Chapter Twenty-One // Smoothie
Hayden's P.O.V.
I sat down on the couch that looked so uncomfortable and I just waited there. I don't know what I was fucking waiting for but I was waiting. During the past few months living with her in our house felt at peace in some shitty way and no fucking whore would talk back to me except for E.
I remember the day I took her favorite doll and threatened her. I told her once that if she didn't kiss me on the lips I would rip the doll's head off. I was six and she was only five.
"Hayden give it back!" She demanded. Her intense blue eyes looked at me and I just smiled that was still around me begging me for something. She was the first girl that gave me my craved attention.
"Kiss me then." I smirked.
"I'd rather eat liver then kiss you." She shook her head at me and I felt a pinch in my heart.
"Fine then the heads gone."
She screamed and grabbed my other hand and her intense eyes turned to sadness. "Hayden my grandmother made that for me. Mommy said that grandma can't make it anymore or fix it. Please don't break it."
I felt something in that touch and I couldn't explain it. I cared a hell of a lot then for her and I didn't break the toy. I stopped caring before I even knew love.
I remember the night she came in and she was quiet but afraid but then as the days went by she became different and she stood up for anything and everything. She was amazing that way. But I also noticed that Jayden takes in interest in her and I fucking hate it. He always seems to take people I want. Just like he took Rose.
Rose and Jayden dated for roughly around four years. He was protective of her but also very blind. He didn't see that she was a whore and even I saw it but he somehow still loved her. I just did everything with her for sex. She was damn good but I knew that I started to like her a little more than sex. But I knew she was Jayden's girl and also many others. I just couldn't tell him the truth so I set a trap that night making sure Jayden would look for her. I did it so perfectly that I didn't realize that Jayden would pay the price later that night...
Jayden was a good guy, he tried to treat everyone right and I envied that but I also wouldn't fight for a girl like her. Erika maybe but her not a chance. I don't try to get girls because they come to me like Rose did, Willow does, sometimes even Erin and Emma. But Erika distances herself which I don't understand. She tell's Jayden everything and that fucking pisses me off.
I storm upstairs through with waiting around for what I want. I'm getting what I want. I almost open the door when my mom screams.
I turn around and see her looking at something that's fallen.
I look at what she's looking at mortified and Erika opens the door curious to what was going on. Jayden was right behind her and I hated how close he was to her.
"Erika what is that?" My mom asks her pointing to the skull of something.
"Oh." Erika sighs looking down at the thing. "I guess my pet bunny didn't escape out of the house. Just like my dad said it did." Something clicked in her eyes and she got up quickly. "Unless-" She trailed off into her thoughts and I wanted to know what she was thinking in that moment. What was bothering her so much.
Erika cleared her throat once more and bent down onto the ground and picked the skull up. "I'm sorry for the disturbance Katie." She spoke but it was like she wasn't exactly here and I didn't understand why she was getting so out of it.
"Do you want me to get a box?" Jayden asked her and she nodded mutely.
Jayden disappeared and my mom followed down the steps. Now's my chance.
"So Erika can I finish telling you what I was going too?" I asked.
She looked up at me and then back at the small skull in her hands.
"I'm taking that as a yes." I cleared my throat.
She nodded and looked at me again.
"Erika I like you." I said.
She tilted her head to the side in such a way that made it look fucking sexy.
"I like you too." She smiled but it wasn't her normal forced smile more like a smile that was somewhere else. "I'm glad you finally decided to stop hating me."
"No that's not what I meant Erika." I shook my head.
She looked up at me confused.
"I love you." I spoke and her face hardened then.
"Like a sibling right?" She asked.
I shook my head once again and I knew she was trying to go around the major factor but I knew she knew exactly what I meant.
"You can't like me like that Hayden and I know you don't love me." Erika said getting off the ground and I followed her move.
"Why can't I?" I asked.
"Because we live together Hayden, your a Wheeler you're not supposed to like me. I'm too much of a handle for a lot of people." She spoke so softly.
"Bet." I wasn't letting her down so easily.
"My father died Hayden that means I'm a mess right now. I have depression which needs to be taken and accepted by someone, I get stressed easily and say things I sometimes don't mean and also I have anxiety which is also a downer. You can't handle that with me. We're polar opposites and even if we did date we would only end in tragedy." She said then going through the closet my mother was just in.
"I can handle it." I try to reason but the truth is I probably couldn't. I didn't understand any of it. Depression I didn't understand. Most of it I wouldn't understand. I would try to change Erika and we both knew I would. But I wasn't feeling like giving up on her just yet.
"Hayden just give up." She muttered to herself.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because look at me!" Her voice echoed through the hallway. "I will cry. I will show fucking emotions you won't understand. So just fucking give up on me. Please." Tears swelled up in her eyes and I didn't know how to react to this.
Jayden ran up the stairs and he threw the box in my direction which I caught and he looked at Erika in concern.
"What the hell did you say to her?" Jayden asked looking at me but then giving her a very secure hug.
"Nothing." I snapped and I was about to leave when I then shook my head. "Actually I told her I loved her and she reacted with guilt trip on herself Jay."
"Fuck off Hayden." Jayden snapped and I knew I hit the touchy spot. I hated how she choose him over me. I'm fucking sexy as hell.
"It's fucking true isn't it Erika?" I asked expecting her to yell at me to make me even more pissed off.
"He's right Jayden I did." I smiled slightly satisfied as I waited for the but to come out of her mouth.
My smile faded when I realized there was no but coming. She wasn't fighting back. She was just going to give up. This shit never happened.
"Wait where's the but? There's always a but when we fight." I demanded for it to continue and her to crush me.
She just walked away silent.
"Her fucking father died asshole. Way to be a dick. What happened to you?" Jayden asked.
"I was pissed that she choose you." I glared at my brother.
"She never fucking choose me. I'm helping her and if this doesn't surprise you I doubt she wants a relationship, maybe someone who cares right now but not a lover." Jayden walked away and I stood there speechless at what just happened.
"Your care for her just like you did Rose. She's not Rose Jayden. You can't fix her." I called out. "She'll fuck you up just like Rose did. Does she know about Rose?" I was pushing him to his limits because I didn't want him playing Erika. She was far too special for him to do shit like that.
"I do care for Erika but it's more than I ever cared for her. I know I can't fix Erika. I'm not trying to fix her Hayden. I can't fix a broken person. I can help them though. If Erika fucks me over like she did I won't react like I did with her. I will still care for Erika and make sure she's still alright but I know Erika is nothing like Rose was." Just the words of his ex girlfriend's name slipped out of his mouth made a cold reminder that she wasn't alive anymore. "Erika doesn't know about her yet but she will know. She'll know everything." Jayden walked away and back into Erika's room. I saw her in a ball on her bed and I heard her soft wails.
I knew what I did to her was shitty but I also knew that I was a shitty person and was meant not to care about feelings and shit. I couldn't handle people caring too much for themselves. It was a waste of time.
So I walked away. I walked away from her and her worries. I walked away knowing that if I didn't I'd be brought down to the statues my own brother was in and that shit was scary as hell. I would fucking shit my pants for a thousand years that feel and do whatever the fuck he's doing with her.
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Kayden's P.O.V
I called her once again knowing the service in the city somehow sucked.
"Hello?" Her voice was soft but I heard some excitement in it.
"Is it shitty to be calling you while everyone else is mourning a loss?" I asked her.
"Mourning? Who?" Sammi asked.
"Baby it's nothing to really worry about. I would expect Erika to have told you though." I said truthfully. "Don't friends share that kind of stuff with one another?"
"I don't know what your talking about Kayden." She sounded worried slightly.
"It doesn't matter." I only shook it off because I didn't want her worrying about Erika because I knew she couldn't do much for her. We were miles away and Erika didn't seem like she wanted to be comforted. I noticed though that she talks to Jayden about whatever's bothering her which is great I guess. I just wish she'd talk to more than just him. I mean we are important here too.
"Kayden I'm worried." Sammi whispered through the phone and I wanted to tell her everything but I also knew it wasn't my place to tell.
"Babe I really want to tell you so badly but it isn't my place. When Erika's ready I know she'll tell you." I commented back and I heard let out a soft sigh which gave me chills.
"Ok I guess I can wait for that then." Just the disappointment in her voice questioned if my choice to not telling her was good enough.
"Smoothie." I said her nickname and I felt the disappointment lingering in the air.
"No baby. It's understandable. I'll wait. I promise." She spoke and she was moving on the other side of the phone.
"What are you doing babe?" I asked.
"I'm trying to find my phone charger." I smiled just the thought of her throwing things around with her confused look on her face made me miss her even more. "Hey do you think Erika could babysit for me?" She asked.
"Babysit who?" I asked.
My parents are out of the country for a month and I want to go on a date before then but my little sister Winter needs to be babysat.
I went inside and and sighed softly to myself. "I'll talk to her about it." I said.
"Ok. Tell her I miss her a lot too." Sammi said. I then heard something fall and shatter.
"Darn it!" She sighed. "Kayden I'll call you a little later. Ok?" She said.
"Wait before you hang up make sure you don't cut yourself with glass or get it stuck or else I'm going to have to get a plane ticket just to make sure you're alright." I stated.
She laughed softly and I just allowed to picture her right now and it made me smile. "I'll make sure that doesn't happen. I'll talk to you later. Bye baby."
"Bye my Smoothie." I said back.
I run up the small stairs and open Erika's room.
She's going through letters on her bed and Jayden's in her closet.
"Erika." I said.
She looked up muted and exhausted.
"Sammi said she really misses you and she's really worried too because she doesn't know what going on. I don't want to tell her because it's not my place but she wants to know if you can babysit her sister sometime this month." I said.
Jayden looked at me and shook his head about to protest and I was going to let him because as much as I would like to go on a date with Sammi I also knew that Erika wasn't in a hot spot of her life right now.
"I'll do it." Her voice was so horse and her eyes saddened. She looked lost and alone. I for a second questioned if she was going to make it out alive after this death.
I shook my head. "No I'll tell her you can't." I said.
"Kayden I'm ok." Her lies spilled out like they were nothing.
"You're not fine." I shook my head at her.
"I am. Really." I looked at her dumbfounded. How could she say that? Her father died yesterday and she's telling herself lies. She's feeding herself lies.
"What the hell Erika?" I spoke and she looked taken back.
"Are you saying it to make yourself believe you are? How could you be fine when your father died last night? How could you not be breaking down right at this moment. I'm expecting you to be vulnerable right now."
"I'm alive. He choose not to live any longer. It's life Kayden. I need to get over this sooner or later." Her words weren't believable. Not one bit but I knew I wanted to believe what she was saying so I forced myself into believing she was going to be happy.
I walked out of the room and forgot her struggles that were suffocating her.
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Hayden's P.O.V
I walked into the cafe door and looked at my hands. I let out a sigh and looked behind me at the bustling streets.
"May I help you?" A small petite girl stood in front of me. She had a smile on her face and I gave her a look.
"I want coffee." I stated.
"Well how would you like it?" She asked.
"Just black coffee." I gave some rage to it.
"Ok I'll get that for you. Just sit where you'd like and I'll bring it to you." She played it her strawberry blonde hair and her grey eyes lusted for me.
"Thanks." I said not very thankful one bit.
"You're very welcome."
I sat down at one of the tables and looked out the window.
The world was fucking careless. Their shit was more important than others but I am one of those shitty people.
Just the reminder of what I used to care about caused me to fuck up my not caring trend.
I used to care a lot about this dog in my life. He wasn't alive. He was a stuffed animal. My grandpa gave it to me when I was three. I loved it more than anything. He died from being beaten up in New York City. I learned young that life hated me. I was the closest with him because we understood each other. He taught me to hate the world and I did. He told me to keep the people I loved close though and I did but then he was ripped away from me so now I'm a fucking lone wolf.
I was at school after he passed away and I carried around my small stuffed dog that looked aggressive as hell. My friends made fun of me and ripped it away from me. I was confused and watched them shred it and so I shredded them. Got expelled and my mom moved us away for NYC. We were all young as hell though. I moved when Kayden and Jayden and I were turning four.
I used to go to anger management but my mom gave up because I'm a helpless soul. I have too much anger in me. That's why she allows me to wrestle.
The small girl places the coffee cup down on the table and clears her throat.
"It's on the house. Can I get you anything else?" she asked. Her eyes became more lusty.
"To get the fuck away." I smiled and her lustful eyes disappeared.
"Bastard." She muttered walking away but I could care less what she thought of me. I could care less what anyone thought about me because no one really mattered. I hated life too much to even care about a damn soul in this hated world.
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Eric's P.O.V
I walked up the stairs and prepared myself. Erika's shut down and it's affecting a lot of us but with her it's worse. She's stuck in a room with Jayden so she had to be going insane by now and Erika and I were close but it's probably because of the closeness in age.
I opened the door and she's smiling which takes me off guard but once I see what she's looking at I notice it was remembering something from her past. She's been out of it. I've caught her gazing off into space many of times and sometimes there's sorrow or fear in those ocean blue eyes.
Her eyes go to mine and her smile fades away. But she forces it back on.
"Hey E. How you holding up?" I asked.
She didn't speak which I figured was a bad sign. "Good." Her voice was hoarse.
"Really?" I was shocked.
"Really." She reassured me and I just went with it.
"So do you want to go somewhere?" I asked.
She shook her head. "I'm going to finish packing up my room."
I nodded and smiled to myself. She's going to be alright. Better than alright. She's going to make it out alive.