ONE
"I'm just sayin', life's fragile. Imagine wasting it away, sitting back and watching it happen all around you. Don't people like that feel sick? I know I would."
"Some people are depressed, though," I shrugged, tilting my head down to watch as I dug my shoes further into the warm sand. "They probably do feel sick."
"Gotta take a leap sometimes, Rey-Rey. That's all that people need once in a while. Can't be comfortable all caged in and sold a whole dollar short. It ain't fair."
"Define 'caged in'."
"Alright, you two, that's enough. I'm going to get a migraine." Em held up her hands, flashing a glare at Ty. After years together he still manages to be a pain to her. But they wouldn't have it any other way.
"I didn't start it." He teased, jumping up to his feet. "Where the fuck is Ricky?"
"Could you please sit down, Tyler? My goodness." Em watched him obnoxiously shake the sand from his pants.
"He's still by the car." In his natural habitat, of course. Most likely on the phone, stressed, and four Camel menthol's deep. Great thanks to his girlfriend Mia, I'm sure.
Ricky was always dealing with her in one way or another, fighting on the phone or in person, it was always something.
But never for the reason they should be fighting for.
It wasn't necessarily my place to say anything, but he had to know in the back of his mind that she was sleeping around. Everyone else knew.
The thought is nearly putrid.
Ricky was family. It'll never sit right with me that he'd allow himself to be treated the way Mia does, when he wouldn't let the same happen to any of his friends. Especially me. The double standard was infuriating. I want him to give a shit. That's not much to ask. Not out of Ricky Hadley.
Whatever. I'm a 'threat' to her regardless of her unfaithful hobbies. With it being known that Ricky and I have been inseparable since our early middle school years, she's never been accepting of me.
Trust in this, I don't give a donkey's ballsack. She can eat dirt.
"Oh, there's the little princess now!" Ty held out his arm dramatically, pointing out to Ricky who was skating down the windy pathway to our small area of secluded beach.
"You kicked sand on my book!" Em whined, holding her finger in place so she wouldn't lose her spot.
Clearly distracted and extra jittery, Ty dropped his head down for a quick, "sorry, Lil' lady."
"Rey, would you mind passing me my bag?"
"Sure," I grumbled, hoisting it up by the straps and tossing it across the sand. Well out of her reach. "Shoot, I'm sorry."
"Is there something on your mind?" She asked politely despite us being mildly inconsiderate.
"Just not my day today." I answered quickly, glancing down at my cell phone.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, thank you though."
"Sorry in advance." Ricky blew out a long breath, flicking the dead butt of his cigarette into the trashcan nearby.
"Please God tell me you got pot, my dude, you can't edge me like this." Ty pulled his hands down his face to show the whites of his red-tinted eyes.
"No," Ricky dropped his butt down to his skateboard and finally joined our circle. "Nobody's answering."
"Fuck," Ty groaned, dropping back to the sand. "Guys, I'm bored as hell. No offense ladies, you've been a blast. Seriously, Rick, I'm dyin'."
"Rey probably has to get home soon, yeah?" Ricky faced me tiredly, tightening the stud on his lip ring.
"Actually, no. I'm good until around eleven tonight."
"No shit?" Both boys responded in unison, turning all eyes to me.
"Yeah. Mom's out of town tonight."
"Can we fuckin' please go jam? Nobody's swimming today."
"You can." Em answered, sneering at the idea of going to the 'sesh shed'- as the boys call it.
"Mia's coming." Ricky fumbled with his pack, tossing it from hand to hand until it eventually fell to the sand. "That's why I said sorry in advance."
"Fuck my life!" Ty was now mooching cigarettes from Ricky's pack, sparking one up as he mumbled his complaints.
"Thought we were trying to have a decent day," I grumbled, turning away from Ricky. One look at him, and my nerves would ache with hatred for her.
"That's what I'm sayin'!"
"I highly doubt she'll want to go to Baxters." Still fiddling around his lip ring, Ricky tried reading me with his vibrant eyes. No doubt he could sense my discomfort, trying to work out a way to make it better. "Are you saying you want to go? To Zach's?"
"I'm not saying I want to go. I'm just not fond of the idea that she's tagging along."
"She doesn't want to." Squinting hard, he tore through each level of attitude, ripping down to the core of my emotions. "What's going on?"
"She's just as damn bored as I am!" Ty interjected, kicking his legs up to rest on Emma's.
"No filter." Ricky's foot knocked against mine, his way of making sure I was still in the conversation.
I sighed, defeated, and turned to him instead of shying away with the distractions of our friends. No filter was our law. It meant full truth, no hesitating, all at once honesty. Getting around it wasn't easy, but there were ways.
"You know."
"C'mon, Rey. I can't read minds."
"She's toxic as all hell. Spoiled fruit in your bowl."
"Who? Mia?" He scoffed.
"You know full well-"
"Would you look at that," Ty laughed. "She forgot her shirt at home."
She's here already? Ready to ruin the entire day in a matter of seconds, like everyone's emotions lay in her prissy, prying hands.
She's not my favorite person in the world, to say the least. Mia and I have never really gotten along, I'd say she's jealous of our friendship.
With fine reason too, I guess. Considering Ricky and I have always been close. We all have. All of us treated each other like family, and she just never wanted to be a part.
Okay.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't also slightly jealous of her. Not just because of her looks, which seemed to catch everyone's attention, but because of all of the time my best friend puts into her. It's sick. To see him gut himself to make her happy for the ten minutes she actually gives him. It's not that I need it, but she wastes every second he donates to her pitiful cause. She gets love and anything she wants, whenever she wants it, all to just walk all over him.
She doesn't deserve to be treated so highly when she acts so low.
I admit I've thought about being with him myself. I'd even hoped that one day I could show him that I had so much more to offer compared to the list of girls he's been with. I just keep asking myself, what did I have to offer that was so much greater than what he wanted? I wasn't on his level, I wasn't experienced. No drugs, never been drunk, and no sex. I felt small compared to Ricky's lovers. Unfortunately, that included Mia, who just loved to make me feel even smaller. So I stayed away and kept my mind off of the idea. I had enough to deal with at home anyway.
"She won't ruin anything, okay?" He assured me, still locked in the moment with just me before he turned to watch her stride up. Hips swaying and all, who wouldn't want to watch.
I could keep arguing on and on with him, but it wouldn't change a thing. Besides, this bitterness I felt down inside was from another place. It wasn't his fault.
This was my reflection of home.
And that's why I stay away from any idea of that.
"Well, surprise! I found you." Mia gruffed, kicking off her flip-flops. "Had a feeling you'd be at this fucking dump."
"You came to party with the cool kids, lil' mama? Get a little twisted up?" Ty was teasing her already, doing his part in making her uncomfortable.
"Ugh," she sank down, kneeling beside Ricky. "Shut him up. He's gonna start being rude."
"Hey now, you should know I can hear each and every word." Ty frowned playfully, cocking his head with a quick smile. "Not nice."
"Thought you weren't coming."
"I told you I wasn't going to hang out with them. You know I wanted to go to the lake house tonight. You swore you'd go."
I can taste the vomit already.
"Ass rules over all, Rick." Now sitting up to play with Em's hair that shined bright red in the sun, Ty laughed off Mia's bitterness and kept on.
"The kids are home tonight, Mia. I don't know when Mom and Pop'll be back. Aunt Ellen won't want to watch them overnight."
"You might like hanging out with us tonight." Em added, startling a reaction out of Mia. "The boy's will be sure you're well taken care of."
"She's been before," I tilted my focus to Em, rolling my eyes to tell her the depths of my annoyance. "Complained the whole time."
"Yaeh, you're a real peach too, Rey. Fucking prude."
"Hey," Ricky stopped her, touching her shoulder gently. "What gives right now? We're all cool."
"Tell her that."
Already done with all of that nonsense, I pulled open my phone to read over my text messages for the third time this hour. Only hoping I wouldn't have another to obsess over.
"She doesn't even party with you guys," Mia added hatefully, trying to catch my attention. "She's practically an ankle-biting puppy."
"You come here just to kill the fucking vibe here?" Ricky scowled. "Can't you just hang with us?"
"I wanted to hang with you."
"Just go," I snapped, still locked ahead on my phone screen.
"No, Mia, I've got plans tonight. You knew that from the start. Plus, you know how I feel when you change up your plans on me."
"Ditch the losers and come with me," her body tipped to him, snarling out her words under her breath. "Shouldn't have to beg you to-"
"Cool, I'll text you." Not looking up at her once, he fumbled with his lighter, flicking it to spark the flame that held his eyes distracted.
"It's summer for shit's sake. Do something with your life." Everyone, except Ricky, watched as she stood, yanking up her shorts to an ungodly height. "You'd think that doing the same thing every day gets boring, but never for you, huh?"
"Get's boring for you, huh, sweetheart?" Ty snickered, blowing a smoke cloud her way.
"Say hi to your brother for me." She mocked Ty's smile and ruffled her fingers in Ricky's dark hair. "That's fine then, text me if you change your mind."
"Will do." Finally looking up at her, he fell in the snares of her trap, tilting his head all the way back for her to kiss him.
"I love you," she whispered forcefully, searching for an unspoken response. "Ricky. I love you."
"Love you too." He grumbled, pulling his head away.
"Love to watch you walk away!" Ty called out to her, watching her hips sway. "Could break my neck!"
Not once looking up from her book, Em swatted him with her arm, gently shaking her head. "Stop getting her riled up. You know it does no good."
"Bro," Ty rolled himself in the sand, starting up a good belly laugh. "She's filthy."
I didn't want to add any fuel to the fire, but there's no way I could've stopped myself from laughing. We were all used to Ty's taunting, but it was too spot on when it came to Mia.
"Let's just head to Baxters, alright?" Ricky was up now, lighting his third smoke.
"Tell me, do you yak every time you've gotta say that?"
"Shut the hell up, annoying ass."
"I just wanna know how." Ty calmed his howling laughter and began picking at the dried blood on his knuckles.
"How to fuck off?"
"It's 'cause of that ass, isn't it?"
A smile crept on Ricky's face, replacing the temporary scowl that was there just seconds ago. A sure confirmation of notably the only reason he is willing to stay with her. It's always sex.
How would I know, though? A virgin who tags along but never has any of the fun. An ankle biter puppy.
"Are we going to go, or not? It's already well past two now." Em closed her book and stretched, wincing as her sunburnt skin pulled tight.
"I say, let's go." Ty drummed his fists on his knees, smiling giddily.
"Be lucky if they're even awake right now." Ricky muttered, glancing down at his cellphone.
"I'll wake them assholes up. Can't sleep all day, anyway."
"Wasting your life away, right?" I spoke quietly, picking at the worn rubber soles of my shoes.
"Exactly, Rey-Rey! Let's fucking go."
Is that what I'm doing? Wasting myself until it's too late? All ration and no play? Mia was right about me. No, I'd never admit it, but how is she wrong? I'm a dry piece of bread compared to my friends. Even Em partakes in their nonsense drinking and partying. Sure, she's the better head of the bunch, but-
I'm the popped water balloon.
"Have you eaten?"
I can't help but wonder how I might look in their eyes. They always tell me that it's never a problem I don't join in with any of their activities, but who wants a prude tagging along? I have to be thankful they stick up for me, making a point that I can be more than just a designated driver.
But am I?
"Rey? Come in space cadet." Ricky tapped on my phone that sat in my hands, ripping me away from my self-deprecating thoughts.
"Sorry, I was just-"
"You eaten today?"
"Yeah. Same things."
"Did you manage to eat it all?"
"Let's go!" Tyler whined in the back, jumping in place to gain our attention.
"Yeah, except for the sandwich. The egg was throwing me off." Trying for a soft smile to soften the stone look of impatience on his face.
"Was something wrong with it? I thought you loved the egg."
"I don't know, it lost its spark for me. Texture's turned weird."
"I'll make it different next time, sound good?" He was smiling now, finally happy and cooled. Just like myself, he was affected by others' moods and emotions.
Especially mine.
Going back to the day that we first met, he was able to understand something that I had yet to discover about myself. It's been six years now, and I'm still learning the small lesson he gifted me that day.
It was summer, my very first in the state of Florida, and I couldn't have been more alone. At least, I sure felt that way, sitting on the swing set on the beach we all now spend our days.
That day, Ricky saw me on the swings alone, dragging my feet back and forth through the bark dust just to pass the time before I could be picked up. I was sad, missing my old friends, and wishing that I didn't have to go through the whole process of being a new person in the sea of new personalities and unfamiliar faces.
My life was fine, I told myself, but I still wondered why my parents thought it was okay to just up and move across the whole country for a job. I wondered why they didn't care, and why life wasn't as good as how it used to be. However, as I should have known, according to my mom, nothing was good the way it was.
Not only was I sad, but I was downright furious, left alone in my state of bitter emotions and thoughts. I was supposed to be happy about the time alone. This was nearly a gift. My Dad tried everything to cheer me up, allowing me a day at the park to meet some school mates and get a good head start on initiating friendships before I had to start up school.
I guess Ricky had noticed me immediately, noticing that I was angry, he skated over to me with a cigarette dangling off of his lip, and his skateboard loudly rolling over the sidewalk.
I looked up at him, annoyed and glaring, and yet his smile never left his lips. When he reached me, he kicked up his board and sat down next to me on the swing.
"Hey," He smiled, a broad and goofy grin. I could feel his shiny green eyes, lined with dark eyelashes burning a hole in me as I stared straight ahead. "You look like you fuckin' hate the world right now."
"Those aren't good for you." I spat carefully, eyeing him as he took a long drag. I wasn't about to have someone tell me how I look right now. Especially when they reeked of a stale ashtray.
My snappiness didn't affect him in the slightest. Instead, he held his playful expression, nearly looking amused by my attitude. "Yeah, and yet for some reason, they keep selling them."
I stared at him, confused that I'd even caught his attention. A boy's attention nonetheless. "That doesn't mean you have to keep buying them or keep smoking them." There's no way he wasn't put up to this. After only a minute of him being around, I'd dumbed it down to a childish prank. I just wanted him to leave me alone.
"Do you want me to put it out?" He asked, taking the cig out of his mouth, and holding it away from me. "I should have asked that before I sat down."
I scoffed. "I never asked you to sit down. I didn't even ask you to come over here. Who did, anyway? Just tell them I'm a loser and it was super funny. Whatever. Go back and do something better with your time." I accidentally kicked a massive amount of bark dust up on my worn-out converse.
"I know you didn't." He watched me shake the chunks off my shoe, frustrated. "And nobody asked me to talk to you. It was all me."
"Then why did you?"
"Cause you looked like you needed someone right now."
I quickly turned my head over to him, eyes squinted in an irritated expression. How dare he just assume that I needed someone. I didn't want to admit I was pathetic or lonely, I was just mad. "Well I don't, okay?" I lied, sounding very unconvincing.
He slowly smiled. "Okay, that's all good." He stood up to face me, putting the cig back in his mouth. "I just thought that because you look how I feel right now, we might be able to cheer each other up." Turning away, he shrugged and picked up his skateboard.
I dropped my head, feeling bad. This wasn't me. I wasn't a mean person. I sighed heavily. "Wait," he turned back to me quickly, grinning at me with the smile that I would soon get to know so well. "You can stay if you put that cancer stick out."
Immediately, he took it out of his mouth and quickly flicked it away. "Done deal." he walked back over to me. "I'm Ricky."
He listened to me all day, whining about being forced to move to Florida, away from my old school, my old house, and my old friends. Whining about my mother, a big shot modeling agent, and booking director for a prestigious agency. High standards and zero patience. The only person in my world who has made it abundantly known to me that I'm a huge physical disappointment to her. I told him how growing up she would constantly try to, "correct" me, try to change the way I would do things or say things. Even the way I smiled. I was only nine when she told me that my smile was embarrassing and I would look better with a closed mouth.
Your teeth, Chesarey. Aren't you humiliated?
"Well, go ahead. Smile for me." Holding his hand out, as if to stop me, he pushed himself back on the swing to stand upright. "Let's see the damage."
I couldn't help but blush, feeling nervous. Oh, I shamed myself for it. It was just a smile, but I was insecure.
"Come on, Rey," he said, goofy, with his magnetic, rich green eyes that held me a fool. I simply couldn't help but grin back, wide and full. "There you go! She's a lunatic if she thinks that's embarrassing."
He kept quiet and listened to me rant on, and on, jumping around from problem to little problem. Little did I know, he had his share of greater problems that day at the park.
Ricky had two siblings on the way and two parents who were completely incapable of raising them. He knew full well that the only way his brother and sister were going to be able to get by, was him. Ricky started getting work helping people with their cars so he could get by, and when he was old enough, he got a job at our local auto shop. He loved cars, so he didn't have any problem making a living working on them.
I applaud his hard work and dedication to his family. Family was everything to him, especially his twin brother and sister, Janelle and Jace. From day one he was by their side, helping them grow into the little crazy kids they are now. And he never so much as got a thank you for anything he did.
It never mattered what I said or how I felt, he listened to me rant and fume about my life with no judgments whatsoever. He helped me start to like myself, helped me start to get past what my mother would say to me. Always cheering me on and supporting me even when I would get moody, he listened. It was all because he understood.
Always supportive, and never failing, Ricky stood by my side and played a major role in my growth. Every trial and grueling issue, he made his own. Showing me I was important, not just to him, but his friends. I was a part of them.
But, no matter how hard he worked, he didn't fully understand why I had such an issue with my body. Why meals were terrifying. Or, why I needed to be reminded to eat. It never stopped him from helping, and he did what he could, but deep down the problems were always there. They'd always be here because I'll never be what she wants.
"Chesarey's putting on some weight. Chesarey's getting too thin. Chesarey, you really should lay outside, you're fluorescent, it's blinding me. Chesarey, wearing more makeup would make you look a lot more feminine." And so on. The worst part was if I defended myself, I would get punished.
Her criticism will never leave my mind, and I'll never fully be healed.
I'll never look right.
"See you've got Rey zonin' out there here, my sweet lil' miss is yawnin' like she's 'bout to take a record winning nap, and you," Ty pointed his finger at Ricky, laughing to a joke only he knew in his head.
"What about me?" Ricky stood to challenge him, grinning back with his cigarette between his teeth.
"You have weed, good sir, and I wanna smoke it."
Ricky held his stare, firm and unforgiving. Didn't matter if Tyler matched it head on, neither of the boys faltered. Slowly and nimbly, Ricky reached into his back pocket and pulled out a crumpled pack of cigarettes. It was when Ty realized that the pack was full of the flower he so desired, Ricky finally smiled. "How'd you know?"
"'Cause I know you, you sneaky fucker."
"You guys are ridiculous." I chuckled, pulling my hair back into a ponytail.
"Agreed." Em nodded my way. "Rey, let's walk to the car. The sunscreen is useless at this point."
Instinctively, I turned to Ricky. It was his car, best friend or not, you need permission. He loved that car more than himself, the respect went all around.
"I was thinking we could head over to the sesh-shed. Kick back for a while?"
"I am fuckin' down." Ty held his hand out for Em to grab as she stood. "Will you come too, pretty lady?"
"Of course," she giggled, accepting a kiss on the hand.
"Excellent." Ty shouted, leading the way gallantly. "Onward, fuckers."
"You doin' alright?" Ricky pinched at my elbow, smiling to see that I was now in a better mood. "Seem kinda off today."
"Isn't every day kinda an off day?" My phone was buzzing in my back pocket now, vibrating a single pattern that I knew well.
Don't harsh the vibe.
"You got me there," he nodded, carefully blowing his smoke away from me. "But, I know when you get sad."
"I know that you know." I laughed out, watching him try to keep his skateboard at a pace that matched mine.
"So?"
"So, I'll be alright." Taking a hair tie off my wrist, I looped it over my thumb and pulled out with two fingers, aiming it at Ty's back.
As the elastic made swift contact, Ricky laughed out, "nice".
"That's for earlier!" I called to him as he shot a surprised grin my way. It wasn't revenge, it was war. Ty likes to think that he's winning it, but I am well equipped with the art of hair tie flinging; and he better watch his back. Literally.
"Nice shot."
"Thank you. As you were." I replied modestly, raising my head high before breaking out into laughter.
"Yes, ma'am. As I am." Ricky's fists planted on his hips and he nodded, pumping his foot out against the pavement to push himself forward.
"Take shotgun, Rey." Ty winked with his full face as he pulled the back door open for Em. "Gotta speak some words to my lady here."
"Don't be getting weird back there. It's not even five o'clock." I teased, stopping out the clumped sand from my shoes.
"What're we listening to?" Ricky slid into the driver's seat, firing up the engine with his foot of the gas to listen to the roar of his illegal exhaust.
"Put this in!" Ty pushed up from the backseat, shoving a lone CD in Ricky's face. "This one right here."
"What is it?" I asked, securing my seatbelt tightly, knowing that whatever it is we were about to hear would set the entire tone for Ricky's driving. Could either be a rocket ship or a sailboat.
"Band I found couple days ago. Heavy shit." Ty's excitement was something that leaked over all of us, we knew how it was gonna be.
Ricky shrugged and slid the disk in, cranking the volume as he wiggled his shift knob in neutral, waiting for the music to finally begin. "Where the hell is the-"
In an instant, the loud screech of a guitar busted through the speakers and we were met with a heavy rhythmic beat. Something crazy enough to bring a smile to our faces.
"I guarantee you got this from Chris," Ricky spun back to grin at Ty. "No way you found shit this good."
"Shut the fuck up and let's go!" Ty hooted, wrapping an arm around Em's shoulders. "Hol' on miss lady, gonna be a fuckin' ride."
Taking a sneaky glance at me, Ricky beamed, fiddling with his lip ring as he found his peace in his comfort zone.
We were gonna go for a ride. A real one. A reckless one, but trusted in his hands. The best kind, and it was all in his DNA.
"Let's fucking go!" He shouted as the music met a peak, and we were off, back tires spinning and all.
-
We weren't fully parked before Ty hopped from the car, leaping with his long legs across the smooth pavement leading around to the back of Zach's house.
"How long do you think we'll be here, Ricky?" Em asked, fixing her unkempt hair that shined like little sparks of fire under the sunshine.
"Couple hours, maybe more." He stood ahead of us, waving us along to follow. "Can never tell for sure, but we go when you girls wanna go. No matter what's going on."
"Especially if Chris is here."
"He is." I pointed out to Chris's truck, rusted from the heavy wear and tear from when his Dad drove it.
Ty was already at the door to the custom built shed that was specially made for the boys, banging on the door with his two fists pounding in sync.
"You guys better help me with him," she nudged me gently, taking hold of my arm. "If he gets out of hand."
"He will." Ricky laughed, nodding hard as we approached Ty.
"Go away!" I heard Zach from inside, speaking into the microphone so it was extra loud and amplified.
Ignoring him, Tyler unlatched the door and pushed it open just an inch. "Mom, Dad, I had a real bad dream."
From the crack, I could see Chris winding up to throw a crumpled wad of paper at him, aiming for the head. "Offerings upon entry!" He shouted, making Em and I jump.
"I brought weed." Ty pushed the door open, striding in the room to where Chris sat, lounged on the couch with a guitar in his lap.
"Your stuff is garbage. Go away."
"I brought it." Ricky clarified, tossing a cigarette to fall in his lap.
"Mediocre at best." He smiled, leaning forward off the couch. "I'll give ya a pass."
"We don't have any offerings." Em was already making herself comfortable in front of the lone fan in the room. "Us ladies are invading."
No chance in wiping away my smile, I could feel the happiness begin to seep in. Here, I had a chance at feeling independent. No one in this room could change that, and they wouldn't want to.
"Ladies never invade, welcome to the party," Chris winked, focusing his eyes on me for a quick moment.
It only took a moment to be reduced to dust in his eyes, Jesus.
"Speaking of party," Zach started leaning into his mic with a goofy old-timey voice.
Shooting to attention, Chris scowled at Zach, keeping his expression solid and incredibly hard to read. Over anything, it had to be anger. "Don't."
"I'm on drums!" Ty sang in a falsetto tone, skipping to the corner of his room to his happy place.
"If you start to fuck around," Chris stood from the couch, running his fingers over his strings, filling the room with his sound. One to make the room understand it was time for them to play.
He's always taken it seriously. Sometimes a little too much so, resulting in a brawl.
I mostly found it interesting to watch.
"Who's got the bong?" Ricky yawned, sitting next to Chris's spot.
"Don't fuck with me, Rick." Chris groaned and gestured dramatically towards the high standing shelf on the far wall. "You know where to look."
"Silly-fuckin'-goose." Zach added in that same sing-song tone.
"Would you like me to get it for you?" Already making my way to grab it, I happily stepped over the mess and rubble of music equipment and empty cups.
"Don't be hoggin' that shit!" Ty called out, clacking his drumsticks together to get everyone on beat.
"Thanks, Rey," Ricky smiled up at me gratefully, taking the long, tall bong from my delicate hold. "Sit down with me?"
Taking Chris's spot for myself, I settled down and made myself comfortable. "'Course I will, got something to tell you anyhow."
After taking a rather long hit, he set the piece down and leaned back, holding his breath like the smoke was his lifeline. "Jesus," he finally coughed out. "Sorry, that was insane,"
"You're fine. You know I get it." But did I? I don't know that burn in the back of the throat they talk about. Or the hazy, zen mindset that makes them smile and giggle at ridiculous shit.
It's not just fear, it's- it's...
Well, fuck. Yeah, it's just fear. I scared of how I might act I suppose. How people might see me. Even how long it might last. Usually, Ricky can stay high for an hour, two tops, before smoking another round.
Would it be different for me?
Would she know?
"So, what'd you wanna tell me?"
Cupping my hand around my mouth, I leaned in to speak into his ear. "Zach was about to talk about a party,"
"Is that so?" He grinned, fiddling with his piercing.
"Mhmm," nodding quickly, I felt my happiness level burst, ready to stir up a little fun. Digging deeper, I scooted closer and snickered. "And Chris didn't want him to say anything."
"Oh, Tyler!" Ricky grinned, picking up my bait without any needed explanation.
Why was I so eager to rile them up? There was a party in question here, nothing to do with me.
"Yes, dear." Ty slowed his beat down to a very minimalistic tempo. Almost dragging.
Chris was practically the big bad wolf behind that fancy electric guitar. All huff and puff, but no blow. At least not yet. I've seen him fly off the handle over someone simply turning his song down. Can't rule it out yet.
"I believe there's an event in the works," Ricky and I chuckled together, laughing at the joke as it progressed beautifully. "Information is being withheld-"
"Rick, I don't wanna have to kick you in the fuckin' mouth," Chris muttered, focused down on his fingers that danced along the fretboard.
"When's the party, Chris?" Em asked sweetly, crossing her leg over the other with a gentle bounce.
Ty howled out an exaggerated laugh, rattling the drum set, and breaking the song. "Don't tell lies to my sweet lil' miss, you'll know better now."
Chris flopped his head back and groaned, tearing his guitar off his shoulders. "Tonight. Why'd y'all gotta fuck with me?"
"Am I still gonna get that kick you promised me?" Ricky teased, tossing a cigarette butt at his back.
"Yeah, not with a lady sittin' next to you," Chris smirked at me curled up in his favorite spot. "How ya' doin', Rey?"
"He didn't want you guys to come," Zach grabbed Ricky's skateboard, balancing himself on it with one foot.
"Ya know," Chris flopped down on the far cushion, tearing the t-shirt off his back. "It's been a garbage day and I really just wanted to play."
"It's your lady friend, isn't it!" Ty launched a drumstick through the room to hit Chris's arm. "Sorry! Friendly fire!"
"Oh God, is she here?" Em's doe eyes widened before shifting into a tight sqint.
Forget Mia, Chris's girlfriend was the lord of darkness herself. Bitter, hateful, massively egotistical, and almost always a total dump on any happy situation. Guess she worked well enough for Chris. Being that she's Zach's only sister, they've always been close. Even with that being said, it's still a wonder what he sees in her. Other than himself.
"No, see, here's the deal," Chris started, ignoring Zach as he toppled off the board and crashed in a heap. "We had an argument-"
"Wow, shocker." Ricky laughed.
"Fuck you, Rick, let me finish."
"Nobody stopped you from talking."
"Fuck you. Listen, I took her out, bought her a nice dinner n' shit so she'd stop bitchin' about not gettin' nothing nice; complained the whole damn time about every lil' thing. Instead of finishing her fucking plate, her thirty dollar meal, she bailed to go to the mall with "friends"."
"She left you there?" I asked, shaking my head at the thought of it. A thirty-dollar meal was unfathomable.
"Damn right!" He nodded, accepting a big from Ricky. "Got mad that I started askin' who she was plannin' to meet up with."
"What if she was really meeting up with friends?" Em asked innocently, fanning at her bright red skin.
Chris laughed hard, pointing to her as he spoke. "That bitch don't have friends, Emma."
"Ask her what she bought when she comes back." I suggested, trying to be somewhat helpful. However, Vanessa's been known to have quite a free spirit... similar to Mia, I guess.
"Don't give a shit what she bought. All looks the same anyways." He shrugged, picking at his torn jeans.
"Well, it's nice without her here," Em snorted, standing from her spot to stretch out. "Talk about stress relief."
As if on cue, my phone began to vibrate persistently notifying me, and everyone else in the room, that I was getting a call. A call that should have been more prepared for. That ringtone was none to be mistaken, and the very sound itself made my gut ache with anxiety. I had ignored her for too long.
"One sec," I shot up off the couch and tiptoed over to the door.
"Hold the door," Ricky grunted, peeling himself away from his spot to come with me.
"Hey, Mom." I chewed at my thumb nail and paced back and forth over the lush grass, building up the courage I needed. "I'm sorry it took me so long to-"
"Where are you?"
She's mad at me.
"With friends, Mom. I already spoke to Dad."
"You ask me next time. Don't go behind my back. You know how disrespectful that is?"
Ricky was scowling, focused down on the ground as he listened in to the call.
"I'm really sorry, I didn't want to make you mad."
She laughed cynically, loud enough for me to inch the phone away from my ear. "Well, you have. When will you be home?"
"I was hoping-"
"Hoping what? You think you deserve to do absolutely anything at this point?"
"I was hoping I could stay with Em tonight. I can be home first thing in the morning, and I'll even do all my chores. I'll do extra."
"What? So you can be a little slut with your friends? You're funny, Chesarey."
"Please, Mom? I just want to have a girls night. Watch some movies and have popcorn-"
"Of course there's food." She sneered, probably rolling her eyes dramatically. "So you want to be a pig? Eat junk and sit around like you're the damn Queen?"
"I'll be good." I pleaded, trying to avoid any glance at Ricky. I'd break otherwise. "Mom, please."
"Fine. Have your fun. There will be repercussions." And before I could get another word in, she had hung up, leaving me with the silent panic flooding my veins.
"Rey."
Was it worth it? A dumb party? For me to be the tag-along? Watching everything happen around me with a fake smile plastered on my face? Was it really worth her rage?
"Can you talk to me?"
No- this has to happen. I want this freedom. I need this change. Consequences are temporary. I won't have these opportunities forever. I need to go.
"I'm gonna go to this party." I nodded slowly, finally glancing up at his bitter expression. "I'm not an ankle biting puppy."
Ricky thought for a moment, twisting his lip ring. "Dude, fuck Mia for that. You're not an-"
"Fuck Mia?" I scoffed, feeling heat rush to my cheeks.
"Yeah, you're never-"
"I'm getting fucked up tonight. I'll drink with you guys, and have all the fun I can. Fuck it all."
"Rey," Ricky sighed, squishing his cigarette. "You don't gotta do all that to have fun with us."
With a smile, I turned back to the door to the sesh-shed, pushing it open as I looked back at him. My mind was made up. "We'll see."
-
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