18:26.
still hot outside. deep summer.
a sudden pang of realisation overwhelmed roma, as she mindlessly did the washing up, the evening heat sinking through the low window, hair falling forward over her transfixed eyes.
glanced from one side of the suddenly unfamiliar room to the other.
they'd been at minseok's for must have been over a week now. she lifted her head up. minseok wasn't at home right now, and baekhyun was in the bedroom, as she'd left him flicking through screens on his laptop, reclined on the bed. casual. like this whole ordeal was completely normal.
god, what was she doing?
slight panic took over her system, her stomach suddenly curling in on itself.
mia.
their flat.
roma had just left it all behind because baekhyun had said so; had looked at her with those captivating orbs. told her it was all going to be okay.
back home. other plans. summer was almost over. wasn't going to last forever.
it wasn't that she wasn't okay. she was fine; more than fine, even. but she'd had the whole summer planned out. not just her, but mia also. and she'd just gone without giving it a second's thought. roma recalled back to their strange conversation on the phone, in which mia's voice had been shaky and uneven, pretending, cracking a smile for roma.
ending the call had felt weird and an avoidance of some sort.
she felt her chest tightening. roma accidentally dropped a plate into the sink, metal on metal, the sound ringing out and piercing the lazy silence. shaking hands.
clumsily, she picked it back up, moving all of the clean dishes and cutlery onto a safer area on the counter. she washed her hands, the water running cold over her fingers and palms. rinsed the dirt off.
roma felt like such a shit friend. how could she not have pressed mia further and asked her to tell her exactly what had happened?
it was if she had just decided to break free from her trance, the one that was filled with sunshine and radiance and dark, golden eyes. flash to reality. taking it all in. breathing.
she tore herself away from the kitchen, heading down the hallway, her bare feet heavy against the floorboards. gathered her hair at the nape of her neck and brought it up into a tight ponytail, out of her face.
baekhyun was still in the same space and position she'd left him in; back reclined against the headboard, one hand lazily typing, the other resting on the back of his head, through his hair. he looked up immediately as soon as she entered, a soft beam forming on his pink lips. eyes twinkling.
her heart was beating too fast, and her breaths were ushering from her lips uncontrollably.
"hey," he greeted, a smile present even in his smooth tone.
"um, hey," roma replied pleasantly, feeling flustered and annoyed at herself that, even still, baekhyun's smile had the same effect on her.
forgot everything for a second.
back to reality.
she knelt down and grabbed her big bag from where she'd placed it underneath the bed. roughly pulling it out, she began to search through her clothes and belongings, not sure exactly what she was looking for.
after a few moments, baekhyun caught onto her weird behaviour.
"everything okay?" baekhyun asked, sitting up, noticing her somewhat odd and rushed behaviour.
slowly removed his laptop from his lap and placing it down onto the covers. cocked his head at her quizzically, figuring her out, watching her actions carefully. roma didn't know why she could feel her heart beating in her throat, or why her lungs felt really compact all of a sudden; breathing uneven.
"i'm, uh...just looking for something," she began, sifting through her clothes and books.
"hey, slow down, though," he chuckled nervously, using his arms to lift himself up from the bed, and kneeling down beside her. stifling her quick nature.
placed his heavy hands on her shoulders, attempting to calm her rushed movements.
she could hear her ragged breaths echoing in the small room, the contained space feeling too hot and overwhelming. didn't know what had suddenly come over her.
"chill, yeah," baekhyun smiled, kissing the side of her head, his lips soft and calming. "what's wrong? what are you looking for?"
roma counted to three in her head.
slowed her breaths. counted them, too.
closed her eyes. the sun still shone, even while her lids obscured her vision, the hot summer dancing across her mind. flashback of memories. bright yellow and amber circling patterns across her blurred vision.
she didn't actually know. her head ached, her shoulders pressuring down on her knelt posture, chest tightening. didn't know what she was trying to find in her bag. inexplicable actions.
once she'd calmed down, breaths back to a somewhat normal rate, lips no longer trembling, she took a deep breath in attempt to articulate her outburst. baekhyun's fingers pushed back the loose strands of her hair that had fallen forward across her forehead, tucking them behind her ears.
"take a deep breath, yeah?" baekhyun enunciated slowly and softly, his beam still present, eyes shining at her.
roma's stern expression broke into a believable smile, and she brought her hands up to wipe the sweat that had broken out on her forehead. she giggled nervously, slightly embarrassed; unaware of what had just caused her sudden emotional outbreak.
tried to speak a few times, but her tongue felt stuck to the roof of her dry mouth.
managed to overcome.
"it's just...i was...um, t-trying to, uh..." she stuttered and stammered.
baekhyun's pressured touch on her increased, in a caring and understanding way.
"what happened?"
pause. deep breath.
"nothing...h-happened, i just...s-suddenly realised s-something."
he watched her with a concerned look spread across his face, trying to comprehend, to decipher the hidden meanings that were always difficult, trapped--hard to define.
"what's that?"
his arms on her.
roma stared into his captivating vision.
"um...mia. or, uh, i don't know."
she immediately shook her head as soon as she spoke, not able to communicate her intended speech. overwhelmed. thoughts were all over the place, scattered across her mind, baekhyun's intense stare distracting her.
"what about mia?"--slight pause--"is she okay?" he probed, searching honestly for any answers in her uncomfortable expression.
roma coughed. cleared her throat. rubbed her eyes.
"but, like, that's just the thing," she began, voice slightly shrill, eyes glistening with moisture. "i don't even know what she's doing right now. and...i feel guilty, i don't know."
confusion had crossed baekhyun's features. roma could tell he was trying his hardest to wrap his head around the situation.
"maybe you could call her? roma, love, i'm not sure what you want me--"
"i came abroad with her. like, this whole thing was planned out and we had a place that we've rented, and we were going to be here before we went off and did other things, like, our last summer together, and i..."
sudden rush of words fell from her mouth. uncontrollable waterfall of emotion and thoughts flowing through her mind. she wasn't whining, or anything. just thinking aloud, trying to form her intentions into a comprehensible form.
baekhyun stared at her, still concerned. unsure of what to say that could comfort her.
"i think she needs me. or, at least, i think i need to go and see her. because...it's not f-fair on her, you know?" she spoke softly, diverting his eye contact. twiddling her thumbs in her lap.
roma remembered: getting ready for a night out with mia, the late-night air blowing in, mia's excited expression, grinning from ear to ear, telling roma how many boys she was going to get with. and roma would always reply with her shy smile, faking astonishment, but happily being whisked away by mia's hurried steps, the bottle of the wine they'd consumed already hitting her.
baekhyun was still holding her delicately. reassuring her.
deep eyes observed her with concern and care. wanted to understand where she was coming from. he did.
"do you want to back home?" he asked tentatively, his long eyelashes reflecting onto his cheeks, as the sun revealed itself from behind the white clouds, shining a line of golden hue across the bedroom floor.
roma looked at him with glassy eyes, his expression so sincere that she could feel her chest tightening again, knowing that someone like him cared.
berlin was incredible. of course, a part of her wished she could stay like this forever, with baekhyun, just floating through time and summer, in his arms. golden memories. another part of her knew that she had to take responsibility for things; to return to other people who also cared about her. who she also cared about, too.
summer wasn't going to last for an eternity, despite her desires for it to.
"y-yeah," she managed to choke out, still overcome with emotion. "yeah, i think i need to."
a few seconds of silence.
"if that's okay," she added quietly, looking down again.
"roma, of course, i'll take you home. it's probably about time we left," he smiled, jokingly but also seriously.
she felt uneasy. perhaps, didn't completely trust baekhyun's response. his face was unreadable, despite the soft indents of his skin, suggesting a complete honesty in him, as his mouth widened further.
he noticed.
"honestly, roma. i get exactly where you're coming from. we'll go back home and figure stuff out."
soft, deep smiles.
took a deep breath. roma gulped down the lump in her throat. she looked at the bag and the clothes strewn across its containment; couldn't at all think of what she had been searching for.
distracted.
also, baekhyun had said we. as if there was no question of them being apart. roma blushed slightly at the thought. they were together now.
baekhyun stood up abruptly, arms outstretched, gesturing for roma to follow. she took his hands gratefully, slightly unsteady and wobbly on her feet.
"i'll tell minseok when he gets back later," he smiled, pushing roma's hair back from her face.
he kissed her lightly. lips tingling.
"i'm so grateful to him. for letting me stay," she spoke timidly, focusing on baekhyun's movements. "i just...need to go back, for now."
voice barely above a whisper.
"roma, you don't need to thank anyone. you're with me now, yeah?"
baekhyun's eyes shone like crystal-clear diamonds. expression was difficult to ascertain or define. she interlocked her fingers with his. better now, now that her heart rate had slowed back to normal and she could focus clearer.
"just remember that i'm gonna look after you, okay."
she felt her breaths exasperate as he said that; calloused fingers gliding across her forehead and cheeks. outlining her mouth. staring into her; expressing everything he couldn't or didn't want to stay into long glances.
"thank you," she breathed into his shirt, as her head fell forward onto his shoulder.
baekhyun wrapped his arms lovingly around her.
//