We had hung out all day together for the last eight days, except when I was working. If I closed he would come in the morning and watch the sun rise, before going to work, and come over before the diner closed and help me close up. If I opened, I would watch the sunrise alone, and after work go to the house and work with Kane, before we went to his house. We ate at both places and curled up together or went skating. We went bowling once too.
I woke up with a pain in my hip, it was bent funny. I still had nightmares every night and some were exaggerated truths. Those were the worst because it hit me like a wall, so many at once. Those mornings I would be up earlier because I couldn't sleep after them. Kane felt bad that he couldn't do anything and most nights he made me nap so he knew I got some sleep before he headed out.
I walked to the balcony after making a cup of coffee. I didn't know when Kane was coming over, since we were leaving today for the trip.
The detective had come over yesterday and told me how the trial and following would proceed. He said I still had a month or two before I had to decide if I wanted to testify, since the trial was in four months. Ironic, it was happening right after April.
He said that there was too much evidence for the jury not to convict him, and told me again that my testimony would be another, although big one, another nail in the coffin. I wasn't sure if I could do it though. Kane said he would support me either way, like with everything, and the detective had left.
I think his visit was the reason I didn't sleep at all last night. I know there was lots of evidence and that he would go to jail but there was always that 'what if', I can't imagine him free and deemed 'innocent' after everything he did.
I heard a knock at the door before footsteps coming closer.
"I just poured you a coffee."
"Thanks beautiful."
He wrapped me up in his arms with the blanket around us.
"Did you sleep last night?"
"No."
"I'm so sorry. Was it the one with your mother in it again?"
"Yes. But it was others too. It wasn't just things that happened. It was as if I was imagining him being free. He kept chasing me, it didn't matter where I went, I woke up out of breath and sweating so bad. I was shaking too. I think I dented the wall. Lily woke up and sat with me twice, I feel bad. It took her a while to calm me down, I kept mumbling all sorts of stuff."
"She doesn't mind Dani, she just wants you to sleep, we all do. He won't be free Dani, he never will be. The detective told you he wouldn't go free. He will be locked up."
"I know. My brain just won't accept it."
"I'm sorry. I wish I could do something. How much did you sleep?"
"I maybe got an hour, collectively." I yawned as his look became more worried.
"Do you want to sleep? You can sleep now, and/or on the way to my sisters. It's a long boring drive."
"It's going to be more boring if I'm sleeping."
"No, you'll keep me awake."
"By sleeping?"
"Oh yeah."
"You're such a guy," I rolled my eyes as he laughed.
"You can sleep now, I'll hold you, just close your eyes."
"I don't deserve you Kane."
"You deserve the moon and all it's stars beautiful. Just rest."
"Thanks Kane."
It wasn't long before I was completely asleep.
I was waking up when his stomach growled.
"Kane, you could've woken me up, you're starving or you could've snuck out."
"No, you need sleep."
"You need food. I can sleep on the way. How long have we been here?"
"Just over three hours."
"No wonder you're hungry."
"Lily came to say goodbye but I asked her not to wake you, which made her happy you were sleeping."
"We can say goodbye before we head out."
"Of course." His voice was quiet.
"What is it?"
"I think she thinks you won't come back, she thinks you'll stay there."
"Do you?"
"I can see why you would. They are your family."
"You see why I won't though, right?"
"Dani, if you want to stay nobody will stop you. Not even me. It will be hard to work on a house miles away, but I won't stop you."
"I can't stay, my life is here. It may not be a lot, but it's the happiest I've ever been. I know my parents will either assume I'm staying or want me gone, but I'm coming back either way."
"They won't want you to leave, they won't kick you out. Dani, I want you to be happy. If you are happy here, I'm ecstatic, but if you end up being happier there, so be it. I will visit weekends."
"You would drive up every weekend?"
"Yeah, five days is a long time without you, but yes. Without a doubt, I would do it."
"Kane, that means so much. But I want you to know that my life is here now. Seven and a half years ago it would've been there. Without you, I might move back, it would be hard leaving Lily and Kat, but I would probably consider it. But as soon as we became something, I decided my life was here. My heart and soul are here."
"Are you sure beautiful?"
"Yes Kane, I'm not moving back. Moving here was not my decision, but staying is."
"You would stay for me?"
"Yes. Just like you would visit me."
"We can visit your family though, I might see my sister more often then."
"It's a win-win, I will get to know my future sister-in-law then."
"I'm so happy you want to meet her."
"And I'm happy you want to meet my family."
"Not just meet, I want to thank them."
"You were serious about that?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to eat now?" I asked as his stomach growled again.
"Yes, and we should pack a lunch. Unless you want to stop for one."
"We can pack one. Do we still have to go to your apartment?"
"I put everything in the truck already."
"You were up early."
"I might be a little excited."
"To see your sister?"
"Actually, to see you for two weeks straight. But yes, my sister and your family too."
We had looked up a map from his sisters house to my old house.
"What if my family moved?"
"Then we will ask around. I can look up the address now, and see if it is registered under your name."
"I didn't think about that, do you mind?"
"Of course not."
He looked it up on his phone, "What is your last name?"
It had been such a long time since I had used it, it seemed so weird. I used to think of myself as Daniella Megan Lodting, but now I just went by Dani. I couldn't believe how long it had been.
"Lodting." I spelt it out for him, since the 't' was silent.
"Daniella Lodting, interesting. Do you have a middle name?"
"Megan."
"I can't believe I didn't know this. Daniella Megan Lodting. It suits you."
"Not anymore. What's your full name?"
"Kane Jacob Rider."
"Jacob? Kane Jacob Rider."
"I never liked my name before, but I love how you say it."
"I guess I'll take that as a compliment."
"You should."
He looked back down to his phone and his smile grew, "They still live there, or another family with that name. Is your dads name Greg?"
"Yeah, is it still them?"
"Yep, still is."
"That's a relief. Do you think they'll recognize me?"
"I don't know what you looked like before, but I'm assuming they will."
"Thanks for being honest. Lily said they would without a doubt."
"I'll always be honest with you."
"Thank you. What if being back there is worse?"
"Dani, don't worry. You will be fine, and if you aren't, my sister will give me a key before we leave and we'll stay there for the other week, we'll have it to ourselves but my sister won't mind. She's offered it to me before. Or we drive back here."
"Thank you Kane."
"I won't push you, and I won't let them."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
We ate waffles and fruit for breakfast and packed an assortment of food you can pick at and loaded the truck.
"I'm going to say goodbye to Lily."
"Do you want me to come?"
"If you don't mind."
He grabbed my hand and we walked back into the diner.
"Lily? We just came to say goodbye."
"I'm happy Kane can go with you."
"Me too, I really appreciate it."
"And you get to meet his sister."
"Yeah, two families in two weeks, before we head back."
"Dani-"
"Give me a hug Lily, I won't see you for two weeks."
"Dani-"
"Lily, I just want a hug."
"Dani if you don't come back-"
"Lily, I'll see you in two weeks, okay?"
"Are you sure Dani?"
"Yes. I didn't get to say goodbye to Kat can you do that for me?"
"Of course."
"It'll only be two weeks but I should've said goodbye."
"Dani, we understand if you don't."
"Lily, Alberta was my past. My family I hope will be in my future, but they're not my only family. I have you and Kat, you are the closest I've had to family in so many years. In a lot of ways you know me better. I'm coming back. Plus, do you think I could leave Kane behind? Or only see him on weekends?"
"No, you would be exhausted and bored."
"I work, and live here. I strive here. Like I told Kane, it was not my decision to come here, but it's mine to stay. I'm coming back in two weeks Lily, if I still have a job and house."
"Of course Dani."
She finally hugged me and I heard footsteps pick up and another set of arms wrapped around me.
"Bye sis, I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too. But its only two weeks. Okay, it's a long drive we should go." I didn't want to start crying.
"Bye you two, oh! Here."
"Kat you didn't have to get me anything."
"Yeah, because I want to be the little fly on the wall. Not to ruin it, but its a camera, so take lots of pictures!"
"Okay, thanks."
"Bye Dani, and Kane," Lily pulled him down to her and she whispered in his ear, he smiled and nodded and then went pale.
"You definitely won't have to do that."
"I know, but it's a precaution."
"Okay, bye."
Kane grabbed my arm and they hugged me again before we left.
His arm went around my shoulders and he opened the door to his truck before walking around to get in.
"What was that about?"
"Nothing."
"Kane, you went pale."
"She told me I had to make sure you come back in one piece, and that no one else makes you cry or do something you don't want to."
"Why'd you go pale?"
"She said if anything happens to you that I lose a part of me I would prefer to keep, especially if we ever want children."
I laughed and he scowled at me, "Dani, it's not funny, I would like it to stay intact."
"She'd never hurt you."
"She would if I hurt you."
"But you never will. So we can still have children."
He smiled as his eyes lit up and I realized what I had said.
"Do you mean that?"
"I'm sorry Kane." I didn't want to get his hopes up, children meant so much to him.
"No, it's fine I get it."
"No Kane, I really do want kids."
"Dani, it's fine, I understand. Forget I even asked."
"No, Kane. I want kids. I really do want to have kids... with you. I just don't want to get your hopes up if I can never get over it and actually make that happen."
He smiled, "You really mean that?"
"Yes. I want them, I just don't know if I'll ever be able to."
"As long as you want them, and it's a possibility, I'm thrilled."
"And I'm easy to please." I said mocking him.
He grabbed my hand and we rode in silence for a good hour.
"Did you and your sister plan anything?"
"No, I asked her what was in the area, but she doesn't know what her hours will be like. She works from six in the morning until six or seven at night, sometimes longer. I told her not to take time off, I didn't want to make her behind at work, but we can spend Saturday together, since she doesn't work weekends."
"Okay, I'm fine either way. Maybe there is a pond nearby."
"She lives in the city, but we can go to the arena, it's a short walk away."
"Have you been before?"
"Yeah, Jaz and I went a couple times over the years, but not recently."
"Well, we can go."
"Is there anything else you want to do? There's museums, pools, bowling alleys, aquariums, you name it. She lives in the heart of the biggest city, since she's into business."
"Makes sense."
"Yeah, but it takes some getting used to. Its pretty in the winter with all the snow and decorations but its louder than normal, the first night is a big difference."
"I can imagine."
"Dani, do you want to go to the aquarium? I went once with a group of us when I was younger, but I didn't see much, there were too many people, and it was rushed."
"Yeah, I always loved the ocean. It's almost like another world below ours. And we can take all day, you won't be rushed."
"Okay, sounds good."
He squeezed my hand and kept driving.
"Are you hungry?" I asked him an hour later.
"Getting there. You?"
"No, my stomach doesn't even growl any more, it just doesn't register."
"What was your favourite food growing up?"
"I just loved food in general. Mostly fruit though, we always had all kinds of fruit because mom grew it in the greenhouse."
"You had a greenhouse?"
"Yeah, we grew vegetables and fruit all year long, I loved it in there. It had an end that was all glass and I used to curl up in the hammock and read for hours."
"Sounds lovely."
"It was."
"Do you want a greenhouse?"
"I didn't really think about it. I definitely want a garden if we can't have a greenhouse."
"I've never built a greenhouse, it will be a challenge."
"Kane, we don't have to. A house and your wood shop is plenty for me."
"I know it is, but we aren't building the necessities, we are building our dream."
"Kane, if I lived with you in a cave I would be happy."
"I would feel like I failed you."
"But you wouldn't, success isn't measured in possessions or money."
"What do you measure it in?"
"Laughs, and memories."
"I was hoping you would say that."
"Do you agree?"
"Yes, my father has all kinds of money, but we have no memories, so it doesn't seem to me like he succeeded."
"You did though, you've succeeded. You always smile, and we have so many memories already."
"No beautiful, we succeeded."
"And we will keep succeeding."
"I wouldn't have it any other way. I still would like you to have a greenhouse. We'll teach the kids to cook, I'll teach them to build, and you can teach them where the food comes from and how to make it."
"I love our dream."
"Me too. I will do everything to make it happen."
"I love you Kane."
"I love you too beautiful."
I reached into the cooler behind us, on the backseat in the cab and took out a container, "Crackers and cheese?"
"Sure."
I put a piece of cheese on a cracker and handed it to him, instead of grabbing it, he took it from my fingers with his teeth and pulled it into his mouth.
"Is that good?"
"Well you could've put it in a little further."
"Kane, I meant the cracker and cheese."
"Oh, well, they were good too."
I rolled my eyes and made another, holding the end of it so he could grab more than the last time, "Better?"
"Much. Are you going to eat?"
"I ate breakfast."
"I didn't pack all this food for me beautiful."
"Well no, but we still have a ways to go, and I don't want you to get hungry. I feel bad that I never think about it so let me know and I will get it for you."
"We could just pull over."
"No, you'll be exhausted driving, and I'll feel worse. One steady drive will be fastest. It doesn't bother me Kane, just let me know."
"Okay, thanks."
"I should be thanking you, this whole trip was your idea."
"Not entirely, Lily asked if you were going to reunite with your family and I told her I had no idea. A couple days later I asked her if it would be possible, after Jaz phoned, and then I started it."
"Still sounds like your idea."
"I guess it kind of was."
"Thanks Kane, I don't know if I ever would've gone without you. I already put it off a month, and it probably would've been a year before I knew it."
"Dani, I'm just happy you're letting me come. I thought you might want to do it alone, and if you do I understand, I just don't want them to be too much and you have no one with you."
"You truly think of everything Kane."
"I hope they like me though, especially after him."
"Trust me, they'll like you. And if they don't, it will be a good thing we live so far away. We're a package, they get us both or they don't. It's their choice."
"Well, I don't know anyone who wouldn't take you, no matter the consequence."
"Like who? Lily and Kat?"
"What? Well, them, yes. But I was referring to everyone else."
"Like who?"
"Dave, and his buddy who lives a floor up, and a couple of his friends, even my neighbour's son asked."
"Asked if they could what? Send me back to Alberta?"
"No, they asked if you were seeing anybody, some of them not so politely, but that was the gist."
"Really? Seems weird."
"It's not weird at all. If you could see yourself like everyone else sees you, you'd understand. You are loving, funny, mesmerizing and beautiful. I wish you could see it."
"And what did you say?"
"I told them that if they still wanted their nose as straight as it was, that they would stay away from you."
"Kane, you don't have to threaten people, I liked it better how you handled it with Janet."
"Well, next time they ask I'll tell you to hurry over so I can kiss you until you're gasping for air."
"Now there is a plan I would like."
"Really?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I? I would rather you call and kiss me, than be touching other men," I added with sarcasm.
"Trust me, my hands are for you alone. A call will be placed next time."
"Glad that's taken care of."
I gave him another cracker, "Would you like something else?"
"No, these are fine, you can have some you know."
"I'm not hungry."
"Dani."
I ate one and gave another to him, "Better?"
"Actually, you held more of that one that time."
"I meant that I ate one."
"I know, I'm just being difficult."
"Don't I know it."
I laughed as he looked over at me and I put another in his mouth. He looked back to the road and we kept driving in silence.