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~~~
The sun was piercing through my eyelids as I tried to adjust to the brightness. My body involuntarily stretches itself as I yawn in the process. I was so tired and drained.
But there was school today.
3 more days, Ramsey.
I sighed before crawling out of bed and going downstairs for breakfast.
"Hi dad. Hi mom." I greeted as I took my usual spot around the dinner table.
"Good morning, sweetie." My mom smiles while planting a kiss on top of my head.
"I'm making pancakes, how many do you want?"
"Just one." I replied while pouring myself some water.
"I'm giving you two." She says, placing the plate infront of me.
"Mo--"
"You need the energy, especially after you vomiting yesterday." She reminds me and I mentally groan.
"Wait, why?" My dad asks, taking a tip of his coffee.
"Just an upset stomach." I particially lied.
"Take some vitamins, okay?"
"Yes, dad." I smiled.
After eating the breakfast my mom had prepared, I rushed to my room to take a quick shower. I put on yet a different hoodie, but this time it was a plain black hoodie that had a peace sign emoji right above my heart. I paired it with my favorite white jeans that had holes at the knees and my usual converse shoes.
Looking myself in the mirror, I irritably look at my hair. I hated it so much. So much that during middle school I would actually straighten it every morning because I hated the curls so much. But now I just bun it up and no one seems to notice it.
Just like how they don't notice me.
I sighed as I grabbed my stuff and rushed down the stairs.
"Have fun!" My dad yell out to me.
"Doubt it! Love you guys! Bye!" I yell back before shutting the door behind me.
"How am I gonna survive another day?" I thought to myself as I walked to the bus stop.
"Hey!" I jump under my skin as I turn to the direction of the voice.
"Sorry." He rubbed the back of his head in awkwardness. "I keep scaring you." He chuckled softly.
"I-it's fine." I lied. Why can't he just leave me alone?
"So..." He takes a stand next to me, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he rocked himself side to side gradually.
I turn my head to look at him curiously, just wanting to get this conversation over with.
"You doing better?" He smiles shyly.
"Yeah." I lied again before turning forward.
"You have anxiety, don't you?"
I was taken aback from how casual and bold he asked that.
"What?" I gulp from sudden nervousness.
I quickly stuff my hands in the pockets of my hoodie to casually wipe the sweat forming on my palms.
"You do, don't you?" He sounds more like he's stating a fact more than asking a question.
He stares intently into my eyes, awaiting for my answer but I couldn't find myself to answer. No one has really asked me that or noticed it, not even my family. This was all new to me.
"Y-yeah." I nodded nervously.
He nods his head before asking, "You taking meds?"
My eyes grew wide at his question and turning back to the road.
"What? No!" I was always disgusted by those drugs.
They force you to feel better but deep down you know that's not exactly how you were feeling. That it is all basically just an act, a mask to be exact. That would just make a person feel worse.
"Why not? They can help you." He says but I ignore him.
"You haven't told anyone have you?" He gently grabs my elbow to try and turn me to him but I pull away.
"You have to tell someone. You're only gonna get worse." He sighs.
"I can handle this on my own." I reply, trying to sound confident.
"Trust me, it can only get worse." He says with a serious tone in his voice.
Repeating his words in my head, I hesitantly look up at him only to look back down. A part of me knew he was right but another part of me told me to not listen to him. I can only trust myself.
After a couple more minutes of uncomfortable silence, the bus finally came. I take a deep breath in before throwing my hood over and stepping in with my head low. Eyes were now on me as I tried to look for an empty seat.
I find one and try and sit comfortably until Gabe decides to sit besides me. I glare at him for being so annoying but he just smiles small at me before looking back forward. I just wanted to be alone.
The ride to school was tolerable with Gabe beside me since he never bothered to say a word. When the bus came to a hault and was nearly empty, I finally get up to get down as well. However, I have a problem.
Gabe didn't get up.
"Hey." I nudged his leg with my knee lightly as a motion to get up so I could leave.
Yet nothing.
"Gabe, this isn't funny." I lightly groaned as I started to get annoyed again.
"Look, let's make a deal." He says smiling up at me as he leans back with his arms crossed.
"Whatever it is, save it. Move so I can leave." I tell him before forcing my leg past his.
"No. You gotta make a deal with me first." He says before suddenly getting up which instantly frightens me so I move back to where I was quickly.
"W-what is it?" I stuttered as he towers over me.
"If you allow me to be your friend, I promise to help you deal with your anxiety."
My eyebrows furrow together as I look at him in disbelief, "Are you seriously bribing me to be your friend?"
"It's not a bribe." He says.
"Oh really?" I cross my arms as I stare directly into his eyes. "Because it kinda sounds like it." I huffed before harshly moving past him, allowing him to fall back onto his seat.
"Leave me alone." I say before exiting the bus.
~~~
First period was going by a bit fast from how many thoughts were going through my brain. My fingers started to tap rapidly against my notebook as I tried to pay attention to our first lesson. Drops of sweat were forming as I thought from how stressed I was.
How could Gabe try and bribe me like that?!
Does he really think he can understand my anxiety?!
I can barely even understand it myself!
"Help deal with my anxiety." He doesn't know half th--
"Hey!" I feel someones hand come crashing down against mine which kicks me out of my train of thoughts.
"Stop." Ken grits his teeth at me from annoyance.
I gulp as I pull my hands away and stuff them in the pocket of my hoodie again.
"You were driving me insane." He mutters before leaning back on his chair.
"Whatever." I mumble to myself and bringing my gaze back to my teacher.
I'm the one who's going insane.
The class comes to a finish and it was back to my same old routine. Ken looks at me confused as I continued to sit and wait while he gathered his stuff. His stare began to irritate me but I fought the urge to say anything.
"The bell rang, -- whatever your name is." He says which makes me roll my eyes.
Ofcourse he wouldn't remember my name.
No surprise there.
I didn't give him the satisfaction of an answer as I continued to sit in silence.
"Whatever, you'll see me later." He winked before walking out.
I mentally vomited at just the thought him putting a hand on me again. Just at the memory of yesterday, I rolled up my sleeve to study the bruises he had caused. Hatred rushes over me as I pushed it back down and stomped out the door.
"Well aren't you Ms. Grumpy Pants." A voice chuckled from behind me which made my blood boil even more.
"Leave me alone, Sean." I warned him before continuing back to my locker.
"That's 4 more words since yesterday. I see you're progressing on vocabulary." He teases which makes me glare at him before angrily stuffing my shit in my locker and grabbing the things I needed for my next class.
He acts as if he didn't pretend to not know me yesterday. Like he didn't not stop Ken from hurting me. He is disgusting.
"You on you're period or something, because daaamn you're grouchy today." He openly says which makes me slam my locker shut, earning a couple stares from people.
"Leave. Me. Alone." I gritted my teeth before storming past the crowd of people around us.
"See you third period!"
Wow, thanks for fucking reminding me.
Stepping into class wasn't so fun. Everyone heard me come in because of how hard I was stomping my feet from anger. I felt like I was bound to explode anytime soon.
"Well nice to see you too, Ms. Dayes." Mr. Oliver jokes before gesturing me to take my seat.
I bring my head low as I take my seat infront of Gabe. He gives me a good stare before breaking it, staring back forward. Groaning mentally, I take my seat and take yet another session of torture.
~~~
The entire time of class, I felt Gabe's eyes burning the back of my head. I didn't even need to look back to know he was staring, because I felt it. Everyone just has the sense/ feeling of when you feel like you're being watched and well, this was it.
After what felt like hours, class was finally over and that meant the only person I had left to deal with today was Sean. Then I was free. Thank God.
Gabe leaves the room without even looking back just like all the other people in this school and I was glad he finally got the message. That I didn't need anyone. I can only count on myself. No one else can help me and my anxiety but myself.
No one understands me better than I do.
Grabbing my stuff, I make way to my locker. Right after switching my materials, I decided to take a quick trip to the restroom. I needed to take a quick breather from all of this.
I set my stuff on the counter and place my hands on it to support me. I look myself in the mirror studying how bothered I looked. My bun was messier than it has ever been and I looked utterly disgusting.
Pulling out my hairtie from my bun, I redo it to look a little more decent and straighten out my hoodie. I take one last look at myself before grabbing my stuff and heading out the door.
"Told you you'd see me later." He takes me by surprise as I subconsciously walk backwards into the restroom.
"Why are you always so jumpy?" He chuckles, stepping in as well.
"T-this is the girl's restroom." I reminded him so that he could go out.
"And so?" He shrugged, not caring one bit.
My back hits the wall as the door swings close. Leaving only me and him in here. Not the scenario I wanted to be in, let me tell you that.
"What's wrong? Looks like you've seen a ghost." He smirks before taking his final step towards me.
"You're an asshole." I hissed at him before placing my hands on his chest and pushing him off.
He suddenly grabs my wrists and pushes me back against the wall, hard. "You really know how to piss me off, you know that?"
"What the fuck did I even do to you?!" I spat as I tried to wiggle my hands free from his grip.
A whimper almost leaves my lips as he grips on tighter to me, but I bit the inside of my cheek to stop it from escaping.
"You're not like other girls." He says, studying my face as I continued to try and break free.
"Gee, thanks." I muttered trying to act tough.
"It bothers me." He says close to my face but I move my head back in disgust.
"This is harassment." I gritted my teeth, looking him directly in his light brown eyes.
"Hmm." He smirked. "It won't be for long." He winks before dropping my wrists and leaving me in the restroom.
I sink to my knees as I roll my sleeves up slightly, examining the already forming bruises from his tight grip. My vision began to get blurry as I pushed my sleeves back down in anger. Tears that brimmed my eyes finally started falling as I started to think of all the things wrong with me. He was right, I was different.
I hated it.
I wish I was normal like the others.
I was fucking scared of everything while everyone had only one or two fears.
I'm always anxious and over thought everything and anything unlike most people who went with the flow.
My hands wrap around me knees as the final bell rings and I finally let out my sob. I hide my face in my knees as my heart began racing rapidly. My shoulders began shaking as well as my entire body.
I felt my veins pumping blood in a fast rate, just as fast as my heart beat and thoughts. My head was getting so light from the little oxygen going to it. Let me introduce you ladies and gentlemen to an anxiety attack.
My ears began to fill with air as I felt a pair of hands on both of my shoulders. I look up to see him kneeling infront of me, worried. He was talking to me but I couldn't hear him. I wanted to hear his voice, but all I could hear was the sound of my heart beating.
He gives me one last concerned look before wrapping his arms around me and laying my head on his shoulder. I couldn't even move. As much as I wanted to hug him back for comfort, I couldn't.
I felt so numb.
He began running circles along my back which began to slowly soothe me. He continued to do this for what felt like hours before I started to progressively hear his voice. He was whispering calming things in my ear as he continued to hold me.
My nose soon began to pick up the scent of his detergent and it made me feel at home somehow. My fingers then started slowly coming back to life as I started to bring them into a ball. My heart beat began to slow down as he continued to hold onto me.
My arms started to gain feeling again and I find myself bringing them around him. He tenses as he realizes I was fully aware now and holds me tighter. I bring my head up slightly to rest my chin on his shoulder and take deep breathes to fully recover myself from the second anxiety attack I've experienced in my life.
"T-thank you." I almost whispered as a couple more tears fell.
"No problem." He whispered back.
"I was so sc--scared that I would experience t-that alone.. again" I bit my lip to fight back my sob.
"No, no. You got me." He leans back to look at me.
He wipes my tears and brushes my stray hair back because of how it stuck to my forehead from sweat.
"I-i'm sorry." He hung his head low with a disappointed look on his face.
"For what?" I asked, clearing my throat.
"I-i let him hurt you." He almost whispers before looking back up to me. "I allowed Ken to hurt you.."
"Sean.."
~~~
Well shit.
Honestly I tried my best to describe an anxiety attack from my own experience but it's honestly worse than what you read.
Anyways, hope you guys like the chapter.
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Always,
Almay.