Chapter Eleven
As interesting as Dark kept things and as much as I enjoyed my time with him, it wasn't much longer before I began to feel like there was something missing from my life. Work was going good, things were fine with Allison, and Dark was always surprising me. But Mark and I still hadn't spoken in quite a while. I found myself missing him, and watching his videos and keeping up with his social media only made me miss him more. I didn't want to reach out to him again - if he hadn't even attempted to respond to my apology by now, he probably didn't want to talk to me and wouldn't respond anyways. But I desperately wanted him to reach out to me.
What Dark offered was completely different than what Mark brought to the table. Sure, I had fun with Dark. He took me out on good dates, complimented me, and made me feel good physically. But he also scared me. Nobody who's willing to kill me or my loved ones could possibly love me or really care much at all. As much as I hated to admit that, deep down, I knew it was true. But even though Mark and I were just friends, I still felt safe around him, and comfortable. He was always going to be there for me. He never stopped caring, and probably never would. At the end of the day, nothing about Dark could ever compare to that.
So, I finally cracked. I decided I would have to reach out first, and I did.
Me: Hey, I know it's been a while, but can we talk?
I figured if I got an answer at all, it might take a few hours or even a day. But to my surprise, Mark actually responded just a few minutes later.
Mark: Yeah, I'd like that.
Me: Coffee shop?
Mark: Or you could maybe come over? We could still have coffee. And I have Irish Creme!
I was surprised by Mark yet again. I hadn't been to his place since we had broken up. Going there would feel almost intimate, like it was back to the old days and we were together again. But I didn't want to seem like something as silly as going to his house for coffee would bother me, so I agreed.
Me: That's pretty tempting, you know Irish Creme is my favorite...
Mark: So...?
Me: Alright, I'll come over. What day and time?
Mark: Tomorrow at 10?
Me: Sounds great, I'll see you then.
***************************
I was slightly nervous as I walked up to Mark's front door the next morning. I wasn't sure why, but that sinking feeling in my stomach was definitely there. I guess I just didn't know what to expect from this meet up. Was he still angry at me? We hadn't actually talked in a long time.
I rang the doorbell and heard Chica's barks on the other side of the door, followed by a muffled, "It's fine, Chica! I'm coming!" A few seconds later the door swung open and Chica immediately jumped up, desperately wanting to give me kisses. I scratched behind her ears and talked in a baby voice to her like I always had before, when I used to see her on a regular basis.
"Hey there Chica! I missed you too, bubs!"
Once Chica calmed down a little (except for her still wagging tail), I finally acknowledged Mark.
"I guess I missed you too," I laughed.
"Thanks, I could tell when you ignored me and went straight for my dog," he replied sarcastically, a grin on his face.
"Sorry, but she's way cuter and is always much more excited to see me," I said. He couldn't seem to argue with that one.
Mark made me a cup of coffee and we sat down next to each other on his living room couch. For a moment we both sat in silence, sipping our coffee and watching Chica play with one of her toys. But eventually, I broke the silence.
"I'm really sorry about everything," I apologized. I was sure he had received my apology text forever ago, but he never acknowledged it. I wanted him to know I was truly sorry by saying it in person, and I also needed to hear that I was forgiven. I hated thinking he was still angry with me for the way I acted out of stupid rage, rubbing Dark in his face.
"I know. I'm sorry, too. You only did that because I pissed you off. We both were out of line. I just don't like seeing people I care about getting hurt and I wanted to try to help you," Mark explained.
"I get it. I know you're right about him. He's just so convincing sometimes. It was hard for me to admit that you were right at the time, probably because it hurt to know that he was just using me. But I know he was and still is." I took a big gulp of coffee and when I set my mug down, Mark took my hand in his.
"I'm still here for you, Mads. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" he asked, looking me right in the eyes. I nodded.
"So...can you tell me what your deal with him is, exactly?"
"You know what it is. I'm supposed to date him to make you jealous and piss you off," I told him, confused.
"I know that part. What I meant was, what did he threaten to do if you didn't hold up your end of the deal?"
I hesitated, reluctant to answer Mark's question. He would only worry about me more if he knew how serious my deal with Dark was. But at the same time, we were finally talking again, and I didn't want to ruin that by refusing to be honest and open up.
"He said..." Mark squeezed my hand, reassuring me. "He said he'd kill Allison, my parents, everyone close to me...and then he'd kill me." I couldn't bear to tell Mark that Dark had threatened to kill him. He didn't need any more reason to be afraid or worried, not when Dark was already giving him black eyes when I wasn't around. But to my surprise, Mark's expression hardened.
"Has he hurt you?" he asked. I sensed anger in his voice.
"Not really, no."
"What do you mean, not really? I need to know if he's hurt you, Mads."
"When we first met and we made the deal, he cut me a little with a knife, but that's all. It wasn't that big of a deal, it was just scary at the time. He hasn't hurt me since then, Mark. I promise."
"And he better never hurt you again," Mark growled.
"Well he better never hurt you again, either! I had no idea he was until he admitted to giving you those black eyes. Does he always do shit like that to you? I mean, does it get physical every time he runs off and talks to you about our dates?"
"Well, he's never punched me before. Held a knife to my throat and thrown me at a wall, yeah, but this was the only time he's ever really left a mark. I was standing up to him, mouthing off, and he doesn't exactly take things like that very well as I'm sure you've noticed," Mark revealed.
"Yeah, I have," I agreed.
"He won't take this very well, if he finds out about it," Mark added.
"He won't take what well?"
"Us talking here. I'm not supposed to be getting information out of you about your deal. I'm not supposed to talk to you about it. He knew I'd want to protect you from him. He told me not to do this. He threatened to hurt you..."
"If he finds out somehow, I initiated it. I wanted to talk. I told you about his threats, you didn't ask. Okay? I'll take the blame. It'll be fine, Mark," I assured him, pulling him into a tight embrace. I felt comfortable with my arms around him and his arms around me. His hugs had always been the best, and when I was this close, I could smell the familiar scent of his body wash that I associated with him.
It was a long time before we both finally pulled away, and when we did, everything else disappeared. It was just the two of us on his couch, looking at each other.
"I've missed having you here," he admitted.
"Me too."
A few seconds later, Mark's lips were on mine, and I didn't even try to reject him. I kissed him back without any thought. I had been missing him and feeling nostalgic for far too long, even if I hated to admit it. I never stopped caring about him, I had just lost the passion I had once felt. But now that I didn't have him, I wanted him back. So I kissed him and I kissed him again, and then logic made me stop even though I didn't want to.
"Mark, we can't do this. He knows where you live. He could come here and see us. I know he doesn't really care about me but this would piss him off just the same and we'd both be screwed," I panicked.
"I know. I'm sorry, I just..."
"Missed us?" He nodded. "Yeah, I did too. But we can't do this right now."
"I know we can't. I'm sorry, Mads. I shouldn't have kissed you."
"It's alright Mark, I just think I should go. Thanks for the coffee."
My head was spinning out of control as I got into my car and drove towards the venue I was scheduled to meet a client at for a shoot. I hadn't wanted to leave, but I couldn't get so close to Mark, not with Dark around. Friends was all we could be, and even then we'd have to be somewhat distant. But I guess distant would be better than not talking at all. It had to be.