.Natalia.
"Just don't take too much stuff, it's only for the weekend."
I was so deep in thought—in the unexpected plainness of all of my clothes folded across the top of the recently-made duvet, taking me a moment to realize that Harry's voice was cutting through the silence. For the past day or so, I'd tried to be busy coming up with theories about the stalker, but not even my books were helping. I looked up at the taken space; standing just by the door wearing some black band tee I didn't recognize and dark-washed jeans, the fabric tight against his thighs. I noticed that his hair was still wet from the shower, making the messy strands fall on his face and that he was holding his usual black leather weekender bag slung over one shoulder. He did not look happy.
"I just don't get it, Harry, I can perfectly stay in here while you go there and do whatever you have to do."
"Oh, I'm definitely not leaving you behind," He skipped my agreement or whatever argument I wanted to mention, unzipping another bag himself, and reaching inside to set a neatly folded pile of my clothes inside. "Not after that window show, you pulled the other night." I loved how there was a twinge of his accent, even if his tone was a little edgy.
"Thanks for the reminder..."
"You should've seen Sean's face when I told..." I winced at the memory, but he ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it a bit, as one side of his mouth twitched into a huge grin. "Joking, I'm joking. But I still got the mental image," He tilted his head slightly, his eyes practically twinkling, while my mind reeled between the moments of annoyance and then his boyish playfulness. "We really need to get out of here. Catch a break."
He was right, we were already on the verge of claustrophobia. "Yeah, well, so we go to this thing, and then I come back here with your mom, and you'll be ... where?"
"Ah! It took you this long to ask..." All traces of humor faded, Harry's eyes went soft. "London, actually."
"Oh." I remained on the bed, my hand clutching one of my books while I stared back at him, my heart sinking with disappointment. His hands were then closing the bag and carrying them both while walking to the door, where he glanced back at me with sympathetic eyes. "I'd take you with me but its work related, so you'll be really on your own there, and I'd rather have you here with proper company if you don't mind."
"Oh, no I don't, not really, your mom's amazing."
So London.
He was going to London for work.
I suddenly felt stuck with a dreadful feeling.
The room emptying once again with him walking out. The past few days proving that time was somehow absorbed in ordinary little things like having coffee and tea together or making small talk while sharing a bed and waiting for sleep to arrive; the world always seemed slower and steadier when he was around.
It was a fact that he made everything kinder and funnier, fuller somehow. But now, the feeling of him going away was making me come close to a sudden end.
I looked around the house, my sneakers dragging me down the wooden steps, and just staring at the cats filling the seats in the mismatched couches. The entrance door was wide open and the car was already there waiting, making me notice how everything was just quiet and hollow without him there, like emphasizing the physical and symbolic space he already occupied in my life.
I walked to where Corey was laying on the top part of the large cushion, and tapped her head gently, silently laughing at the fact that all of these days I thought she was a male cat when in reality she wasn't. Fuck, that wasn't even her name. Harry laughed at me for a whole half hour, and I really felt the bitterness in that treason because it truly was the first cat that I honestly cared for.
"Ready to go?" His voice now came out laced with excitement and a lot more impatience, probably happy enough to get home.
"Are they okay on their own?"
"Of course, someone's coming to feed them and all... don't worry." He looked down at me as we walked across the house, locking the door behind and stuffing the keys into his jeans pocket as he opened the passenger door for me.
I was still not used to him being a complete gentleman to me but still slipped into the luxurious leather seat of the car, feeling nervous about everything. It wasn't just the fact that he was really going back to London for a few days because I firmly believed he needed to get his life back on track.
It was something else, something my own mind couldn't quite name.
When I reached for the seatbelt, he took it from my hand.
"Here, let me," He pulled at the black strap, crossing my body and buckling me in, the rings near his knuckles lightly brushing across my shirt, causing me to stop breathing for a second. "There you go. All set." He pulled the buckle tight.
My eyes were once again adjusting to the fact that everything on the vehicle was actually on the other side of what I considered normal. I looked at Sean, taking a seat on the driver's side and Harry was right next to him, already plugging his phone and changing the air con on.
"Is it far away, where we are going?" I asked them both, my gaze traveling over the rich interior and I fought to keep from running my hand over the soft leather.
"Only forty-five minutes." Sean's voice answered me, the car pulling into the thin street and the gates closing, leaving my temporary home behind for the weekend.
***
I peered across the miles and miles of grass and cute little houses, as the car moved smoothly down the road to wherever we were going. Today was a very good day, the sun was bright in the almost cloudless sky, the simple sight of hills and road signs making my heart feel contempt and full, the rays of sunlight caressing my limbs through the car window.
Harry was too busy scrolling through his phone, the movements of his fingers telling me that he was rapidly texting someone, but his jaw was set firm, hinting that it was maybe something important. And in the middle of silence, my heart froze in my chest the moment Sean asked him if there was any other update on the case. Harry stopped whatever he was doing and glanced at me and then back to the road. He looked like he was actually weighing the words, or if it was maybe an appropriate conversation to have at that moment.
"Not really, no." His fingers locked his phone and gripped it tighter in his hand. "I'm actually really concerned."
"Is it still a matter of time?" Sean asked, his eyes fixed still on the three-lane route ahead.
"I guess so." Harry's admission burned, along with everything that was wrong with the situation, and I wanted to give him something that could bring the peace he needed so he could move forward, so we all could. So far I'd reacted with silence and more silence until I couldn't anymore; my shaky hand looking for the seatbelt lock and freeing myself from my seat, just as the words unfolded from my oversharing mouth.
"Why don't you search for her instead of letting her search for you?" I spoke out loud, without even filtering my opinions. They both stayed quiet, Sean fixing his gaze more profoundly on passing a small white van as he gently swerved into the parallel lane and then back. Harry, on the other hand, was looking at me like I was the lunatic chasing him, he even stopped chewing his piece of gum, his lips tightening in a firm line.
"No, no, hear me out... She's either way too smart or too psychotic to be hunted down by the cops, and I've seriously been thinking about this for days now... but, what if the only way to catch her is giving her what she wants the most... you."
"Please tell me you're not serious..."
"Dead serious, but you have to do it on your own conditions, Harry."
"My own conditions?"
"Right, well, this isn't terribly possible, certainly, but it's plausible. So, listen. You let her reach you. Again. Maybe through a phone call, or something. And you actually talk to her, maybe—about her or about something else—who knows. You can let her believe that you want to meet her up to talk or something, and in reality, you can set her up." My legs slipped to the edge of the seat, while I carefully sat between both of them, my voice rising with each word I was saying. "Like an ambush. Tate can help you with that part, and you'd never actually be in danger, not if it's carefully planned..."
He somehow managed to keep his expression impassive, to not let any of the shocks he sure felt show, but I knew him too much already. I could almost see him analyze every bit of the proposition, probably judging all of the bits and pieces of the puzzle, before actually deciding on something concrete.
"It's just a premise, I obviously know nothing about how the crime and justice patterns work, but if it goes well, you could be out of this in no time." I kept my voice to a normal level, my upper body now so close to them, I could easily be pretending to be sitting in the middle console. "You could be free, Harry."
He slid me a sideways look of dislike, his concerned eyes already annoyed at the fact that I wasn't following the car protocol of wearing the seatbelt.
"There's only one big flaw in your plan, Nat."
"What big flaw?"
"I don't ever want to see her face again... or hear her voice, or anything of that sort."
"I know it's not going to be easy, but maybe just make her believe..."
"No, that's not an option for me," He slumped back into his seat and sighed. "It's just, the idea of her being close to me... again..."
"I understand that perfectly well," Our eyes locked there for a minute, and I kept talking, out of compulsion, keener to the idea of him being happily free. "The thing is, you can't keep your entire life running from her, or waiting for them to find her when it's clear they're nowhere near her now," Harry's brow furrowed as he opened his mouth and snapped it shut, twice. "I think it's inevitable."
"Harry, mate, I think she might be right," Sean stated, and to be honest, I was more surprised at the fact that this was the longest I've heard Sean speak, than him agreeing to what I had to say. "You don't have to see her, it can be set up that way, just to mislead her..."
Harry's face looked around him, and then turned up the volume of his music, the soft vintage bass waving a much more nostalgic ambiance, and he turned to the side to look again at me, an intriguing look replacing the angry one he'd been giving me a second before. His eyebrows were slowly rising as his deep green eyes looked into mine, a small smile forming on his lips while the tip of his tongue peeked from behind his teeth.
"If I'll think about it, would you two leave me the fuck I alone?" Harry decided, even though he was still frowning, pleased as we all agreed to the idea.
I liked that he at least considered it, sitting back where I could only stare at his side profile.
His fingers then tipped a soft black hat to hide his now wild hair, lips curling into a tiny but very pretentious smirk. "Now shut up and put your seatbelt on."
I bit back any other sound, turning to stare out the window just like he did, the rest of the journey shifting into something quiet—a little too quiet. And I wondered for a brief second, a possible made-up scenario where this plan actually succeeded ... the thoughts scrambling on my mind, whirling my head to the window as if the picturesque homes and patchwork hills were infinitely more interesting than the unsafe knot of warning that gripped my stomach like a clenched fist.