Regina was immersed in darkness, not able to see her own hand in front of her face. Pain ripped through her chest as liquid heat slowly built up, running down her stomach and legs. Regina fell to her knees, gasping for breath as she began to feel almost like she was drowning. She couldn't think, couldn't process what was happening. Nothing made sense but everything hurt.
Shaking hands gripped Regina's shoulders, rolling her over onto her back. Regina frowned, stretching in her sleep as she groaned before burying herself underneath the blankets. "What is it?" She murmured, keeping her eyes shut in a refusal to wake up. "Just come to bed, Robin." She muttered as the hands squeezed her arm tighter. "Just for a few-"
"Your highness."
Regina's eyes flew open as she sat up in bed, frazzled to see one of the younger soldiers on her side of the bed. Panic drained the color from the boy's cheeks as he stared into his queen's eyes. Regina frowned as the boy thrust his jacket in her direction, taking the garment and slowly slipping it around her shoulders.
"What... what's happening?" Regina asked, taking the soldier's hand as she stood. "Where's Robin?"
"We don't have much time." The boy explained as he tugged at Regina's arm. Regina tripped over her bag as the two flew out the door and down the hall. Soldiers ran back and forth down the small servant's hall as they frantically shouted orders at each other. Regina stumbled down the stairs in a haze until they emerged at the entrance of the inn.
A small crowd of people clumped around the center of the room, weaving through each other in a loud bustle. They all turned, ceasing their conversation and actions as Regina stepped into the room.
"Regina..." Robin's voice was no louder than a hushed whisper, dry and weak. Regina's gut twisted as soldiers made a path towards a body on a table. Regina rushed forwards, tears already hindering her sight.
Robin laid before her on his back, his head propped up by his bunched up jacket. Blood ran from a gash across his neck and chest and dropped down his fingers onto the floor.
Regina closed her eyes as she fought back a sob, looking around the crowd of people. "What happened?"
"A sneak attack, Your majesty." A young man said, bowing in respect.
"Well don't just sit around here! Somebody save him!" Regina sobbed, looking frantically at her men before finally looking to Granny. Standing amongst the soldiers, she was almost hidden from view. But the curt shake of her head told Regina there was no saving to be done. She was going to loose Robin.
"What can I do? Tell me what I can do." Regina took Robin's hand and held it close to her, taking a shallow breath.
"Regina." Robin smiled, squeezing her hand as he groaned in pain. "Come closer." Regina did as she was told, trying as hard as she could to keep herself from crying. Her free hand stroked his cheek as she whimpered. "Kiss me."
"Robin..." Regina's hand shook with fear. "Please. Let me try to save you. I... my magic. Surely I can do something."
Robin shook his head as his own tears welled, his breathing coming unsteadily as he weighed in pain. "It's not worth it." Regina let out a sob, immediately covering her mouth with her hand. "Please. Just kiss me." Robin begged, reaching up to run his hand through her hair. Regina smiled softly and nodded as she leaned down to capture his lips upon hers.
Passion turned to sadness and love as Regina focused on the only thing she'd ever wanted in life. The thing she was to loose. "I can fix this." Regina whispered, her hand firm in his chest.
"No you can't." Robin cried, shaking his head. "No you can't." Regina let out a sob, showering Robin with gentle kisses as her tears mixed with his. "I love you more than anything I've ever known. And I love my son. God, Regina , I love my son."
Regina buried her face into his neck as she cried, holding him close to her. "We love you." She sobbed. "We Love you so much." Regina pulled back and wiped her eyes, kissing his hand. "And I promise to... Robin? Robin!"
***
The war ended shortly after his death. Robin had caught enemy soldiers trying to sneak up to capture and most likely harm Regina, trading his life for hers in the process. This sparked a fire within her men and they were able to demolish the rest of their offenders in the weeks to come.
Everyone told her that he was brave. That she was lucky. But only one of those things were true. She knew what Robin was. She knew he was brave. She also knew that he was loyal and kind and loving. But she wasn't lucky. How was a woman lucky after loosing the love of her life to something she couldn't fix?
Regina confined herself to her dark chambers as the days began to bleed into weeks. The queen lost count of how long she was in solidarity until she became numb inside. The tears and sobs and anger turned to a quiet nothingness. Regina didn't sleep or eat or think or speak. And that was even worse than the pain. With pain, she could remember the days Robin would laugh at something she said and the nights where he kissed her until they melted together as one. With nothing, Regina only knew how to take a breath and let it go.
For the first month, Regina couldn't bring herself to see Roland. The spitting image of his father and the reflection of his everlasting love was enough to kill Regina herself.
But one warm spring night, Regina decided she was done with being nothing. She was ready to feel again. She was ready to love and to grieve for the man she had lost with the child he had left behind.
Regina wrapped her robe tight around her chest before venturing out into the cool hallway that led directly to Roland's chambers. The queen quietly slipped into the nursery and smiled when she saw Roland in his bed, his back turned to her as she lowered herself into the mattress.
"Who is it?" Roland's little voice squeaked from under a quilt. Regina smiled softly, letting her hand fall to the curve of his shoulder.
"It's me." Regina answered, surprised when Roland flung the quilt back and launched himself into his mother's arms. Regina held the boy close, leaning back as she heard small cries and felt his tears dampen her chest. "I'm so sorry." Regina whispered, both for the loss of his father and the momentary loss of her.
"Where did papa go?" Roland looked up at Regina and leaned into her touch as she wiped at his tears. "Why did he leave?"
"Papa didn't leave." Regina whispered, working around the invisible knife that had lodged itself into her stomach. The huge lump in her throat only grew as Regina held the small boy tight. "He would never leave you. He's just passed, which means that we will see him again. Just not now." Regina couldn't bare to explain that Robin had died a gruesome and bloody death partially on Regina's behalf. "Do you remember that grew stone out in the forest? The one with your papa's name on it?" Roland nodded and sniffled, unable to speak for himself. "Well, that's a special communication rock. I have one up on the hill for my papa."
"You do?" Roland asked, shifting as Regina laid down in his bed, pulling the boy close to her as she ran her fingers through his hair.
"I do." Regina kissed Roland's head and smiled. "When you talk to it, your papa will hear everything you say." Regina explained. "And when the day comes for us to visit him again, he will greet you like nothing has changed." Roland nodded and bit his lip, closing his eyes as more tears threatened to fall.
"Hey." Regina squeezed Roland and smiled comfortingly down at him. "It's alright to cry and be sad. I cry almost every day. But we also should celebrate your papa's life. Right?"
"Right." Roland laid his head on Regina's chest and sighed, taking her hand. "Can we talk to papa now?" Roland whispered.
"Of course." Regina blinked back tears as she smoothed Roland's hair down. "You can talk out loud or think it in your head."
"Will you do it with me?" Roland asked, brown eyes meeting brown.
"Of course." Was all Regina could say. She was thankful that he started speaking first, unsure if she could hold herself together for him.
"Papa? I know you can't come back now, but I hope to see you soon. I miss you a lot. I love you too. Gina gave me your necklace to wear and I wear it all the time. It reminds me of you. I love you. Sweet dreams." Silence filled the air as Regina wiped at her cheeks. "Your turn." Roland indicated.
"Robin... I love you so much. I know you're here with us in spirit. I can feel you. I promise to take care of Roland and the baby. I miss you terribly. I'm sorry."