[ Shirogane ]
Lonely. Useless. Imbecile. Weak. The four perfect nouns that seem to describe me best. Or at least that's what everyone else seem to tell me. What everyone else wants me to believe. But . . Is it what I'm supposed to believe in ? Surely they must be right , they must be right if even . . If even [ y/n ] thinks less of me . . I know she does deep down. She doesn't want to be here after all.
I lay in bed thinking. I seem to be good at that at least. I can let a whole day pass where I just lay in bed thinking. I don't seem to be good at anything. . Other than thinking at least. In my thoughts I don't have to run away. Cause you can't run away from your own head. Your own mind.
I don't like thinking though. All my thoughts are clouded by despair. The despair people have put me in as they make me feel worthless. It's not my fault I haven't been able to stand up for myself. They never give me a chance to as they lunge at me without mercy.
I uncovered myself from my cloak and sat on the edge of the bed. Looking down at the ground droplets fell. They fell from my eyes and I couldn't be less surprised at that moment. I seemed to cry an awful lot.
I let the tears stream. I wasn't sure why I was crying. There was a lot to cry about. The fact that I'm always running away from everything. The fact that no one in the village except Yukisada cares for me. That everyone in this island hates my guts. The fact that . . The fact that the only person I seem to care for wants to escape this god forsaken island. And not even I can seem to change her mind about it either.
I choked on my tears.
"You really are an imbecile"
A dark voice spoke and I raised my head sharply towards the sound of the voice. I knew that voice all too well. .
Idate . .
Fear rose and I could feel my heart beating hard against my chest. What could he possibly want this time ? Doesn't he know he has hurt me enough already ? Well of course he knows that . .
I couldn't speak. My voice was stuck down my throat and my mind was racing all too fast to actually make a sentence.
"Rat got your tongue ?"
A dark chuckle emerged from the shadows and I could see the tall silhouette at the corner of my cave. He was nearing me and by each step he drew closer the smell of nicotine got stronger only confirming further that this was none other than Idate. I instinctively drew back which was a bad idea as a hand gripped my throat firmly. I choked as I tried to fill my lungs with oxygen , I clawed onto his hands but all to no avail.
"I got you now you pitiful dog"
Another dark chuckle managed to escape him as he tortured me in my own cave. Tears prickled my eyes and I felt as if my head was gonna pop off my neck.
"You're probably wondering why I'm here , right Shiro kun ? Well I'll explain it to you"
I gurgled and choked and made all kinds of noises as I tried to gasp for air.
"I've noticed you've taken a liking to [ y/n ] chan . . Am I right ?"
My eyes widen. He couldn't possibly be . . He didn't wait for me to answer as he continued.
"Of course I am! Well you must know by now why I came here ?"
He smirked. Of course I knew. I knew that [ y/n ] had caught idates eye. Everyone seemed to have caught an eye for her. It wasn't often visitors turned up stranded on the island after all. And none like [ y/n ] to say the least.
"Gbfghh"
I tried to talk but his iron grip wouldn't let a single word pass.
"Ill make this quick for you. I don't want you talking to her anymore , understood ?"
His eyes were narrow and I could hear the venom spit through his teeth as he said those words. I stopped clawing on his hands.
"I'll do all kinds of awful things to her if you so dare speak to her ? You wouldn't want her to get hurt now would you~?"
There was something in his voice. Something more sinister and intimidating than usual.
I tried nodding but his hands were wrapped around my neck preventing me to move my neck a single inch. I didn't want [ y/n ] getting hurt. If this was the only way I'd protect her I'd do it. I'd do it for her . .
"Good I do-"
Idate stopped and I knew why. We both heard it. A sound was coming deep within the cavern. We stopped and listened after it. It couldn't be . . Not now.
"Shiro!"
My eyes widen to the size of plates. Idate seemed oddly pleased and I didn't want to hear what his plan was. He had something up his sleeve.
"Now I want you to tell her to leave"
He spoke bluntly and I could see the pleasure in his eyes.
He let go of my neck and I began to gasp for air violently. Gasping I filled my lungs with precious oxygen. I was kneeling on all four trying to catch my breath. It was somewhat hard to swallow the air down but after a while I managed to regulate my breath.
I tumbled as a hard kick was aimed at me to my sides. I winced in pain as I lay on the ground grunting. I looked up and locked eyes with Idate. His gaze was grim. He as growing impatient.
"Talk"
He commanded giving me another kick on the previous spot he'd kicked me on. I groaned in pain before I tried speaking. My voice was hoarse and at first nothing came out but a low grunt.
"Hnghh"
I tried clearing my throat. My agonising pain must of reached [ y/n ]'s ears as she proceeded to call after me more eager this time.
"Shiro ! Shiro it's me [ y/n ] , I'm coming!"
I heard the footsteps draw closer. She picket up her speed and I could hear her sprint down into the cavern.
"[ y-y/n ] . . I don't want you here . . Go ! L-leave ! I don't want to speak to you . !"
I mustered. Idate grinned down at me.
"Sh-Shiro . ?
It pained my heart hearing her like this. Helpless. She couldn't see me like this. She couldn't see us like this. God knows what Idate would do to her if she came in here. I shivered.
"G-go I don't want to talk to you . ."
My heart ached and perhaps that hurt more than any other kick I've received from anyone. It hurt more than any other punch I had caught with my body. It hurt. .
"Sh-Shiro im-"
I cut her off. She wouldn't give up would she ? A part of me wanted to smile. Smile at how loving she'd be at the worst of times. Smile at how she'd never let anyone behind no matter the circumstances. She wasn't like me. I hoped and prayed she'd never be like me either.
"I said GO! I don't want you here . ."
I shouted. My lips wanted to keep shut. Wanted to tell her not to leave. Leave me behind. I knew there was no other way.
It went quiet. I felt myself searching for the voice that'd call back after me , but there wasn't one. She had left and part of me didn't want her to leave. Cause I knew it'd be the last time I'd see her.
"Good boy. Seems like you weren't all too useless after all"
A laugh echoed in the all too quiet cave. I kept my gaze at the floor beneath me. How ? How could I . ?
"Well you best do as I told you or else it'd be the last time you'll see her in one piece"
Idate commented as he began to walk out the same entrance [ y/n ] had walked into.
His heels clacked against the ice and I heard as his footsteps faded out on the distance.
Why . ?