Chapter 32
Rapunzel stared up at the stars, the memories engulfing her. Like she was drowning in a pool of things that she had hidden to the back of her mind.
"Stars are beautiful, but it is quite depressing- the punishment they must face for something they so long ago did, not any of them even knowing any longer what it was. The stars cannot take a active part in anything but look on at others."
She closed her eyes, trying to forget the memories that she had bottled inside for so long.
"They are bright, but nobody is really aware of their purpose. They always look at the wonderful moon, how it brings light to the sky. But if the moon would cease to exist, all of the stars would mix together to make it bright as usual. People look past the stars as if they are nothing, because they are smaller."
"Stop." Rapunzel whispers to herself, pulling at her blonde hair at her scalp. She's been so used to scolding herself for this, for unwanted memories.
But, maybe, she did want the memories. Maybe they were what she needed to thrive on.
"I don't want it."
"Don't want what?"
She allowed herself to cry. Rapunzel needed it, needed to be able to get this out. It's been so long since allowing herself, but she's so close. She's so close to helping her Peter Pan.
And yes, she said the full name.
There is not a Peter without a Pan.
"The power, the darkness. The darkness engulfs me sometimes, hides me from reality. I don't know what it is and how it happens. I'm scared of my own shadow."
It took her a long time to realize this, to realize that all people have good and evil. Peter was the good, and Pan was the evil. Together, they balance each other out.
Without each other, they are nothing.
"All of them! All of those men, they could had families, people who loved them, and I killed them! I killed them, oh my god,"
Because, as Peter, she also has a dark side. The dark side she, and everyone else has though, are not a completely different person. Rapunzel cannot blame her evil on anyone else but herself.
"It's okay,"
"No it's not. Oh my god, Peter, no it's not. They were just doing what Hook asked them to and I killed like, twenty of them. I killed them!"
Pan was not the fully evil one. No one is fully evil. She had fooled herself into thinking Peter was competely innocent and Pan was the evil, but she was wrong. Maybe Peter had not shown his evil, but it was there.
Everyone has it.
"I began to feel stronger, more powerful by the day. The more he talked to me, the more I actually began to have real feelings, thoughts, and emotions. One night, after Peter was asleep, I wasn't asleep as I was usually. I don't know what it was, I could feel Peter was asleep- and I put my hand out in front of me. I was moving myself, not just being shadowed by what he does. I was completely in control, and it felt awesome."
Rapunzel, her life, is the real power of Neverland.
After her death, Peter gave up. After Peter, Pan had followed. Without her, they were nothing.
"I went and walked around, looked around Neverland and found nothing. Once the sun rise came, Peter woke up and I was no longer in charge. But then once I saw the life of being in control, I wanted more of it."
Rapunzel closed her eyes, and thought of Pan. Allowed the memories to come in, and made herself think of more. Because love, love is the real magic. And when she opened her eyes, what she had wanted was in front of her.
"Hey." She whispers, smiling slightly at the shadow in front of her. The tears were flowing freely down her face.
The shadow opened it's mouth and then closed it.
"You think you know what it's like to be not in control of your life? Imagine me! Imagine having no choice but to watch on in everything that Peter does. Imagine him pushing you back, calling you nothing less than a monster. I wasn't a monster in the beginning. But I became one when he kept on calling me one. He needs to understand how it feels. Rapunzel, I need to live a life. I need to be able to be in control for once."
She held her hand out for him. All he did was look down at it confused. "You've brought boys here before, Pan. I know you can hold my hand."
There was a chuckle that came from him. Rapunzel wouldn't have known it came from the shadow if it wasn't for the vibration that made the shadow move.
She smiled again, not being able to stop herself. "It's a long story, why I'm alive. But this isn't an illusion, and I'm here to help you."
"H-how...?" The shadow whispered weakly.
"You think I chose to be in Peter's body? Do you think I chose to be evil like this? Newsflash, princess, I didn't! I was made into his life, I was deemed a monster from the very beginning! If I could have been made into my own body, if I could have been my own person, I wouldn't have been like this."
"You can't have Peter without Pan. You can't have Malcolm without Power. You can't have Rapunzel without Love."
"What?" He questions, unsure what she was talking about.
"Love. That was always the answer to Neverland. When I was alive, when it was you and I, Neverland thrived. When I was dead, so was your love."
"I never meant for this to happen to you. I know you see me as a monster, and I know everyone else does too, but I only really cared about your opinion."
And as she held onto his hand, the most peculiar thing happened.
His shadow flickered. For a split second, he was once again Peter Pan. The same face she had imprinted in her mind, the same face she fell in love with.
But the next it was gone. And he pulled away.
"What are you doing?" Pan hisses.
"Can't you see what's happening? Love undoes any curse, Pan!"
"This isn't a curse, Rapunzel!" He yelled back. But his voice wasn't the demons voice, it was his own. "This is my life! It always has been, you said it yourself!"
"I was wrong. I was always wrong."
"What are you trying to do?" His voice breaks, for just a split second. Which was all she needed to know she was breaking through to him. "Fix me? Make me back to normal so you can find a way to bring Peter back?"
She wiped away a tear. "I want Peter Pan."
And once again, his face came back in for another second.
"Stop." Pan whispered. "Things were so much easier without you here."
"Because you couldn't feel anything." Rapunzel pointed out.
"Maybe I don't want to feel anything."
"Then why haven't you ran away yet?" He looks down, to her face. The yellow eyes poured into her blue ones, saying nothing for a few seconds. "I can't choose what you do. But I can push you in the right direction."
"Who says this is the right direction?" Pan breaths out.
"It feels right, doesn't it?"
He held out a hand, now a regular hand. Pan holds it and cups her cheek.
But then he stopped.
And the hand went back to a shadow, and so did Pan.
"No. It doesn't."
She opens her mouth, unable to protest as he flies away. Because, as it was before she was there, his voice was back to being demonic.
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if you didn't get it, the quotations that were italicized were flashbacks.
FYT throwback yes