3.
"You murderer.." A shiver crawled up my spine, and I sat up in bed. I looked around me and it didn't seem like anything had changed.
"Aww shit.." I muttered
to myself.
"You killed us.." Another shiver crawled up my spine.
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
The voice was back. "You can't change the past Wyatt..you killed us.."
A piercing shriek rang through my head. "Fuck!" I yelled, as another sharp pain hit me.
"Dead.. All dead.." The voice whispered to me again.
"Goddamn it, leave me alone!!" I dropped to my knees, my mind ringing. "I know I killed them! It's all my fucking fault!!"
I knew no amount of words was going to bring them back though. I stood up slowly, gripping the side of my bed for support. Someone screamed again and this time I felt as if knives were being run through my head. "Shit!!" I loudly whispered to myself, falling back down. My head hurt like a bitch. I couldn't help cursing. I stumbled to my bathroom, splashing cold water against my face. As I glanced to the mirror, I suddenly saw someone in the reflection behind me. I slowly moved my hand to the mirror, looking curiously at it.
I spun around, but when I turned back to the mirror, the silhouette was gone. The ghosts from the past refused to stop haunting me. Perhaps I was just going crazy. I knew how guilty I felt, and also knew I deserved this because it was my fault. I didn't know how and I still wasn't completely sure of what happened that night, but I knew somehow, that it was my fault. The authorities later told me that the fire was an accident and that someone had simply forgotten to turn off the stove, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that I was the one who ignited it. My only escape now was everything I would have instantly turned down a couple months ago.
I drank myself to sleep almost every night, for when I was intoxicated, the ghosts would fade back into the walls and there would be no blades cutting into my mind. I knew it was unhealthy and that I was slowly destroying myself, but I couldn't help keeping a distance from the few friends I had, so they were all just about gone as well. My aunt tried to cope with me and tried her best to understand , but me, being the stubborn kid that I am, won't let anyone come near my mind. As emo as it sounded, I was pretty much alone now.
I walked back to my room, grabbing the bottle of vodka stashed under my bed. I needed to get out of the house, and I needed to get out fast. I took a swig from the bottle, then shoved it in my backpack along with some other things.
I slipped quietly downstairs to the kitchen, careful not to step on that one creaky step, where I grabbed my keys. My aunt seemed to be a sound sleeper and never once had I ever got caught, so I wasn't too worried. I drove an old pickup truck, one of the few things I still had from my old life.
I gently crept past my aunts room and opened the front door. I heard the lock click behind me, and I headed to my truck. After getting in, I pulled out my bottle and took another drink, enjoying the way the alcohol burned down my throat.
"Almost like a fire.."
I slammed on the brakes, looking around in fear. That was something I didn't want to think about at the moment.
After about an hour I ended up at my favorite spot. It was a quiet picnic place in the mountains. I silently thanked my dad for getting me a truck. No other vehicle would be able to pull off a climb like this. I drove a bit more up, stopping at the very top of a cliff. There, I parked and stepped out into the cool breeze.
I sprawled out in the grass with my backpack. First thing I did was take another shot of vodka. The voices were at the back of my head now. I opened the little bottle, popping a couple pills in my mouth. How many I didn't bother counting, only making sure there were enough. I washed them down with a chug of Jack Daniels, grimacing slightly at the taste.
The stars were lovely that night, and I watched them quietly, lying in the grass. I suddenly sat up with the feeling of someone watching me, yet there was not a living being in sight. I stood up and walked to the edge of the cliff. Dark waters crashed on the shores below.
I spread out my arms and took a step closer to the edge, feeling the wind run through my body. The waves beckoned for me to join them. I gazed into the distance where I could spot my whole town, a cluster of lights from where I stood. I thought about the waters below, about the cool, cold caressing way they'd wrap around my skin. I was so tempted to just let go and fling myself off the cliff.
I thought about my family, about joining them forever. I remembered Abby's words, "Always go out with a bang," smiling to myself. Jumping off a cliff..well..that wasn't exactly a big bang. She always used to call me stubborn, saying I was a fighter and I never gave up. It was true, in a sense. I always fought for what I believed in, and never gave up when small obstacles came my way. I knew I was pretty strong, psychologically and emotionally, and could deal with things easily.
If Abby was with me, she would've told me to go home. I backed away from the cliff. I noticed a couple of small lights a bit off from where I was standing. I heard something from the same direction. Maybe bugs, I thought to myself. Possibly fireflies.
I headed back to my truck, gathering my stuff. I couldn't see too well because of how dark it was and how much I drank, and ended up stumbling on some tree branches. I grabbed a hold of the side of my truck, breathing hard and trying my best to stay stable. I kept my bottle close by, and took two more pills, feeling my body relax. After one more drink of vodka, I headed home.
I put my seat belt on and turned on my phone, plugging it into my speakers. One new voicemail. I frowned to myself. "WHERE ARE YOU?!" It was my aunt. "Do you know how worried I am? Don't do anything stupid. I repeat. Don't! Think about how much you might be throwing away. Come home ASAP Wyatt!! Be safe, come home, I love you." I clicked off my phone, pressing down a little harder on the gas. I didn't want to worry her. I don't know how she had figured out I wasn't home and why she was so worried, but I wanted to get home quick and tell her it was okay. As much as my aunt drove me crazy sometimes with all her obsessive questioning, she was still my aunt and I still loved her very much. I thought about calling her, but stopped, deciding she would only question me more.
I eased slowly on the gas, trying my best to keep my concentration up. My vision was a little off. I think I drank a bit too much, because I felt out of control. Nonetheless, I still sped up, wanting to get back to my aunt. I watched the speedometer closely. 60. 70. 80. 85. 90. The highway was pretty empty, so I wasn't too worried. I could always slow down, right? The car felt like it swerved a little. There were some headlights coming my way from the other lane.
“Wyatt.." Someone whispered in my ear.
"Who's there?!" I screamed out.
"Oh c'mon Wyaaattt.. Don't you still remember me..?" It was Abby's voice.
"Wyatt. Why did you do this?" my mom asked as casually as if she were asking me to make my bed. "You killed us Wyaaattt!!!"
Something stabbed me in the side of my head. I screamed, taking one hand off the wheel. Someone honked at me, and I swerved back into my lane.
"Fuck!" I panicked to myself. I had come extremely close to wrecking into another car and possibly killing more people. I looked behind me, making sure I was clear.
I turned back around, and saw another car coming straight at me. It got closer, and soon I realized the car was coming down my lane. I hit my horn and slammed on the brakes. Going ninety miles an hour, I couldn't seem to slow down. The car got closer. I stepped on my brakes as hard as I could, to no avail.
Then before I knew it, my windows were shattered and the car was flipping. I couldn't remember if I had my seat belt on or not, but I hope I did. Parts of my car were coming off, and then I hit the ground with a crunch. Something exploded, and I tried my best to keep my arms around my head. There was blood running down my neck, and lights were flashing around me. I was on my back, my face against the ground.
As bad as the situation was, I felt like laughing. If this was truly the end of me, this was sure as heck a shitty way to die. Then again, a little while back I was about to hurl myself off a cliff. At least I had the glory of saying it wasn't my fault I died. I smiled to myself, I was still just as stubborn as Abby had deemed me. This would be a good way to go. See you all in heaven..if I manage to pass the entrance test.