It was Sunday morning. James was off at Quiditch practice, we were playing Ravenclaw next week and Peter was off doing something, probably off gibbering about rabbits again. Which left me and Remus doing our questions and answers for Care of Magical Creatures. Every now and again I'd glance up from my parchment to look at Remus and every time my heart skipped a little in my chest. On my sixth glance he caught my eyes and we ended up staring at each other, him slightly confused and me not wanting to look away.
"Do you need some help?" he asked softly.
I tried to connect my brain and mouth. I wanted to scream at him that I loved him and wanted to screw him six ways 'till Sunday. But all that came out was:
"Ughnff?"
"What?" he said, a smile starting to twitch his mouth.
"Oh, uh, no thanks," I said, pulling my eyes from his and back to my work.
I closed my eyes to collect my thoughts for just a moment, but an image of Remus in the shower popped up in my mind. His naked body hot and wet, droplets of water cascading down his scared skin...
"What?" said Remus, jolting me and making me feel guilty.
"Wha?" I said, looking around.
"You said my name," he said, "actually, you moaned it."
"Wha- did I? Oh, right, yeah, because I'm stuck, yeah."
He raised an eyebrow. I screamed inwardly, flicking trough my notes quickly.
"Yeah, on Snarglumphs," I babbled, "do they prefer marshlands or forests?"
"Neither," he said with a full on smile that made me feel like I was melting, "they like deserts."
"Oh, right, yeah."
I hit my head on the table and groaned. I'm such a prat. Why am I like this? Am I a freak or something? I shook my head, I'd been down this train of thought before and every time it killed me a little. If the feelings for Remus were wrong, then I didn't want to be right.
I glanced up one last time, made a copule of scribbled notes, closed my books and stood up.
"I'll be back in a bit, Moony," I said, "I'm just going for a walk, it's too stuffy in here."
"that's ok," he said, not looking up.
I paused for just a moment, then left the room quickly, not daring to look back. It was too close back there, I couldn't let him know, not yet, not until I was ready. I shook my head. Why did I have to feel like this?
I wandered down many hallways until I rounded one corner of the third floor in the west wing. I came face-to-face with Snape and Peter, who were standing close together, talking in low voices.
"Well, what do we have here?" I said, my mouth working on automatic, "I see you have a date, Snivilly. Took you long enough."
"Shut it, Black, I'm not like that," Snape snarled.
"Oh, little protective, aren't we?" I said, strolling forwards a little bit.
"Piss off, Black," Snape hissed.
"Peter," I said, turning to the twitching boy, "don't you have something else to be doing? Remus is in the common room, if you need help with your work."
Peter nodded and scuttled off. Snape turned on his heel and began to walk in the other dirrection, but I grabbed his arm and forced him to face me.
"Listen to me, Snape," I growled, "I don't know what you're up to with Peter, but you better not make him into one of your lot."
"Get off of me," he snapped, trying to shrug me off.
"If you even think of bringing Peter into the Death Eaters, I will lynch you," I said, my eyes burning into his.
"I don't know wha-"
"I know you're a Death Eater, now," I snarled.
"And I know you're Bisexual," he snapped back.
I cold, heavy feeling of panic set into my stomach, like a lump of lead.
"Of course I'm not," I said, shutting my mind down.
"Yes, you are," he said, smirking, "I heard your thoughts about Loopy Lupin loud and clear. I hardly had to Occlumence you at all."
"What?!" I said, my grip on his arm tightening ever more.
"Ouch!" he yelped, but I didn't relinquish my grip.
I pushed him into the wall and pinned him there.
"How dare you? My thoughts are private!"
"Then you shouldn't make me want to get you back! I was trying to find out what I could do to hurt you, to get you back for what you've done to me!"
"I never planned anything against you," I snarled, "that was always James!"
"But you never helped me," he hissed, then gasped as I twisted his arm.
"I always made him stop before it went too far."
"To save your own hides!"
"No," I snapped, "because I never wanted to hurt you, it's not my problem with you, it's James's. He's a pillock, but he's my best friend. He just needs to learn his limits."
Snape struggled and I saw him reaching towards his pocket for his wand. I grabbed his hand and slammed it above his head on the wall, making it impossible for him to get his wand. Our faces were inches apart and our eyes were filled with loathing.
"I would never hurt you without reason."
"You're hurting me now," he growled, trying to wriggle free.
"You deserve this," I whispered harshly.
There was a few moments silence, whilst he struggled against me, eventually giving up. We stood there for several moments, him not meeting my eyes.
"You'll have to let me go, eventually," he said, looking at the ceiling.
"What if I don't want to?" I said, before thinking.
"Excuse me?" said Snape, our eyes locking.
My heart pounded in my ears and I lent forwards on automatic, closing my eyes and our lips met. His lips were firm and cracked, but they felt great against mine and so different from the lip-glossed and soft lips that I was so used to. I felt like my heart was melting. He made a disgusted noise and tried to pull away from me, but he couldn't escape me. His body tensed and there was a change in him, his lips moved against mine for the briefest of seconds, but then he seemed to shut down. I pulled back, opening my eyes and looked at his face, which was blank and his eyes glassy. My own body seemed to tense as what I had just done crashed in on me. I kissed Severus Snape. Me. Oh SHIT.
"You- I-" I babbled, "it-"
"Shut up," he said.
"I-"
"Shut up!" he bellowed at me.
We stood there for a few more moments, then I tried to talk again.
"Severus, I-"
"That's the first time you've used my name, you know," he said softly.
"Severus," I breathed, liking the way it rolled off my tongue.
"Yes?" he said suspiciously.
"I'm sorry, Severus," I said, backing away from him.
His arms fell to his sides and he stood there awkwardly, looking at me and I him. I took a deep breath and turned to leave, but felt his hand on my arm, his fingers a death grip. I turned to look at him.
"If you dare tell anyone," he hissed, "I-"
"Why would I?" I said, "I kissed you and let's be honest, I'd rather not have people know that I go around kissing slimy, greasy Death Eaters."
I saw the hurt in him at my harsh words, but it was better like this. I didn't mean to kiss him, it just happened. Heat of the moment and the hate was confused with love and lust and...
"Why did you kiss me, then?" he demanded.
"I- I don't know."
He span me around until I hit the wall with a huff as the air was knocked from me. He had his hand at my throat and wand tip under my chin and I couldn't breath.
"Black, you disgust me," he snarled.
I gasped for air as black spots started to dance before my eyes.
"You can't just make me feel things and then tell me you don't!" he yelled.
My vision went dark and I had the vague feeling of air in my lungs again and footsteps going away, but then nothing.
I woke up in the hospital wing latter that day, at around lunch. I sat up quickly, looking around urgently, seeing Madam Pomfrey coming towards me.
"Sorry, doll," I said to her, swinging my legs over the edge and sending her a wink, "I gotta go, though I'd love to play Healers."
"Sirius Black, you get back on that bed," she said to me sternly, "I need to keep you in for observation."
"Got to run, Poppy," I winked.
I stood up and stumbled towards the door, feeling rather dizzy, but not about to admit it. I waved to her and disappeared out the door, staggering down the corridor towards the Great Hall, I was finished. I eventually got there, after falling down a flight of stairs, knocking over a suit of armour and scaring the living daylights out of some first years. I sat down heavily next to James and grabbed a plate full of food.
"Hey, Padfoot, what happened to you?" asked James.
"Nothing much," I said, my mouth full.
"Dude, we found you passed out in a deserted corridor," James said, smiling, using the Muggle slang easily.
"Well, dude," I said, smiling lazily, "I got caught up with a long haired twerp who got the best of me."
"Are you talking about Snivilly?" said James, shocked.
"He got lucky," I said with a shrug.
Yeah, he certainly did. I still had mixed feelings about that, I'd have to sort them out latter. I wonder what Severus had meant when he said about making him feel things? I was jolted back to the present by Remus.
"I- We were worried about you," he said softly.
It felt like my heart skipped. It was getting rather annoying now, how I was all aflutter around him.
"Thanks, but there was no need, I'm fine, I'm always fine."
Remus looked at me in a way that meant he could see right through me. He knew something was going on, but not what. Yet.
Shortly after we all went back to the common room. I excused myself and went to bed, I was exhausted, and was asleep in moments, having disturbed dreams about my mother shouting at me, telling me how much of a disappointment I was. I tried not to care, but I eventually cried and begged for her forgiveness. I feel so weak, sometimes.
What do you think? Two comments and I will continue :) Misty x