yixing;
"i need to have a break." i shoved all the works aside and rested my head on the table. i kept staring at my empty ring finger, slowly moving my eyes onto the framed picture of sehun and i took during our days. it's so hard not to have this empty feeling, it's always so hard without sehun around.
i heard a soft knock on the door and i quickly stood up to get it. it was probably tao again. i silently opened the door, revealing a broken hearted sehun, exhaling smoke of air coming from the cold atmosphere. "yixing..." he shivered.
"don't come near me again." i slammed the door shut, leaving him outside to freeze. "leave me."
"i won't leave you." he said audibly through the thin door. "not until you open this door."
i didn't say anything back and just locked him outside for a good ten minutes. i was about to tuck myself in bed but sehun's pitiful face came into my mind. it bothered me alot. even though i forced myself to fall sleep, i still had the urge to let sehun in.
"w-why are you still here?" i asked pitifully. meanwhile, he was cold and shivering but he did his best on hiding it. "i told you to leave." i furrowed my eyebrows.
"why would you come back to open this door?" he asked back. he got me with that question. he got me frozen in spot that i couldn't answer him. the truth is, sehun, i still care for you...but those words couldn't come out of my mouth.
i stared at him until our eyes met. he didn't say anything but his eyes did tell me something. i felt his pity. "fine, come in." i sighed heavily. but he stayed standing in his place with his hands in his pockets. "mweoya? i said come in." i pulled him inside and closed the door.
"are you stupid? do you want to catch a cold for standing so long out there when i already told you to come in?" i groaned.
"and why would you care?" sehun sighed. "you left me long enough out there anyways."
"what's your point being here?" i asked bitterly.
"to be with you again." sehun said without hesitating.
"what a joke." i gave him a bitter laugh. "sit down." i told him while sighing, preparing a nice hot honey lemon drink in the kitchen for him. it's the only great drink i know to avoid catching a cold i guess. later, preparing another hot pack for him underneath.
"drink this." i awkwardly put down the drink on the table infront of him. "it's good for you." sehun half smirked and drank it anyways. i went over to him and put a hot pack onto his forehead, which sehun stared at me and smiled long enough while i carefully took care of him.
"do you know that i haven't caught a cold?" sehun chuckled. "so why are you doing this?"
"you already might be. so it's better to avoid it now." i said.
"just tell me you still care for me." sehun said. "even if it's fake." he looked down on the floor. i didn't reply to him but i let myself get busy to wash the empty mug.
"get lost, sehun." i said. "im done with you."
"i can't, im temporarily kicked out of my house." he said.
"then go to someone else's house! i'll give you an idea, how about baekhyun's place?" i said, being petty. he just chuckled bitterly and saw the glint inside my eyes.
"until when are you going to play with me, yixing?" he asked, stepping closer to me. "because it's not fun anymore. separating away from you isn't fun..."
"until forever." i said.
"baby, please...forgive me for what i've done." he begged, reaching out for my hand.
"i told you to not call me by those sick nicknames anymore." i snapped. "don't you get it? i have a boyfriend...the guy you slapped." i lied, i know nothing about that perverted guy.
"your boyfriend is me, yixing!" sehun said, still holding my hand. "are you fucking kidding me?"
"unfortunately, im not kidding you." i lied. "who are you? that's right, my ex boyfriend." my voice cracked.
"your fucking lies." sehun sounded hurt. "don't ever fucking say im your ex anymore because we never said we broke up. never!" he scolded me. "i know the way you lie, yixing...so don't try to fool me...i know you don't have someone else other than me, i know you're purposefully playing hard to get with me...and trust me, i am getting you whether you like it or not." he walked towards me nonstop which got my back against the wall hard. he trapped me with his arms beside my head.
"you're really something else, you know that yixing? you make me get obsessed over you and you're just leaving me like it's okay!" he said with full of emotions, slamming his hand on the wall and releasing me slowly but his eyes still sharpening into my dark brown eyes. he turned his face away and walked away from me. "i hate you..." he clenched his fists.
"but i love you at the same time..." he loosened his clenched fists, glancing at me over his shoulder.
his hurtful expression and actions, made my heart weak and speechless that i still froze in place with my back against the cold wall. we didn't talk and kept our distance away from each other. i didn't try to kick him out again this time...i won't be fine if he stays at other people's place anyways.
"you can sleep on the couch. don't come into my room like it's fine." i said. he just stared blankly at the ceiling with his arms crossed. i noticed that he was still wearing his promise ring...my heart broke even more.
"i understand." he replied with a raspy voice and i quickly went inside my room trying to sleep the pain away. i cried silently, knowing that i acted too cruel to sehun.
-
sehun;
sleep deprived, that's what i am. insomnia, that's what i have. sleeping is the last thing i can do nowadays. i stared outside the window, waiting for the sun to rise. i grabbed yixing's promise ring from my back pocket and pondered when will it slip inside his ring finger again. i obeyed yixing's rule, i didn't go inside his room neither do i do anything other than sitting on this couch full of memories.
i grabbed the nice wood textured guitar beside the huge plant. i saw yixing play it a couple of times but he always stopped whenever he caught me watching him. i don't know how to play guitar but chanyeol taught me how to play on one song once. the lyrics touched me by heart, that i once heard chanyeol cry while singing it. i tried to gather back the memories of chanyeol teaching me the chords and i practiced it until i got it perfectly right.
somehow, the lyrics are related to my situation with yixing that i got emotionally deep in my feelings while humming to the song. i sighed and memorized back the lyrics.
i was basically bored and didn't have much to do since everyone's asleep. i practiced dancing to a slow song with earphones inside my ear, not wanting to wake yixing up from his sleep. after i drained all my energy, i sat back on the couch with my elbows on my knees, staring blankly infront. waiting for yixing to get up.
-
"what are you doing to my guitar?" yixing groaned, eyeing me.
"have a sit." i smiled but he returned me with a frown. he didn't sit but stare at me with sparkling eyes. i couldn't tell if it was a bad or a good thing. "have a sit, babe." i repeated. he rolled his eyes and took a sit across me. i smiled and chuckled.
"what?" he asked.
"i have a song for you." i said, placing the guitar properly on my lap, placing my fingers on the strings and scoffed.
"you know how to play guitar?" yixing widened his eyes.
"yeah, just for one song." i strummed the guitar randomly. "think about the lyrics, yixing. i beg you." i stared into his eyes meaningfully. he just nodded and i started to serenade the song to him,
in the countless nights i spent resenting you, it feels like im in hell
please just stay by my side, please remain here
don't let go of my hand as you're holding it in yours...
if this takes you a step further away from me, all i have to do is take a step closer...
yixing's face softened and clasped his hands tightly, watching my fingers strumming the strings gracefully.
a thousand times in a day, your face repeatedly appears in my thoughts
the sharp words you said to me, those empty eyes, that cold expression...
you're quite a pretty person, aren't you? please don't do this to me
you know me well enough, don't you?
please just stay by my side, please remain here...
i took a glance at his face, he was covering his face with his hands...trying to stop himself from getting emotional any further.
i can't endure the pain any longer, the days without you
what now? what do i do now?
i really don't know...im nothing without you...
please just hug me, hug me even for a while
without any words, just run towards me
with my lonely and uneasy heart...
im still here here waiting for you, i love you,
i love you,
i shout it out after staying in this long silence
it may seem weak and childish, but it's my true feelings...
i ended the song with a one last strum before glancing at yixing. i didn't even realize he was tearing up because throughout the whole song, i closed my eyes, letting the strong feeling give in. he wiped his tears away and looked at me with guilt.
"don't cry, baby boy." i comforted. "the words in the song are words i can't explain to you..."
"sehun..." his voice unstable. "why do you have to do this..." he stared at me again, with a broken hearted expression.
"come here..." i reached for his hand slowly. "stay beside me." his hand was shaky and cold to my touch. he sat closely beside me, our thighs touching, he cried and cried until he buried his face onto my chest. our hands still holding on, our hearts still broken.
i rubbed his back and sighed heavily, "yixing, you know i won't leave you right?" i said quietly. he nodded, holding my body tight. "then why would you want to leave me?"
i wiped yixing's tears away and he faced me guiltily. "i didn't mean to..." he hugged me tightly and felt his excess tears on my shoulder. his arms wrapped around my neck and didn't want to let go. "im sorry for everything, sehun..."
"i lied about having a new boyfriend..."
"i lied about not loving you anymore..."
"i lied about not having feelings for you anymore..."
"i have never thought of replacing you, sehun. never. because in this broken heart of mine has only one reserved place for you." yixing said. i rubbed his back softly and held him so tight, like im afraid of losing him again.
"remember what i said before giving you back the ring? 'but i love you, sehun' that's what i said...i mean it." yixing sobbed. "i truly mean it."
"baby stop your crying...i know it hurts but it hurts more to see you like this..." i comforted.
"you make me feel guilty and bad, sehun. but that doesn't stop me from loving you."
"im sorry, sehun...i love you too. it's my fault that i fell for you." he muttered.
-
"will you accept my ring back, baby boy?" i asked yixing, handing out the promise ring he used to wear. he just smiled and nodded. i smirked and slipped the ring into his ring finger beautifully like we're marrying each other.
"promises aren't meant to be broken." yixing whispered into my ear. "everyone deserves a second chance, my love."
—
the song i used when sehun was serenading yixing is 'hug me' im so mad at myself that i don't rlly know who the original singer is but i usually listen to park chanyeol's cover of it. it's so beautiful and sad :(