I SMILED when I saw my boyfriend-eeee! I'm so shy. He's really my boyfriend na! I can't explain this kilig overload that I feel. I took a deep breath and headed inside the café.
"Sydd." I mouthed.
He's busy in the counter, doing something. Ugh, my boyfie is so gwapo that my panty will gonna laglag. What am I thinking?
Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin. He smiled as soon as he saw me. Aha, the power of my kagandahan.
"Hey, wifey." Lumapit siya sa akin and I was stunned when he kissed my cheek. Arghh! May ganoong effect ba kapag boyfie ko na siya? This is OMG! "Hindi ka tumawag na pupunta ka. Sana sinundo kita."
Eeeee. Every words that came out from his mouth makes me giggled. Kese nemen e. "I wanted to surprise you and here oh, I made lunch for you." I smiled sweetly. Iyong maiihi siya sa pants niya sa kilig.
Lumapad ang ngiti niya. As what I've expected. "Damn, wifey. Pinapakilig mo naman ako. Thank you. You cooked this?"
Natigilan ako. Oh no, I'm not the one who cooked it. "Uh, no? But I was the one who prepared it and put some love on it." Whuuuuttt? What did I say? I'm so corny, like ewww.
Tumawa si Sydd. Ngayon ko mas nare-realize kung gaano siya ka-gwapo. Hinapit niya ako sa beywang which made me blush. My pisngi is so hot! I bet it's color red na, like I'm nahihiya!
"Put love on it, huh? Pinapakilig mo talaga ako, wifey. Baka mamaya hindi na ako makapagpigil at..."
And what? Oh, what?
"...at mapakasalan na kita ng wala sa oras."
Phew! I'm kinda kinabahan like iba ang nasa isip ko and it's so green! My mind, argh!
"Small things. I wanted to do it as your girlfriend." I said.
Where does it came from? My gosh, i can't believe I could talk like that. OMYHOLYCHUVANERS.
He kissed my lips. Mabilis lang but I felt it, of course. "Sit down, and I'll prepare your favorite frappe."
I smiled like inside of me, i cannot stop the kiligness.
Naupo ako at napatingin ako kay boobie girl na nasa may counter. She's glaring at me, as usual. Like duh! She's so panget na nga, she's always nakasimangot pa. I pity those customers that will see her face.
Inilipat ko nalang ang tingin sa boyfie ko, yay! Boyfie is real! He's making my frappe and he looked sexy.
Napatingin ako sa phone ko nang tumunog iyon. Blake is calling.
My heart stopped, para bang may kumirot sa bandang dibdib ko. Bakit ganoon, for a moment ay nakalimutan ko si Blake, dahil buong isip ko, napunan na ni Sydd?
"H-Hello?"
I heard a sighed. "Jewel."
"Yes, Blake?" I wonder why he called.
"Can we meet?"
Ah, i can't say that i'm with my boyfriend. No, i won't tell him over the phone. Masyado akong na-overwhelm kay Sydd kaya nakalimutan ko na si Blake. He deserves to know, dahil ayokong paasahin siya. Not because I don't like him, God knows how much I like him since before, pero iba na ngayon. I learned to love another man.
"Hmm, later?" I asked. I don't want to tell Sydd about it.
"Alright, I'll be fine any time. You decide. I just... really want to talk to you."
I bit my lower lip. Napatingin ako sa gawi ni Sydd. Good thing that some customer is talking with him.
"Okay, I will text you later."
"Alright, Jewel."
I ended the call. It feels... like, natatakot ako na masaktan ko si Blake when I tell him about Sydd.
That I chose Sydd over him. Yes, that's the fact.
It's not because we did that "thing" but because I love him. And I can't lie to myself.
"Wifey? Bakit tulala ka? Are you okay? May masakit pa sa iyo?"
I acted cool. Ayokong ipakita kay Sydd na may iba akong bagay na iniisip and it's regarding Blake.
"I'm fine. Very fine. I was just thinking about my fashion botique." I lied. I hate myself for lying.
"Drink this." Aniya saka ipinatong sa mesa ang frappe na ginawa niya for me.
Kung kanina, cheerful ako and all, ngayon, parang hindi ako makangiti o makatawa. Just thinking about hurting Blake... I don't know.
I tasted his frappe and smiled. "Thanks."
"Hm, wifey. Gusto kitang i-entertain today kaso I have clients na gustong makipag-meeting sa akin. They wanted to purchase a branch of Dev's Cafe." He explained.
"Oh, that's great! Don't worry about me. I have plans for today din naman and kaya lang ako nagpunta dito ay para dalhin ang lunch mo."
"Are you sure it's okay with you? Alam mo namang kapag ayaw mo, ikaw ang susundin ko wifey. You're still my priority."
I smiled. "Dragon Sydd, ano ka ba. It's about business. Syempre maiintindihan ko 'yan. Unahin mo yon. Aalis na rin ako dahil may aasikasuhin pa ako para sa fashion botuique ko." Again, I lied.
Wala siyang idea na makikipagkita ako kay Blake.
"Alright. Thank you, wifey."
"No worries." I said then stood up. "Aalis na ako. You should talk to them na."
He nodded then grabbed my waist and gave me a peck on my lips. Eee, nakakahiya. I'm sure napapatingin talaga 'yong mga customers sa paligid sa amin.
Sydd will always be like this. Sweet at ipagmamalaki sa lahat. I'm lucky to have him in my life.
"Bye! Goodluck sa clients mo." I said. I'm so thoughtful na girlfriend talaga.
He bid his goodbye then naglakad na ako palabas ng cafe niya. Dumiretso agad ako sa kotse ko saka sumakay.
Huminga ako ng malalim saka ibinaba ang frappe na hawak ko sa gilid. Then I grabbed my phone and typed a text message for Blake.
Yes, we will meet.
◾
NAKAUPO ako dito sa may park kung saan kami magkikita ni Blake. I told him na dito kami magkita para at least, hindi toxic. I mean, refreshing sa pakiramdam kasi open lang. Kesa doon kami sa crowded place like restaurants.
Kinakabahan ako. Hindi ko pa nga alam kung paano ko sisimulan na sabihin kay Blake na boyfriend ko na si Sydd. Hindi ko din alam kung paano siya magre-react.
"Jewel."
Napatingin ako sa gawi ni Blake nang tawagin niya ako. Napatayo ako at sinalubong siya.
"Blake."
This is it. Paano ko sisimulan?
"Sydd..." he started. "We talked over the phone earlier this morning..."
Napalunok ako. Kinabahan na naman ako lalo.
"I asked him about you. Hindi kasi kita ma-contact kagabi to check on you. But..."
Napalunok ulit ako. Mas lalo pang dumagundong ang dibdib ko.
"He told me that you're fine." He bit his lower lip and I saw pain in his eyes. "And told me to stop checking on you dahil pag-aari ka na niya. You're his girlfriend now..."
Ohmy... alam na niya? Kaya ba siya tumawag? Kanina pa ako nag iisip kung paano ko sisimulang sabihin sa kaniya ang tungkol sa amin ni Sydd tapos alam na pala niya?
"B-Blake..."
"Is that true?"
Nakatitig lang ako sa kaniya. Ang dali dali ng tanong niya. Yes or no lang ang isasagot ko pero parang umurong ang dila ko.
Mariin kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko saka tumango. That's all I can do. Ang tumango, because I can't utter any words.
His tears started to fall. I was stunned.
"Why... bakit, Jewel? Am I not good enough?"
"Blake hindi gano'n..."
Nagulat ako nang bigla siyang lumuhod sa harap ko.
"Jewel, I'm begging you." He cried. "Nagmamakaawa ako. Let me love you. Hayaan mo akong gawin ang mga bagay na makakapagpasaya sa 'yo. I will do everything for you."
"Blake..."
"Wala akong pakialam kung boyfriend mo na si Sydd. Wala akong pakialam kung pinili mo siya. Wala akong pakialam kung siya na ang mahal mo. Wala akong pakialam, Jewel. Just please give me a chance. I'm begging you."
Napaupo ako saka siya inalo. "Blake don't do this." Hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman ko. Naaawa ako kay Blake. Hindi niya kailangan gawin 'to.
"This is my fault. This is my fucking fault. Kung hindi sana kita pinaubaya dati kay Sydd dahil sa putanginang cancer na 'yon, edi sana akin ka ngayon. Akin ka sana..."
Naiiyak na ako dahil sa mga sinasabi niya. Hindi ko din inakala ang ganitong gagawin ni Blake.
"Ako ang mahal mo noon e. Ako, Jewel. Ako lamg ang mahal mo pero sinayang ko! Binalewala ko! I gave it up!"
"Blake tama na..."
He looked at my eyes. He's crying hard. "It's funny how I survived cancer, but in you, i didn't survive."
Inalalayan ko siyang tumayo. Sumunod naman siya. I hugged him. "Blake, please tama na..."
Bumitaw siya sa pagkakayakap ko saka ako hinarap. "Gumaling nga ako, pero wala ka na naman sa akin. Tangina, wala ring kwenta! Hindi ako namatay pero pakiramdam ko, wala na akong buhay. I can't give you up, Jewel. Please, consider my feelings. Consider the things that I will do for you. Please give me a chance. Ppease tell me that there's still a possibility for us tk be together."
Ayokong paasahin si Blake. Mahal ko siya noon pero ngayon, iba na. I learned to love another man. I confirmed it. Si Sydd na ang mahal ko.
"Sorry, Blake. Ayokong bigyan ka ng pag-asa. Ayokong umasa ka sa wala. You deserve to be happy. You deserve more. Huwag mong ibaba ng ganito ang sarili mo."
"Siya na ba talaga ang pinipili mo?" He asked seriously.
The pain in his eyes...
"I love him. I love him more than I loved you, Blake." I said sincerely. That's the truth. Alam kong masasaktan siya pero mas mabuti nang masaktan siya sa katotohanan.
He smiled bitterly. He stared at my eyes.
"You just... killed me, Jewel." He said then turned his back and walks away.
Naestatwa ako sa kinatatayuan ko. The expression on his face wasn't readable. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang ginawa ko, kung mali ba o ano.
Ang alam ko lang, nasaktan ko siya. Nasaktan ko si Blake. And I don't know if he deserves it.