Is it love when so easily said goodbye?
Is it love when we've given up before we tried?
Is it love when you stole my peace of mind?
Is it love when you cry and cry and cry?
Setting: My LA Therapy, West Brentwood, California
The last time that Demi had seen Arnold in person was when he was telling her to give Dr. Lynne Meyer a chance and that he wouldn't be any help in helping her recovery from her PTSD. That was a few months ago, she had given Dr. Meyer a chance, and she was ready to go back to Arnold. She missed their weekly sessions and surveying all of his apple stuff collection and keeping track of when he had facial hair and when he didn't. So, on Tuesday morning before she was going to be sucked into meetings and rehearsals regarding her tour that started at the end of the month, she was glad to be sitting across from Arnold sharing grande caramel frappucinos from the Starbucks down the street.
"You're in a good mood," Arnold noted since for one, she was actually sitting down, and two she had brought in coffee for both of them. Usually Demi trudged into his office with a sour look on her face and it took him half an hour to get her to cheer up.
"I guess," she shrugged.
She didn't know why she had woken up feeling great today but she didn't want to question it either because those days were few and far between. Truthfully, she had a reason to be in a shitty mood considering the fact that Trey was going around telling people that she had baggage, and then he had told Charlamagne – who she really couldn't stand – that he was ready to get married and have kids. The Demi of last week would've let that affect the rest of her year but the Demi of today was moving on and she realized that even though Trey was making her second guess their entire relationship, there really wasn't anything that she could do about it. Well, she could beat his ass and cuss him out, but she had already done those things before. So, her best option was to just let it be.
"You know we have to talk about Trey, right?" Arnold started, causing Demi to set her Frappuccino on the apple shaped coaster on his desk before standing up and walking over to his shelf.
"I guess..."
"Do you want to talk about what he's been saying in the media lately?"
"Arnold, how would you feel if you and your wife separated and before the divorce papers were even signed, she was talking about how she was ready for marriage and kids?" Demi questioned as she picked up a gold studded apple charm that she was pretty sure she had bought for him.
"Betrayed...?"
"Exactly. I'm trying not to take all of this to heart but it's hard not to because when I had a pregnancy scare he cheated on me and it was his idea to get married but now that we're not together, he's suddenly ready to settle down? And what am I supposed to do about that?" Demi rambled as she combed her fingers through her newly highlighted hair. She always changed her hair after a breakup or when she felt like she was entering a new phase in her life.
"How do you feel about that, Demi?"
"Like I wasted five years of my life. Like I was right about me being all in and him always having one foot out of the door. I wish he had just cheated on me again. I would be able to handle us breaking up over that. But now he's telling people that I have baggage and that's why I ended things and it's just...I don't know."
Demi shook her head and pulled a book down from Arnold's shelf so that he couldn't see the way that her eyes were watering up. She had been wanting to cry over it since Kylie told her about it but at the same time, she didn't want to cry anymore over something she couldn't control. If that was how Trey felt about their relationship, there really wasn't anything she could do to change that and crying definitely wouldn't help.
"What do you think your baggage is, Demi? What do you think it is about you that made him think that being in a relationship wasn't worth it anymore?"
How was she supposed to answer that? She truly didn't know what made Trey decide that they just weren't worth it anymore. Hell, she would love to know the answer to that herself. What was it? Her mommy/daddy issues? The whole former-avid-cocaine-abuser thing? The bi-sexual thing? The Kardashians? Her eating problem? Her wishy-washiness? The way that she was so confrontational about everything? The fact that she really had beat his ass after the whole Elysandra DNA results thing? The list could go on and on but all of those things were a part of who she was and it's not like she could change them overnight. And Trey knew what he was getting into and he stuck it out for five years so what exactly had changed?
"Demi, do you want to move on from him?"
"Do I want to? Are you kidding me? We're married. He's the love of my life. I could not breathe after he broke things off for me. It's like when your heart is broken your physical being is broken and I don't want to have to deal with that. I want to be with him, I want him to love me for who I am, I want him to want me the same way that I want him but he doesn't. No, I don't want to move on but for my peace of mind, I have to. So, I'm moving on with my life without him and whether that means getting into a relationship or just learning how to truly be on my own, I don't know," Demi admitted, closing the book and placing it back on his shelf before sitting back down in front of him and taking another sip of her melting Frappuccino.
"Demi, I think learning how to be on your own is the most important thing right now. Whether you guys were off and on or not, you were still with this man since you were 20 years old. At 20 years old, you're supposed to be finding out who you are and discovering your place in the world and I don't care what anyone says. It's hard to do that when you're so committed to another person. Learning how to be on your own is part of becoming who you're supposed to be, and you don't have to carry your baggage around forever, okay?" Arnold advised, causing Demi to slowly nod.
"Thank you," she mumbled, causing Arnold to just pat her hand before she grabbed her purse and left the office. But to her surprise, as soon as she entered the reception area, she saw Eddie and Dianna sitting there.
"Hey pumpkin," Eddie immediately greeted before Dianna could even open her mouth. They both walked up to her, causing Demi to furrow her eyebrows because she didn't remember scheduling a lunch with Eddie or asking to be in the same vicinity as Dianna.
"Hi..."
"We're not stalking you. Dianna is here for her first session and I'm here for moral support," Eddie explained, causing Demi to nod as she shouldered her purse. Her eyes fell on her mother and she could see how visibly nervous she was but whether that was because she was in the presence of her daughter or because it was her first therapy session, Demi wasn't sure.
"Good luck," Demi said, catching Dianna by surprise. She shot her a tight-lipped smile before breezing past her parents and walking out of the building.
Setting: The Jenner House, Calabasas, California
The single piece of paper that Demi had neatly tucked into a three-dollar black and teal file folder from Target was sitting in front of her at the kitchen counter, already filled out with her lawyer present. All that was left to do was deliver the piece of paper to Trey, have him sign it, and then proceed with the divorce. In her mind, she knew that this was the right thing to do. There was no point in them being married anymore if they weren't together and Demi was finally moving on. This was the last thing that tied her to Trey and she didn't want anything to do with him anymore. In her heart, she was still in love with him and probably always would be. But she couldn't think with her heart. She had to be smart about this and the smart thing to do, the right thing to do, was to dissolve their marriage.
Kris came into the kitchen after her morning workout, immediately going to the refrigerator to find something to eat as Demi contemplated whether or not she should ask her to go with her...just for moral support. She wasn't scared of confronting Trey but then again, she hadn't seen him since the Grammy's after party and she just didn't want to do this alone. Having someone next to her would just feel better.
"What are your plans for today?" Kris asked after making a chocolate banana smoothie and giving her half of it with a neon pink straw. Demi twirled the straw around in the cup as she eyed the folder.
"Um, more rehearsals. I have a late-night session at the gym and I just have to pick something up from Trey's house," Demi said before taking a sip of her smoothie.
"Pick what up?"
"Uh, this shirt from my biological father. It was his Nascar shirt and it's one of the only things I have from him and you know the anniversary of his death is coming up so...I kind of want it," Demi explained. She didn't know why she didn't want to tell Kris that she was going through with a divorce but she didn't want to tell anybody. The marriage had been their thing, their little secret, and she kind of wanted the divorce to be the same way.
"Oh, do you want anyone to go with you? I think Kylie is upstairs but she might still be sleeping," Kris said but Demi shook her head. She didn't want to bother Kylie. This was probably something she had to do on her own. No, this was something she needed to do on her own.
"No, it's fine. I'm gonna head out though. I'll call you if I need anything," Demi said, grabbing her smoothie and the folder before breezing past Kris and walking out the door to get to her car. Once she was inside, she took a deep breath and tried to shake her nerves off. No big deal, she was just about to officially sever her last tie to Trey.
Setting: Trey's House, Rolling Hills, California
It seemed as though Trey was back to square one: an empty house with no girlfriend. Cami had broken up with him and even though it did hurt a little bit, he understood why. She didn't want to settle down and that's all he kept talking about and she felt like eventually he would want something from her that she couldn't give to him. Trey did want to settle down, and maybe that was wrong because of the nature of his relationship with Demi but he just wanted something in his life to be normal. A normal wife who could give him kids and wouldn't have to split her time between her demanding career and raising a family. But with the world he lived in, he just wasn't expecting to find anyone like that, so settling down didn't seem to be in his future. He wasn't making music, he wasn't acting, he wasn't really doing anything except for attending club openings, so his life just felt a little bit empty and he didn't know how to fix that.
There was a knock at his door and he couldn't think of anyone who would be coming to visit him. Maybe his mom or one of his siblings but usually they called before just showing up. Either way, he set down his glass of orange juice and went to open the door. To his surprise, Demi of all people was standing there with a nervous smile on her face. She was the last person that she expected to see, and his heart actually began to ache.
She looked the same but she looked so different at the same time. Her hair was dark brown but accented with highlights. She was wearing one of her Fabletics outfits with a pair of Yeezys, and her arms were crossed behind her back. There was a little bit of a glow to her skin, like she had just gotten a fake tan or she was actually really happy about something. Either way, she looked absolutely beautiful and maybe it was nostalgia, loneliness, or the love that he still had for her, but he just wanted her to stay around for as long as possible.
"Hi."
"Hi. Um...I know I still have some of my stuff here and your girlfriend probably doesn't appreciate that so I just came to get the rest of it. I also have something to give to you," Demi said, moving her hands from behind her back to reveal a striped black and gold file folder.
"Oh, uh, yeah, just go right up," Trey said, taking the folder from her hands then moving out of the way so that she could go upstairs. She flashed him another smile before jogging up the stairs to the room that they used to share as Trey closed the door and opened the folder. Inside was a single piece of paper, and as soon as he read the heading, his heart dropped into his ass.
PETITION FOR DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE
He didn't even read the whole thing or pay attention to where she had signed her name. He closed the folder then ran up the stairs, going into the walk-in closet where she was taking her clothes off of the shelves and dropping them in a Louis Vuitton duffle bag.
"What is this?"
"Did you read it?" she asked without even looking up from what she was doing.
"You want a divorce?"
"You say that as if I'm asking for something ridiculous," she said, taking another pile of clothes off of the shelf before bending back down to stuff it into her bag.
"Why do you want a divorce?"
That got her to stop and look up from what she was doing. "Why wouldn't I want a divorce? We're not together anymore. You've moved on and so have I, our lives are going in completely different directions and I think it's been made pretty clear that there's no chance of us getting back together so, yeah, I want a divorce," Demi stated, moving around him to grab the few pairs of heels that she had left behind.
"Why is there no chance of us getting back together?" Trey didn't know why he was so heated over this. He was the one to break things off. He was the one with a sour taste in his mouth about their relationship. He was the one who walked away. But something about her giving him a petition for a divorce made him rethink everything that had happened between them since that stupid fight on Christmas Eve.
"I have baggage, remember? And I can't even pinpoint what baggage you're talking about so there's really nothing that I can do about it. And you want to settle down and have kids and you obviously don't want to do that with me, so we need to get divorced so you can have that and it won't be a problem when you and Cami are-"
"Me and Cami aren't together anymore."
"Fine. When you and whatever girl you decide to commit to after knowing for a few days decide that you want to get married. I don't want to be in your way. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to be your baggage. So, just sign and initial where you need to and then I'll take the paper back to my lawyer and we'll get everything worked out," Demi explained, zipping the bag up and throwing it over her shoulder as she waited for Trey to pull the paper out and sign it.
"What if I don't want a divorce?"
"What?"
"What if I don't want a divorce? What if I want to stay married?"
"Trey, you are not making any type of sense right now. You broke up with me. You ended things with me. You quit fighting when I was ready to go to war for our relationship and now I'm finally moving on and I'm finally getting to go on with my life and you're trying to tell me that you don't want a divorce?" Demi was actually pissed off, so pissed off that she knew she was going to start crying if she didn't get out of there soon.
"You know what? Whatever. I'm not about to sit here and fight with you over this. Pick a god and pray about it because you owe me this, Trey. We're not together anymore and there's no reason for us to be married so please come to your senses and sign the paper," Demi urged, walking past him to leave until he tugged her back so hard that she nearly collided with his chest, but she angrily shook her head as tears gathered in the bottom of her eyes. His hand found the small of her back as the duffle bag slid down her arm and plopped to the floor, and she continued to shake her head as Trey trapped her body between the counter and his own body, making her heart erratically skip a few beats at how close they were.
"I don't want us to be over," Trey lowly admitted but Demi continued to shake her head.
"You should've thought about that before you made me second guess every single thing about our relationship," she breathed out, pushing at his chest but he was stronger than she was, and the pathetic part of her that would always be hopelessly in love with him didn't want him to let go of her.
"Demi, I'm sorry," he apologized as she let a few of her tears fall.
"No, you're not. Let me go, Trey. You have to let me go."
"I love you."
"Love isn't enough, remember?" she reminded him, finally looking into his eyes as he leaned down until his lips brushed against hers and she basically melted in his arms.
The tears were forgotten, the way that he had completely broken her heart and destroyed everything that she thought about their relationship was forgotten as he connected their lips, his hand running from her throat then entangling in her hair as she wrapped her arms around his neck and continued to let him kiss her. Because it always hurt being with Trey, but being away from him hurt even more.
Yay for midweek updates! That means I won't be updating this weekend sorry 🌚