AUTHORS NOTE- I really could not make myself write in 3rd person, so I'm changing it to first person, I hope you guys don't mind! XOXO
"No, I can't be here," I gasped out, backing up, my eyes flying around the court.
"You're safe. Hey," he said, gripping my arm and turning me to face him. "You're safe, Clary. I'm here. Nothing is going to happen to you, I wouldn't let anything or anyone hurt you."
"You don't understand. The Queen hates me, I can't-- this isn't--"
"You may not be on hugging terms with her, but I am. I've already spoken to her about our arrival. I told you, I was invited. I made sure you could come too."
"At what cost?" I asked with a form of bite in my tone.
"I've done much for her. This was the least she could do for me."
"What exactly is this?"
"I'll explain--"
"And he arrives," an all too familiar soothing female voice said.
I turned to find the Seelie Queen as beautiful as she had been the last time I'd seen the bitch. Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms and began glaring daggers at her.
Sebastian's hand touched my bare arm again as if saying to play nice.
The Queen's blue eyes darkened a little as they landed on me, yet a smile played across her lips.
"Look who we have here," she said, her voice full of control as if it was made of power.
"Nice to see you," Sebastian said, giving her a smile. She knew him well enough to see that there was a sort of tightness and strain to it. Somehow, that made me feel a little bit better.
"I was surprised to see you show. Didn't think she'd want to show her face here," she responded, her eyes studying me again as if she could very well see into my head.
"You are correct about that. I was tricked into coming," I said honestly, harshness laced in my tone.
"Well, if I were you, I'd be grateful for me allowing you to be here with the rights you have. Your brother," she strained on the word, "is usually the only Shadowhunter I allow to have full rights here. In fact, I think he's the only Shadowhunter even invited to these parties."
Not knowing or caring what to say, I didn't respond to that, giving the conversation to Sebastian.
"And for that, I am forever grateful. You do host the best parties in all dimensions," he gave her a wink.
She laughed lightly, her eyes sparkling at him, puffing out her chest in the slightest bit. Unease settling into my stomach, my eyes shifting between Sebastian and the Queen. They were both smiling at each other, the Queen flipping her long fiery red hair over her shoulder, her straight white teeth shining.
"Let's go get you a drink," Sebastian said, guiding me to the ballroom. "Lovely seeing you," he said over his shoulder.
I could almost hear the Queen scoff as she stalked away, leaving me smiling.
"What was that?" I asked him, not finding it in myself to look up at him, trying hard not to focus on his hand on my lower back.
"Conversation, sister. Believe it or not, some people actually enjoy talking to me."
I rolled her eyes at him, smirking. "Woah, really? I would've never guessed." But I quickly realized that my words were completely contradicting themselves. I found herself actually enjoying conversation with him. Not that I'd ever admit the words to him.
"What cruel words you speak with, I'm unsure why I keep you around," he said, looking down at me with a loose smile. He loved our little arguments as much as I did.
"And I wonder why I choose to hang around your sorry ass as well. Guess we're both left wondering."
We got to the walkway I so greatly remembered. The one where I'd once looked at and wanted desperately to join before Jace had made me see what it really was. The people dancing were stuck there eternally. Once you walked in, you were there forever.
I paused in the open doorway, my heart picking up in my chest due to my nerves. I didn't trust the Seelie Queen at all. If anything, she'd purposely lock me in there.
"Are you sure about this? What if she lied? What if I get stuck in there forever-"
"You won't, Clary," he said, his eyes connecting with mine and holding, his gaze full of depth that I couldn't comprehend. He brushed my hair aside, his skin lightly brushing against the bare skin on my shoulder. Though I tried not to make any reaction to this, I found myself jumping at the contact, his touch leaving behind a hum of electricity. "I told you I would never let anyone hurt you and I intend to live up to it."
I nodded slowly, putting my trust in him. "If I get stuck in here I swear on the Angel I will kill you."
He smirked at me again, his eyes filling with amusement as he said, "can't kill me if I leave your ass in there. Good luck killing me if you can't even catch me."
I smacked him in the arm, biting back a laugh that I really didn't want to let out.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped over the line, frowning when I felt no change. Not that I was expecting anything. Just to make sure, I stepped back out, not meeting an invisible wall or anything.
"Trust me now?" He asked, holding out an escorting arm.
Shaking my head I took it, letting him lead me out onto the floor. I nearly ran into the dancing bodies on the way.
My heart began beating heavily, the dancing calling out to me, drawing me in like arms grasping at my skin and echoing in my head that I needed to join them.
I smiled, the whole environment having such a pulling feel that I immediately began swaying with the music.
"I knew you'd like it," Sebastian said from my side. He held out a glass of pink liquid in front of me, gesturing for me to take it.
"I'm supposed to drink that?" I asked, bluff coating my tone.
"Like I said, you have the rights I do. You can drink it and I'll take you home when you're ready."
"What do you mean? You think I'm going to get drunk?" I raised an eyebrow at him.
"Once you drink it, you're going to want another, trust me."
I took it from him, studying it. "What will it do to me?"
"Anything normal alcohol would, except it tastes much better. It'll just make you not think about anything. No worries, no clear memories-"
Set, I downed the glass somehow, surprised by my own actions. It was a lot of liquid, yet it went down my throat as if it was nothing. It tasted like roses, or how I think roses would taste like if they were anything like the smell.
Sebastian's eyes went wide, as surprised as I was, but ended up grinning at me, his eyes so full of light that it made my smile disappear, just in the act of studying him.
He looked back at me, his smile slowly fading as he picked up on my emotions.
I was reaching for him, my hand nearly reaching his when I was whisked away by someone else, sweeping me away.
Any other time, I would have protested this, totally not okay with anyone putting their hands on my body if I didn't know them, but I wanted to be different. Way more fun, open, and willing. I don't think it was just the liquid that made me do this, but somewhere in me said that this was the right thing to do.
Somewhere in the dancing, I was handed another drink, which I downed, and then handed another almost immediately, which I accepted and drank as well.
At this point, I was gone. My brain had left me and my body had taken over, flowing along with the beat, my dress gliding beautifully with me.
Soon familiar hands collected me, pulling me into their chest and wrapping their hands around my waist.
"Sebastian?" I asked into the open air, not having to look at him to know.
"Not too gone now are you?"
I laughed uncontrollably, thought whatever he had said wasn't that funny.
"Maybe a little too much," I heard him say, barely hearing him over the music.
"I want to do this more often!"
"I'm not sure you will tomorrow morning," he said with a light laugh.
I finally looked up at him, my body pressed against his so when I looked up and with him already looking down at me, our faces were only inches apart. Even in my wasted state, I felt my heart lightly pick up in my chest from the closeness.
"You're very pretty," I slurred out.
He choked on nothing, his steps faltering for a moment before picking back up. For the second time tonight his hand reached up to touch my hair, this time, though, his fingers lingered there, weaving their way into the curls. "As are you," he said carefully, his thumb trailing my cheek.
We remained like that for a while before I drank another one of the pink drinks, even though Sebastian had insisted on me not doing so, and whatever part of me that was still there in my mind vanished.
The beat of the music picked up, as did my dancing, and I wasn't really sure on what I was doing, but I had my back to his chest, his hands around my sides, his face in the crook of my neck.
My hips began moving against him, triggering something in him. He let out a groan, his hands tightening on my sides, pulling me closer to him as if we weren't already on each other.
"By the Angel, Clary-" I heard him groan out in my ear. Hotly, he pressed his lips against my neck, making me tilt my head back, giving him more access.
It was my turn to let out a moan, my hips still moving somehow, leaving me to be confused on how I wasn't a puddle on the floor.
"I want to go," I said breathlessly.
He nodded, drinking another pink drink with me, laughing, as we walked out together, my steps faltering several times. I wasn't nervous when we got to the exit doorway, easily leaving and walking out of the entire court with him, leaving us in the same empty ally as before.
He pushed me up against the brick wall right outside of the portal, his eyes matching mine with desire. I pulled him forwards, our lips meeting feverishly. A noise came from the back of his throat at the contact, his hands snaking down to my waist and grabbing tightly there, holding onto me as if I was going to slide away at any moment.
Just as a moan came from my throat, he yanked away from me, backing up so fast that he nearly tripped. I stepped forwards, alarmed.
"I can't do this to you, you're not sober," he choked out, looking angry- but not at me. "You won't even remember this in the morning."
"Sebastian-"
"No, I'm not going to take advantage of you like that. Especially not in your current state."
I blinked at him, watching him regain control of himself as he looked down at his feet, not looking at me.
"Sebastian. . ." I said quietly, taking a daring step towards him.
"Come on, let's get you home," he said, his voice low.
I was going to follow him, but my feet were too tired, my body too tired. With a smile, I actually laid down on the concreted ground, resting my hands underneath my face.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm too tired, I'll just stay here," I sighed out, letting my eyes fall closed. Sebastian said something, but I didn't hear. Before I knew it, hands were scooping me up as if I weighed nothing.
I jumped, my eyes opening to find Sebastian carrying me, obviously trying not to look down at me. Once again, I felt a smile spread across my face, snuggling myself closer to his chest.
He took a deep breath, his footsteps pausing for a second before he continued.
The world faded away as I fell asleep.
SEBASTIAN
Having to break away from Clary was one of the hardest things I've ever done, the worst kind of torture I'd ever endured. To have to stand there and watch look into her desire filled eyes for once and tell myself that I couldn't indulge in her. To have to feel her skin on mine when we danced, feel her pulse beating wildly against my lips. To have her in my arms, fast asleep, and tell myself that she was not mine to have. Reminding myself that she despises me, always has and always will.
Because I'm a monster.
I don't think you're a monster, she'd once told me. But she had to have been lying. Pitying me because I'd shown vulnerability.
I sighed, stepping in the door to my apartment. At dinner, she had called it home, and that was enough to make whatever was left in my cruel heart stop. She looked so beautiful, as she always did. It didn't matter if it was her waking up in the morning, her hair unbrushed, her face without makeup, in her sleepwear, or a night like tonight, in the sweeping emerald green dress, her hair curled.
I laid her down in bed, not knowing if it would be more responsible to let her sleep in her dress, or change her into something more comfortable.
I didn't have to make the decision, given she sat up groggily, her eyes opening carefully. Luckily, I'd left the lights off.
"Do you want to change?" I asked her.
She nodded but didn't move. "Can I wear one of your shirts? They smell good," she breathed out, closing her eyes again.
If she had been in the right state of mind, I'm sure I would've smirked or made a joke to poke fun at her, but now, I just found the words adorable.
I wanted to punch myself for using the word adorable.
"Of course," I said, heading into the closet and getting my short sleeved plain grey t-shirt.
She was standing up when I walked back in, quietly thanking me for the shirt.
I expected her to go to the bathroom to change but instead, she asked; "Can you unzip this for me?" Motioning to the back of her dress. I took a deep breath, not sure that this was a good idea for myself, but nodded anyway, my fingers gripping the zipper and pulling it down carefully, making sure it didn't get caught in the material.
My finger brushed against the skin of her lower back and I gasped at the electricity that ran between our skin, but pushed through it, blinking hard.
When I was done I made sure to take a few safe steps back, my breathing uneven. Once again, I expected her to go to the bathroom, but she let the dress slip off of her, showing me more skin than I'd ever seen from her.
I tried- by the Angel I tried to not look- but my eyes betrayed me, running over the creamy color of the skin on her back that looked so smooth. I swallowed hard, resisting the urge to forget everything I'd told myself not to do.
She pulled the shirt over her head. I would've laughed about how long it was on her if I wasn't having so much trouble concentrating.
She slipped into bed, pulling the covers up to her waist.
"Goodnight Clary," I said, beginning to leave the room when I heard her voice lightly call out.
"Sebastian?"
I turned around, meeting her sleepy eyes from across the room.
"Can you stay in here with me? Just until I fell asleep?"
I should've said no and walked out for the sake of my rattled emotions, but instead, I nodded for what seemed like the tenth time, but I couldn't form any words.
She held up the covers for me, which surprised me even more. Taking another deep breath, I slid in next to her, pulling the covers over myself even though I didn't need them.
It was quiet, the two of us just staring up at the ceiling.
She moved, turning on her side to face me, her eyes wide and full of curiosity when she met my eyes.
"Why have you been so nice to me?" She asked. "I've always been so cruel towards you. Everyone has."
The question caught me off guard. "I think it's reverse. Why did you come with me when I've done nothing to make you trust me. I've been ruthless towards you and all of your friends, I've killed many, I'm a monster, and yet you still came here with me. You haven't tried to run away or escape and that alone amazes me."
"Because we're the same, you and I," she said, her voice so quiet. My heart picked up more than it already was at her words. I'd told her that once, and she'd tried to kill me for it. "I didn't see it before, but I do now. We need each other. I see the light in you, it has grown even brighter these past few days. And as much as I try and deny it, I feel darkness within me. I think you tame it, you don't judge me for it. We've both lost so much, believed the same things that were lies."
Her arm went over my chest, pulling herself closer to me. I gasped quietly, trying so hard not to shiver or make any movements, really.
"Do you agree?" She asked into my chest.
I think I agreed quietly before I fell asleep with her.
Authors Note;
Hey loves! It has been awhile. I have no explanation for the lack of updates except that I haven't been feeling it. I have my writing spells, and I've been working on a lot of different books and wattpad stories.
Finally, though, I've managed to finish a chapter and love it! Thank you guys so much for 2K reads, I love seeing you all comment how much you're enjoying my writing, it means so much to me.