CHAPTER SEVEN!
RUNNING BACK TO YOU FOR THE FOXES
B E N N Y
point of view.
DEEP-FRIED FOOD ALWAYS managed to boost my spirits. The mouth-watering aroma could always be related with one thing: the fair.
Summer would not be summer if the fair was not involved. Tonight, I felt a bit more excited than normal. Once everyone—and we were an enormous group—had acquired their armbands, we had practically galloped onto the fairgrounds.
Brandy's small hand fit into mine, warm and familiar. There was an adorable smile plastered onto her face, one that made her cheeks glow—although that might have been her makeup—thus making the smile contagious.
It was much easier to enjoy myself when Makayla was not in my view. The mere thought of her, however, jabbed at my heart, because I knew that she was somewhere behind me, walking beside Jordan Phillips. Desperately I hoped that she would not laugh aloud; her laugh, as familiar as her soft voice, had the potential to bring tears to my eyes, these days.
For what must have been the billionth time since Makayla's return, I shook my head a bit roughly, in attempt to clear her from my mind. Brandy looked up at me, with curious eyes.
"Babe, are you okay?"
I resisted the urge to cringe; probably I overdid the shaking of the head thing. "Yeah. A...bug flew on my face."
Brandy laughed—and a large part of me tried to compare it to Makayla's, to take note of the fact that Brandy was not Makayla, and never would be. It made me feel so utterly horrible. I could not control the thoughts that popped up out of nowhere, but I would always feel guilty for them.
Behind me, Kenny asked, "Food or rides first?"
And then her voice, high and wonderful, rang out, above all others. Despite all of the screaming, the bright and colorful lights in the night, everything—she could utter a single word, and suddenly she would be the only source of light and color in the world.
"Fried Oreos!"
Against my will, I turned my head to glance at Makayla. It was only supposed to be a brief glance, but—to my horror—her eyes met mine almost immediately. The fading smile on her mouth, the brightness of her sea-colored eyes was heartbreaking.
I couldn't help but to smile at her.
The two-year-old memories flashed before my eyes, fresh and nostalgic. In half a second, before I could tear my eyes from Makayla's, I saw her at fourteen, convincing me to try these Fried Oreos, of the overpowering envy I felt when the guy at the kissing booth kissed her on the mouth. I even remembered the outfit she wore that day—a maroon tank top and white shorts. And black Converse.
Mace scrunched up his face. "That sounds disgusting."
Of course, he was not being disrespectful to Makayla, but the electric current of anger and protectiveness rushed through me. "It's not," I snapped—and immediately amended. "I tried them a couple of years ago. Last year, it was all I would eat here. They're really good."
The moment my voice came out sharp, Mace had looked at me with risen eyebrows. Beside him, Ivy choked on laughter. My eyes flickered back to Makayla, and I found that she was looking at Mace now. Phillips, however, fixed me with a steady, curious gaze.
Kat, who stood on the other side of Brandy, rolled her eyes. "You Americans are so unhealthy."
Brandy squeezed my hand, and I turned my head to her. "Let's try them," she said, sending me a light smile.
She was so pretty. So sweet and so deserving of someone better than me. Brandy deserved someone whose thoughts consisted only of her.
Needless to say, we all found a cute little resting place beside a booth that burst with fried foods. The nine of us nearly filled one table. Soon, each of us had at least one snack ahead of us. And Makayla, with her Fried Oreos, somehow ended up directly ahead of me.
Kat, beside me, eyed my paper food tray of Fried Oreos with disdain. Makayla noticed and laughed.
"Yes, it's very unhealthy," Makayla said, the smile never leaving her face. "But live a little. You only get one try on this Earth. Might as well indulge yourself in the pleasures of life."
The redhead met Makayla's eyes. "The pleasures of life? This is a bowl of diabetes."
"If I get diabetes," Makayla picked up a Fried Oreo, brandishing it with a smirk, "I will never regret it." She then stuffed the entire thing in her mouth, much to Brandy's amusement. A smile curled on my mouth as well, although I tried to hide it.
Kat's veil of disgust broke, and she cracked a smile. "How are you so thin? You must eat like this a lot."
Makayla stuck a finger in the air, a signal to await her reply while she tried to swallow the Oreo. Once this had been accomplished, she put on a matter-of-fact expression and tone.
"I wasn't always this skinny," Makayla pointed out. "I mean, ask everyone who knew me before—"
"Oh, my God," Bertram broke in, rolling his eyes dramatically, "you were not fat!"
"Okay, Bertram, thank you, but I wasn't skinny—"
Without really meaning to, I was the next to break in. "You were skinny. Maybe not stick-thin, but you were never chubby. At all."
"Yeah." Bertram's voice was slightly muffled, due to his mouth stuffed full of fried pickles. "You were, you know, just right."
Clearly giving up on the argument, Makayla smiled a smile that was on the edge of laughter. "Fine. Okay. Thanks. But I was really insecure back then. I probably didn't see myself like you guys saw me."
Phillips had taken advantage of these moments of distraction and stared at Makayla. He was so close to her, it caused me discomfort. To my surprise, his cheeks had turned a light shade of pink—probably in the knowing preparation of what he said next.
"You've always been perfect."
The compliment took Makayla by surprise, and she turned to meet Phillips' eyes. Their noses almost touched, and she paused. For one horrible moment, I feared that the two would kiss, although they were not dating—or so they claimed.
Then Makayla leaned back a bit, flashing the boy a smile. "Thanks, dork."
Ouch. Even I felt that.
All of a sudden, someone appeared behind Makayla. He rested a hand on her shoulder, and she nearly elbowed him in the stomach—but then she realized that it was Kit.
"Oh!" she laughed—that laugh of tinkling bells and summer breezes, of lush nature and gently-lapping waves and mountain views.
Grinning, Kit sat down into the empty spot beside her, directly ahead of Kat. The sight of him was all too familiar—the eyes that gave a clear view of his soul at times, the kind smile. "Hey, Kayla. Long time, no see. Is it too late to join you all?"
Makayla smiled at the new arrival. "Welcome to the Losers' Club."
Kit's smile brightened. "It?"
She shrugged. "Watched it again last night. It's been on my mind—and by It, I do not mean the clown. I mean Jonathan Brandis."
A smile touched my lips. "Always in love with the eighties actors."
When Makayla turned her gaze to me, it sent a jolt down my spine. She smiled, too. "Actually, the It movie was released in 1990. But you're still correct. He was still an eighties actor."
Now Phillips smiled. "Yeah, like River Phoenix and those guys from The Outsiders."
The words seemed to lodge between my ribs—painful, somehow. It should not have meant anything to me, the fact that he knew these little details of Kayla's interests. Anyone could have known. But she had always expressed them to me so freely, as if we were best friends. Before, it hadn't meant much, but I realized now that it felt sort of sacred. I hated that Phillips probably knew her in ways that I had.
Conversation erupted around me, but I could not find the proper attention to focus on any of the multiple topics. Eventually, it was Kat's loud and strongly-accented voice that tore my thoughts away from Makayla. She was talking to Brandy, and Brandy was leaning over to reply.
A sudden surge of affection flooded my chest, clogged my lungs, and a smile tugged at my lips. After a moment of thought, I curled my arm around Brandy's shoulders. She glanced up at me, smiled, and rested her head against my chest.
Across from me, Makayla swallowed deeply—but I did not notice this.
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THE swirling colors were magnificent, rising toward the night sky. The lines for rides, however, were quite the opposite of magnificent.
There were probably thousands of people here tonight. The air was much hotter than it should have been, a sauna of body warmth and perspiration. Brandy's hand fit into mine, but mine were beginning to sweat.
"You know what I just realized?" Kit, ahead of me, had turned to face Kat. "Together...we make Kit-Kat."
Kat laughed a high, soft laugh. "Wonderful. We would make the perfect pair, wouldn't we?"
"Yeah. If I liked girls."
"Oh." Kat looked up at Kit, eyes rounded with true surprise. "I didn't know you were gay."
An amused smile turned on Kit's mouth. "No one really asks."
The rest of the conversation was lost when Brandy tugged at the hem of my shirt. I looked down to find her gazing up at me, an adorable smile on her pretty mouth, one that made me want to kiss her.
"Remember what you told me about three years ago? When Bertram brought that dip and everyone threw up?"
The memory flashed before my eyes as though it had just happened. "Yeah. Why?"
"I was just wondering if you threw up."
For those few moments, I had almost been able to ignore the fact that Makayla was behind me. Her voice and Phillips' had been reduced to whispers after some time in line. But it was when I opened my mouth to respond that Kayla decided to speak up—and my heart did a funny little twist when I realized that she was speaking to Brandy. It was fortunate, too, because if Kayla had just been talking to anyone, Brandy surely would have caught the way I froze up and held it against me. Then again, Brandy was too sweet to hold grudges.
"He did," Kayla answered for me, forcing me to snap my mouth shut. Brandy turned to look at her, a smile touching her lips. "He threw up all over the guy who controlled the ride, in fact. Or, at least, that's what Bertram told me."
I could not hold myself back. Almost as if my body were controlling itself, I turned to face Kayla as well. "Bertram is full of shit." And I said it loud enough for Bertram to hear, just behind Kayla and Phillips.
Kayla's eyes flickered to rest on mine, just briefly, probably less than a second, but it was enough. Enough for me to sense the emotion in it. The ghost of a smile curled on her lips, and however small it may have been, it reached her eyes in a way I thought no one else might have recognized. Definitely not Phillips. Those ocean eyes were bright with...was it happiness? No matter what it was, it was heartbreaking.
Brandy was laughing, but I didn't hear it, not really. She was saying something, too, probably to me, but there was not enough capacity in my brain to grasp it. Not when Makayla filled every inch of it.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I hated myself—despised myself, even, because my girlfriend of seven months deserved the world and my world belonged to someone else. The worst part was, the one who held my heart did not care for it. Not anymore.
The line progressed—Kit and Kat climbed into the empty pod. They sat across from each other, grinning like maniacs. I gave Brandy's hand a squeeze.
The wheel moved, and the next empty pod arrived. Brandy had been talking to Kayla, but I pulled her along, through the open gate. We climbed into the circular car, seating ourselves on the same side.
The guy at the controls said, "All right, that was the last one."
Kayla's mouth dropped open, and she groaned. "All this time, we've been waiting," she grumbled, "and it fills up right before us."
"Why don't you get in with us?" It was Brandy who had made the suggestion...aloud. Of course, the thought had crossed my mind fleetingly, but I had swiftly dismissed it, because it would only divert my attention and make me hate myself even more.
In short, the idea was both appealing and horrifying. Appealing because, no matter how hard I tried to control these particular thoughts and hide the truth from myself, I loved to look at Kayla. Loved the memories that flooded back and made me feel tingly inside, reminded me of the happiest times of my life. Ironically, it was horrifying for all of the same reasons.
Kayla's eyes were fixed upon Brandy's, but even so, I had a feeling that her question was directed towards me too. "Are you sure? I mean...ya know..." She indicated us with a wave of her hand.
"Sure." Brandy's voice was sweet—almost too sweet—and I knew that she was sincere. It was one of the things that I loved about Brandy: her genuine kindness. Unlike Kayla, she did not have a mean bone in her body; not an attitude or a temper and certainly not fearlessness. At the same time, it was one of the things that made me yearn for Kayla.
It was odd. Before, if dating ever seriously crossed my mind, I had believed that I would rather settle for a sweet girl—someone like Brandy. But before that girl could take my interest, Kayla had come along, the opposite of what I thought I would want. And then she turned out to be the perfect girl for me. Perhaps she had simply transformed my vision, but it had not left, and while Brandy would have been satisfactory if she had been my first girlfriend, that did not stand now.
Breaking me away from my shameful thoughts, Kayla and Phillips boarded the pod. Phillips ended up directly across from me, Kayla across Brandy. My eyes met Phillips', and he held that gaze, an unreadable expression on his face, which was illuminated with constantly changing blinking colors.
"Kind of defeats the romance," Kayla spoke, sweeping her curly bangs behind her ear.
"Oh." Brandy's voice held something of realization, similar to her face. "I didn't realize that you two were—"
Kayla's expression changed just as quickly. "Oh, no, no, that's not what I— I meant you and Benny."
It was only then that Phillips turned his odd, calculating gaze from me. There was nothing strictly hard in that look, but his expression certainly softened when he looked at Kayla. It made my skin crawl. This was all so wrong—
"Oh," Brandy repeated, this time in a giggle. "Sorry. Well, it isn't a problem. I just figured it would make you happier if you didn't have to wait another round."
From the corner of my eye, I noticed the way something flickered behind Kayla's eyes. For a moment, she simply stared at Brandy, a nearly unreadable expression on her face. To anyone else, she would probably look completely blank—but I, I recognized gratitude. A softening.
"Thank you," Kayla finally said, when the ride jolted forward. "But we'll have to wait for the others anyway. I guess we probably could have just waited." She glanced at Phillips, and he smiled at her.
"As long as I'm with you, it doesn't really matter," Phillips shrugged. Something told me that he was not trying to rub it in my face that he could say things like that to Kayla, but it sent an uncharacteristic wave of anger through me anyway.
Even under the dark sky, the pink and red lights that flowed on Kayla's pale skin, I could distinguish the flush of her cheeks. Biting down on my lip hard, I turned to glance at Brandy, who was already looking at me. She flashed a sweet smile, and I returned it, leaning down to press a light kiss to her temple. She giggled in response, snuggling against my arm.
M A K A Y L A
point of view.
MY heart pounded frantically against my chest. All night, I had been able to be around Benny without feeling too horrible, but now we were much too close. I regretted ever agreeing to join him and Brandy.
I was still looking at Jordan, meeting the meaningful look in his eyes, when I heard the soft pop of lips. That small sound was enough to make me tense all over, to string my muscles tight. My eyes fell from Jordan's, flickered against my will to the pair before me. Brandy was giggling, nestling her head into the crook of Benny's neck, eyes closed in a serene fashion, probably breathing in his scent.
All the softness in me evaporated into thin air, and I felt sick all over. An odd sort of instinct moved me then: I turned my head and pressed my lips to Jordan's shoulder. It was a simple action, almost meaningless, it seemed—until I felt him tense and felt my heart give a little flutter. In the back of my mind, I realized it had been a habit of mine with Benny, but no matter.
"Sorry," I whispered, pulling away from Jordan, sheepish and nervous. This definitely did not help the situation.
Jordan was staring at me, incredulity in those dark eyes, but a smile tilted on his lips. He reached over and brushed the bangs from my face—which, annoyingly, would not stay in their place behind my ear—sending shivers all across my warm skin.
My cheeks were heating again. I couldn't help but to release a nervous laugh, press my hands to my burning cheeks, and allow my shyness to overcome.
It was going to be a long, complicated night, even if I was the only one to know it.
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okay, before i even finished 'purpose,' this song gave me the image of a night like this. except it was so much better in my head. i mean, i was imagining real fun, everyone enjoying themselves and kayla and benny near each other on some sort of fast ride, her laughing, exhilarated, and then him just watching her. it's cheesy, but it was seriously so cute in my head!!
anyway, i'm kind of iffy about this chapter. but the next one...i really love the next one. see you next week. (;
(for stranger things and it fans, i have two fanfics up. SHADES of GREEN is a mike wheeler ff. DARK MATTER is a stanley uris ff. i'm also in love with richie and bill and mike from it, so you can probably expect fanfics for them in the future.)
stay gold
x kayla
12.21.17