Twitter: @BlairHoldenx
Instagram: @jessgirl93
(Please do read the important note at the end of the chapter)
Chapter Forty One:BAM, You're Naked and It's Go Time
In light of my latest epiphany, I begin to take cautious precautions for the day to not be a total disaster. Not that I know when the exact day is, it's not really sexy if you've marked 'the moment' in your calendar nor is it romantic. It'll happen when it'll happen, spontaneously like it happens in the movies. One minute you're calmly sitting next to each other and the next BAM, you're naked and it's go time.
Again, that doesn't sound really romantic does it?
Maybe what's missing is the angst, the tension and anticipation. Maybe what I need for that moment to be special is for something big to lead up to it. It's not like I'll seduce him with my verbal prowess or lack of and it'll be on. No, from what I've been advised by my friends there needs to be a perfect blend of spontaneity and planning. You cannot afford to be unprepared in a my legs need to be shaved by a Weedwacker nor can you be overly eager and exuding the same sentiments of a stripper who gets paid a hundred dollars per hour. Apparently there's a science to it that I'm trying to wrap my head around. I'm sure Cole notices that I'm different, more jittery and nervous when he's around. He hasn't said anything though so maybe he's willing to put up with my temporary neurosis. However what he shouldn't have to put up with is the hell that is the dysfunctional O'Connell family.
***
One minute I'm in absolute heaven eating my triple Nutella layered fudge brownies that I'd been so cruelly promised before and the next minute my phone's ringing like crazy and I'm fielding texts from not only my mother but my dad and Travis as well. My first instinct is fear, the fear that maybe something's happened to someone I care about. But when I do get the opportunity to go through the texts, I see that most of them are about the same thing.
Travis is warning me.
My dad wants to know if I'm still at the apartment.
My mom's telling me that she only has my best interest at heart.
Holy crap.
I have a few minutes to prepare myself before the buzzer goes off, letting me know there's a visitor. My dad is one of the people who can come up without the reception having to confirm his visit. Reading his texts has told me that he's here. Reading my mom's texts has told me that nothing good is going to come out of this.
Shooting out of the sofa that I'd curled myself in, I throw a panicked look towards the bedroom where Cole is showering. Megan and Alex still aren't awake and Beth's gone out for a morning run. I'm both scared and thankful of the lack of company because even though the coming confrontation scares me, I'm glad other people aren't around to witness it.
I throw the door open, in my haste forgetting that I'm still in my pyjamas, those pyjamas consisting of an old t-shirt of Cole's and some halfway decent sleeping shorts. Halfway though and not completely. My dad stands in front of me, a carry on clutched in his hands. His becomes instantaneously stiff as he observes what I'm wearing, his reaction making me automatically blush. He clears his throat, "I called you." He says blankly, his face not giving away anything.
"Uhh I just checked, my phone was switched off." I tell him trying to figure out if the situation is nearly as bad as I think it is.
"Can I come in?" He looks pointedly towards the path that I'm blocking by standing right in front of him.
Hesitating just for a split second, I immediately move to give him space to enter. His rigid posture thickens the tension that's already brewing in the room, a tension that has been lodged in my gut ever since I picked up my god damn phone. Now I wait for the bomb to drop, knowing that it's got something or the other to do with my mother and what she thinks is best for me.
"Relax Tess, it's not nearly as bad as it is in your head." My dad tells me as he sits on couch, putting his feet up on the coffee table. I saw him a couple of days ago but now he seems older, scarier and maybe a bit more authoritative. I haven't done anything wrong but still this feels like those times as a kid when you know you're going to get scolded for something.
"Why do I get the impression that it is? You wouldn't have flown over in a night if it weren't."
"I had business in the city anyway when your mom called I decided to come early."
Shaking my head, I begin pacing the room. "What did she say to you? Whatever it is you have to know that she tried to manipulate me."
He huffs out a breath, "Of course I do honey. I know all about the latest man in her life and I know it's just a fleeting affair. But she recognises a golden opportunity when she sees one and probably thought she could set you up with the son and keep it in the family."
"That's disgusting, she had no respect for my relationship and Drew, oh my god Dad, you can't even begin to imagine how big of a self righteous, ignorant prick he was."
He laughs at me and shakes his head. "I'm pretty sure Cole put him in his place if the medical reports were anything to go by."
That immediately makes me shut up. "He deserved it, " I mumble, once again defending Cole against the world.
"I'm sure he did and I'm not here to berate you about your personal life or your relationship. But your mother while being as misguided as she is made one valid point."
Fear lodges itself in my throat, any valid point my mom makes can never be good news.
Feeling as though what he's going to say to me will be nothing but bad I take a seat on the plush love seat opposite my dad so as to give my shaky legs some support. Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe he has to say to me won't be necessarily negative or even if it is then it shouldn't matter to me. But that theory goes to hell the moment Cole enters the room looking all freshly showered and outrageously sexy. There's a grim expression on his face as though he's heard part of our conservation and knows that there's a problem.
"Mr O'Connell, " He nods his head towards my dad and sits down close to me. He grabs my hand in his and squeezes it in reassurance. "This is a surprise."
"Well it was either I show up here or let me ex-wife sort it out with your family. I think the Sheriff would prefer not going through that kind of torture. We compromised, I decided to come here and talk to you two and she promised to stop being a giant pain in the ass."
I wince, a part of me still not used to having my parents talk so harshly about each other out in the open. But mostly I'm frustrated with the fact that my mom chose the absolutely wrong time to start giving a damn about my life. I have no idea what's going on in that head of hers or why she feels so compelled to make interfere in my boyfriend's life. But if she doesn't stop soon, she'll have a very angry Irish blooded daughter to deal with.
"I guess I appreciate that." Cole tells him and it's my turn to squeeze his hand.
"But you don't completely disagree with her do you? There's something you find reasonable in all her madness?"
"Yes there is one where I think she's coming from the right place."
"And?"
He sighs and rubs his hand across his jaw, studying the two of us carefully and then studying our joined hands. Then as if thinking very carefully about his words he tells me, " What I feel is that the two of you are young and that it's not exactly healthy to have such a dependant relationship at this age."
My throat dries, I have no idea why I'm taking this as seriously as I am. There's no need to listen to him but unlike my mom, dad seems to be coming from a genuine place and I can't find it in myself to ignore him.
"Before you start arguing with me, know that I'm on your side. Tessa, even though I haven't been the best father to you, you're still my little girl and no man will ever be good enough for you. Knowing that I still think this kid here is pretty good. Don't think I've missed how much happier you've been since he came back into your life."
My gaze as if reflexively lands on Cole, and he gives me a heart stopping smile, melting some of the tension between us.
"But," my dad begins and the tension comes back immediately. Ah, that dreadful but, "It's scary how serious you are about each other. I saw what the breakup did to you even if I don't know the details. You guys are in it so deep, its like you're an extension of each other. There's no middle ground here, it's either complete heartbreak or you go full throttle."
"So you're saying that it's a bad thing if we're in a committed relationship?" I don't mean to sound as defensive as I do but with the way Cole's tensing up next to me, this situation is deteriorating pretty quickly.
"There's committed and there's co-dependent. I'm on your side Tess but what I'm trying to tell you both is that it's not healthy to build your lives around one person when you should be discovering yourselves. You're starting college in a few months Tess and if I know you,then you wouldn't even have made the effort to find out more about the people you're going to meet. Tell me if I'm wrong but is the fact that your boyfriend is going to the same college as you the most exciting prospect right now?"
I don't answer because that would be admitting he's right.
"No offence Mr. O'Connell but she didn't even know I was going until a few weeks ago. I wasn't a part of her plans then."
"And maybe that would've been better for you and for her." My dad's voices goes up a few notches and this is the first time he looks slightly angry.
"The fact that you got back together and then a minute later were on a road trip together, living in the same room, sleeping in the same bed..."
My face turns red and I open my mouth to object by but he cuts me off, "I'm not an idiot, so don't even try to deny that. You're an adult Tess and as long as you're being safe I have no problem with what you do with your boyfriend. What I do have a problem with is the fact that you depend too heavily on him. None of you know what distance can do to a relationship, whether it can survive being given space and time. You know what it says to me? That the two of you jumped at the chance to travel together? It tells me that you're insecure. It tells me Cole, that you were scared Tessa wouldn't want you back if she had the time to think about it and same goes for you Tessa. You may have been scared that he'd hurt you again or that you might not want to get back together after the hell you went through in that month and a half. Maybe if you spent the summer apart, spent a little time figuring out what you want from each other it would help you when you start college."
Once his speech finishes no one speaks for a couple of minutes. He's said so much that Cole and I both pretty much need time to soak it all in. I don't even know where to start analysing his tirade. So much has been said, a lot of which is right but there's a lot that's wrong too. Why do we need an explanation for how in love we are? Aren't adults usually berating people my age for being involved in too many casual and meaningless flings? So if I'm in a stable and secure relationship with a guy I'm in love with and who loves me, why is that suddenly starting to become such a big problem.
Looking at Cole to gauge his reaction, I'm shocked by the stony expression on his face. His jaw is ticking, a sure sign that he's angry. Maybe he's had one too many O'Connell's breathing down his neck lately. He doesn't deserve the hell my family is putting him through and I won't blame him if he storms out right this second.
"With all due respect Sir, I waited a long time to tell your daughter how I felt. She's wise, she didn't trust me at first and she took her time to make sure that I was serious about her, about us. This isn't some whirlwind romance nor is it unhealthy in any way. She's my best friend, we know each other inside out. You think we're dependant on each other? Why? Since when does being in love mean we're addicted? We know what we want, and I'm hoping that she agrees with me on this that distance or time wouldn't have mattered."
I nod immediately, knowing without a doubt that he's right.
"Then do it, take some time apart. If you're hell bent on spending the rest of your lives together and if that's something you're so sure of at eighteen then give it a month, if not the whole summer. Tessa, this trip was supposed to be something you did with your best friends before you all went your separate ways. Do that, have fun with the girls. Your relationship will always be there if you have so much faith its longevity."
That's apparently the last bomb he had to drop since he gets up and kisses me on top of the head. "I love you kiddo and I'm only doing what's in your best interest. Get to know who you are before you become part of someone else's identity."
I may have nodded, I don't really know.
"Same goes for you Cole. You're good for her but give her the space to be something other than the town bad boy's girlfriend."
It's been a couple of days since my dad landed from Connecticut and wrecked havoc in my New York happy bubble. Though he only acted out of the goodness of his heart, the result's have not been quite the success. Cole's become really distant and quiet, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try I can't get through to me. He lost somewhere inside his own head and it scares me to imagine the kind of things he's thinking about.
But as I pack my bag, I breathe out a sigh of relief knowing that we'll be leaving New York tomorrow. It would be the understatement of the century to say that things did not go as were planned and that I'd be glad to get out of here. The sooner we leave the sooner we can put everything behind us.
The girls and I are out, spending some much needed time on our mental health, ok so we're shopping again but retail therapy is the best kind of therapy. More often than not though, I do find myself checking my phone to see if Cole's replied to any of the texts I've sent him since the morning. It's extremely unlike him to not do so and the fact that I have no messages from him is what makes the gnawing fear inside of me grow worse. Whatever this is, whatever's changing between us, I need to confront him about it but it becomes destructive.
I'm done giving him space and I'm definitely done avoiding what has obviously become a bigger issue than expected. After idling around the shops for a bit I leave Megan and Beth telling them that I'll see them later. They've decided to give us the apartment for a bit and Alex is going to meet them. Sending them a thankful look, I trudge towards whatever it is that awaits me.
When I get back, it immediately hits me that something's wrong when I see all of Cole's bags gathered in the living room. Panic starts to claw at me as I walk towards the room we're sharing. He's there, sitting on the bed messing around with his phone. He looks uncharacteristically serious, his expression grim and it only gets grimmer when he sees me standing in the doorway.
"Hey," He says and I just look at him blankly.
"Alex told me that you were on your way back, I would've texted you earlier but..."
"Why didn't you then? What's going on? Why are your bags out there?" I ask sounding as confused and frustrated as I felt.
He sighs. I hate that sigh, the sigh is my enemy. "I've been thinking and Tessie, maybe, maybe your dad's right. Maybe I manipulated you into taking me back because I thought that if I gave you time, if I gave you the summer you would change your mind. If I leave right now, you can make your decision without having me pressurising all the time."
I gape at him for a few seconds before complete fury overtakes me. I'm sick and tired of people thinking that they know what's best for me. My parents and now him, they all feel like they're freaking mind readers and that somehow they have the godforsaken power to tell me how I feel or rather how I should feel.Well guess what? I've had enough.
Trying to restrain myself and not throw something at him, I try and focus on getting my temper under control so things don't spiral completely out of control.
"Why are you so convinced that I'm an idiot?" He opens his mouth to object but I stop him, "No, listen to me. Do you think that it was that easy for you to 'manipulate' me especially after the hell I went through after our break up? I was heart broken, completely crushed and every instinct I had yelled at me to never let you in again. Don't you think I thought long and hard about what I wanted? Don't you know that I was terrified to let you back again in my life and that if I did decide that I wanted to be with you it was because I fought to overcome all those fears! So don't tell me that you somehow made that decision for me. You didn't, no one did. My answer would have been the same if you had asked me next month or the next year because I love you damn it!"
His eyes are stormy as he rushes towards me and pulls me to him by the waist. "But you deserve better, you could do so much better. If I'm holding you back..."
"Who are you?" I ask him, completely astounded. "Where's that cocky over smart jerk who fought like hell to convince me that he was the one for me? Where is the guy that I fell for because it sure as hell isn't you."
He staggers away looking conflicted and I know what I have to do. Too many people recently have filled his mind with doubts, playing on his insecurities and it kills me to see this amazing guy being subjected to that. Being a person who for her entire life has never felt good enough for anyone I know what it can do to you, how it takes away that part of you that wants someone to love them. He has to know that if anyone could do better, it's him. He's the better person in our relationship because he's stronger, he turned my life around when I was completely lost.
"Cole please look at me, " I move closer to him and cup his face between my palms forcing him to look straight into my eyes.
" You have to know why I love you and why I choose to be with you. You make my days brighter just by being near me, I always have a reason to smile when you're around. Everything feels like its easier, I laugh easier, breathe deeper, and feel so much more because of you. You came into my life like this whirlwind, tossed everything around and when it settled back down to normal, my entire world was different and it was amazing. So if that kind of a relationship sounds unhealthy to people then I don't care because I'm really selfish when it comes to you. I need you to be in my life Cole."
I choke on the last few words, trying my best not to cry but it Cole must have sensed the emotion anyhow because he shakes his head, as if he were in a trance and hugs me close to him, moulding my body to his, he kisses me deeply but without urgency, savouring the moment.
"God damn it woman, how is it even possible for you to love me so much. I can't walk away from you, not after this."
"Then don't." I gulp and will myself to be brave enough to do what I want to do at this moment.
Pulling back, I start working on the buttons of his shirt when his hand shoots out to stop me.
"What are you doing?" His voice is hoarse, his eyes widened, mouth slightly ajar.
Swallowing, I push his hand aside and continue unbuttoning his shirt.
"I'm ready." I tell him simply knowing that he'll understand.
He doesn't stop me again but does question, "Are you sure? I don't want you to think you have to do this to prove a point."
Never taking my eyes off his chest I tell him, "I've been thinking about it for a while and I know that I want this with you."
He nods and then the most wonderful thing happens. I get my arrogant, smirking, bad boy back who's in control and who knows that the only thing I need right now is him.
We move gently, hesitantly towards each other knowing that we're about to do something that'll change us and our relationship, stopping it from existing as it does now and morphing into something so much more.
***
After as we lay tangled in the sheets, not knowing where one begins or the other ends I can't help but think that now I understand why everyone's so crazy about the sex thing. It's not just about the physical gratification but more so about the emotional connection, especially when you're with the person you love.
I definitely feel closer to Cole now, like our feelings have been magnified and externalised. I'm laying half on top of him, his arms wrapped tightly around me. Both of us are still breathing hard, covered in a sheen of sweat and I snuggle deeper into him.
"I'm sorry I hurt you Tessie."
I shrug, though it was quite painful it wasn't his fault. "It was worth it, definitely."
He kisses the top of my head, "How do you feel? Was that as good as what you expected?" The insecurity is back in his voice and I squash it immediately. "It was so much better. It felt..." I find my cheeks turning red but I continue anyway because he needs to hear it, "It felt amazing even though the first time isn't supposed to feel so great. You made it amazing for me." I kiss his chest and he rolls me onto my back, using his arms to support himself as he rolls on top of me. I stare at him, our lower bodies covered by the sheets but his gorgeous chest is exposed and my eyes glaze over.
He kisses me softly, his hands all over me. Resting his forehead against mine he rasps, "I never considered sex to be anything but a physical release but with you, fuck Tessie, nothing's ever felt as amazing as that."
Lovingly I run my knuckles down his cheek and he kisses every one of them.
"Don't ever doubt how I feel about you ever again okay?"
He grins mischievously, "If the consequences are as mind blowing as this then I don't really have a better reason to not do it."
We both laugh but immediately stop when he begins to tug down the sheet that's covering my body.
"Again?" I gasp, knowing that I'm way too sore to try anything right now.
He shakes his head, "I just want to take care of you."
I watch him suspiciously as he rids me of the sheets, scooping me up in his arms and carrying me to the attached bathroom.
He puts me on my feet before starting the shower. In the bright lighting of the room, I begin to feel self conscious about my body and consider wrapping a robe around me when Cole returns and wraps his arms around me.
"Shower?" I squeak as he runs his hands up and down my back reassuringly.
"I hope you don't mind but the hot water will make you feel better and I didn't...couldn't let go of you just yet."
Face blazing I nod, I understand how he feels even though I'm too embarrassed to admit it.
When he feel that the water is warm enough, Cole leads me behind the glass doors and I rely on him to pull me through since my own legs feel like jelly.
As I stand under the soothing spray, Cole presses his chest into my back and wraps his arms around me.
"Did you ever think when I first came back that we'd end up here?"
I smile, "Well you did soak me with cold water the first time I saw you then so I had my suspicions."
He tickles me and I writhe in his arms. "But this beats being being attacked by a water pitcher."
I hum in my throat, "Definitely."
"That's all I ask Shortcake, that's all I ask."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Come say hi on social media!
Hi All
*Edit* : Forget the crap that's written below, the restricted scene is the next chapter, just update your library or swipe your screen etc to read it :)
I will get to the fun stuff in a bit but firstly let me just talk about the issue a lot of you will voice. Yes I purposefully refrained from putting in a graphic sex scene because I have readers as young as 12. I know this story isn't exactly meant for people those age and previous chapters haven't been the posterchild for clean reading but hey this is supposed to be a PG-13 story. I've gotten messages before about trying to keep everything suitable to all ages and it's difficult to meet everyone's demands. I know I have older readers who expect more details but I can't cross into the R-rated terriotory nor will I be extremely comfortable writing a full fledged sex scene. However to keep things fair, I may at some point post an out take of that scene separately on my profile. I can't make any promises but I will keep that in mind.
Thank you!
Moving on, I am officially off for the summer, three glorious months of no school. I will hopefully try and make the updates regular for all my stories but I'm also looking forward to spending time with my friends and family so please bear with me on this. I hope you guys enjoy the update and I'm so sorry for the wait! You've all been so incredibly supportive and amazing, there's lots going on with regards to my writing and it's all because of you so big hug!!!
If you want to follow my updating/everyday schedules or random activities and amazing Colessa fan art follow me on instagram: jessgirl93onwattpad
<3