❝ He often went out alone, and when he came back you were never absolutely certain whether he had had an adventure or not. He might have forgotten it so completely that he said nothing about it… ❞
~~~
April 28, 2013
Paris
The stress was getting to Niall. Like, really getting to him.
The band was well into their Take Me Home tour. Everyday was the same: wake up, rehearse, do an interview or two, perform, collapse into bed, repeat. And sometimes, if Niall was lucky, there’d be the occasional moment when he’d be slammed with lingering memories of sarcastic wit and a Harvard sweatshirt like a quarterback being tackled by a linebacker.
He couldn’t help it, he really couldn’t. It was especially hard to push it out of his mind now that he and his bandmates found themselves in Paris (see also: the City of Light, the most romantic place on earth, etc.). Niall thought of Whit whenever he saw a couple holding hands, or a couple arguing, or a couple on a romantic excursion. His left wrist would tingle and he’d run his fingers over his skin lightly, remembering when there were six black figures that claimed him to another person.
He wouldn’t lie and say he never tried to find Whitney in the two months since he’d been back from Neverland. There’d be late nights when he couldn’t sleep that he’d pull out his laptop and be in two minds whether he should try looking her up or not. One time, after weeks of his fingers hovering over the keyboard but never actually pressing any keys, he caved and typed her name in the Google search bar.
W-H-I-T-N-E-Y D-A-V-I-E-S
He found a wedding photographer, a professor at UC Berkeley, and several LinkedIn profiles, but none of them matched who he was looking for. Niall did, however, find something particularly interesting. It wasn’t Whitney, but it was someone she’d mentioned to him in Neverland.
Greg Davies. A Harvard-bred businessman tangled in a company fraud that sent him and several others to serve short prison sentences. Whitney’s dad.
It hit too close to Niall; he wasn’t actually expecting to find anything. When he read the article about Greg’s arrest, he hurriedly shut his laptop and tried to ignore the girl haunting his dreams. He didn’t search her name on the internet again.
Niall was trying his damn hardest to stop pitying himself and move on for Whitney’s sake. If she saw you being this pathetic, he asked himself, what would she say? “Get your head out of your ass, Niall. You’re too far from reality again. Go find that middle ground. Remember?” Oh, he remembered. He had to find that somewhere in between fame and normality. But it was proving difficult to find when he felt boxed in.
It scared him because he felt like this before. Niall remembered what it felt like to be under so much pressure and stress that it was physically draining. It scared him because last time he felt like this, he went into a coma.
(But that turned out fine, right? Well, Niall mused, it was okay during the coma. It was ironic that he felt more liberated and like himself in a coma than he had in a long, long time, but that was because there was someone to bring him down to earth. He wasn’t alone in Neverland. And then he woke up and found himself right back where he started.)
Niall could tell the other boys were beginning to get worried. He could only ignore their worried glances and hushed whispers for so long. So he wasn’t really surprised when they decided to do something about his moodiness one day.
“Okay, it’s time for an intervention,” Louis declared. Niall lifted his head from where he lay on his hotel bed and groaned at the sight of Louis, Zayn, Harry, and Liam barging into the room.
“Please don’t.”
“Oh no, mister.” Harry shoved Niall to make room on the bed for all of them. “Get up, we need to talk.”
Niall grabbed a pillow and smothered his face with it. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
Louis scoffed. “Really? Because your man period would tell us otherwise.” He ripped the pillow away from Niall and softened his tone when he saw Niall’s tired face. “Look, mate, we know it’s been tough for you to go on tour right after – well, you know–”
“After a fucking SUV fucking sent me into a fucking coma?” Niall finished for him. “Nah, hasn’t been tough at all.”
“Right, so,” Louis coughed uncomfortably. “We noticed you’ve been acting different and we were just worried that...we’re just wondering if there’s anything else that’s bothering you.”
“Nothing’s bothering me.”
“Niall,” Zayn quietly prodded. “Come on. You gotta talk to us.”
Niall sighed. Times like these, he was almost tempted to tell them everything. Neverland, Whitney, the tree, matches, everything. But he couldn’t find it in him to tell them what really happened in the coma. Neverland was his secret haven, and it felt wrong to tell anyone about it if they hadn’t experienced it for themselves. Now he understood why no one else knew about the strange place. It would be such a betrayal to Neverland to give it away.
But these were his best friends and they deserved to know at least something. They needed to know why he was no longer content with fame and fortune. Why he acted as though he’d rather be in a coma than in the spotlight. Why he seemed perpetually lost as though he was missing someone.
Niall pushed himself into a sitting position and hugged the pillow to his chest. “Something did happen…” he trailed off, not knowing how he should go about it.
Liam patted his back. “You can trust us. We won’t tell anyone.”
That was all Niall needed to hear. “There was something,” he cleared his throat. “Well, actually, someone. Her name is Whitney.”
~~~
“Okay, lemme make sure I got this right.” Louis furrowed his brows, trying to follow what Niall was telling them. “You met a girl a few months ago. Whitney.”
“Yep.” Niall had to stretch the truth a little; he couldn’t tell them that he’d met her when he was in a coma. He just hoped Whitney would forgive him for sharing a even tiny part of what happened in Neverland.
“And you two had talked to each other a lot.”
“Yep.”
“You told her how stressed out you were because of the band and stuff and she helped you with that.”
“Mhm.” Niall was sort of relieved that the boys didn’t get upset or tell him he was being selfish when he told them how he found the fame and attention suffocating. Niall was sort of an open book, though; even Whitney once mentioned his eyes gave him away. (But he did had a hunch that he wasn’t the only one who felt the pressure. They all felt it.) “She understood. It felt...it felt like she knew me better than anyone. She just got it, ya know?”
Zayn patted his back. “Yeah, we know.”
“But,” Louis continued, “she went back to California and you haven’t heard from her since the accident.”
A grimace overtook Niall’s face. The truth hit hard. “Pretty much.”
Liam looked puzzled. “You don’t know why?”
“I know she was dealing with a lotta shit at home,” Niall offered. “She has my number, though. I thought maybe she’d try to call or something. I don’t know what I expected. I guess I just want to be there for her and I want her to be there for me.” Niall paused, considering his own words. “Am I insane?”
Harry laughed. “Niall,” he said, “you love her, don’t you?”
Well, shit. “Harry–”
“Look at that face! He does love her!” Harry exclaimed in glee. “Aw, Niall! That’s adorable!”
“Shut up, Harry,” Liam said as he threw a pillow at Harry’s face. “We gotta help Niall find Whitney.”
“That’s the thing,” Niall sighed in resignation. “I don’t even know if she still wants to talk to me.”
Louis lightly smacked the back of Niall’s head. “Why wouldn’t she? Sounds like you two really hit it off. I’ve never seen you so torn up about a girl before.”
It’s more than that, though, Niall thought. I know why. It’s because she thinks what we went through in Neverland should stay there. I don’t blame her.
He often wondered if she spared him a thought every now and then. He wondered if she saw his name and face in the news or listened to his music. He wondered if she wondered about him.
“So what’re you gonna do about it?”
Niall gaped at Louis. “What am I gonna do about it?” he repeated. “I don’t fucking know.”
“Niall,” Harry admonished. “Ask yourself this and answer truthfully. What does Whitney mean to you?”
What did Whitney mean to him? What didn’t she mean to him?
“Everything,” Niall softly replied.
Harry clapped his hands. “There you go. You can’t give up so easily, mate. You gotta go after her.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Liam added. “If she means that much to you, she probably feels the same about you.”
Niall allowed himself a small smile. “Thanks, guys.”
Zayn stood up. “You’re good, right?” he asked Niall. “Gonna stop acting like a baby now?”
Niall chuckled in spite of himself. “Yeah, I’m good. Or, I will be.”
“You’ll be fine,” Louis assured him. “You’ll find her.” He grinned at Niall as he left the room, the other three boys following close behind.
You’ll find her.
And that gave Niall hope. He’ll find her. No matter she lived across the world or might be avoiding him, he’ll find her. The band was going to America soon. Niall had to get her attention somehow, and he had an idea how to do just that.
Yeah. He’ll find her. They were matches, after all.
They found each other once before. They could do it again.
~~~
A/N:
wow sorry for the longest wait ever. i'm going to college (uni?) very soon so it's been crazy getting ready for that. again, i can't promise when i'm going to update again, but i sincerely hope it'll be soon. this story is (finally) wrapping up and i'm planning for just a few more chapters, maybe two or three. almost done!
also, i know this chapter is kinda short and uneventful, but i'm just really proud of myself for updating ok. remember to vote, comment, and all that shiz.
thanks again for sticking with me and this story. i hope you still enjoy reading it as much as i enjoy writing it. i love you all more than i love getting 8 hours of sleep.
catherine
[dedicated to the ever-patient smarteblonde. you're amazing and i can't thank you enough for not giving up on an update.]
UPDATE 2/5/15: hello people of wattpad. it's been a while, hasn't it? i'm just here to let you all know that college is busy af and i'm doing my best to work on a new chapter. i can't promise anything, but my goal is to finish this story before the school year is over. i also still read every single comment and i'm still amazed people are reading this story even though it hasn't been updated in forever. thank you so much.
i love you guys more than i love eating ice cream for dinner!