Right now, I just needed a cigarette. Aiden use to bring them for me. To think that he'd fight all day, scavenging, maybe even face a few near death experiences, but nonetheless, when the opportunity presented itself, he always found a way to get me what I wanted. Unfortunately, the memories of those poisonous leaves reignited my disparity from that day. When I received the dreadful news.
I hadn't dreamed of him in weeks. Sometimes I didn't want to, other times the nightmares were all that held me together. Any sight of him was just a reminder, even if it was just the way my brain convinced me he died. Devoured, and alone. Seeing him, even in my lucidity was enough to keep me going. Over those past months that followed, I wasn't the same girl anymore. Family suddenly carried a different meaning. Suddenly, I needed it.
I rolled my shoulders, trying to release the surfacing tension.The thought of him managed to bring tears to my eyes every single time, but I wiped them away, refusing to let anyone see that I was crying - especially someone here. Weakness wasn't an option. Being here, I had to be fearless - strong.
I strutted down the corridor, eyes peeled for anything suspicious or out of normal order. So far, everything seemed quiet. No one stopped me. Probably didn't even take notice. I was headed towards the large expanse in the building, but stopped to admire it from the platform. The marketplace down below carried silent white noise of whispers and exchange, as each person shuffled by in search of their basic needs.
Suddenly, I could feel the world moving in slow motion all around. One man, holding a can of beans in his hands, removed the cap on his head and pointed at me, for all else to take notice.
"Deliana!" He shouted, making me widen my eyes in surprise and evident fear.
It wasn't new to have people looking at me, but I can't say I missed the nervous feeling it brought. All those around the man glanced up, then others followed in suit. The man got to his knee, bowing his head in respect. My heart pounded against my chest once I noticed everyone else doing exactly the same. I wasn't sure what to do, in the moment, as they all returned their gaze to me, still on their knees.
"Thank you," I said quietly, "But you don't have to kneel for me. I'm not Negan," I added, using my hand to signal for them to rise.
I wasn't sure how to feel. They had never done that before. They barely paid any mind to me before. So, when in the hell would they have decided that I was worthy enough to kneel for? I basically ran down the stairs with my head hanging as they returned to their feet. I figured Negan was the one that told them to do that for me.
After pretty much avoiding the crowd altogether, I walked over to the produce, and canned or jarred goods. Here, people worked in a point system. Fortunately though, being a wife of Negan meant I got whatever the hell I wanted free of charge. I understood why other women agreed to his deal. He disproved of rape, so he wouldn't force them into anything, but it was just casual sex if they did decide to participate. I doubted any of them loved him in the slightest. But they did what they had to, to survive like I had the first time I was here. You make a decision. You choose to live, or you choose to die. We chose to live.
From a short distance, I spotted the woman taking note of every item that was exchanged for points. She was an elderly lady, hair already greying significantly. She was wearing an apron, and dealing with a line of people. Respectfully, I stepped to the back of the line, not wanting to cut in front of anyone. To my surprise, as soon as I had, the ones standing in line before me, generously stepped aside, allowing for a straight passage to the front. I furrowed my brows, once again surprised with the way these people were treating me.
"Come on down, sweetheart," The old lady spoke, ushering me forward. I glanced around, stepping forward slowly, whispering thank you to every person I passed, until I reached her.
"I was hoping you'd have a box of cigarettes," I confided to her, praying that there happened to be one fateful box left behind her.
I glanced around while she went off to search for some, leaving me there to fidget with my hands nervously. I could still feel people staring me down, burning holes in my skin. I wanted to scream for them to just treat me normally but I knew that was impossible. I was the one person Negan didn't kill or punish upon return. I guess they figured I was his exception - the only one he showed mercy.
To them I was this beacon of hope.
"I'm so sorry darling, but we're fresh outta cigs," the woman returned, giving me an apologetic glance. I nodded, understanding. "The last person on my list to get some was Mr. Dwight," she said, glancing at her notepad.
"Thanks anyways," I said waving before I walked over to the food area. There was a bunch of canned foods, accompanied by a few novelty items like hazelnut spread and peanut butter. It excited me! Even made my mouth water as I imagined the different tastes in my mouth. I had forgotten how there was still some good in this place. No matter how much I wanted to deny it, I missed having these small choices available to me in life. I lifted the jar of peanut butter, tempted.
When I was here the first time, I ignored the means of getting these pleasures, but being here now it finally dawned on me. My people were the one's that made this possible. They were the one's laboring for people they didn't even know, and I was relishing in it.
I set down the jar of peanut butter, and I ignored the desperate wanting that stuck in my mouth. I ignored my cravings and instead I made a detour. Hidden, at the end of a long hallway, there was a door that lead to a secret stairwell. This was the way I had escaped the last time, only now I hoped that I would be able to do it again. Returning to my family, was my one and only priority at hand.
Once I reached the door, to the stairwell, it opened, to my surprise, to reveal Dwight. His hair was long, beard blooming, and eyes wild with curiosity.
"I see you've made your choice," He spoke, reaching into his back pocket to retrieve his pack of cigarettes. My mouth watered, but I didn't ask for one. It only brought Aiden to mind, and at this moment, I wanted to be free of my sadness. I turned away, scanning the hallway behind me.
"I have to go, Dwight," I whispered, hugging myself and turning my eyes away from him. "Staying here...not knowing if they're all okay, it's pure torture."
"You just don't get it, do you, Deliana?" Dwight raised his voice at me, practically seething. Both of his hands were at his sides now, a single cigarette trapped between his fingers. He lifted it to his lips, as I stayed silent. After inhaling, he exhaled a cloud of smoke into my personal space, making me close my eyes to refuse temptation.
"You leave now and all hell breaks loose. First it'll happen here, but then it branches out to every little civilization that Negan has hold of. Especially to the people you claim to care about. The second you leave, someone's going to die before you can do anything to stop it," He said calmly, exhaling again and offering me a cancer stick. This time, I took it, placing it between my lips as he lit the end with his lighter. I could no longer deny my temptations. Somehow, I always seemed to return to the things that caused me the most damage.
I breathed in so deeply that when I exhaled, I felt a little lightheaded.
"I have only good intentions for the people here. But I have to see my family. They're all I have left, Dwight. If I allow Negan to control my life - to take away my freedom, then I'm going to fight for that," I muttered lowly, feeling the tears resurfacing again. Dwight had never seen me cry.
"Leaving now may be the last chance I have of seeing them again. I know that you probably don't want to help me, or better yet have any reason to, but I'm begging you."
Not even in that damn broom closet had I shed a real tear, but right now I was desperate, and Dwight was the only person that I knew I could pull the heartstrings of to get me a way out of this hell hole. If I was getting out again, he was my only hope.
* * * *
PLAY SONG
"Wait until midnight, when he's asleep. That's your only chance of getting out, without having him to worry about."
"Look, I'm sorry about storming out before," Negan entered the bedroom, quietly at first as he set down his precious bat, and removed his leather jacket. We hadn't spoken all day, and frankly, I was glad. It gave me more time to think what would occur before I was to leave. Everything had to be absolutely perfect or else I'd risk true and utter failure.
"I understand that I made you unhappy... as a matter of fact, I was hoping I'd make it up to you," I said, sex practically dripping from my bright red lips. When this occurred, I made sure to cast my eyes to him in a most vulnerable and needy way.
"In that case..." A smirk returned to his face, knowingly, making my stomach churn. Internally, I didn't even want to lay my hands on him, but externally, I was going to make him feel like the king he thought he was.
"Go lie on the bed, face down," I commanded, trailing a finger down his chest. "Shirt comes off."
"How can I be sure he'll go to sleep?" I asked Dwight for some sense of direction. I had never done anything of this nature before. I never had to do anything like this.
"Do what you have to, and he'll sleep like a baby."
Do what you have to. I repeated it in my head over a million times as I walked to the closet which we two shared. I delicately tossed off all my clothes of the day, revealing the sexy lingerie that I had worn beneath. I couldn't deny how attractive it made me feel. It was gorgeous.
Once I was sprinkled with perfume and moisturized, I returned to the bedroom. I wore a thin sheer robe which concealed nearly none of me, draped around my shoulders. I glared at the man before me, laying there patiently with a huge grin on his face, eyes closed in what I assumed to be ecstasy or perhaps arousal. With my cold hands, I approached him, climbing onto the bed, and straddling him. His hot bare skin against my own, made me shudder from the cool air in the room. I could feel my nipples hardening as well, which only infuriated me. I wasn't supposed to be enjoying this, I was suppose to hate it. But somehow my body was rejecting that notion. My sexual instincts were very strong.
I leaned down, using my hands to massage his tense shoulders and back. I used a little essential oils that I found at the marketplace on my second trip. I had a combination of lavender, lemongrass, and tea tree to help with skin and aging. I had pretty basic knowledge about oils from my parents. They always use to instill natural and earthy products or remedies. This went on for a while, until I grabbed the things that I had prepared, to get "the show on the road."
Reaching forward, I grabbed the cherry, and a glass of vodka. "I need you to flip over darling," I said in a whisper, watching as he listened to my command.
"I like seeing my woman take control, it's damn sexy, I've gotta say! Didn't see it in you, Deliana!" he flipped over, with me still straddling him, now sitting on his lap as he sat up, hands against my sides.
"Fuck, you look fantastic," he said, voice so husky that my heart actually skipped a beat. His chest rumbled with a chuckle, as he watched me. His eyes. If he weren't staring at me with that look of admiration, I may haven't started to tear up. I let my eyes drop, so he wouldn't see the tears welling. I pushed against his chest, making him lay back down. I took a huge swig of vodka, swallowing the burning liquid as I closed my eyes tightly. After this, I would be home free. I tried to remind myself. After setting down the vodka on the bedside table, I placed a cherry in my mouth.
He watched hungrily, remaining silent as I leaned down to kiss him, cherry still in my mouth.
* * * *
I slipped on my clothes, feeling disgusted with myself. This wasn't what I wanted my life to become. I never wanted to be this way. To sleep with a man for such selfish reasons. I doubt that I'd ever forgive myself for this, but I couldn't change it now.
"Meet me in the stairwells. Second floor. No one will be in there. It's the only place I can get you a gun, and return those blades of yours."
I slipped into the stairwell as quietly as possible after avoiding all the guards that patrolled the floors at night. I took a glance at the face of the watch that Dwight gave me before we parted ways. He told me that he would be here at 1:00AM. It was 12:56AM.
Suddenly from above, I could hear footsteps. I stepped into the darkest corner, watching as a night guard descended towards me carrying a gun, and a flashlight. I took a deep breath, praying that he would just turn around without looking too thoroughly. Unfortunately, he didn't stop until he was only one flight above me - close enough that I could pick out his features. Without a doubt in my mind, I could see that it was not just some random guard, but instead it was Simon. If he spotted me, there was no hope left of getting out of here.
I tried to stay as still as humanly possibly, but as I continued, I found it nearly impossible to. My heart pounded against my chest. It was as if he descended the last few stairs in slow motion. Just as I thought I was going to be discovered, the sounds of a door opening from above reached both of our ears. Simon turned around, practically ran up the stairs to see who it could've been.
After he disappeared, and exited the staircase, Dwight emerged, carrying two blades in their holsters.
"You've got to go now. Simon's close," He said, handing them to me. I put them on correctly before he handed me two handguns - one glock and a revolver. The last thing he gave to me was a hand drawn out map.
"Thank you, for everything," I said finally, nodding and heading for the way out that I had used the first time I escaped.
"The courtyard is the way out. You get there, and you're home free. But you need a means of transportation. I can get you a map, after that, the rest is up to you. When you get out, you run like hell. Negan won't stop until he's got you back. To him it doesn't matter how many people he has to kill to do it."