses had recommended that everyone leave to give her space. Of course, they put up a fight, but after Demi basically cussed all of them out and had an emotional breakdown, they decided to give her space. No one bothered her. The nurses only checked on her when necessary, or when they had to sit next to her bed and watch her eat. She was finally alone. And she felt emptier than ever. And that's why she couldn't stop crying.
"Hey, Demi, there's someone here to see you, if that's okay," Demi heard behind her, but she didn't bother to turn around. She was lying on her side, looking out of the window at the brightly lit city with tears silently falling down her cheeks as she held her belly. Her empty belly.
"Just press the button when you want them gone, okay?" Demi still didn't say anything. She heard footsteps, and then Dianna was pulling a chair up next to her bed, the chair that Trey had been sitting in before, and she was sitting in front of her with tears in her own eyes.
"If you want me to leave, just nod or say something. I don't want to make you uncomfortable," Dianna started off, but Demi didn't do anything. She just stared at her.
"Are you comfortable? Do you need some more blankets or a heating pad or anything? Are you still cramping? I know when I miscarried it felt like I was cramping for months," Dianna said, brushing a piece of hair off of Demi's forehead as Demi sniffled.
"You had a miscarriage?"
"Yeah...right before you were born. Eating disorders and pregnancies don't mix," Dianna wistfully said as Demi furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.
"Demi, I have to apologize to you, even if you don't accept my apology. Seeing you like this breaks my heart because I didn't want you to be like me, I didn't want you to turn out like I did. But I was obsessed with perfection and even though I tried so hard to get better, to make myself better, to become the mother that Patrick believed that I could be, I didn't. You were my miracle baby and I let you slip right through the cracks and for that, I am so sorry," Dianna apologized, her own tears starting to fall as she continued to stroke Demi's hair away from her face.
"After the miscarriage, I tried so hard to get better because I wanted another baby so bad, but I didn't have a strong support system. But then I got pregnant with you, and I fought so hard to keep you. I forced down so many meals and I did everything that I could to keep you, and you know what? I should've gone to treatment. I should've tried harder. I should've worked more. Because if I really dedicated myself to the process, if I had really wanted to get better, you wouldn't be like this. So, like I said before, I am so sorry." Dianna's hand found hers and for once, Demi didn't coil away.
"I guess the reason why I'm telling you this is because I heard the doctors and the nurses. Eddie said they want you to go into a treatment program and it may seem like the scariest thing in the world, but you have a whole village of people behind you and I think you should go. Because if you don't, you'll be just like me, and I know that's the last thing that you want," Dianna joked, just to lighten the mood, as Demi slowly nodded her head.
"If I haven't convinced you, at least consider it. You have so many people rooting for you, including me, and I just want you to be healthy and happy, and I don't want you to ever have to go through anything like this ever again. Okay? I'll leave you alone now, I just...my therapist thought I should come and try to talk to you. Okay? I'll let you be," Dianna's voice was merely a whisper towards the end. She stood up and kissed Demi's temple, letting her lips linger there for a second before she pulled away, flashed her a watery smile, and then walked away.
Demi closed the message and let her head fall against the edge of the tub as she closed her eyes, and let her hand run over her stomach. Her flat stomach. The miscarriage was something that she had kind of gotten over but the reaction she had to it still baffled her because she had barely even wanted the baby. Trey was the one who read to him every night and kissed her stomach and rubbed cocoa butter on her to prevent stretch marks, yet she was the one who had the mental breakdown after losing the baby. She was the one who had to go into treatment to learn how to move on. It was kind of crazy how you don't realize how much you really want something until it's gone.
Treatment forced her to think about things that she didn't want to, things that she would've just brushed to the side. Treatment forced her to heal, forced her to come to terms with all of the grudges that she held onto, knowingly and unknowingly. But after five months she felt an odd sense of freedom that she didn't have before treatment, so maybe it really had worked. Only time would tell.
Demi opened her eyes and it was dark outside. The water she was sitting in was freezing cold and her phone was ringing. She sat up, the water swishing around her, as she unplugged the tub and grabbed her towel so that she could get out. She didn't even realize that she was that tired until she fell asleep in the middle of her bath. She grabbed her phone and padded into her bedroom, fumbling around for the lights until she found the switches and flicked all of them, instantly brightening the room. Her phone started ringing again so Demi finally swiped the answer button across the screen and pressed the phone to her ear.
"Hey, where are you guys? I thought you were getting tacos and pajamas?" Demi questioned as Kim chuckled in her ear.
"Demi, we all know you didn't want to be bothered with us tonight. We'll have our sleepover another time. Just get some rest, get settled in, we don't want to bother you," Kim explained as Demi sighed in relief. God bless Kim for being able to read people so well.
"Thanks, um...I think I'm going to go over to Kris's tomorrow for breakfast. Maybe we could all go shopping afterwards? Start there...?" Demi suggested.
"Yeah definitely. Get some sleep, love. Love you," Kim said before hanging up.
Before Demi could set her phone down so that she could finally put some clothes on, her phone started to ring again but this time she wasn't so quick to answer it. Because it was Trey.
It's gonna be a little sad for a bit bc this chapter and the next chapter have flashbacks but it gets better i swear! Thoughts?