I didn't protest. I was still new to walking this much over such rough terrain and it was killing my feet. Sitting down on a log, I let out a long breath. "How long are we going to be stopping for?" I asked as relief filled me. My feet no longer had to hold up the entire weight of my body.
"Not sure yet," was his distracted answer. He was staring off into space, standing absolutely still. His lips were moving every now and then silently, talking to himself.
I stayed silent for half a minute before I couldn't keep myself from asking. "Zane, what are you doing?"
He didn't even open his eyes to look at me. "Mind palace, thinking," he muttered. His voice was a mixture of annoyance, distraction, and concentration.
Deciding I should just leave him to his own thoughts, I pulled out one of the books from my pack. The cover was a simple faded brown, with gold lettering on the front and along the sides. Beast and Beauty: A Retelling of the Old Classic by Z.K.
This was my absolute favorite story. It was a love story about a young woman who was forced to take her father's place as the prisoner of a beast. At first she doesn't really understand the Beast and hates him for keeping her prisoner. But after a time she comes to know him better and falls in love with him. I had read this story so many times, I was almost sure I knew every word by heart.
Smiling to myself, I opened the book and began to read. I had gotten six chapters in, to the point that Belle had refused to have dinner with the Beast, before I sensed a presence close by. Blinking, my mind slowly pulling out of the world of the story, I glanced up. Zane was crouched in front of me, incredibly close, watching me intently. Startled, I cried out in surprise, rearing back. Loosing my balance, I began to fall backward, the book slipping from my fingers. Crying out in worried fear, I threw my body to the side, reaching out my hands. When I finally hit the ground with a painful thump, I was relieved. The book was cradled protectively against my chest, unharmed. I took in several painful breaths, my side sore from having hit a large rock on my way down. I blinked and I was back in the same position as before, though this time Zane was standing, looking down at me.
"I didn't realize you became so...absorbed when you are reading. It's very...cute."
I blushed despite myself. "I...I do not and I am not."
He grinned, his eyes laughing. "Ana, it's been an hour already. I have been staring at you, watching you read, this entire time."
My face grew hotter than ever before. "I...I...y-you..." I couldn't speak coherently. Instead I brought the book up to hide my face.
Zane's laughter was the most heart-warming sound I had ever heard in my life. Despite myself, I felt tears in my eyes. Blinking rapidly, grateful for the cover of the book, I tried to fight back the mixture of emotions in my heart. I didn't know why I felt sad, hearing that sound. I also didn't know why I felt incredibly relieved or incredibly happy either. I just did.
Honestly.
Completely.
I sucked in a breath when Zane's hand gently pulled the book down, making it so that I could see his face. His expression was filled with so many emotions. Suddenly, it was like he was letting me see his entire soul, laying it all bare in the one, short space of time. Unfortunately, there was too much for me to catch. Too many emotions, too many thoughts.
And, I admitted to myself, I'm too terrified to see all of them.
"Oh, Ana," he whispered softly, watching me closely. "Hopeless Ana."
I lowered my gaze, pulling the book close to my chest once more.
We were quiet for several more minutes. He was the first to speak again, to break the awkward silence. "I see you really, really like that story." His voice pulled my eyes back to his face. He was smiling, a little smug and almost secretive.
"Yes," I admitted slowly. "I do. It's my favorite."
His smile grew even more. "Oh, really? Is it now?"
Feeling like there was something else going on, I nodded. "Yes..."
He suddenly stopped smiling, his expression turning serious. "What is it that you like about it so much?"
I paused, putting my thoughts into words. "Well first off, the heroine loves books, so I identify with her in that respect. Second, she isn't someone of great power or influence. She isn't a princess and she doesn't have any magical abilities or tools, like a lot of other stories I have read. She's honestly just a average woman who just loves to read. She's...normal. Third, she falls in love with Beast not for something as materialistic as his looks or his wealth. Being a beast, he isn't handsome and being that his castle has long been forgotten by the world, it's falling apart. The only thing keeping him and his servants' going is all the magic keeping them alive and helping what fields they have grow to provide food for the livestock."
"No, Belle sees past all that and finds the man beneath, so to speak. She sees his rage at his curse, his hate of it, and his own self-loathing that the choices he made has brought this about not only for himself but to his people. She also sees his curiosity for the world, his interest in it. She sees how he tries to change himself for her, even if she doesn't know why. She finds that underneath all the anger and hate, he does have a gentle soul. He has some humanity, some kindness and compassion. Really, honestly, he is just terribly lonely. For so long he's been cursed, left with only the company of his equally cursed servants. And really, the only thing most of them want is for him to break the curse, that way they can return to normal once more."
"And how can he not feel alone, when most only want one thing from him? When most only see him as the person who destroyed their lives, because they had the misfortune of working for him at the time? Despite the truth of all of this, it doesn't exactly stop the loneliness he feels. He just wants someone to understand him. To see him for himself. To see him in some way that isn't fear, hate, anger, or distrust. To love him, the real him. He's changed, if only a little, over the years. Enough so that now he thirsts for the one thing he had before never thought he would want."
"I love this story because not only does Belle find love. But, most importantly, so does Beast. He finds his one true happy ending. It makes me feel so glad that I always end up crying, no matter how many times I read this story." I admitted the last under my breath, feeling shy suddenly.
Taking in a deep breath, I glanced back up into Zane's face. His expression was unreadable, his eyes hooded. He watched me with a strange expression. Slowly, so slowly it was nearly driving me insane, he sank to his knees. He blinked and his face softened. "Can I kiss you, Ana?" he asked. His voice was just as soft as his face. "Can I take you into my arms and kiss you until you no longer know your own name? Can I hold you, touch you, and love you?"
I paled at his words, feeling so many emotions of my own fly through me. A small part of me was screaming Yes! But the majority of me was screaming No!
My voice came out strangled and choked. "N-n-no!" I breathed out harshly. "No!" I repeated a little more firmly.
His face fell, looking almost heartbroken. Despite myself, I felt terribly guilty and sad, seeing that. I almost took back my words. But taking in a deep breath, I squared my shoulders and forced myself to stay firm. I wasn't the type to throw myself at every sad man I happened to find myself in the company of. Giving myself to another was too important...too big of a decision to make it lightly.
He looked like he wanted to argue, but it lastly for only half a second. He swallowed, blinking several times, before finally nodding. His voice was weary and grudgingly accepting. "All right. I didn't really think you would agree, but I could hope. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ask that or bring it up. But you..." he closed his eyes, a small shudder running through him. When he opened his eyes once more, they stared into my own intently. "You do many things to me, Ana, for better or for worse. Try to remember that," he whispered as he slowly rose to his feet.
He stepped back several feet, giving me space to breathe. "We should keep going," he murmured.
I rose to my feet, shakily putting my book away. Feeling like changing the subject, I asked a question. "What did you mean by 'mind palace' earlier?"
He still wouldn't look at me as he started forward, me trailing behind. "I was referencing a very old show, called Sherlock. It's about a British, high-functioning sociopath who solves crimes as a way of...keeping his mind occupied, I guess you could say?"
I blinked. "What?"
He sighed, still not looking at me. "A TV show. It's short for a television show. Basically, it's a play that's set up and put on somewhere else in the world, far away. It's then recorded. Kind of like writing it down in a book, only it's brought to life by actual people, so that you can see and hear it all. This particular one was a British one, which use to be a country, Before, far to the east, past a huge ocean. I use to watch it because the main character was a lot like me. I wish I could show it to you. Perhaps watching it might help you understand how my mind works better."
I swallowed. "O-okay..."
"The main character, Sherlock, solves crimes that no one else can. He's...he's different from other people. His mind works in ways very foreign from other humans. He doesn't care for people, in fact sees them as below him, because they are. As far as the capabilities of their brains go, nearly none of the other characters can come anywhere to being his equal, let alone surpass him. And I have to agree, at least slightly. I don't solve crimes. That isn't what my mind is focused on, what my brain space is for. But I do use it for magic and look at how that went. I'm the single most powerful magic user in the world. I have no equal."
"I don't...I don't mean that arrogantly. It's just the truth...I'm the only one like this. I haven't come across another, traveling all over not only this world but a few others as well. I've yet to find anyone that could possibly be close to my equal. I'm so high up, so far above not only humans, but all other parts of creation. I'm completely alone..."
I couldn't see his face, and for the most part his voice was emotionless. Even so, I could almost feel the sorrow in his soul, the loneliness, the depression. I made me stumble, barely catching myself on a tree to my right, sucking in a sharp breath. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I blinked, my vision swimming with tears. Half a minute later, I heard his voice from further ahead.
"Ana?" he called uncertainly. "Are you okay?"
I rapidly blinked at my tears, wiping them away, turning my head a little so he couldn't see. "I-I'm fin-ne!" I called back, my voice only shaking a little. "I just tripped again," I lied.
I could hear a tiny hint of laughter in his voice. "Hopeless Ana."
Ignoring his remark, I hurried to hide my thoughts and emotions as I made my way ahead to him. Once I was closer, he started off again. But after that, both of us remained silent.
O O O
And so, the next three days passed. The forest we traveled through was huge. I expected that even after the last three days, we would still have to go another three or four before we reached the end. While we walked, we were mostly silent. I would try to chat with him and for a time we would. Mostly though, I didn't know what to talk to him about.
What do you say to the Demon King? How can you just...start up a conversation with him? Should I bring up the weather? Should we discuss the sights, which are trees and more trees? Should I ask about his past?
There wasn't much of anything in mine.
Do I even want to know his past? I asked myself uncertainly.
On the fourth night on this journey of ours, Zane made camp near a small lake. I stared at the lake once we reached it. Then I turned to Zane. "I'm taking a bath later and if you try to protest or sneak a peek, I will kick you where it hurts, hard."
His lips pulled into a smile, which made my chest hurt. "I never promised I wouldn't look at you, just that I wouldn't touch you." His smile quickly dimmed at my dark, deadly glare. "I was just joking, Ana. Seriously, calm down."
I shook my head. "That wasn't a funny joke."
He sighed. "Just let me know when you want your privacy and I'll go wonder off for a moonlit walk."
I smiled, just a little. "Thank you, Zane."
He smiled back, though it was a very soft smile. "You're welcome, Ana."
We had dinner and afterwards, I watched him walk off into the woods. I had asked him to give me about an hour. Feeling sleepy already, since I wasn't use to the amount of walking I had been doing the past four days, I gathered my things. Stepping to the lake-shore, I removed my dress, shift, and undergarments. Shivering in the slight chill of the night, I stepped into the water. I sucked in a breath at the cold. But once I was in the water, I felt a lot better. Already I could feel the dirt and grim I had gathered over the past few days begin to come off my body. Letting out a little sigh of happiness, I dove under the water.
I had been washing for about ten minutes when a sound behind me make me stop. Letting out an angry growl, I hurried to cover my breasts and my center with my hands, ducking further into the water. "Zane," I grumbled. "What happened to my hour of privacy?"
I expected to hear his voice behind me. Instead I felt unfamiliar hands wrap around me. One came around my mouth, the other my waist. I was pulled back against a hard body and the harsh voice of a stranger filled my ears.
"I figured I'd go out for some late night fishing and what do I find on the end of my hook? Some helpless little girl, all wet and ready for me. I don't know who this Zane fellow is, but it looks like no one's here to protect you, girly. What kind of idiot gets naked in the woods, in the middle of the night, without any form of protection? Well, too bad for you, pretty."
I began to struggle against my capturer, feeling fear even more terrifying than when I first saw Zane fill me. I tried to scream past his hand, but my cries were too muffled. Trying to think, I clamped my teeth around his fingers, trying to get him to release me. The man only laughed. "Ooooh," he moaned. "Pretty, I like it rough. You're just making me more excited." At his words I felt his body react to my actions.
I closed my eyes and let out a tiny whimper. His hold was too strong, too tight. He held me like he knew exactly how I would try to get away. I felt sick. Perhaps I am not the first unsuspecting woman he had done this to?
Then my mind panicked even more. No, I don't want this! I refuse to allow this man to touch me!
I wished that the spell or vow that Zane had cast would work on all men.
ane! my mind remembered. His words...
Hoping my guess was right, I thought with all my might. At the same time, I forced myself to scream his name. I could only pray it would work. My voice was still muffled by the man who was currently letting his left hand move lower along my stomach. It reached the bush of hair above the center of my body. He let out a low pant of excitement before his rough hand cupped me.
I whimpered again in terror at the alien feeling of him touching me.
Zane!
"ZANE!"
Half a second later, a roar filled the air. It was so loud, so mind-numbingly fright-inducing, I passed out at the sound.
Five seconds later, another sound, a sickening sound, made me wake up again. It was the sound of bones cracking, twisting, snapping. I felt my dinner rise up in my throat. Shaking, still filled with terror, I pushed through the water. I could hear the sounds coming from a good fifteen feet away from me, but that was too close. I had just made it to the shore when I lost the battle. Falling on my hands and knees, I threw up.
I was sobbing, tremors running all through me as the sounds behind me continued. Only now, there were followed by growls and the sounds of an acidic hissing. I crawled away from the shore, too afraid to turn around and see what was happening. I made it five feet before my body gave out. I was shaking too much to hold up my weight anymore. I collapsed to the ground, my body still exposed. But in that moment, I didn't care.
I sobbed harder when silence filled the air. I didn't hear any noises anymore. Part of me was relieved, but most of me was scared of what that meant.
A quiet sound made me finally turn my head. I felt the blood drain from my face as I stared back at a pair of purple-black-orange demonic eyes. The pupils were slit, like snake eyes. They were three colors, all in one. I had no way to describe them beyond that. His body was cast in shadow, but I was glad for that. He was standing, panting, staring down at me, at the edge of the lake shore. His eyes held almost no recognition in them. They just stared down at me. I couldn't even tell if there was any lust in his eyes, since he was seeing me naked. All I could make out was burning fury and animalistic wrath.
I couldn't see my attacker from before, but something told me I wouldn't want to see that either. Shuddering, I tried to rise to a sitting position. I was terrified of this Zane. He wasn't Zane in this moment. More than ever, he was the Demon King to me. His eyes watched me dispassionately, following my every small movement, like a hawk.
I didn't even care about my state of undress. The only thing I wanted was to calm him down, calm myself down, and try to find a way to forget about all this. Once I made it to a sitting position, I tried to rise to my feet. My legs were shaking so badly that I began to fall again. Lightening quick, one of his hands reached out to catch me. I flinched from his touch instinctively, fear filling me. Instead of catching me, he was forced back. I barely caught myself, throwing my arms out for balance. It took me a few more tries, but I finally stood. He didn't try to help me again.
Wrapping my arms around myself, I closed my eyes and tried to fight back my fear. When I opened my eyes again, he was still the Demon King. His eyes were still that strange mixture of colors and still held no warmth in them. Swallowing, I took a few steps forward, towards him.
He can't hurt me, I reminded myself. He made a vow that he can't touch me in any way that I find displeasing. Being killed, maimed, or raped are all things I find displeasing. He can't hurt me, I repeated. He can't hurt me. It was a chant, which I repeated over and over as I grew closer to him.
He stayed absolutely still as I stepped hesitantly to him, like a rock. His eyes continued to follow my every movement. I forced back my fear, so that I would be able to touch him. Reaching out, I placed my whole body against him, hugging him tight.
I didn't know why I felt it was best to hug him. I just knew, somehow, that my touch made him feel better. I was so close to him, I could pick up the smell of blood on him. I fought down the panic that began to rise, hugging him tighter in an effort to combat it. I am safe, right where I am now, I told myself fiercely. He can't hurt me. He is the one man in the world who can't hurt me.
Leaning back a little, I looked up into his face. "Thank you, Zane. You saved me. You protected me. B-but you need to come back. Wake up, Zane. Come back to me. I...I need you to hold me. I'm...I'm terrified right now. I need you to be here for me." I felt mortified confessing what I was feeling, but it was true. I was still scared, still terrified in the back of my mind. Even so, I wanted him to hold me close and remind me that the touch of a man didn't have to bring with it the threat of violence or fear.
I wasn't sure why I was feeling or thinking like this, but I pushed it to the side for the moment. Now wasn't the time to think of such things. "Zane," I repeated. "Please, hold me."
I watched, fascinated, as his eyes slowly changed from their three-toned appearance to his normal purple. He blinked and stared down at me in confusion for half a second. Then his memories seemed to come back. He let out a soft cry before crushing me to him. His hands ran down my back and hair, still wet. "Ana, Ana, Ana, Ana," he repeated over and over.
His body began to shake, making my own shudder. "Ana, can you forgive me, sweet? That I would allow another to...He didn't hurt you? He didn't touch you?" At his last question, his voice began to grow cold, turning into a growl of pure rage. "Never again," he whispered against the top of my head, where he had been kissing it. "Never again will I leave you alone like that. I don't care what you threaten me with. It will not happen."
Slowly, I nodded my head against his chest. "O-okay," I agreed. "That's fine with me." We grew silent for a long time. I was shivering a little from the cold, but at least my front was warm, pressed against him.
"This is why I hate people," he whispered. His voice was so soft, I wasn't sure I had actually heard him speak.
I finally found my voice. "Did you kill him?"
He grew still. His voice dropped to a level and tone I had never heard before. It scared me so bad that it forced him to release me and step back. "I did more than kill the bastard," he said with dark pride. His eyes were changing back into the Demon King. "I twisted him, broke him, until he was no longer anything close to a human. Then I obliterated his existence. That he would dare to touch you..."
I wrapped my arms around myself, cold without his body heat. I didn't want to listen to his words. But his appearance, his voice, his eyes...It made it impossible for me to ignore. Shaking my head, I walked past him and into the water again. I needed to be clean again. I had to get the touch of the man's hands off my body. I had to get the smell of his blood on Zane out of my skin.
I spent the next ten minutes frantically rubbing at my skin, sobbing the entire time I did. It wasn't until a familiar hand gently took hold of my arm that I stopped. Blinking, I stared up at him through my tears. He said nothing. After a few more seconds, I pulled my arm back and got out of the water. Moving away, still sobbing, I went to the fire, sitting down on a nearby rock that hadn't been there before. But I didn't care. Nothing mattered right now besides my tears, fear, and anguish.
Truly, I was traveling with the Demon King. My hope that he was Zane instead seemed to be quickly evaporating. Why was it so important to me that he would be Zane, versus the Demon King?
I let out another cry as the answer hit me directly in the face. I'm falling in love with Zane...
My head fell into my hands. I'm falling in love with the Demon King...
I'm falling in love with a monster...
Each confession in my mind, soul, and heart made me sob harder.
I didn't notice anything besides my aching, breaking heart. I felt my mind give out under the strain of everything that had happened and I had come to realize. The last thing I felt before giving in to the darkness was warm arms.