Once again he had a sleepless night. He deserved it though, he shouldn't have kissed Stiles. He should have controlled himself. He promised that he'd never let anyone get that close to him again yet he'd straight up kissed the guy and then ran away.
He's fucked everything up, but he can't be with Stiles, he just can't do that to him.
"Fuck!" Derek yells turning around punching the wooden wall of the barn behind him and he winces at the sudden pain it causes. He looks down at his now bloodied knuckles and shakes his head. How the hell did he let this happen?
"Hey Derek! Isaac will be here soon with the truck of new young cows, we're gonna need your help." Parrish shouts and Derek turns around spotting the man down the drive way.
"I will be there in a minute." Derek shouts back as Parrish drives off towards the cattle yards. Derek sighs looking back down at his knuckles the blood dripping to the ground. He wipes it on the side of jeans before climbing onto the motorbike and heading towards the cattle yards.
He pulls up under the tree next to the farm hands utes and Stiles' Jeep. He spots everyone opening and closing specific gates in the yards as Isaac's truck comes up the driveway.
Derek takes a deep breath and climbs the fence getting straight to work, working on autopilot trying not to think of the incident with Stiles. After 20 minutes all the cattle were off he truck and separated into heifers and bulls. He then goes to the shed grabbing the ear tag gun to do his usual job of tagging the new cattle while Boyd drenches their backs for ticks and the others go to greet Isaac.
"What's going on with you Derek you haven't seemed yourself lately." Boyd says behind him as he drenches the bull Derek just tagged.
"Nothing just something I need to sort out before it gets worse." He responds moving onto the next bull.
"Is this about Stiles? He doesn't seem himself either." Boyd comments and Derek freezes shaking his head turning to face the other man. "Derek watch out!" Boyd suddenly shouts as the bull steps backwards pinning Derek's right leg between the bull and metal fence. Derek shouts out in pain feeling his fractured knee flare in agony. He tries to pull his leg but it only causes more pain.
"Derek?" He hears Stiles voice call in panic from a distance but he was too focused on trying to get the bull to move.
"Come on! Move!" Boyd shouts grabbing the bulls tail and twisting it while pushing causing the bull to take a few steps forward. That was all he needed and Derek could pull his leg out. He quickly jumps the fence to get away from the bull and falls to the ground from the pressure the jump caused his knee.
"You okay?" Boyd asks jumping the fence walking over to him and Derek nods accepting Boyd's hand to help him up.
"You guys alright? What happened?" Scott asks as Derek turns around to find Scott, Isaac and Stiles rushing over to them.
"A bull didn't like Derek tagging him and pinned him between the fence." Boyd answers and Stiles quickly turns to Derek with a worried expression as Derek wipes the sweat off his forehead with his hand. Stiles' eyes fly towards Derek's hand and his worried expression quickly turns into guilt and sympathy after seeing his bloodied knuckles. Derek quickly takes his hand down hiding his knuckles and avoiding Stiles eyes.
"You okay Derek?" Isaac asks and Derek turns his attention to the curly haired boy not expecting his question.
"I'm fine." Derek responds and Isaac nods before turning to Stiles. "Tell the sheriff I said hi and I'll probably see you guys at the bar next Friday." Isaac says as he walks back to his truck.
"Thanks Lahey." Stiles shouts and the boy gives them the thumbs up before climbing into his semi-truck driving off.
"I'll finish tagging the cattle Derek, go have a break." Parrish offers but Derek shakes his head.
"I can do it, it's fine." Derek responds and Parrish gives him a stern look before nodding.
"I suppose we should go get their paddock ready." Scott says looking at Stiles and Parrish and they nod before walking towards their vehicles as Derek and Boyd get back to tagging and drenching the cattle.
-
He sits down on the edge of his bed putting his head in his hands.
"Stiles can hardly look at me. I have stuffed everything up and now he hates me!" Derek mutters pushing himself up as he takes a few steps into his kitchen grabbing the packet of painkillers. He takes a couple for his knee which was now red and swollen again.
He puts the painkillers back, opening the fridge grabbing his flask of whiskey he keeps for special occasions. He takes a swig of it leaning against the kitchen bench. This wasn't a special occasion but he really needs some sort of alcohol if he wants to get through the night. The Sheriff has organisation a small barbecue get to together, nothing huge but he knew everyone would be there including Erica and Lydia but Allison was busy or something which Derek was glad of. With the mood he is in right now he wouldn't be able to deal with Scott and Allison together. He rubs his knee gently trying to numb the pain before heading out the door towards the farm house.
He finds everyone out the back of the house all standing and sitting around the Sheriff's new outdoor furniture or out in the yard by a bonfire. He eyes the fire carefully and takes note of every exit point around the area before looking around to see who's here. He spots Erica and Boyd leaning against the back wall of the house talking with Parrish who had his arm around Lydia. Derek smiles to himself happy Parrish finally asked her out. He turns back towards the fire and spots Stiles and Scott talking to each other, he watches for a few seconds but turns away as Stiles laughs and smiles at something Scott said.
"Hey Derek, glad you decided to join us." The Sheriff's voice says and he turns around to find the Sheriff standing by the barbecue with a friendly smile.
"Thanks for inviting me." Derek says as he makes his way over to the older man who hands him a beer and Derek nods his thanks.
They stand there for a while making small talk. The sheriff talks about his day and Derek talks about the cattle they got delivered this morning, leaving out the part about the bull pinning him between the fence.
"You know Stiles thinks the world of you." The sheriff suddenly says glancing over at him and Derek must have had a shocked expression because the Sheriff sighs. "He talks about you a lot, ever since you first came here I noticed he's different when you're around. He's a lot more happier and acts a certain way that I haven't seen him like since his mother passed away." The Sheriff shakes his head as he turns the steak on the barbecue before continuing. "I know something happened between the two of you, I ask him about it but he won't talk to me. I've seen the way you look at him Derek and the way my boy looks at you."
"I'm sorry Sheriff-" Derek tries to say but the older man cuts him off.
"There's nothing to say sorry for. My boy is old enough to make his own decisions about who he dates. Back when Stiles got bitten by the snake and I saw you sitting in the waiting room. I knew from the look in your eyes that you cared about Stiles more than just a friend. At first I wasn't sure how to feel about it because well you are five years older than him. But seeing you in the waiting room and seeing how broken you looked when you thought Stiles was going to die... I knew right there and then that you truly cared about him. My father was eight years older than my mother and they turned out just fine, I don't have a problem with the age gap."
"But I just need to say something. Stiles has had a rough upbringing with his mother passing away and having to fill her space on the farm in such a short amount of time. It was extremely hard on him and I don't want want to see the that sad and devastated look on his face again. Stiles deserves to be treated right. So whatever happened between the two of you, you need to work it out because you both deserve to be happy and it's clear right now neither of you are." The Sheriff says and Derek sighs nodding.
"I know and the last thing I want to do is hurt Stiles in anyway, but he deserves so much better." Derek answers looking down the ground as he fiddles with his bottle of beer.
"You deserve to be happy too Derek, alright?" The Sheriff says putting his hand on his shoulder and Derek nods. He glances back towards the fire both to make sure it was still inside the circle of rocks and to also make sure Stiles was still there. He turns back quickly after Scott made eye contact with him and excused himself from the Sheriff to go use the bathroom in the farm house.
He leans on the sink trying to get a grip on himself, he needs to talk to Stiles but he has no idea what to say. Stiles deserves so much better but that's the problem because Derek doesn't want Stiles to be with anyone else but him.
Too focused on his thoughts he doesn't hear or see Stiles walk into the room calling his name until his hand was on his shoulder with a concerned face.
"Derek, you alright?" Stiles asks and Derek straightens up quickly and takes a few steps back in surprise. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." Stiles quickly adds and Derek shakes his head.
"We need to talk." Derek says running his hands through his hair and Stiles nods in agreement, they stand there for a few minutes as Derek tries to find the right words. "I'm sorry. Fuck. You deserve so much better than me, my life... it's not something you should get involved with. You can do a lot better than me Stiles-"
"Stop." Stiles says sternly and Derek looks over at the boy who was watching him carefully. "Only I can decide what I do and don't deserve and I like you Derek. I like you a lot and frankly, I don't give a fuck if you think I deserve better because I don't want better, I want you. That's if you still want me?" Stiles asks slightly nervously as he fiddles with the string on his flannel.
"You're crazy to think I ever stopped wanting you." Derek says walking towards Stiles forgetting everything as he pulls the boy close to him and their lips hit. "Are you sure you want this?" Derek asks softly pulling back a little bit.
"Shut up and kiss me." Stiles mutters pulling Derek close to him and Derek couldn't help but smile as their lips touch again pulling each other close.