TWO
"You promise that you're alright with it?" My knee shook under my leg, even when I put my entire willpower and being into holding still. Keeping calm. Sure, I knew Em wouldn't mind me staying over, but I made the plan without asking.
"Stop it! Of course it's fine." Looking away from the boys as they spat out an argument regarding two words in a ridiculous song, Emma gleamed at me. "You are always welcome."
"I won't have any spare clothes either, do you think-"
"Yes, a thousand times, yes. Oh my goodness, Rey. I would love to dress you tonight. You'll look amazing, I swear to you."
"Em," I laughed at myself, reminded of how frumpy I looked. "I was gonna wear this to the party. I'll need pajamas."
"Please?" Her hands folded together, held together in front of my face as she begged. "U can't bear it if you say no."
"Nothing too crazy. Minimal, okay?"
"I don't know that word." Ty and her smiled at each other from across the room and her nose scrunched with laughter. "What on earth..."
Ty being his usual self was balancing a handstand on top of his wobbly drum seat. Hooting out, "Look!"
"You're going to fall." She jumped up, standing ready for any accident that was prone to happen. "So obnoxious."
"Hey," I felt my spot sink down, startling me to see that Zach was now right beside me. "How's it going?"
"Good," I flushed, anxiously looking for distractions around the room. "I'm fine. How are you going? Uh- how's it going with you?"
Why was he so close?
Zach hardly spoke a word to me.
Except for little smiles here and there.
I'm in no way prepared to-
"You know," he shrugged, waving out to the room. "Same thing most of the time. Feel like I haven't seen you in a while."
"I was here just last week," I laughed, toying with a hair tie around my wrist, pulling it in tight loops. "You didn't see me."
"I always see you."
Now, we panic.
What did that smile mean? Not the smile alone, but the look.
God, he was flirting with me, wasn't he?
"How's your music going?"
"Ah," he leaned back into the couch, still focused on me like never before. "It's awesome. I've been writing a ton of stuff for some new bookings. I think I'm getting somewhere, you know?"
"That's something to be super proud of." Was there any way for me to relax? Being this shy was not cute. "You'll be on the radio in no time, huh?"
This made him laugh, nudging me gently with his arm that sat against mine as a constant reminder. "That's what I'm hoping for."
"So," I started, catching a glimpse of Ricky who was now stepping in from an outside smoke break, a scowl printed on his face.
"Listen," Zach shifted next to me, casually pressing into me more. "You're coming to the party tonight?"
"Yeah," I spoke quietly, now focused on the one who watched me with hard eyes. "I plan on it."
"Will you hang out with me? I could take you there."
Only me and him?
My blush had ran to my ears now, burning at the tops. "I was planning on riding with Emma."
"She wants to drink tonight." Ricky mumbled, catching everyone's attention.
"No shit?" Ty hopped over to me. "You for real?"
"I mean-"
"Hell yes! It's about damn time."
"I don't want to go too overboard, Ty." I laughed. "Nothing like you guys."
"Thought you wanted to get fucked up." Ricky mocked, lifting the bong to his mouth.
Why was he so upset with me? This wasn't a huge deal. Considering the shit I've seen them do. I can deserve this.
"Sure, but at a pace that I can handle."
"Why you getting so pissed off, Rick?" Chris strode over beside him, flicking the back of Ricky's neck. "Ain't you gonna have fun too?"
"How big is the party supposed to be?" Em asked while being lifted onto Tyler's back for an impromptu piggyback ride.
"Frat."
"It's cool," Zach sat forward, giving me back my taste of space. "We'll take care of her."
"Damn right we will," Chris nodded, pulling out a deck of cards for him and Ricky to play a game Chris had learned from jail.
With how many times he's bragged about it, I could probably play the game.
"Frat parties are huge!" Em squealed, tucking Ty's hair behind his ears.
"Exactly." Staring down at his deck in hand, Ricky stayed stoic and distant. A silent anger that confused me.
"Nothin' wrong with a good time."
Why was he making such a big deal then? If even Chris and sweet Em thought it was okay, shouldn't Ricky?
I'm allowed to feel a taste of freedom for a night. My moment to feel out of my shell for once. I'm already getting punished when I return home. Why not make the time worth a few good memories?
"You want a beer?" Zach leaned into me again, watching my lips.
"I probably- yeah, you know what, I'll have one." Giving him a smile that he soaked up like a crusty kitchen sponge, I kept as modest as possible. No mixed signals. "Thank you."
"Look at that," Ty spoke, laughter in his voice. "We're getting started already."
"Don't drink up all my shit." Chris looked at Zach, who was bent down to dig in the cooler.
"I'll just go home 'n grab some more. Fuck off." Unbothered, Ty walked him and Emma over to the cooler to retrieve their refreshments.
"The fuck you will." I watched Chris's eyes flick to Ty with an intensity that could cook a slab of meat.
"What? You piss off the ol' man?" He teased, sliding Emma off his back.
"He pissed himself off." Chris replied shortly. "Fuckin' play, Rick. It's your deal. Wake up."
"The party is BYOB." Zach shrugged, returning back to my side. "Can't come empty-handed."
"Well, we ain't fuckin' going when he's there. Now shut the fuck up."
"Here," Zach handed me an ice-cold beer with a long brown bottle. "This is something you might like. Not too earthy. Little smooth."
"Very thoughtful, thanks." I looked at the bottle to avoid directing attention to him. Pretending I knew what the fuck an earthy drink was. Did he mean like dirt?
It'll be a rough night if everything's gonna taste like dirt.
I know for sure it won't taste good.
It's gotta be sour.
"Don't worry about what Rick says. It's not as intimidating as you'd think. We'll have a good time."
"We?" I took in his shaky knee and tapping fingers, wondering if he might be feeling nervous or just twitchy.
"Well, I'm going to the party too."
There it was again. That flirtatious smile of perfect teeth and sweet honesty.
"Ew, Zach," Em stood over us, leaning her tall frame down to physically shove him to the far cushion. "Find another spot. You should know better."
"I was just being nice."
"Do you have the music for this?" Ty held a stained piece of paper lined with writing on both sides of the page.
"You're a dumbass." Chris laughed, shaking his head.
"Yeah? You're a fuckin' bastard if I ever did see one, and you can shove that up your dick. Now, where's the sheet?" Ty shoved the paper over Chris's hand of cards, tapping it against his forehead.
A menace, undoubtedly. Yet, always entertaining.
"Get that damn paper off my face and fuckin' turn it over." The cards were dropped now, and the game was ruined.
"Music's on the back, bud," Ricky interjected, flicking a card at Ty.
He won't even look at me.
It was a hair away from being infuriating.
Bad form on his part.
I'll do what I decide I want to do.
Like drink beer. Before a giant party.
Shit, I haven't been drinking my beer. I should at least be sipping on it.
I timidly brought the spout to my lips, letting the amber liquid drain into my mouth. Thanking the stars above that it wasn't a dirty flavor, I stilled myself to decide if I liked it or not.
I couldn't quite decide. It wasn't bad, but It wasn't delicious. Or even refreshing.
Just as I had remembered my presence in the room, I noticed Ricky's stare. Analyzing my every move to add to the full conversation he was having in his head.
Fuck, if I didn't know any better, I'd say he was judging me.
"Do you like it?" Em asked, balancing her elbows on her knees as she spoke softly. "Blue Moon is a great-"
"Think I'm gonna step outside for a sec, okay?" I felt stiff standing off the couch, hyper-aware of the way I stood around them at this moment. This feeling of the heat burning anger in my chest.
Her questions and soft words of comfort were muffled in my cloud of emotions, not a sound would come through as I strode out the door. Swiftly flashing past his critical gaze.
"What's the big fucking deal?" I groaned, kicking at the lawn with the toe of my shoe. "In a room full of them, why am I the odd one out."
"You're not." I heard the click of his lighter behind me.
Huffing loudly, I spun around to face him. "Then why are you being so weird? Why is everyone excited but you?"
"Because it's a frat, dude." Our tension had met a peak, heightened to a point where he was snapping out words like they were ammunition. "Tons of people, and you want to lose your mind in there? Just to prove something to Mia? C'mon, Rey."
"This isn't about proving anything." Adding resistance felt like it was completely useless against him. We wouldn't back down, and it only frustrated me more. "I've told you before, Ricky. I feel like I'm caged. I'm bored, and tired of everything that I miss out on, can't you see? Or are you just so hung up on the fact that I'll actually be trashing myself just like you?"
"Rey, honestly,"
"Yes!" I groaned, gripping to the long neck of my beer bottle as it sloshed. "Let's get honest here, dude. I'm sick of you being mad. It's bullshit."
"There are gonna be some real fuckin' weirdos there and it makes me nervous. I can't be everywhere at once with you."
"Why do you think I won't be sticking with you guys all night? That's what's fun about it. You can't catch me anywhere near the weirdos."
Thinking for a moment, he watched the ground with his smoke clouding his vision. "Zach."
"What? Is this the real reason you're being rude to me?"
There we go. Now you look at me.
"I'm not trying to be rude at all, c'mon." His arm fell out, reaching to me for a second before he whipped it back to his side. "I just want you to promise you won't go off without someone. Even to the bathroom."
"I've been to parties before."
"Not drunk," he laughed, rubbing his eyes. "Listen, I'm sorry."
"Well, me too," I dropped my chin, realizing my defenses were a tad bit too high. I didn't forget who I was speaking to. "I think it'll be fun if we cut out the bullshit."
"I'll agree with that."
"The beer isn't too bad."
"Yeah, cause it's a fruity beer." He laughed. "But, it's one good call on Zach's part. You wouldn't like the other stuff as much."
I'm sure he saw how flirtatious Zach was being. Anyone would've. He didn't ever try to hide it. Touching me, talking closely, bragging, and showing off like a proud peacock.
"Yeah," I muttered, picking at the label that was sealed to the bottle. Grasping for an understanding of it all. Was Zach doing this for sport or out of true interest? And what would Ricky have to say about it? "It was thoughtful of him."
"Seems like he was coming on pretty strong."
"I wouldn't say that," Yes, I would. "I think he was trying to help me feel a little more welcome."
"Hmm," he nodded, turning his head to the side. "How do you really feel about it?"
"What? About his extra show of-"
"The fact that he likes you."
Cued in at the perfect time, I rose the bottle to my mouth and drank generously. I'm sure it was either drink, or laugh out the awkward bubble in my chest.
"He knows you want to party tonight," Ricky added, searching for any clues in my expression.
Clues even I couldn't find.
"He's not interested in me like that, c'mon. Probably just enjoying some attention."
"Are you gonna give him that attention?"
"Seriously?" This was a joke, for sure. He knew that I'm not interested. How could he not?
"You think I'm joking?"
"God, I hope so."
"Well, just be careful." He was trying to be calm and understanding, even when itching for an argument. Behind those words was a thousand more begging to come out.
It's how I felt too.
"If he gets drunk and creeps on you in any way you don't like if we aren't around, bail and find some friendly faces. You can call-"
"Ricky," I held my hand up, bending to laugh heartily. "Jesus, dude. Are we still talking about this?"
"You promise?"
Replying as flatly as possible, I mumbled a short, "I promise."
A silence had taken over, and in that silence, I felt my stomach churn with anxiety. As our eyes met, I could tell he felt the same too. He spoke apologetically, biting at his metal stud. "Maybe we can play some pool tonight?"
"I'd like that a lot."
"There's gonna be beer pong too." I could feel that smile without looking, hearing it in his voice was enough for me. "We should all try to team up, what do you think?"
"You and Ty always win, it's not even a challenge for you."
"It'll be fun. I promise." Grabbing for my beer, he raised it to see how much more was left, and laughed. "Safe to say you did like it, huh? Only a few drinks left."
"It's not as bad as I was expecting. Think I might even have another."
He pushed open the door for me, holding it with one arm as he finished down my drink. "Let's hope Chris doesn't pop a blood vessel over one of his fruity beers."
"You know that'll be top-tier entertainment," I cackled, stepping back into the chaos of the room.
"You're bullshit, Chris, try hitting the right note and tell me I'm wrong," Ty shouted from behind the drum set, stabbing his drumstick in the air to make a point. "Fucking dumbass."
"I wrote the song." Chris bellowed, turning even more red than Ty was.
Ricky and I shared a look before turning to poor Em, watching the heat take over the room. We all knew in seconds this could turn sour, especially when the playful tone in Ty's voice was gone.
"Actually, I wrote it," Zach interjected. "You just wrote the music."
"Shut the hell up." The Blake boys shouted in unison.
"You alright?" Ricky asked, squatting down beside Em.
"Good luck trying to leave now," she grumbled. "Chris is intentionally upsetting him."
"We'll be good," I said, moving to her other side. "Did you bring his leash?"
Em dropped her sullen expression, shaking her head with a soft giggle. "Unfortunately, darling, I forgot the thing at home."
"Good thing you have reinforcements."
"Rey?" Her head flipped to me and she gasped in awe, gripping my arm with her small person strength. "Are you drunk?"
"Jesus, Em. I've had one beer." I couldn't even say I felt the alcohol at all. I really didn't feel anything yet. It wasn't a bad thing; no more anxiety, and no more grumpy Ricky. Everything else fell into place perfectly.
I can be happy tonight.
And I don't have to go home.
"You want that other one?" Ricky leaned forward to ask me directly, grinning from ear to ear.
"Another one?" Em clapped, dancing in her spot. "Bring me one too! If she'll have another."
"You got it, ladies."
The loud clatter of Ty's drum set falling tore our attention away, reminding us of the chaos to ensue in a matter of minutes. "If you stop me again, pullin' on like I ain't playin' right, I'm draggin' you through the mud 'till your mouth is full."
"Shouldn't have to tell my drummer to play on fucking beat." Chris moved in closer to Ty, and with every step his glare became that much more threatening.
"Tyler!" Em snapped, commanding her voice to halt the room. "Sit down."
"Get the fuck back over there," Ty scowled at Chris with an unmoving face.
"Clean your shit up." Chris finally whipped back around, stomping to his spot. "I'm not doin' this again."
"Sorry," Em touched my forearm, smiling apologetically. "I don't like to yell like that."
"We could head out?" Ricky lowered two opened bottles to us and joined the little makeshift circle we had formed. "Kinda wanted to go to the skate park before we head to the party."
"We'll stay, as long as things go decent here." She shrugged, tipping back her bottle. "Besides, I need time to get Rey ready."
Oh God, that's still happening, isn't it?
"Ready for what?" Ricky was sucked into his phone, typing rapidly to who I would assume was Mia. Man down in just seconds.
"She cannot go dressed like that, are you kidding me?"
Still don't see what's wrong with my clothes. I'm not going solely to make an impression.
"Remember, you promised minimal." I noted, feeling my hands down my blue jeans.
"I never promised a thing," she laughed to herself, starting out to watch the boys start the song. "I have reasons for my brilliance."
Ty clacked his sticks together, counting out as he got himself on beat before bringing them down to the drums.
"Ooh," Em wiggled in her seat, growing excited as the rhythm began to build. "I know it'll be a good one,"
"He's gonna troll them," Ricky spoke, still focused on his text message.
I had half a mind to knock it out of his hand. Not even two beers in and I was ready to argue again.
But he was indeed correct in calling Ty's mischief. He never continued the beat to progress the song, staying steady in a slow buildup that made Chris quake with anger.
"Start the fuckin' song!" He shouted, raising his voice to a new point of rage.
"Don't piss off your drummer."
"Maybe we should go."
-
After finally getting Ty in the car, safely avoiding a brutal brawl between the brothers, we were ready to go, moments away from pulling out of the driveway before Zach jogged up to the car. You have to admit, his timing was impeccable, always when you'd least expect him.
He was busy with Chris just moments ago, starting up another game of cards to cool the man down. There must have been a decent reason for him to rush out like this.
Ricky sighed heavily, rolling down the passenger window to hear whatever it was Zach had to say. "If it's Chris, I can't help."
"Actually, I was hoping to talk to Rey." Zach's words made my stomach do a cartwheel. All eyes were on me, and somehow Zach's weren't the ones making my flush with embarrassment.
"What's going on?" I asked timidly, fearing every way this conversation was going.
"Can you step out for a sec?"
For what? I wasn't going to stay here alone. He wouldn't ask me that, would he? Alone with him and Chris, with my friends off on their own, preparing for this big party? What's the nicest way to say fuck no? He wants me to speak with him in private, this could go ways I hadn't even imagined yet. How personal was this?
"I promise I'll be quick?" He tapped the window frame, beaming at me at such a close distance. "You don't mind do you, Rick?"
"I don't give a shit." Ricky replied, a taste of bitterness to his tone.
"Rey?" Zach gestured outside the car to invite me out.
Could he see that I felt one hundred percent freaked out by this? This kind of pressure wasn't something I was used to. Especially not with him for god sakes. Where did this sudden interest come from?
"Yeah," I muttered, tearing off my seatbelt before he opened the door for me. "Do we have to walk away from the car?"
"If that's okay?"
Looking up at his handsome face smiling down at me, I felt childish beside him, taking small steps compared to his eager strides. He was quick to lead us back to the shed, now well out of earshot from the car, but thankfully still visible.
"Is this far enough?" I asked, stopping slowly before he decided to take us any further.
"Yeah, I just-" he laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "I didn't want to have a whole audience you know? Just you and I for a sec."
"Yeah, I get it," No, the fuck I did not. "So what's up?"
"I know we talked about it a while ago-"
"The party?"
"Yeah, I wanted to let you know that even if we don't go together, I'll still be there."
"Well, I know that," The laugh was easy, at this point he was just repeating things. No pressure yet.
"I know you'll be with Ricky and all them, but, if they aren't taking care of you right you can call me."
Call him? I don't even have his phone number how does he-
"It is gonna be a big party, and it'll be easy to get lost and stuff."
"Why are you so eager to want to hang out with me?"
"'Cause I like you. I'm making my move. Wanna show you a good time there." Reaching out to me, he grabbed my hand in his and turned it over, setting his phone in it. "Will you let me have your number?"
Shocked as all hell, I directed my gaze to his sleek black phone and swallowed hard. "Are you messing with me?"
"Not at all, I swear." He laughed softly, relieving a portion of my anxious jitters. "Listen, it's no pressure. I'd just like to get to know you."
"At a party though?"
"Of course! There'll be tons of shit we can do together. I can introduce you to probably half the house, and you won't be alone."
"I wasn't going to be alone in the first place."
"Ty's got Emma, and Rick has his girlfriend. I really would hate to see you get left out. You deserve a good night. Something fun to remember."
What does he know about what I deserve? He doesn't know me like that.
Can I give him a chance to get to know me?
"I'll give it to you, I just- I'm just confused about all this." I explained, finally peering up at him.
"I think you're pretty as all hell, and I really get the feeling that you don't know it enough." He inched closer, tightening the gap between us. "And you definitely don't get told it enough."
"I don't know what to say. I- thank you."
"Don't thank me, just grant me some time to really get to know you."
"I think I can do that. At least the phone number."
That smile got wider, and my legs got wobblier. This attention was crumbling my steadily declining confidence. I had no idea of regaining a solid control over my thoughts. This one conversation couldn't be my undoing. Not this early in the night- shit.
I hurried to add myself into his contacts so I could faster get his phone back to him, thanking him awkwardly when he took it back.
"So I'll see you tonight? Maybe?"
"Yeah, I'll let you know. I'll call you?"
"I'd like that a lot." His teeth pulled in the corner of his lower lip, and he laughed, almost looking as nervous as I felt. "I got one more question."
"You can just ask, you don't have to tell me everytime you-"
"I wanna kiss you."
"Right here?"
"Where else?" He shoved his hands in his pockets, shifting on his feet with a boyish grin.
"I don't want a whole bunch of- they're watching us right now." With a shaky turn, I glanced back at the car, unable to see any faces under the glare of the sun.
"So what if he's mad?"
"Maybe just a hug? For now?" My blush grew worse as I turned back to Zach, facing his eyes for real. "I just don't want all the attention."
It would be my first kiss. A real one that had feelings behind it. Not a schoolyard prank. This was real.
Did I even want to kiss him?
"You don't have to explain yourself." He held out his arms, inviting me to be embraced by them.
Despite his tall, lean frame he was more built than I had taken notice of. Firm even in his back. He was warm and calm, holding me close before dipping his head down by my ear. Close enough to identify almost all of his scents, the clean smooth shirt he wore, the lightest amount of cologne that smelled much different than my dad would normally wear. He smelt like a grown man, and he held me like one too.
His hands never wandered, but they held me in tender places normally untouched. Spreading his fingers out, increasing the span of his touch. I could only related this feeling to falling into a foam pit, all around me at once. My chest against him, even my hips curved into his embrace.
"I've got it bad for you, Rey. I hope you'll let me show you how sexy you really are."
With no words for him, I stayed quiet, listening to his steady heartbeat thud against the side of my head. How was I supposed to respond? No one has ever said such things to me. So forward and interested. And out of nowhere.
If he liked me like this, why did he wait so long?
Zach's hands slid up my back and cradled my neck, pressing his lips on my cheek with a soft laugh. "You'll call?"
"Yes," I nodded slowly, remembering to move my arms from around his waist as he straightened up, releasing me. "I'll try."
"Don't let yourself get left alone."
"I won't."
-
Returning to the car was almost more nerve-wracking than the conversation itself. Knowing that I'd have to explain was a sickening realization. How could I explain the hug? Could they see the kiss on the cheek? Of course they could, who am I joking? I'm sure Ty's big mouth was running on and on, making everyone uncomfortable. Shit.
"You ready to go?" Ricky pumped the gas pedal, making the car roar.
"Yeah, I'm ready." I clicked on my seatbelt and pushed my hair back, exhaling a large breath.
"So?" Em leaned forward, squeezing my shoulder. "You've got one of those smiles happening. What'd he say to you?"
"Probably wants to get it in." Ty cackled.
"Shut up, Tyler." She gasped, whacking him to silence his laughter. "Have some respect."
"He wanted me to call him."
"You gave him your number?" She gasped again, louder than before. "Imagine that. So he must fancy you, then?"
"You could say that," A giggle bubbled out of me and I shook it away immediately.
"He even hugged her!" She clapped, squealing as Ricky peeled out onto the main road. "So effing strange, isn't it?"
"Could say that." Ricky nodded, lighting a cigarette in between his jerky shifts.
"We still going to the skate park?" I asked him, holding a chirpy tone to cover the budding nerves building within me.
"No. We're going to Emma's." He spoke calmly, trying to show ease in his voice, but the tight grip he held on the wheel spoke differently. His knuckles were white, and his face was stone, staring straight ahead as our speed picked up.
"Yay! I'm so excited, you guys."
"You know what," I felt myself smile, accepting this feeling of joy and letting it take over. It was just us now, and I couldn't be happier. "I am too."
"Are you?" Ricky turned to me, holding his look over me for a speedy second. So skeptical, like he could see everything crumbling down. Like he didn't want to be happy.
"Aren't you?"
"Happy as fuck."
-
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