♧
Giving up is what
seems best now.
Falling in a pitch black
hole is what I am doing now.
"June, come on darling,
you have to tell them how he looks,"
I hear my mother saying next to me.
I look up at the man seated
in front of my body.
Looking at me as if I am
damaged to the core.
Which I am,
damaged and destroyed.
Nothing and nobody that can heal me,
only he can.
After he drove away,
after he left me alone in the streets of my hometown,
I forced myself to walk home
and enter the door that brought me into my home.
My mother,
as pale and broken as ever,
ran into my body and hugged me as tights as she could.
Craddling me into
her arms and crying.
She was so happy to see me
and she was one of the most broken.
I was glad to finally see her again,
but how awful it must sound
she could not fill the hole in my heart.
The one he left me with.
I cried and cried for days,
which nobody understood.
Nobody understood me as he did.
Lauren and Mason
visited me after two days,
hugging me so tight I felt
myself losing their hold.
Lauren cried and told
me how much she missed me.
Everybody wondered what
happened to me and I kept as much as possible to myself,
close to my heart.
Everyone seeked for me and
was worried about my whereabouts, especially after the Elijah his dissapearance.
Some even thought I ran from home.
But quite soon they discovered someone took me when Lauren said something about the black car I mentioned a couple times.
"You need to tell us everything,
it is the only way he can get help,"
they won't give him help,
they lock him up, I think to myself.
"and we can find the missing boy Elijah."
I looked away from the two inpatient men and fiddled nervously with my hands in my lap.
I kept silent and no one was going to get any information out of me.
Nobody.
Harry was my lover
and my secret to keep.
No one will hear the story and no one will hear my deepest secrets.
"I am sorry, I thought she was ready to open up to us."
I scowl at my mother for thinking this and not supporting me.
"It is okay, Miss. She will be diagnosed after this abduction. It is possible the result will be the so called Stockholm Syndrome."
I furrow my eyebrows at
the sound of abduction.
It did not feel like an abduction,
at the beginning maybe but at
the end it was me who wanted
to stay with him.
"What exactly is that?"
My mother asks the police officers.
"A condition where strong emotional ties are being formed between the captor and captive.
So strong that eventually the hostage will not agree to testify against him in court."
I look at my mother
to see she is already looking
at me with wide eyes.
I shoot her a questioning look,
but she shrugs and leaves it.
"Miss June, were there any
physical activities between you
and the captor?"
The officer on the right asks me with a paper in his hand, the other hand holding a pen.
Ready to write everything down.
They will not need them,
because I refuse to say something.
I keep silent and look at the two of them with a daring look,
not showing my fear of what they could do to my 'captor'.
"It is highly important you
answer these questions,
it is the only way of finding the kidnapper."
I flinch at the words he calls
my Harry. They do not deserve to know about him, no one does.
My mother lets out a sigh again,
already dissapointed with me,
I could not care less.
"You need to answer these men, sweetheart, don't you want to have the man locked up?"
This was a test.
A test.
My mother was testing me.
If I said yes on her question,
they would lock him up and
she would see how hard it was for me to say yes.
If I said no to her,
they would have their answer
on the question If I had developed the so called Stockholm Syndrome.
If I would stay silent,
it would basically be the same
as saying no to them,
or they would leave it open.
I decided to go for the last one.
"June! Answer them now."
My mother nearly shouted at me.
I laughed at them,
I laughed for the first time since he left me here.
"I am not giving any answers,"
I announced,
as if it was not clear enough already.
"We can almost assure you
she is left with issues. We have to make sure, everything is as it was before she was abducted,"
I heard one of the men saying to my mother, to which she nodded.
"But I can already tell it is not."
I looked back at the ground and I moved myself to another world,
where he and I would be together.
Dancing in his living room,
laughing and talking with
eachother in the dimmed light
given us by the moon.
He takes me in his arms
and we share the most
imcredible moments together.
With eachother we were happy
and now we are seperated and my way back to him is long gone.
"He still has your phone?"
I heard one of the officers asking me.
I looked away from them to the wall on my right.
"Yes, that's true."
I heard my mother say to them,
answering for me.
I have had enough,
I decide at that moment.
And the next thing I do leaves
everyone in the room ashtonished
except me.
Standing up from my chair,
I walk to the door that leads me out.
Calmly I open the thing and step through it, hearing the beggings of my lovely mother,
"June! Come back dear. You need to answer the questions!"
I ignore her and make my way out the building, not even running I reach my destination;
outside.
That's when I start
running as fast as I can.
My feet carry me to the park,
where I break down on a bench.
Tears stream down my face and all those people seeing me breaking down can all go to hell.
They deserve to see the pain
I carry. They deserve to see what a awful world this is. They deserve to see people being in pain.
But no one deserves to see him.
He is worthy of everything special and beautiful in this world.
My Harry, my first love and my last one. Always will he be on my mind and I will make sure no one finds him.
He is a secret,
hidden away in my broken heart.
I let out a cry and I feel myself
slowly hitting the
bottom of my sadness.
I am lost, so lost and never will I find my way back to my happy place.
Everything is cold,
the bench I am seated on,
my home here and my heart.
I clutch my hand around the necklace hanging on my chest.
So thin and made of beautiful silver the thing carries his ring.
The beautiful rose he gave me,
the ring that reminds me of the one I love.
My wet cheeks are slowly drying
and I am relieved no panic attack found its way to the surface.
But I know they will come and no one will help me as good as he did.
Without him I am just June,
a British girl;
broken and sad.
With him I was June,
a British girl;
loved and happy.
I am going to do anything to make sure no one hurts him, even if
it destroyes myself. Nobody will
hurt my Harry and put him in jail.
Constantly wondering
how he is doing now,
I imagine him in my mind the way
I remember him and want to remember him.
I let out a deep sigh
and feel my throat being sore.
My heart hurting and my heartbeat drumming loudly in my ears.
Still having the silver rose in my left hand I look up at the sky and think about what could have been and what is not.
I think of him and picture his
beautiful appearance in front of my eyes.
And when rain falls from the sky I stay put on the tiny bench.
Although the pouring drops hide
my tears, I cry and do not stop.
•/////
My heart is broken for June. I hope I have the effect on you that I want to create with writing all this. Let me know what you think. Thank you for the support some of you give. What do you think of my new cover?