—
YOU HAVE RE-ACTIVATED YOUR LINE.
—
hyemi 💞
offline
daniel? fuck it's 2 in the
morning and i cant sleep.
i had a nightmare, daniel.
i had a nightmare of me losing you,
i woke up sweating, then i realized you
werent beside me and that i really did lose you.
fuck my life i love you, why did you have to leave?
—
i miss you, daniel, oh my god i miss you so much.
i didnt think losing you would ever hurt me this much.
i find myself losing appetite, not sleeping, not eating,
not doing anything.
—
daniel, is there any chance you can come back?
i need to see you, breathe you, hug you, kiss you
one last time before i think i can actually move on.
—
you told me you love me,
then you told me you dont.
daniel, i have no idea what's the truth anymore
but the only thing i know for sure is that i still love you.
—
i dont even know why i'm trying so hard to
send all these texts even when it clearly
said that you're no longer in service.
—
i dont want to lose you, daniel.
i'm scared — for not only losing you.
but im scared — for someone to realize
how truly amazing you are.
for someone else to kiss your lips.
for someone else to take my place.
for someone else to have your heart.
—
you say, please meet someone good.
i guess our love was more shallow than i thought.
—
daniel, i saw you at the mall today.
it's been so long, and by long i only
mean a week. you lashed out on me—
on youngmin. your eyes were red, daniel.
why? were you crying again?
daniel, at that moment when i saw you
in front of me, i wanted to tell you
how much i miss you, i wanted to tell
you how badly i wanted to kiss you.
i wanted to hug you, daniel.
even when there was silence, it felt
like everything was perfect, no?
until youngmin showed up,
and you lashed out on me.
after telling you that one cant lose
something they never once had,
you scoffed, you told me to leave,
to go and never come back.
i know you didnt mean anything
you said, daniel.
you still look as attractive as ever.
it was as if only yesterday, when we met.
it was as if only yesterday, when you told
me you love me.
it was as if only yesterday, when we kissed.
when you picked me up, to adopt a damn cat
with you. but then everytime i snap out of
my reverie, i realize — it wasnt yesterday.
it was months ago, when we were still happy
— and in love.
we could still go back to where
we were before, daniel.
we found happiness in each other, no?
i loved you, and you loved me.
just come back, daniel.
come back so we can love again.
come back so we can be happy again.
i'll always be here waiting for you,
no matter how many times i yell into
your face that i hate you and that i dont
want to see you.
no matter how many times you yell at
me to go.
because like what kenta and his love
for tfios has taught me —
it would be a privilege to have my heart
broken by you.
because you are the first boy that i truly loved.
and whenever i look at you, i feel like i finally
understand the concept of love.
for you are my first love,
therefore, i will forever — somehow love you.
—
a tear rolled down his cheeks, his heart was aching. she still loves him— even after him telling her to go, to leave, to find someone better.
and it made him realize — that he really did love her. sure, she isnt chaeyeon, but she is most definitely enough for him.
he missed her — so much. he missed hugging her, kissing her, just looking at her. whenever she'd come over to sleep over, and when he'd wake up before her, he'd always stare at her — paying attention to all the small details on her face which made her beautiful.
daniel spent a week thinking — whether this was what he wanted. to live a life, with hyemi, adopting more and more cats as they grow older, to be happy — to be in love. and at the end of the week, he finally realized — he did want that life.
he has met so many other girls through tinder, and none of them stood out like hyemi. none of them understood him like hyemi. none of them were hyemi.
he realized that hyemi and chaeyeon were two different people; and after going through almost everything with hyemi, he fully understood that he was in love with her. not the idea of her, but everything about her.
hyemi wouldve done anything to get daniel back and he would do the exact same. because after calling things off, he hasnt been living properly either. he went to classes though, but he'd always end up crying at the end of the day.
because everything reminded him of hyemi. just like how everything reminded hyemi of daniel. the moment daniel re-activated his line back, and looked through the messages, he felt like as if it was meant to be, you know?
hyemi 💞
offline
what i said was a lie,
it was all a lie.
when i told you to go,
it was a lie.
please dont go. |
daniel quickly back-spaced everything. he knew that it wasnt right. hyemi spent sleepless days, texting him long unsent messages. it was unfair. he felt like he should do the same.
hyemi 💞
offline
when i told you to go, it was a lie.
please dont go, no matter how
many times i yell at you,
i can never be angry at you.
it took me a week, hyemi.
it took me a week but
i finally understand.
i love you, hyemi.
i dont love anyone else.
i want you and only you.
i dont know what i can do
to make you trust me but —
please meet me so we can talk.
i want to see you again, hyemi.
everything i do reminds me of you
and i always end up crying — knowing
that i lost you.
it was a mistake, hyemi.
letting you go, was the biggest
mistake of my life.
i love you, hyemi.
you're the only girl that i want
my heart to be with.
no one else.
not even chaeyeon. |
send | delete
sending...
message successfully sent!
hyemi 💞 is online
hyemi 💞 is typing...
the park — now.
—
daniel raised his brow, he was confused — shocked. he spent like about ten minutes to write beautifully and that was what he got? but he knew hyemi. he knew her well.
she wouldnt reply something so short like this — unless she was either in danger or an important occasion. it was forty five minutes past ten, why would there be an important occasion? so that's out.
'in danger?' daniel thought to himself for a while, rubbing his chin, thinking hard. and that's when he finally realized. he stood up, grabbed his jacket and ran out of his apartment as soon as he thought of it.
the park — remember the park where they'd always go back then? they'd meet there once in a while and talk about life. the park where daniel first fought youngmin because he told hyemi that daniel didnt deserve her at all and vice versa.
it took him about five to seven minutes running to the park since it was like a meet up point from his university to hers. when he reached there, it was freezing cold out there. the park benches were empty — where could she be?
he ran everywhere, around the park for about two times until he heard someone fighting, bickering. "youngmin, i told you, i cant stay!" he heard someone yelling — it was hyemi.
she sighed, youngmin groaned — "i dont want you to leave, hyemi. why cant you give me a chance?" hyemi raised her brow. "because i dont need any help right now! i dont want to be okay right now, just let me cry myself to sleep for awhile," she begged.
"hyemi, i love you—" youngmin raised his voice. daniel just hid behind a bush, looking at the two bickering. "how many times must i tell you this? i dont love you, youngmin. and im so sorry, but i feel like i'll take a long time trying to love again," hyemi sighed, trying to walk away but youngmin grabbed her wrists, pulling her back to face him.
"youngmin, it's late — i really need to go," she sternly commanded him but he wouldnt budge. that was until daniel stepped into the situation, he yelled out a simple hey! and it made youngmin let go of her.
youngmin scoffed — "what the hell does the unloving boyfriend want now?" which made daniel's blood boil. daniel grabbed hyemi's hands tight and pulled her behind him, he stood in front of her, protecting her.
"why dont you ever give up? she told you she doesnt love you, and then why are you still here?" daniel raised his voice, furious at the sight of youngmin. the boy just let out a cocky laugh — "i'm just trying to give hyemi what you didnt give her ; love," youngmin remarked.
daniel clenched his fists, ready to punch. if youngmin said one more wrong word, he was about to fight. "just leave, youngmin. find someone else," daniel calmly reacted, replying to his comment.
youngmin snickered, he slouched a bit, "are we seriously going to listen to the man who pushed away the girl that loved him for his dead lover? come on, hyemi, let's go—" walking closer to her, trying to grab her hands but daniel immediately sent his fist flying over to youngmin's cheekbones; making him fall onto the floor with a loud thud.
hyemi gasped, she tried to stop daniel but eventually the two began fighting again. daniel on top of youngmin, then youngmin on top of daniel, punching each other — until hyemi pulled youngmin away from daniel.
"youngmin, i think you need to leave," she softly commanded, a little bit afraid. youngmin looked at her, he spat onto the ground, blood came out, his lip was bleeding and his cheekbone had a scar. he let out a soft chuckle before walking away, shaking his head.
daniel found a park bench and sat on it, leaning onto the back of the bench. he sighed, looking up into the sky, then slowly closing his eyes. he had a bleeding lip and a small cut right beside his eyes and on the bridge of his nose.
hyemi let out a sigh of relief, she looked over at daniel closing his eyes, she sat down next to him, fiddling with her fingers, she looked straight ahead at the night sky — the stars aligned with each other, a beautiful constellation.
there was a moment of silence, only the two heartbeats could be heard. "i saw your text and i — did you really mean whatever you said?" she broke the ice, questioning daniel.
still with his eyes closed, he let out a chuckle, "i meant every word," he confessed. his hands eventually found their way on top of hers — at first, hyemi jumped a little, shocked at the sudden movement, but she gave in to it, and intertwined her fingers with his'.
"i dont want to leave you too, hyemi," daniel admitted, finally opening his eyes, looking straight into her's. "i believe we can go back to where we were before," he pursed his lips, smiling at the sight of the girl in front of him.
hyemi didnt utter a word. "if the fate between us can't be cut off easily, will we be able to go back to those times? — when we were happily in love?" daniel softly whispered over to her.
hyemi felt a tear running down her cheek, she quickly wiped it away, using her other hand. then she let out a soft chuckle — "wow, i shouldnt even be cry—" she was about to finish her sentence when daniel leaned in and kissed her.
it felt like forever — since they last kissed. and each time they kissed, their hearts would always find a way to beat as one. and this time, just like before, they did beat as one. it took a while before hyemi reacted but in the end, she kissed him back. it felt like everything was back to normal, when everything was perfect.
hyemi pulled away quickly, her eyes widening, her cheeks turned red, she shakes her head. "i dont want to leave you too, daniel, but —" she started to talk, but she stopped halfway.
"but?" daniel hesitated, looking at her, with eyes filled with sorrow, he wasnt ready with what was going to hit him next. "but — i'm leaving busan, daniel," she confessed, daniel's heart sank, that perfect moment did die.
"w — what do you mean, you're leaving busan?" daniel was dumbfounded, "i'm moving to seoul, with my parents, and i guess i have to start a new, right?" she let out a soft chuckle, trying to lighten the atmosphere.
"t— then, we can still be together! we can do long distance, we texted each other online for months, almost a year, i think we can do long distance—" daniel insisted but she shakes her head, refusing anything.
"— i love you, daniel. i really do. but dont you think, maybe we fell in love at the wrong time?" hyemi cuts off his sentence. daniel raised his brow, confused at the words that were coming out of her mouth.
"i - i dont get what you're trying to say," daniel was speechless, his eyes getting redder each time he kept thinking that that wasnt going to work out. "daniel, i'm leaving tonight, that's what youngmin and i were talking about until he turned completely crazy again," she exclaimed.
"you cant leave me, not now. i finally understand now, that i want to be with you, only you, for the rest of my life," daniel cries out, his voice cracking. he didnt want to accept the fact that she was really leaving tonight.
"perhaps we'll meet each other when we're both better for each other," hyemi forced a smile, when in fact, all she wanted to do was cry. she slowly wrapped her arms around daniel's neck, pulling him for a hug, then she kissed him one last time.
she knew that she had to stay strong; for the better. she pulled away, she rested her forehead against his', daniel was crying at this point, and that really hurt hyemi, but there was nothing she could do.
her tickets was already in her back pocket, her luggage is ready at her dorm, seolmi was going to send her off. daniel cried, "w— will we meet again?" he asked, his eyes filled with tears, hyemi cupped his face, she pursed her lips, nodding her head up and down repeatedly, reassuring him that they were definitely going to meet again.
"i — i dont want to leave but, i have to, right now. and i'm so sorry, daniel. i hate seeing you cry, please dont do this," hyemi begged. she stood up, but daniel stopped her, he grabbed her hands, standing up on his two feet.
he pulled her in for a hug one last time. their last hug together. "goodbye, da—" hyemi was about to say goodbye when daniel shushed her. "dont say goodbye, hyemi. because when i was a child, when kenta was a living peterpan book, he'd always tell me — saying goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting," daniel lets out a soft chuckle, which made hyemi's heart warm a little.
he pulled away, looking at hyemi— "jesus christ, how do i say goodbye when my heart isnt ready to let go yet?" daniel sighed, pursing his lips, trying to suppress any more tears.
"every goodbye holds a little bit of hope," hyemi told him, he finally smiled at her, kissing her one last time— he whispered over to her, "i'll wait for you, hyemi. like how the sand waits for the ocean, i'll wait for you, even if it kills me, because i am certain— that i love you, and i'll suffer all the consequences, if it means me getting to be with you"
— [ 끝 ]