Vanessa entered her twin sister's room on Saturday.
Every month, she cleaned the vacant rooms in her house, particularly Veronica's. She wanted to start off with her parents' old room this time, but she still didn't have the courage to walk into their room without bursting into tears first.
If she cleaned Veronica's room first, she would have at least calmed herself down a bit; she wouldn't be too much of a mess when she opened their room.
"Hey, Veronica," Vanessa called out to no one in particular when she stepped inside. She scanned the room before walking over to the huge walk-in closet. "I'm back, Ver. And I'll be cleaning again, okay?"
Most people would probably scoff at her and call her insane if they found out that this was what she did during her free time. Vanessa didn't care, though. She felt safe here; the peaceful solitude that ensconced her every time she came to visit this room was absolutely soothing.
It was true that she bawled her eyes out whenever she was here, but during her cleaning time every month, she tried her best to recall happy memories with Veronica instead of sloppily confessing her pent up frustrations and profusely apologizing for not being able to prevent the accident from happening.
They would definitely call her crazy all over again. And they would probably tell her to go back to her asylum, too.
But things never seemed to be in her favor, no matter how she desperately tried to hold back her tears.
Losing her twin sister in a tragic accident was an aching scar of her haunted past that remained painfully conspicuous despite her numerous attempts to conceal it with high, brick walls; it stained her every nightmare with resentful memories of immense guilt and irrational trepidation.
Vanessa heaved a deep sigh as she opened the custom-made walk-in closet and went over to the farthest corner, bending her knees to reach for one of the folded bedsheets at the bottom.
She pressed it against her nose and sniffed its fragrant floral scent, smiling to herself for doing a job well done on the laundry. She searched for its matching pillow cases and blanket as well.
After stepping out of the walk-in closet, she placed the new pillow cases and bedsheets on the nightstand, making sure that none of the stuffed pandas were getting in the way.
"I hope you don't mind this color, Ver," Vanessa mumbled to herself as she deftly replaced the old baby pink sheets with new fuchsia covers. Then, she started to peel off the slightly worn out pillow cases and changed it into freshly washed coral coverings.
"I'm still shit at matching colors and style," she huffed, a bashful smile slowly spreading across her thin lips. "I've always wondered why you never saw how beautiful the color black is," she mumbled sadly.
Veronica had never approved of her wardrobe, no matter how many times she tried to convince her twin sister that she wasn't a fan of vivid colors and fashion, that the color black was beautiful and versatile in its own way.
But since she was the more tolerant and understanding younger twin sister, she let Veronica take over her closet space for a few days just so she could have her fun. She got dragged into shopping sprees and half-price sales. She wasn't a fan of vibrant colors and dresses; what mattered most to her was making her sister happy.
After changing the sheets and pillow cases, she threw the dirty ones into the hamper beside the nightstand. Then she went back to the walk-in closet to fix the clothes inside it—maybe it was time to arrange it from the lightest to the darkest shade.
Veronica had a cornucopia of clothes. On the right side of the closet were different shades of light, pastel colors; on the left side were bright, neon ones, and aligned on the closet floor were strapped sandals and cute flat shoes.
Vanessa bit her lower lip to stop herself from crying as she pulled out a few of the clothes on their respective hangers, but her damn tears betrayed her and cascaded down her cheeks anyway.
"I'm sorry, Veronica," she whispered hoarsely, clutching one of the long sleeves of her twin sister's shirt and burying her face in its soft fabric. "I'm trying not to cry too much when I'm in here," she hiccuped in a weak voice as she constantly blinked through her tears, "but I just can't stop crying. I... I don't think I can, Ver."
The untouched clothing still smelled like her sister. It had been two whole years without Veronica—and yet, no matter what she did to distract herself from the gaping hole violently clawing at her chest, the crippling pain never went away.
Several agonizing screams and hysterical gasps for air later, she crumpled down on the floor, her hands shaking uncontrollably as she tried to concentrate breathing evenly, but she couldn't tell whether or not her lungs were still intact.
Whatever deity it was out there looking down at her that moment probably hated her guts as well—because as soon as she started to slowly calm herself down, haunting images and flustered voices from that night flashed vividly through her closed eyes. The surge of painful flashbacks flooded her mind and drowned her alive.
Veronica had gone to another one of the popular kids' parties. It was a Friday night, and of course, Vanessa knew for a fact that almost all of the people there were going to drown themselves in alcohol and random hook-ups.
Veronica had been one of them. Her twin sister wasn't always a wild child, but ever since their family business had gone bankrupt and their parents practically neglected them, she became depressed.
Vanessa had tried numerous times to cheer her up, to make her see the brighter side of things, to let her know that she didn't have to be sad because she vowed to do everything in her power to make her twin sister happy.
What she hadn't expected was Veronica's strange way of dealing with their stressful family and financial problems—she wasted herself away by going to exclusive parties, consuming lots of alcohol, flirting with all sorts of guys, and ending up in a vacant room with them later on.
Vanessa didn't really mind at first; she told herself that her sister was just going through some kind of rebellious stage. She ignored her parents' constant arguments the first week she was left at home while Veronica was at another party.
She had distracted herself with reading books and doing her homework—and Veronica's—since her sister wasn't coming back until a few hours. She waited and waited, but when her parents' yelling subsided and her sister still wasn't home, she tried to remember which party her sister was at, and then she drove around their neighborhood, looking for Veronica.
Eventually, she found her twin—Veronica was shitfaced and barely coherent; she couldn't even walk a straight line anymore. Vanessa was fuming mad, but when her drunk sister looked up at her and smiled apologetically, her anger quickly dissipated and was turned into relief. She didn't fail to notice that Veronica kept mumbling something about "drinking away the pain—pain that deserves to be forgotten".
She had convinced herself that her twin's insurgent behavior was going to last for at least a week, that her parents were going to patch up their marriage and their business problems, that everything was going to fall back into place again.
Too bad the odds were never in her favor.
Veronica's grades had started to go downhill. She barely went to school anymore; she preferred sleeping in on the weekdays and going out with her so-called friends every night.
Vanessa tried to reason out with her sister, tried to tell her that she was spinning out of control already. But Veronica refused to listen.
It had been the biggest fight they had—every word that slipped out of her mouth was meant to be for her twin sister's well-being; she didn't want Veronica to waste her beautiful life away with people who only wanted to be with her because of her social status at school.
And Vanessa hadn't expected for her twin sister to pull rank.
Veronica yelled at her then; ordering her to mind her own business, to stop interfering with what she wanted to with her life. She told her to stop acting self-righteous and in control, to stop bossing her around because she was the younger sister. She even threatened to leave her and their parents if she—Vanessa—was going to continue treating her like a kid.
Terrified to lose her twin sister, Vanessa had succumbed to Veronica's demands. She let her attend parties that was thrown by their classmates and hook up with any guy she wanted, despite her reluctance for her twin sister's recklessness.
Vanessa never said a word about it, never said any kind of opposition. She never imagined that her sister was even capable of threatening her to the extent of running away and ditching her own family.
Taking away her sister's source of happiness was too painful to bear, it made her feel extremely guilty. If Veronica wanted to live her life that way, then so be it. So she kept quiet and refused the urge to defy her twin's way of living.
The thought of Veronica getting undeniably wasted and becoming prone to all kinds of danger was what urged her to follow her sister to every party she was invited to.
Vanessa paid no mind to the disgusting strangers who gave her free drinks or offered to accompany her the entire night—she rejected every single one of them, totally uninterested with their lame attempt of wooing her. She was only there to watch out for her sister and nothing else.
So that was who she had been to Veronica's so-called friends—her driver, her secretary, her assistant. She was always there whenever her sister needed her, and that was what mattered the most to her. Knowing that she was there, that she was keeping Veronica safe, that was all she wanted. That was all that mattered.
Until that night.
~
Vanessa hadn't known whose house or party it was, but they were welcomed with open arms and loud whoops when they arrived. Especially Veronica.
The place was huge, and it already reeked of alcohol and sweat. She fought the urge to scrunch up her face and wrinkle her nose in disgust. Most people were taking shots in the kitchen, some were playing beer pong, while the others were dancing wildly on the dance floor.
As usual, they had gone their separate ways after entering the house—Veronica went straight to the kitchen to drink with her friends, while Vanessa went to the living room to sit somewhere and listen to music. She stayed sober throughout the whole party, politely refusing drinks that were constantly offered to her.
"You're not even drinking, Van!" Veronica admonished loudly, looking down at her with a pout and pointing an accusatory finger in front of her face. Vanessa took off her earphones and arched an eyebrow at her twin sister, slightly surprised that she even bothered to look for her.
She scanned the living room—there were empty red cups scattered across the carpeted floor and music was playing, too. She must've been too distracted with listening to her own music; she didn't even notice the throng of people that gathered in the living room.
Veronica had smelled like a huge pitcher of tequila. Even in an intoxicated state, she was still the most beautiful girl at the party. She swayed her hips and threw her head back as she danced to the beat of the hypnotic music.
"I'm not allowed to drink," Vanessa yelled through the pulsating bass echoing from the speakers. It was true—she was going to drive them back home later, so she needed to stay as sober as possible.
Vanessa reached out to carefully grab the red cup from her sister's hand. "Finish your drink first, Ver," she reminded her. "You'll spill beer all over your clothes."
"It's not beer!" Veronica corrected, a giggle escaping her matte red lips. She took a small sip of her drink before sitting down beside her and holding it out to her. The liquid was a vivid shade of blue.
Vanessa stared at it with furrowed brows. "What is it, then?" She frowned at the drink in her sister's hand.
"Blue curaçao, duh!" Veronica shouted and rolled her eyes dramatically, emphasizing the word duh as if whatever she was saying was already obvious. "Come on! Taste it first, Van! Stop being a pussy and live a little!"
"I'm not drinking," Vanessa said firmly.
Veronica shook her head furiously like a petulant child, and then she stopped. "Whoa," she gasped, "not a fucking good idea. No to any kind of shaking. Even if it's just your head. Ugh. Don't do it, or else you're going to throw up in here. You hear me, Van?"
It was her turn to roll her eyes. Seeing her sister get drunk wasn't something she was particularly fond of. In fact, if she were to have her way, she never would have allowed Veronica to drink anything at all.
In her opinion, a person could still enjoy the party without consuming alcohol. Wasn't talking to a sober person or appreciating the good music not fun enough? From the looks of the crowd at the dance floor, it was clear that staying sober wasn't enough for any of them. Including her twin sister.
"Yeah," Vanessa sighed.
"What did you say?" Veronica leaned toward her and cupped her hand against her right ear. "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you through the music," she shouted again.
"Yeah," Vanessa repeated just as loudly. She was about to say it again when Veronica pushed her red cup of blue curaçao into her hand and grinned triumphantly.
"There we go! You finally said yes!" Veronica smiled devilishly, her inebriated mahogany eyes filled with amusement. She planted both of her hands firmly on her hips and looked at her expectantly. "It's yours now—drink up, my dearest twin sister!"
"I can't," Vanessa hissed in a defiant voice. She didn't want to have another fight with her, especially not in public. If other people saw how Veronica played dirty just so she could get her way, they would shun her and call her bad names.
Vanessa didn't want that to happen. She knew how much her golden reputation at school mattered to her sister—even if she rarely attended class and did her homework anymore. That was also why she did every single one of Veronica's schoolwork whenever she was absent or late for class.
At least she managed to keep her sister's crown intact, despite her inactivity. Veronica was still the school's golden girl, and that was something Vanessa was very proud of.
Veronica's eyes widened in surprise, a deep frown flitting across her flushed face. "There you go again," she snapped. "I thought we've figured out this shit already? For fuck's sake, Van, why don't you have some fun for a while? It's not even going to make you feel dizzy yet!"
Her sister was losing her cool, and from the looks of it, Veronica was about to start a fight in front of every single one of their classmates. To prevent that ugly fight from happening, Vanessa gave in to her sister's demand and downed the drink in one gulp.
The drink wasn't that bad. In fact, it tasted good—like pineapple juice, but the aftertaste that lingered on her tastebuds were bitter, and she didn't like it. She waited for herself to feel light-headed or anything, but she didn't feel anything at first.
And then, after a few seconds, Vanessa finally felt the strange, scorching sensation ooze down her throat once more, something she was highly unfamiliar with. Her throat felt dry, thick, and above all else, it felt like she was burning.
"Am I on fire?" Vanessa mumbled to herself, placing her hand on her forehead and struggling to focus on her thoughts. Veronica was right all along—why hadn't she tried drinking alcohol in the first place? The flaring ache in her throat subsided, but was quickly replaced by euphoric dizziness. "Shit," she muttered under her breath.
"Aw, I'm so proud of you!" Veronica chirped, instantaneously wrapping her arms around her sister and squeezing her tightly. "See? That wasn't so bad, was it?"
Vanessa wanted to break free from her twin's grip and press her hands against her ears—Veronica was too loud. "No, I guess not," she mumbled, shaking her head carefully. Her head was already spinning, and that was only one shot of whatever the hell it was she drank. She didn't want to try any kind of drink anymore.
But Veronica had refused to let her off that easily.
"Ver, one drink's enough," Vanessa pleaded weakly, her thoughts were slowly becoming hazy and her head felt too heavy to support. She wanted to lie down somewhere already. "I can't... I don't think I can drink—"
"Nonsense," Veronica waved her off, grabbing her empty red cup and throwing it away somewhere. She quickly replaced it with another red cup, and this time, it was filled to the brim. It was another cup of that blue drink. "Don't drink all of it in one go," she informed her, sounding like an alcohol expert all of a sudden. "Just take little sips every now and then, Van. Okay?"
"Why do I feel like everything's spinning?" Vanessa asked, silently cursing herself for having such a low tolerance for alcohol. Maybe if she had trained herself by consuming as much alcohol as her sister did, then maybe she wouldn't feel as dizzy as she felt right now.
"That's because you're an alcohol virgin," Veronica teased, laughing lightly at her sister. "Come on, Van, drink up!" Vanessa sighed. But before she pressed the plastic cup against her lips, Veronica added, "Take it easy, alright? Don't chug all of it."
Vanessa took a deep breath before taking three sips of her drink. The cool liquor easily oozed down her throat, slowly quenching the burning sensation lingering there.
Feeling courageous for no good reason, Vanessa disregarded Veronica's warning and downed her drink again in one go. She felt her head getting heavier, her coherent thoughts turning into mush, her vision slightly blurring and spinning all over the place.
Jesus. Why was she still drinking the wretched blue stuff inside her cup? And why was she even letting her sister take over what she wanted to do? She was free to do whatever the fuck she wanted, damn it!
"Fuck," Veronica gasped, taking away the plastic cup from her hands. She stared at her for a moment, and then she said, "I told you not to drink the whole damn cup. Like, I know that it's a ladies' drink and all that shit, but I don't think your weak ass can handle too much alcohol, Van."
Oh, so now she thinks she's all that, Vanessa thought, annoyed. Just because I was a bit tipsy from downing two cups of booze?
"Psh, I'm fine," Vanessa slurred, frowning deeply at her twin. She waved a finger in front of Veronica and then she pointed it at her, saying, "I'm not even drunk, Ver. I just feel... I don't know... woozy? Yeah. I think. But... not drunk, I swear. I'm fine."
From the looks of it, Veronica was slightly back to her old, rational self—she finally snapped out of her drunken stupor. It was her turn to show Vanessa how to have a good time, to show her how much she appreciated her twin sister's efforts to take care of her, even in her worst drunken moments. It was her turn to return the favor.
"That drink ain't got nothing on me," Vanessa continued, closing her eyes and shaking her head repeatedly to prove her point.
She probably looked like an idiot now, but she didn't care. She rarely had a chance to be a reckless idiot—unlike her twin sister, who didn't give a fuck about anything anymore.
Mom and Dad wouldn't even know the difference, anyway, Vanessa tried to tell herself. She knew deep down that there was a small part of her that wanted to at least get a taste of freedom, to escape her problems, to let loose and enjoy herself for a little while.
She'd been wrong before—sober people and good music weren't enough to keep an awesome party going. Alcohol was the answer. It was what made everything and everyone better and more fun at parties. Veronica was right all along.
"Hey, guys!" Veronica called out, her voice loud and clear enough for everyone to hear. It was as if time froze, and the people who were with them in the living room stared at them, particularly at Veronica.
Their eyes were curious with what their golden girl had to say, and at the same time, they admired her impeccable beauty. Veronica had them all wrapped around her perfectly manicured fingers, all of them wide-eyed as they anticipated her announcement.
"Something big just happened," Veronica continued, pausing for a bit of dramatic effect. Some people groaned in impatience, while the others were still hanging on to her every word. "Do you guys want to know what my big news is?"
As expected, everyone whooped in agreement, Veronica's excited voice was very contagious.
"My twin sister is finally getting herself wasted!" Veronica finished, her matte lips stretching into a brilliant smile—a smile that was sultry and intimidating, mischievous and inviting. She was the perfect combination of every boy's wildest dreams and every girl's jealous nightmares.
Once again, the enticed crowd rejoiced with Veronica, shouting numerous cheers and congratulations at her, at Vanessa. At them.
And despite her hazy senses, Vanessa knew for a fact that it felt good. Really good.
It had been the first time that they acknowledged Vanessa for accomplishing something that her sister approved, something that they approved. For once, she finally felt that she was a somebody to them and not just their golden girl's shadow.
Vanessa had never really thought that much about fitting in and belonging in somebody's social circle, because for a long time, she thought that being with Veronica was going to be enough.
She had been too focused on keeping her twin sister happy, too focused on feeding Veronica's ego and letting herself fade into the background as another nameless girl who catered to the golden girl's every want and need.
For some reason, she felt strangely empowered by the cheers of the strangers surrounding her. Half tipsy and half self-conscious, Vanessa raised her empty red cup and smiled shyly at every person who had eye contact with her.
"Let's drink to that, what do you say?" Veronica hollered, grinning widely at the crowd. And then they chorused another big, fat yes, clapping and howling in excitement.
Veronica stood up on the couch then, making rock and roll signs with her hands as she swayed effortlessly to the loud music playing in the background.
"Dance with me, Vanessa!" she exclaimed as she held out her hand for her twin sister to reach, her brown eyes alight with exhilaration. A beat passed, and then a random stranger gave Veronica two new red cups, and this time, it wasn't blue curaçao. It was vodka. "Try this, Van! This is a good one!"
All of a sudden, a small and weak voice echoed in Vanessa's head. She tried really hard to decipher whatever it was telling her, she'd had two cups of dizzying liquor after all.
Stay sober, the tiny voice in her head pleaded. You need to drive home later. Stay sober, Vanessa. It sounded feeble and desperate, like it was going to disappear into a puff of smoke any minute.
Vanessa wanted to say something back, but her coherent thoughts were completely thrown out the window when she chugged her second cup of alcohol earlier. And besides, she couldn't have possibly heard that little voice if her twin sister didn't hear it too, right?
"Hey, Ver," Vanessa muttered under her breath as she faintly reached out to take the red cup from her sister's hand.
She also tried not to think about throwing up because that was what she felt like doing after all those jumps Veronica made on the couch they were sitting on. She focused on looking at the cup to distract herself from the nausea that was slowly unraveling itself in her weak stomach.
"Yeah?" Veronica asked, taking a small sip from her newly refilled drink. "What is it, Van? Have you tasted it yet? Do you like it or not? Are you still okay?"
For a brief moment, she admired her sister's high tolerance for alcohol. Now that she was slightly feeling the aftermath of consuming liquor, she silently wished for the same alcohol tolerance. It was a ridiculous request, but her intoxicated mind wished for it, anyway.
"You'll get used to it," Veronica said, winking conspiratorially.
Was she able to hear thoughts now? Did her new drink have some kind of potion that granted her telepathy? Vanessa thought wildly. Her head was spinning again. Taking a long sip from the new drink Veronica handed her made her feel woozy and slightly incoherent. What was in her drink? Did she have the same kind of wish-granting alcohol her twin sister had?
"You said it out loud, dummy," Veronica pointed out. She tried to pry off the red cup in Vanessa's hand but she didn't want to budge. "It's vodka," she informed her sister, then she gestured to clink their cups together. "Cheers?"
A tipsy smile spread across Vanessa's lips. "Hell yeah! Cheers!"
Truth be told, it had been the most fun experience she'd ever had; despite the fact that Vanessa couldn't quite remember how many more red cups she drank from. She couldn't even tell the different tastes of alcoholic drinks—that's how shitfaced she got. She enjoyed every drunken moment, anyway. It was fucking epic.
Veronica dragged her around the house, introducing her to people she didn't even know. She couldn't quite make out their faces; she was too tipsy to care about who they were or what their social standing was. All that mattered to her that night was to smile and wave at the strangers her twin sister kept talking to.
When her legs felt like jelly, like they were going to collapse any second, Vanessa requested to sit down somewhere first.
"How much did I drink tonight, Ver?" she managed to blurt out sluggishly when they finally sat down again somewhere, blinking her eyes and staring blindly at the neon lights that flashed across the ceiling.
"Just a little," Veronica giggled. Then, her expression turned serious as she stared at her and said, "Are you having fun, Van?"
"Yes," Vanessa breathed, a dazed smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Thanks for showing me how to have a good time, Ver." She meant every drunken word that slipped out of her mouth.
"Everybody deserves to let loose and have a little fun every now and then," Veronica said knowingly. "Even you."
"What time is it, anyway? How are we going to go home later?" Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, her muddled thoughts were trying to remember something—something important.
Vanessa was sure that it had something to do with going home, but what the hell was it? She groaned in frustration and closed her eyes for a moment, thinking too much made her head throb and it wasn't the most pleasant feeling.
"Shh, you don't need to think about that right now," Veronica mumbled. "Go ahead and sleep for a while, Van."
Vanessa was about to protest, but her head felt too heavy and her eyes were closed anyway, so there was no point in resisting.
It was a good thing that her stomach didn't feel as woozy as she did. That would have been embarrassing, throwing up in front of all these people. And besides, whatever they were sitting on was comfortable enough to pass for a pillow. Sleep sounded really tempting right now. "Are we in the living room again?" Vanessa whispered.
Beside her, Veronica giggled again. "Yeah," she said. "We're back here. Go ahead and sleep, Van. You'll feel better afterwards, I promise."
"And then we'll go home?"
"Of course," Veronica reassured her. She could almost hear the smile in her twin sister's voice.
Vanessa didn't know how long her nap lasted, but when she opened her eyes later on, her sister wasn't beside her anymore.
Carefully, she tried to sit up straight and gather her thoughts. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise when she saw the red cup in her hand. It was almost empty. Did she fall asleep on the couch while holding it? Or did somebody randomly place a red cup in her hand while she was knocked out cold?
Vanessa examined her movements for a moment—she was able to sit upright and shake her head repeatedly without getting dizzy, she could thinking clearly and speak coherently now. Although her movements were still a bit slow, it was enough to pass for a sober person. She didn't feel tipsy anymore. She could finally drive herself and her twin sister back home.
Speaking of, where was Veronica, anyway? From what she could remember, she was sitting beside her while she slowly drifted off to sleep. Where did she go? Did she go home without her?
Her eyes widened in fear. What if something happened to Veronica while she wasn't there? In one swift movement, she was already on her feet, breathing heavily and snapping her head from side to side as she melted into the throng of loud teenagers, anxiously searching for her missing twin sister.
Vanessa pushed past the unfamiliar strangers, elbowing them in desperate impatience as she continued looking for Veronica.
Some people grunted in irritation, a few of them even muttered profanities under their breath as she passed by, but she tuned them out completely—all she wanted to do was to find her sister.
She heaved a loud, relieved sigh when she found her twin in the backyard, dancing wildly with another group of people. It took her a moment to realize that they were wet—they were having some sort of dance party while the sprinklers were turned on.
From what she saw, Veronica was holding another plastic cup—this time it was a blue one. She was probably drinking either tequila or vodka again.
Almost immediately, she walked cautiously on the wet ground, careful not to slip. Well, it wasn't that slippery, but it was better to be safe than sorry, anyway. "Veronica," she called out. "Are you drinking again? Seriously?"
She was gratefully relieved that her sister was safe and sound, but that relief was immediately replaced with concern. And a wee bit of frustration, too.
"Hey, Van!" Veronica shouted, waving her hands animatedly as she swayed her hips to the music. Almost everyone that surrounded her stopped dancing for a moment and stared at the person their golden girl was talking to. When they figured out who it was, they yelled out loud hello's and come over here's.
They whooped when Vanessa walked over to where they were dancing. She ignored the tiny droplets that stained her clothes; they were going to dry off later, anyway. A guy pointed a hose at her and was about to sprinkle her with water when she told him no, thank you, in a stern voice. Another one offered her a blue cup but she refused to take it, too.
Vanessa knew for a fact that once her sister started drinking again, she wasn't going to stop until she's completely passed out. And from the looks of it, Veronica had no plan of getting out of the backyard. She had to forcefully drag her sister out of there, fast.
"Ver," Vanessa said softly, trying not to let her true intentions show on her face. Her twin was good at reading people, no matter how sober or drunk she got.
It was both a blessing and a curse—it was a blessing for Veronica, because she easily figured out who the right people were, in terms of hanging out and being friends with them at school; and it was a curse for Vanessa, because it became hard for her to trick her twin sister to go home after getting wasted at a party.
"I need you right now," Vanessa continued with a pleading voice. Her twin arched an eyebrow at her, her brown eyes brewing with suspicion. Shit. Did she already figure out her plan? "Please, Ver. It's a code red."
All hint of suspicion on Veronica's face disappeared in an instant when she said those words. Code red translated to one thing—there's a really cute guy flirting with me and I don't what to do next.
Well, that code was only meant for Vanessa, since she didn't have any kind of experience with boys. It was Veronica's idea, of course—the fact that her twin sister never had any kind of inclination towards guys urged her to come up with a code like that. Veronica had tremendous faith in her sister's beauty and appeal; Vanessa was just to shy to flaunt it.
Realizing what her twin sister had said, Veronica quickly elbowed her way out of the large crowd and jumped in front of her sister before wrapping her wet arms around Vanessa, hugging her tightly. "Oh my God, code red! This is too fucking awesome, Van!"
Okay, now that made her feel bad. Veronica sounded so happy and excited about her fake news, she felt guilty about deceiving her sister like this. But it was for her own good, anyway. They were going to go home now.
"He's..." Vanessa trailed off, thinking of another good excuse to lure Veronica outside of the house as they walked side by side. "He's outside. He...saw me looking for you and then he told me where you were, so I came here."
"Aw, Vanessa! You're going to have such a cute boyfriend! Yay!" Veronica squealed in delight, jumping up and down, barely able to contain to her excitement. She tugged on her twin's hand and hurried back inside the house, and then to the front yard. "Where's the cute guy you were talking about, Van?"
Vanessa led her sister to the spot where she parked their car hours ago. She kept on walking, kept on ignoring the continuous questions her twin sister asked as they walked closer to their destination.
When they finally reached the familiar-looking Innova, Vanessa bit the inside of her cheeks and tried her best to tune out the screams and profanities spilling out of her Veronica's mouth as she reached for the car keys that were safely tucked inside her back pocket.
She was silently relieved that Veronica hadn't thought about stealing it from her when she was out cold earlier. It was a good thing that she didn't, or else it was going to be more difficult task for her to drag both of them home before their parents woke up that morning.
"You tricked me!" Veronica cried in accusation, stabbing a perfectly manicured finger at her sister's chest. Her mahogany eyes were no longer dazed and unfocused; they were sharp and disdainful now.
"I thought we were going to meet up with someone," she continued her tirade, no longer caring if anybody else saw them fighting outside. "Someone who was going to love you as much as I did—no, maybe even more than that! Why did you fucking lie to me, Vanessa?"
She's just drunk—that's why she being overdramatic, Vanessa reminded herself over and over. Her sister's words stung. Even if it was just a clever plan to lead her back outside, to take her back home, she still tricked Veronica into believing her.
It was the painful truth; she'd committed the most treacherous blasphemy of all. Vanessa lied to her sister. She was a disgusting human being.
But somewhere, deep in the darkest parts of her mind, Vanessa knew that what she'd done was for the better. Stopping Veronica from consuming more alcohol than the amount that she'd had beforehand, it was definitely for her sister's sake, not hers.
She'd already had a taste of both alcohol and freedom—it was more than enough to suffice them for at least another week of not attending any kind of social gathering. But of course, it was impossible for Veronica to turn down a party invitation.
Vanessa knew that Veronica was never going to agree with staying sober all throughout a party, so she already did her part tonight—even if she passed out on the couch for a little while.
At least, if another classmate or schoolmate of theirs invited her sister to a party again, she didn't have to drink anything anymore—she already proved to Veronica that she could let loose, that she could be a fun person to be with, too.
"Because I had to!" Vanessa screeched, cutting off Veronica's rant. It was her turn to point fingers at her sister, who was gaping at her with wide, incredulous eyes.
At that moment, she didn't care about the pained look that flitted across Veronica's face—that Puss and Boots look wasn't going to work on her tonight. "If I didn't do it, you would've let yourself waste away with those strangers again, Veronica!"
Veronica pulled at her hair in frustration. "They're not fucking strangers," she shouted. They're my friends! What the fuck's gotten into you, huh? You weren't like this when I left you in the living room." She crossed her arms and glared at her twin.
"I shouldn't have let you coerce me into drinking," Vanessa frowned deeply and shook her head in disappointment.
It hadn't been necessarily incorrect—truth be told, she really did enjoy herself back there. She enjoyed having fun with her twin sister, even if they were both slightly tipsy earlier.
But that wasn't who she was. Vanessa was never going to change into a person who ran away from her problems and depended on alcohol to forget how miserable her life was.
Unlike her sister, Vanessa didn't want to waste her life away by drinking herself to an early death—she wanted to finish her studies and move to a different city so she could finally have a fresh start in life.
"I didn't fucking coerce you into doing anything!" Veronica denied vehemently, her brown eyes still blazing with anger. She threw her hands up in the air and shouted, "You drank that thing in one go, for fuck's sake! I didn't—"
"Let's just go home," Vanessa commanded, cutting her sister off from whatever kind of denial she was going to say again. Veronica let out a horrified gasp, but she ignored it.
She sighed, exhaustion and fatigue were gaining in on her entire system, making her eyelids droopy and needy for a good night's sleep. She was too tired to fight about what happened at the party earlier. Her whole body was desperate to get some sleep.
"You're not going to drive," Veronica spat, placing both of her manicured hands on her hips. She lifted her chin up and looked down at her sister in contempt. "That's my car, just in case you need a heads up."
Of all the times to be a bitch, Veronica chose to be one tonight. How apt.
"You're drunk," Vanessa said simply and rolled her eyes. "And I don't fucking care if it's your car—you're not driving. You've had too much to drink." She opened the door to the driver's seat, but before she could get inside, Veronica lunged for her car keys, screaming like a crazy person.
"Look who's talking," Veronica snarled, shoving her and desperately trying to reach for the car keys in her sister's hand.
They had ended up on the hood of the car—Veronica was on top, trapping her twin in between her legs, while Vanessa was pressed against the car, resisting her sister's ridiculous demand of letting her drive. "Give me my fucking keys, Vanessa! Stop acting like a spoiled brat!"
"Tell that to yourself, Veronica!" Vanessa yelled back, still refusing to let her sister get her hands on the car keys. "You're not—" Shit. She accidentally dangled the keys to the left, and in that exact moment, Veronica pushed herself forward and violently grabbed the keys from her hand.
"Give that to me—" she tried to fight back, but Veronica didn't acknowledge her weak protest anymore, and her body was getting slower and sleepier than before. This wasn't a good sign.
"I'm driving," Veronica declared in a gloating voice, waggling the keys in front of her face to prove her point. "Go and sit in the passenger seat, little twin sister," she said mockingly.
When they had gotten inside the car and fastened their seatbelts, Vanessa tried one last time to convince her sister otherwise.
"You're the one who's had more drinks than me," she pointed out. "I should be the one driving, Veronica. We don't know how your driving skills are when you're intoxicated—"
"Ugh, just shut up already, please," Veronica groaned in annoyance as she massaged her temples. "You're giving me a fucking headache here, Van. Stop nagging me."
Vanessa ignored her sister's rant. She decided to try and convince her again. "See? You've got a headache. Your vision is probably still spinning, too. I'll drive us home. Come on, switch places with me—"
"That was a metaphor!" Veronica yelled. "Stop telling me what to do—"
"I'm trying to protect you—"
"For fuck's sake, Vanessa!" Veronica slammed her hands against the steering wheel, her face scrunching up in frustration and anger. "I don't need you to protect me! I told you a thousand times already—stop treating me like a fragile little kid, because I'm not! I'm the older twin, and this is going to be the last time I'm going to tell you this—just stop, okay?!"
This fight had been even nastier than their last argument—Veronica was trembling, her breathing was heavy, her nostrils were flaring, her brown eyes were wide and slightly bloodshot, and her matte lips were pressed into a grim line as she continued to glower at her, still determined to get her way.
Just like always.
"Okay," Vanessa surrendered in a weak voice, slumping her shoulders in defeat and looking down at her lap in resignation.
It had taken a moment for Veronica to insert the key into the ignition and start the car, which made her twin sister extremely nervous. "Good," she said with a smirk, her hands clutching the steering wheel carefully.
Vanessa allowed herself to relax against the leather seat after buckling her seat belt, her mind was slowly beginning to shut down and drift off to sleep.
Her eyes widened in surprise when the car suddenly skidded to an unexpected stop, her heart pounded wildly in her chest. She could practically hear her pulse reverberating in her ears.
"What—" Vanessa furiously blinked the sleep away from her eyes, frantically looking around to check if her sister was okay. She sighed in relief when she saw that Veronica was still there with her in the car—she was just adjusting rearview mirror and staring at her reflection.
"Keep your eyes in the road, damn it," Vanessa muttered under her breath, no longer feeling sleepy. She shifted in her seat and sat upright again. "Veronica, for fuck's sake, stop getting distracted—"
"That's why I stopped here," Veronica snapped at her sister, still trying to find a proper angle to reapply her lipstick. She rummaged through the small pouch on her lap.
"Where the hell are we?" Vanessa demanded, rubbing her eyes again to make sure that she was already wide awake.
She had looked around once more, but she couldn't really see anything—everything was dark and from the looks of it, they were a few miles away from the previous neighborhood; they were parked in some random sidewalk with only a few streetlights around. She didn't like it.
Eager to go home and desperate to keep her sister from harm's way, Vanessa took a deep breath and said, "Get out of there, Ver. I'm taking over the wheel."
"What? No!" Veronica grabbed the pouch sitting on her lap and threw it at her twin. "In your dreams, Van! I'm driving tonight! This is my fucking car!" Before Vanessa could protest again, she stepped on the accelerator as fast as she could and floored it.
"Veronica, slow down—" Vanessa tried to reason out to her sister, her heart drummed loudly in her chest again, and for a moment, all she could hear was the frantic ka-thump, ka-thump, ka-thump of her anxious heart.
"I'm not giving the steering wheel to you—"
"Veronica, stop glaring at me and focus on driving!" Panic was making itself known presence in her chest and in her mind—it was invading her whole body.
"That's what I'm doing—"
But Veronica hadn't been quick and alert enough to see the incoming vehicle that blared its horn loudly, and then in a flash, inexorable screams exploded from their lungs, followed by an earsplitting collision of metals, and then there was nothing.
~
Vanessa gasped, taking in a lungful of air as she blinked away the endless tears cascading down her face, opening her eyes and realizing that she'd seen those aching memories all over again.
She was back at Veronica's vacant room, clutching one of her long-sleeved shirts and pressing it against her face.
"I'm sorry, Veronica," she hiccuped, biting her lower lip and closing her eyes shut as she cried once more. "For not being able to stop you that night. For not being strong enough to stand against your wrong decisions. For everything, Ver. I should have been the one to die, not you."
As always, cleaning her twin sister's old room took a huge toll on her. So when she finally managed to pull herself together after numerous times of apologizing to Veronica, she left the bedroom with shaky fingers and wobbly knees—it was a miracle that she was still able to bring the hamper along with her.
Vanessa stopped in front of her parents' old room and stared at it for a moment, thinking about whether or not she should clean it today, too. It had been at least two months since she last entered this room, and she was pretty sure that it needed a lot of cleaning.
She pressed her forehead against the door and closed her eyes once again; it helped her gather her thoughts and think more clearly. Her parents' old room also brought her memories—memories that were still painfully fresh in her mind and heartlessly ripped her in half, leaving her ragged and bleeding profusely.
Maybe if they hadn't accused her of Veronica's unfortunate death and disowned her the morning after the accident, then she wouldn't be crying so much everyday.
Maybe if they hadn't instilled in her brain that she was an awful monster, a jealous daughter, a vengeful murderer, then she wouldn't be as cold and indifferent and uncaring towards other people; maybe she wouldn't hate herself so much.
Maybe if they hadn't locked her away in a mental hospital, then she wouldn't be awkward and clueless with handling the conflicting emotions that plagued her mind every once in a while.
Maybe if they hadn't left her in the first place, then she would at least have somebody to help her get through the untimely demise of the person she loved the most—the person who meant everything to her, the person who stuck by her side, no matter how shitty their life had become.
With a heavy heart and trembling hands, she sighed in defeat and slowly backed away to save herself from another irreparable heartbreak.
~
It was raining that night.
Vanessa didn't mind the usual drizzle that poured down from the gray skies, but the gloomy weather made her melancholic mood worse.
Maybe she shouldn't have gone to work today. Remembering that night earlier was absolutely uncalled for; perhaps whatever it was up there despised her so much, they purposely rummaged through her brain, grabbed it from the deepest, darkest part of her subconscious, and painted it all over her mind, her heart, and her soul.
They had made fun of her weakness, of her recklessness—she briefly wondered, when will their divine ass bullshit stop, when will they be satisfied enough to finally kill her off or just let her die in endless misery?
She frowned. Of course, that request was never going to be granted, because apparently, fate—or whatever it was called—was very fond of mocking her pathetic life. So yeah, it was highly unlikely that she was going to die anytime soon. Too bad.
And being around Phil at this time of night definitely made her more uneasy than usual. And that was saying something, because that guy creeped her out even during her morning shifts.
Vanessa was thankful that she only had one graveyard shift every month, unlike Sophie, who had this kind of shift four times a week. Well, at least tonight was going to be her first and last graveyard shift for October, and she had a few more weeks until her next graveyard shift on November.
There weren't many customers at this dead hour, which was why she was the only waitress present. It would've made her feel a little better if Phil had a replacement during this shift—or at any shift, really. His Cheshire smile didn't fit his rugged demeanor at all—in fact, it made him look more disturbing, like he was going to do something you would least expect. And that was what ticked her off the most.
As per Dorothy's words, Phil was a guy who only looked creepy because of his crooked teeth—but he was nice and harmless, so there's really nothing to worry about. Vanessa fought back a snort. Yeah, right. If ever there would be a time that he was going to pull off something weird, she was certain that she wasn't going to hesitate punching his face.
Sure, she didn't mind the rainy weather, but what she disliked was getting too cold and going to the washroom several times on her shift. Getting sidetracked like that, especially when a customer came in while she was taking a piss, it was slightly annoying.
Like right now.
Vanessa excused herself to go the the bathroom for the third time that night. The stupid lighting still had faulty wiring—the light kept flickering on and off as she washed her hands.
She'd told Dorothy about this last month; her manager probably forgot to call the electrician again. She heaved a sigh. Sometimes, noticing even the smallest of things could get unbelievably bothersome.
Vanessa started to dry her hands off with tissues when she heard the door creak open—a customer probably came in and wanted to relieve herself or something. She wiped her hands as quick as possible so she could finally give the lady her privacy.
But before she could exit the bathroom, a pair of strong hands grabbed her by the wrists and pinned her against the wall, completely taking her by surprise. Vanessa let out a loud gasp.
"You look even better up close, dollface," Phil breathed, his lips stretching into a cruel smile, showing off his disgustingly crooked teeth.
It didn't take her too long to realize what the bastard was trying to do. She wanted to say something, anything, but she was too shocked—too frightened to form a coherent sentence in her mind. Her voice was lost, her throat closing in on her as Phil stared down at her greedily, like a wolf preparing to devour its prey.
Vanessa struggled to free herself from his grip, but every time she moved an inch, he'd tighten his hold on her, and she'd bite the inside of her cheeks to keep herself from crying in front of this vile man. She refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her weak and vulnerable and easily shattered.
"People call you a freak," Phil murmured, leaning forward and grazing his nose against her jaw, sniffing her. He sighed, his appalling breath leaving goosebumps on her exposed skin. "But you sure as hell don't look like one." His voice was thoughtful; appreciative, even. She flinched in disgust.
Phil was invading her personal space too fucking much and she couldn't think straight anymore—her brain turned into mush as alarm bells rang loudly in her ears and panic flowed through her veins, clogging her throat.
Despite the light's constant flickering, it was as if she couldn't see anything in that exact moment; she couldn't think, she couldn't move, she couldn't breathe. Her whole body was slowly starting to surrender to his revolting touch.
Vanessa gasped again when Phil suddenly began sniffing her hair. The feel of his nose carefully grazing against her skin made the hairs at the back of her neck stand on edge once more, beads of sweat trickling down her forehead.
"I always thought that you'd smell really good if I took a quick whiff out of you," Phil continued, advancing towards her until they were only inches apart. He reeked of alcohol and cigarette smoke, and for a moment, she wondered how the hell he managed to sneak in some booze while she was there with him—she was just a few meters from the counter, really.
Vanessa was unable to breathe, no matter how many times she commanded herself to inhale with her lungs. For the first time in a long time, she felt absolutely terrified for her own life. She was biting so hard on her lips, she could taste her blood on her tongue, and any second now, her tears would be streaming down her cheeks.
She was trapped.
"In fact," Phil added, sounding hungrier and more aggressive this time, "You look pretty enough to fuck," he finished, his tongue slowly licking her earlobe. Vanessa let out a shriek of pure horror. "And I will."
She strained to turn her head away from him and tried to break free from his hold once more, but he moved closer to her and increased the pressure on her chest, tightening his grip on her wrists. The tip of his nose reached the base of her jaw again, his hot breath against her ear as he whispered hoarsely. "This is going to be fun, I promise."
"No," Vanessa cried out, squeezing her eyes shut as tight as she could, stray tears slowly spilling down her cheeks. She tried, really tried, to shake him off of her, but his hands were gripping her wrists too firm and his body was too heavy.
Fuck, Vanessa thought angrily, why couldn't he just have his fill and kill me already?
"Vanessa," Phil purred again, pulling away from her slightly to flash her a cruel smirk. "You're a good girl, aren't you?" he asked. She felt him pressing his forehead against hers, his putrid breath fanning across her face.
Vanessa struggled to pull her face away from his, but unfortunately, he quickly let go of her left arm, trapped both of her wrists with his right hand, and pinned her against the wall for the second time, and with his left hand, he used it to pinch her chin, forcing her to stop wriggling.
Phil took a deep breath before sighing deeply in content. "And you're still a virgin, yes?" he asked in an amused tone, his eyes alight with some kind of dark humor. Fueled by her anger, Vanessa cursed at him several times and spat on him. Instead of getting pissed off, Phil just wiped the spit off his face and chuckled. "Aw, Vanessa. Don't act like you're not turned on right now. We're having fun, right?"
"Fuck you," Vanessa muttered under her breath, glaring at him as disdainfully as she could.
"Yes," Phil smiled darkly. "Yes you will, dollface."
Vanessa closed her eyes shut again. Her tears were endless waterfalls cascading down her face, her broken heart was being burned and turning into ashes, her body no longer had the strength to fight against him. She couldn't stop him anymore, she couldn't stop him from doing whatever he wanted to her.
Veronica.
This was it, this was the last time she was going to apologize to her sister.
I'm sorry, Vanessa thought helplessly, begrudgingly accepting her defeat. I'm so sorry I failed you. I'm so tired already—I just can't fight anymore. I can't—
Her subconscious refused to let this asshole have his way. No fucking way, a stern voice echoed loudly somewhere in her head. Maybe she was going crazy, but suddenly, Vanessa felt a strong urge to open her eyes and start to think.
An illusion of Veronica's beautiful face scarred with complete disappointment behind her closed eyelids was enough to wake her up.
I shouldn't let this bastard get away with this, Vanessa told herself. If I didn't at least fight back with everything I had, Veronica would be so disappointed in me. I'm not going to let that happen again.
As quickly as she could, she thought about what she could to do distract Phil. The feel of his mouth placing sloppy kisses along her jaw and her neck sent shivers down her spine and brought fresh tears to her eyes, but her will to live for Veronica was even stronger.
Vanessa wasn't going to give up just yet. She readied herself for any kind of opening, any kind of error that he was going to make. She tried her best to ignore his heavy intakes of breath, his greedy fingers latching on to the collar of her black shirt. She waited.
When Vanessa felt him shift and loosen his grip on her wrists, she inhaled deeply and silently wished that she could pull off whatever she was planning to do next.
"Go fuck yourself in hell, asshole!" Vanessa screamed at the top of her lungs as she collided her head against Phil's, a loud cracking sound emanating from the both of them. A string of curses escaped his mouth as he took a small step backward.
Since Phil was no longer inches away from her, Vanessa hurried out the bathroom and ran towards the locker room, hastily punching in her code and grabbing her backpack, hellbent on getting away from Phil, away from the diner.
The impact from the headbutt earlier made her slightly dizzy, but she didn't let it get to her; she needed to get out of this place, fast. But before she could completely exit the locker room, Phil was there again, towering over her. "Now," he said with a disappointed frown as he caressed his forehead, "that wasn't very nice of you, dollface."
Phil opened his mouth to say something more, but Vanessa beat him to the punch—she removed her backpack from her shoulders, screamed bloody murder, and hit him with it. A satisfied grin took over her face when she heard a couple of cracking sounds emanate from his face, a loud thud echoing throughout the diner as he landed flat on his ass.
If the tumbler inside my bag completely fell apart because it collided against his face when I hit him with my backpack, Vanessa thought, then that would be fucking awesome.
"Fuck you!" Vanessa screamed at him again before staggering out of the diner. Despite the throbbing sensation inside her head, she forced herelf to run, to run as fast as she could, silently hoping to discover a place where she could rest her head and sleep for at least a few minutes.
Every step she took felt like stepping into quicksand. Her eyes struggled to keep themselves open, her knees buckled every few seconds, and her legs broke down whenever she tried to run faster.
The cold breeze blew against her face, sending constant shivers down her spine as she trudged dizzily through the sidewalk, her eyes squinting and looking around, trying to figure out where the hell she was.
The vacant street was illuminated with several lamp posts and a few steps away from her was a huge space filled with the color green and park benches. A lightbulb suddenly flashed above her head—she was in Pillsbury Park.
Vanessa sighed in relief. That meant she ran for a good twenty minutes and she was far away from that wretched diner. She was back to her own neighborhood; she could finally rest somewhere.
But since she was still at the park, she was at least ten more minutes away from the coffee shop. Her legs were too exhausted from running, and the constant throbbing in her head was getting worse. If she didn't make it to the coffee shop, then where was she going to go?
The thought of his hot breath against her skin suddenly flashed through her mind, alarm bells ringing in her ears again, making her shiver in disgust. Gritting her teeth, Vanessa forced herself—especially her knees and her legs—to walk towards the direction of the coffee shop.
Exhausted beyond belief, Vanessa stopped walking for a moment to catch her breath. But instead of closing her eyes and focusing on calming herself down, her knees finally gave up, and she collapsed on the ground.
Vanessa waited for her body to collide with the soft blanket of grass, but she didn't feel anything like that at all. Something was supporting her weight. No, someone was holding her in place, shaking her shoulders slightly.
"Hey, Vanessa," the voice said in a concerned voice, sounding distant and familiar at the same time. "Are you okay? Why are you out here at this hour?"
Vanessa struggled to decipher the person's identity, she squinted her eyes and tried her best to focus on the stranger's face. She blinked and shook her head several times before she managed to get a good look at the person staring back at her.
Messy blonde hair that was sticking out in all kinds of directions. Clear blue eyes that were as wide and beautiful as the ocean.
Vanessa knew who he was. Of course, she knew what his name was.
Tristan.