Hey everyone! I'm so sorry for not posting yesterday like promised. We had a crazy storm where I live and it knocked the power out all day. But, as a little "im sorry" present, I will be posting again tomorrow and also on Friday. THREE CHAPTERS THIS WEEK. YOURE WELCOME.
ALSO, HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
Summary: The One with answers
TWENTY-TWO
I had finally calmed down after the argument with my mother. Violet gently coaxed me off my bedroom floor and onto my bed where we still laid. Our backs were pressed against the mattress, heads propped up by pillows, and our thighs were touching lightly. I was too exhausted to care or move. It was comforting, actually. Not only to have been held by her as I cried, or to be helped into bed, but to be as close to her as I was now. She was barely touching me and yet, somehow, her presence beside me was soothing. Every couple minutes I'd see her glance at me, concerned wrinkles forming on her forehead.
She did it again. "I'm fine, Violet," I sighed turning onto my side.
"I wouldn't judge you if you weren't, Emery," Violet said mimicking my position. She propped her head up on her hand, resting her elbow on the pillow. I stared back at her quietly wondering what she was thinking about and if I was going to scare her away.
"I'm sorry you heard my mother and I arguing," I whispered into the small space between us. "It can be rather intense around her."
Violet looked at me curiously. Her lips pursed like she was tumbling the words around in her mouth to see if they tasted right before speaking them. "She shouldn't treat you like that, Emery." Those fierce green eyes of hers made me squirm under her gaze. I felt vulnerable, like she was stripping away every layer just with a look.
"It's okay, I'm used to it. My mom just wants us to succeed, and I know she can come across as callous, but she's never laid a hand on us, you know?" I tried to justify. Violet stiffened for a moment and then smiled warily at me.
"That doesn't matter, there are plenty of ways for someone to hurt you without using physical means," A flash of pain crossed her eyes. "It can hurt just the same." Violet rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling as we both fell silent.
I stayed on my side watching the rise and fall of her chest. My mind drifted, thinking how strange it was that Violet was still here even after my mother, my breakdown, and a conversation. I was waiting for her to run. I felt like at any moment she would just get up and leave, like this was some kind of joke. But, she hadn't. Violet was still laying beside me, comforting me, talking to me. It was odd, really. It wasn't something I had anticipated or even wanted to happen. No one but Charlie knew the incredible pressure our mother put on us. Sure, my friends knew she was tough on us and wanted us to succeed, but I never told them the words she said. Violet saw it first hand, and when I assumed she would run away, she ran to me instead.
"Thank you," I said to her, she looked back at me quizzically. "You know, for being here for me, for always showing up when I need someone the most," I said sincerely. "I like having you around, Violet." Slowly, Violet turned to look at me. She wasn't smiling, but I could see a twinkle of something in her eyes.
"You're not so bad to be around either," Violet said causing me to give her a slight shove.
"Jerk." She smirked at me.
"I can be," She answered still smirking.
"Stop that, Violet, this is serious," I scolded, causing her to drop her mischievous look. She nodded, a blush creeping up her face. "You've been a mystery since the day I met you, and that's one of the things that drew me to you, but, damn it, I can't kept watching you walk away from me. Do you know how much it hurts?"
"I...I have a vague idea," She stammered. "There's a lot of details I can't tell you, Emery."
"Why not? Don't I deserve to know why you're constantly running off and leaving me behind? I'm so tired of your excuses, Violet," I huffed in annoyance. "I want to understand you." She lifted a hand to her face and massaged her temples anxiously before heaving a sigh.
"You deserve to know as much as I can tell you," Violet said after a long pause.
"Please," I pleaded. "I'm driving myself insane with questions."
"And I owe you some answers, I know that," She shifted to sit up and faced me. "I need you to know I never intended on hurting you or confusing you so much." Her right hand was running through her hair nervously, ruffling it and twirling around her fingers. She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, releasing it after a moment. "There is a lot that happened in my life, Emmie. My family and I...we've been through hell and back," Violet confessed a deep seated pain in her eyes. Her voice was strong despite the vulnerability that revealed itself in her eyes.
"What do you mean?"
"We move around a lot, my family and I. My mom, she works really hard to keep us afloat and keep my little brother and me happy," She started, fiddling nervously with her hands. "We've been doing this for years, you know? Tyler, he's never known anything else, he thinks it's this wild adventure. He gets so excited when we move again because he sees it as a game, like we're outlaws or something. He's so young and naive, I want him to stay this way. I don't want him to know pain or sadness. I don't want him to look at the world and see the toxicity that I do. He's not afraid to put himself out there and make friends even though he knows he's gonna have to leave them.
"I just can't do that. The knowledge that I'm gonna have to leave looms over my head every day, Emery. I know how it feels to make friends and then have to leave them. It broke me sometimes. I've had to leave some people behind that I loved dearly, that I cared for so badly. I didn't want to hurt anyone...I didn't want to hurt anymore.
"Is that why you were so rude when we first met?" I asked, although I already knew the answer.
"Yeah," She nodded. "It was just easier that way. No connections, no emotions. And when it came time to leave again, I could do so without any pain. I got used to it. It's less complicated to not have attachments. "
"Oh," I muttered as a sinking feeling settled in my chest.
"I'm running from something in my past, Emery. My family is. It's impossible to escape, leaving us no choice but to run and hide. I tried to do the friend thing, hell, I even fell in love once upon a time. It hurt too bad to go back to that," Violet admitted vehemently. "I swore to myself I would never let anyone in again. But, damn it, Emery. You are too freaking persistent, do you know that? I have never met someone so stubborn. No matter what I tried to do to dissuade you from being friends with me you continually pursued it." She stopped immediately. Her green eyes penetrated mine and I felt my breath seize in my chest. I was expecting anger, but instead I was met with a look of pure pain. "I kept trying to push you away and make you see that I wasn't worth your time. But, try as I might, I couldn't shake you."
"Do you think I can't handle it?" I pushed annoyed at the fact that she just made those choices for me without giving me an option. "I'm stronger than you think, Violet."
"I'm not saying you aren't," Violet stated monotonously. "I'm saying I don't want to hurt someone again." I watched her face as she receded back into herself again.
"Don't you dare shut me out, Violet," I said sternly. "You don't get to do that."
"What do you want me to do? Wear my emotions on my sleeve like you do? I'm not like that, Emery. You may be an open book, but I'm not. That has only gotten me in trouble."
"I'm not asking you to be! I'm asking you to be honest with me for five-freaking-seconds instead of running away and hiding like you always do. I don't give a damn if you don't want me to be hurt, I'm sitting here, telling you, that I am in charge of my own life and I make my own decisions. I decide what I can and can't handle. Stop shoving your crap down my throat, Violet, and be real with me," I folded my arms across my chest, a glare set in place that wouldn't budge until I knew she was being honest with me. I wasn't take her excuses anymore.
"I can't tell you everything, I already said that."
"Then tell me why you keep running from me, it's not because you're going to hurt me, that's not what you're worried about," I pointed out.
"I-I..." Violet groaned loudly in frustration as she pushed her hair out of her face. "I'm scared that I'm going to feel for you something I haven't allowed myself to feel for a long time. I have felt pain. I have felt loss. I have felt a lot of things in the past five years and I don't think I could feel that kind of pain again." I stared at Violet, those tall, tall walls she built around herself crumbling quickly. Every single ounce of pain, sadness, loneliness, it all poured out her pores and into the atmosphere. She gazed back at me, and while her eyes and body language told a story of incredible strength and emotion, her face was as blank as it always was.
"It's doesn't always have to hurt, Vi."
"It's how it always ends."
"Who says it has to end?"
"...That's how it has to be," She answered. "I'm sorry."
"But why?" I insisted further.
"I can't answer that, Emery. I'm sorry, I want to tell you more, but I just...I can't." Her expression told me not to ask again. I complied. Her head dropped down into her hands.
"It took a lot of courage to open up to me, I can see that. I'm sorry I pushed you so hard," I said causing her head lifted back up.
"No, you deserved to know, I owed you that much."
"I'm proud of you," I said gently; she shot me her signature half-smile. "I know you can't tell me everything, and as much as I'm dying to know, I will respect that. But, can you promise me that you'll try to be open and honest with me? I can't keep guessing with you, it's takes too much energy."
"I can promise you that," Violet said leaning closer to me, our faces inches away.
"Thank you, Violet. I appreciate it." She shrugged nonchalantly, but I could tell she was pleased that she made me happy.
"I aim to please," She smirked; I rolled my eyes at her and chuckled.
"Always with the sarcasm," I grumbled giving her a light shove. She fell back into the bed and smiled up at me.
"You enjoy it, don't pretend like you don't," She said. I rolled my eyes again. "You're gonna get your eyes stuck like that if you roll them any harder."
"Good," I huffed. "Then I wouldn't have to look at your face." She feigned offensive, gasping dramatically and clasping her hand over her chest.
"How rude!" She shouted. Suddenly, my phone went off in my pocket breaking the bubble that was around us. The laughter died on my lips when I saw Sawyer's name flashing on the screen. Instead of the usual anger and disgust that I felt, there was nothing. Simply just indifference. There was a beautiful redhead sitting across from me that made me feel so much more than Sawyer ever had. I knew our time had an expiration date, and I didn't want to weigh it down with more drama about Sawyer.
Declining the call, I turned back to Violet with a smile. "Who was that?"
"No one that's worth my time anymore," I said placing my phone on the bedside table and turned back to her. "So, wanna watch a movie?"
"Definitely." We shared a smile and relaxed into my bed, our bodies were much closer than they were earlier. I was happy to leave Sawyer behind, especially with Violet laying next to me. She might have been a hard shell to get through, but once I did...it was worth it. She was worth it.