My name is Kotomi Ichinose and I'm just a girl who likes to read and who have a high intelligence of study who I've passed lots of exams and yet, I haven't made a single friend...because I have very low social skills and I'm just not good at communicating with people...although I've made a single friend when I was little....but I don't want to mention him since it'll bring me terrible and painful memories of my....past. But lots has happened last week...
What has happened is that last week, I had a mental breakdown after I saw a bus crash on the town, because my friends thought that Ryou, the sister of Kyou Fujibayashi, was inside. She was fine...but not me. I retreated to my empty house and I begin to restudy research about my parents who died when I was a child. My freinds were pretty worried for me that I didn't came out of my house for days, so while I was in my house without any way to contact society, my childhood friend Tomoya Okazaki, a boy with blue hair and a delinquent at school due to his past with his parents, he made a plan of making a way to make me come out of my house by repairing my overgrown garden and front yard with the help of my other friends...and they also offered me a new violin...despite of it being destroyed with a accident they encountered...
I saw the repairments, as I give a happy and a grateful smile, as I was amazed how much my friends were dedicated and were very focused on helping me of what I was dealing with....from dealing all the pain I felt about my past and about my feelings and emotions....
After what happened, I confessed my feelings to Tomoya...because he was the only person throughout my whole childhood that I made a friend...and he cared for a lonely girl like me...and I cared for him the moment I layed my eyes on him....I was playing on my violin, and he came...because he was chasing a butterfly....after that, we spend time together....but however....he wasn't there for me after my parents left on a business trip on my birthday...and they died of a plane crash...and I was lonely for years...without no one to care or love...and I got scared I could lose someone else, so that's why I've decided to stay alone....
After I left my house and went to the drama club with my friends at school, which was revived by Nagisa Furukawa, who was the club president who wanted to revive the club, a man with a suit, which was my guardian, told me that a briefcase that belonged to my parents was for me, and as I opened the briefcase with my nervous hands, it was a teddy bear....which was a birthday present I really wanted on my birthday....and the guardian explained that the briefcase had traveled to different countries of the world, and that's when it reached to Japan....and my parents thought of that....as I still wanted that bear for my birthday....as I hugged it...the soft fabric of the bear, and as it pressed on my body gently, the gentleman told me my parents always loved and they still remembered of me even they are gone...and that's when I decided to pass on....it would've been my parents' wish all along....but I was happy I finally decided to let go of the past and continue on with my life....or so I say....
As I woke up from my soft and tender bed, it was 6:00 in the early morning, and it's another early school day, not to mention my final year as a high school student before I can start my life as a adult. Time went fast like someone changed the hands of a clock time and time again, like I feel just yesterday, it was my first year of Freshmen year, and today, as I woke up, time changed to my final year. After giving some thinking for my studies, I got up tiredly.
"Well....time for another great and yet lonely day." as I told myself with a yawning mumble.
I got up, as I did my daily routine when I normally wake up in the mornings: brushing my hair, wearing my school uniform, making myself some food to eat by myself at the library or for someone like Tomoya will come, and I grab some books for myself to read, which was pretty advanced books anyone would understand. As I walked around my empty house with my bookbag and ready to leave, I passed by to my parent's room, next to my father's study. I've heard a voice inside...a very similar voice...
"Yes. I know. So me and my wife have to leave? Without our daughter?" as the figure said and with a similar voice I've known for years...but it felt really saddening hearing that voice again...
I can hear this figure was talking on the telephone. The figure sounded confused, but I can sense it has a angry tone mixed with it...
"Your daughter can't come on this important meeting because she is too little. Besides, it's only a week."
"Are you insane? We can't abandon our daughter for a week! And we can't get a babysitter or anyone we can trust with Kotomi! And it's her birthday coming up, we cannot do such a thing to leave her alone without celebrating it!" as the figure said with a completely angry tone.
The person in the phone later said "It's your choice, either you and your wife will lose your jobs, or save your jobs by doing as what I said." the person in the phone explained.
I begin to notice that the person on the phone gave a tiny chuckle, and as I listen to their "secret" conversation, I pressed my books to my chest deeply, as I felt just...pure sadness.
The conversation continued for about endlessly, I lost ahead of time and as I walked ahead, a bit of tears start to drop down on my face, probably from the pure sadness and...now anger and just...loneliness, so I quickly grabbed my soft and gentle teddy bear, I fled to the front door, opened it, and closed it and walked quickly to the road of school, with my eyes watery a bit from the emotional experience I just witnessed, so I cleaned my eyes with my sleeve, give myself a fake determined look on my face, and I walked normally to school.
As I walked to school, I noticed in the corner of my eye that a couple of students were hanging out together, I noticed the tone they were talking...they were happy. I also noticed other students spending quality time with each other. I was the only one alone, empty in the small circle of loneliness while outside of my circle is active and talkative people.
But as I walked slowly to school shyly, a girl with brown hair touched my shoulder gently with a soft, very gentle tap. I looked aside with my teddy bear in my arms, holding it tightly, it was Nagisa. She gave me a endearing smile on her innocent face, as I gave a soft smile back.
"Hello Kotomi! How are you feeling?" asked Nagisa with a cheery, but a concerned tone on her gentle voice.
I responded back softly "I'm...ok. I'm just a bit lonely since last week...". I was ashamed Nagisa will judge me and she will make fun of me that I'm lonely since I can't really make a lot of friends except the drama club. As I prepared myself to be made fun of, Nagisa looked at me with her harmless, but innocent and safe smile, and places her hand at my shoulder very gentle, she said:
"Kotomi...I know you've been lonely since what happened with your parents and such, but you're not lonely. You got me, Okazaki, Kyou, and the others. We will not ignore or abandon you. You're twice as important as we are. I'm glad we are friends. Two shy girls who have friends with kind hearts." and she hugged me, a bit tight, as I knew she was serious. So I hugged back with my gentle smile growing more, and a bit of tears appeared on my eyes, as I was about to cry in joy Nagisa's words really touched me.
"Kotomi...please stop crying...otherwise, I'll cry myself!" Nagisa said with a shaky, yet emotional tone, as she's about to cry as well, and it wasn't long until Nagisa begins to sniffle and also cries as well, a bit less than how I am doing since I am a very emotional crybaby.
I tried to stop my tears from falling down on my face to Nagisa's yellow uniform because I didn't want her to think I'm a total crybaby. A couple of tears fell down to her uniform, making two dark yellow spots on it. I've really tried to calm myself down as my eyes begin to redden from the crying....until a hand patted on my head, but it wasn't Nagisa. She was still crying a bit before another hand reached for her head and lands on her possibly soft head.
I looked behind me, with my red watery eyes and with my face blushing a bit, it was Tomoya. He seems to be smiling a bit, yet serious at the same time, I didn't know who was he smiling at, either at me or Nagisa or both of us, and I begin to overthink things quickly. So immediately, I stopped crying, my watery eyes begins to dry, the watermarks on my face dissolves, and I felt my heart beating very fast I can feel it on my chest, and my face begins to blush even more, so I took out my soft and tender teddy bear, and pressed it on my chest tightly, as I shook a bit from embarrassment.
"Hey, why are you two crying? Did something happened?" as Tomoya responded with a concerned tone.
Nagisa stopped crying as well, and looked at Tomoya. "We just had a emotional talk as girls!" as she squeaked, blushing a bit from embarrassment. Tomoya rubbed both of our heads gently, as I blushed even more, but he was more focused on Nagisa more, since I already knew he likes Nagisa, not a emotional and lonely waste of a human being like me who always gets ignored in anyway....
"Hey Nagisa, have you figured out a plan for the drama club?" he responded.
"Yes! I just need to make arrangements to clean the clubroom and get some costumes and settings to start!"
"Perfect!" as Tomoya said enthusiastically still rubbing our heads, mostly to Nagisa and not me.
"C-can I h-help?" as I said very quietly. The two didn't heard me, as they continued to talk about the Drama club. I looked down, as I was getting ignored....
But however, Nagisa then saw me, she looked confused, but knows why I am upset. She then hold my hand and raised it a bit, and asked me "Do you want to help with the club Kotomi?"
"Y-yes! I d-do!" as I said with a cheery yet still quiet voice.
Tomoya smiled a bit "Great you're helping Kotomi. We need the help we can get." as he lowers his hand from Nagisa's head and continued to rub mine, as my blush begins to darken, and I looked down a bit, giving myself a smile, but I didn't know this smile was real or fake....because I was ignored for just a bit and they noticed me after they saw me in a sad mood, so I didn't know my smile on my non-noticeable face is fake....
Eventually, it was time for class as the three of us heard the bell from a not really far distance. Since Tomoya and Nagisa doesn't have the same class as me, I was going to be lonely again. But, I gave my now fake, but realistic smile to them as I waved goodbye to them.
"B-bye! Hope w-we'll m-meet in the c-clubroom!" as I tried my best to raise my voice so they can hear.
Tomoya and Nagisa said goodbye to me, but didn't heard mine, and as they walked away to their classes, my fake smile went to a fake smile to a real saddening frown, as I looked down and walked slowly to my class. Eventually, I sitted down on my desk, and I saw all my classmates talking to other classmates....while me, I was ignored, not noticed as always....since I don't know how to start a conversation and I felt the whole world think of me like a empty human with a shell to hide myself from....so I decided to rest for a bit as I placed my head on the hard, not really comfortable desk, so time can pass to lunch....
I fell asleep during class, and I had this dream where it was pure darkness, no nothing. And I felt myself crying in fear and sadness, since I knew the darkness indicates me as a waste, not for a light to fit in society....As I felt crying in my dream, I had my teddy bear with me, since it's the only thing I have left I can make it noticeable to me...and when I looked behind me, it was all my friends....Tomoya, Nagisa, everyone at the club, or so it wasn't....
The dream Tomoya walked to me, but his face was blocked by the shade of his hair, only his mouth was showing. I gave myself a weak smile, as I thought he'll say something to make myself truly happy again....but I was dead wrong, so dead wrong....The dream Tomoya whispered in my ear....
"A piece of nothing."
That immediately dropped my heart to the bottom of my chest and tears begin to drop down on my face deeply...
The dream Nagisa walked to me and shr said quietly I can hear "Always ignored, hide in your shell..."
I covered my ears to ignore the pain I am going though....but I can still hear the terrible words coming from them...I tried to tell myself they're just dream versions of themselves, not the real thing....but I highly doubt it since they sound and look just like them....
A dream Kyou grabbed my hand tightly, like she wants to break it, she whispered and she said..."Never fitted in society."
"STOP IT! I AM NOT! PLEASE STOP THAT SAYING! I AM NOT A WASTE!" as I yelled so loud it hurted my throat, and I felt I lost my voice to even talk or anything to fight back or defend myself....
The nightmarish Nagisa whispered to me "Always meant to be ignored, never to be acknowledged, or loved..."
All the dream or nightmarish versions of my friends, EVEN MY PARENTS, begin to repeat the same words over and over again....
"A piece of nothing....a piece of nothing...a piece of nothing...."
As I felt I will be trapped in this nightmare endlessly, never to wake up again...a white butterfly flew to the tip of my finger...and fluttered it's confusing, but beautiful wings...and for some reason....the nightmarish versions of my friends dissolved quickly....and the white butterfly shined my face, and as I looked at myself like I was looking at myself in a mirror, I was crying from the torture I suffered in my nightmare....but I smiled because I felt this butterfly will keep me safe...and it flew away as it fluttered its white wings away....and as I saw it fly away, a very white beam of light beamed on my eyes....and I woke up from my nightmare, as I gasped very loud it took all the oxygen I had in my lungs, and I started to breathe normally the best I can so I won't suffocate or pass out from lack of oxygen.
I looked around and I was at the library....not at the classroom I was in earlier. I thought somebody carried me or I was sleepwalking or I was at the library the whole time, so I was very flustered and confused why I was here, as I thought of endless possibilities what happened as I was sleeping at my classroom.
"My head..." as I responded to myself since that nightmare really caused a pain in me.
"Why am I here...?"
I noticed another bag was behind my bookbag, so I guess someone helped me carried or when I was possibly blankly awake. I felt a bit weak to stand, so I sit up and looked around by crawling.
"T-Tomoya? Is t-that y-you?"
It wasn't long until I bumped into someone that wasn't Tomoya.
"O-oof! I'm so sorry Tomoy-" as I look up slowly, it was a female student...
As I looked up with innocent, yet a bit of fear on my eyes, it was a girl with dark blue hair and with blue shiny eyes....and she seemed to carry a choir and a book how to play a violin like how I do. We stared at each other for a while before she talked to me.
"You had some kind of a nightmare Ichinose....it wasn't pretty seeing you..."
"W-what? What d-do you m-mean?"
She then explained what happened...it was shocking and horrifying...and to make it worse...something that made me cover my mouth in shock....she informed me that I had a nearby accident...just now....she give me a piece of paper that from the nurse and from the hospital I have a disorder....that will completely change my life forever if I don't fix it....