You can't force love, I realized. It's either there or it isn't. If it's not there, you've got to be able to admit it. If it is there, you've got to do whatever it takes to protect the ones you love.
- Richelle Mead
Samantha Sage Chiu was sitting restlessly in the first class section of the plane she was riding.
She already drank a glass of wine to calm her nerves down.
But it just wasn't working.
It was just three hours to landing.
She would be back in the Philippines after more than 10 long years.
Had it been that long?
Sam laughed sarcastically.
She was constantly touching her hair and rubbing her hands together.
It seemed normal to others, but to her, those were signs of extreme nervousness.
She was physically present, but her mind was wandering to the past, towards all the long buried moments and memories attached to it.
She hated it.
She was always confident and in control.
She always knew what she wanted, found means and ways to get it, and worked hard to achieve it.
She was feeling confident all throughout the week.
She had prepared for her homecoming.
She readied herself and even practiced conversations in her head.
She had practiced smiling in front of the mirror for hours.
She knew Jacob, Jace, Ara and Avery were gonna ask for explanations.
She had left without saying goodbye.
It was like one moment they were enjoying Jacob and Jaden's birthday party, the next moment she was off to Europe without a proper farewell.
She had prepared for it.
Until that moment when she received a message from her Uncle Anton, minutes before boarding the plane.
From: Uncle Anton
Sammy! When you arrive at the airport in Manila, sabay na kayo ni Jace. Both of you will arrive in the same day naman eh! Good luck! Uy! Maybe this time......love won't end! Oi loko lang! Asar talo! Love you Sam! Uncle misses you!
Despite her unending love for uncle Anton, Sam had wanted to throw her mobile phone towards the wall as soon as she read the message.
She had wanted to go back to her apartment, in the safety of her own home.
The home she was used to, the home she had been comfortable with, the home that nurtured her when she was hurting and broken.
Her uncle was the only person who knew about what had happened more than 10 years ago.
He was the one who saw her crying like a baby looking like her life was over.
She had been very close to her uncle Anton, her mother's youngest brother.
He took her to all his business and personal functions.
He was more like her brother than her uncle, despite the age gap.
They had a close bond.
That was the reason why he could get away with jokes like that.
And that was why she came back even if she didn't want to.
She owed her uncle Anton.
Because she loved him.
Jace Maddox Teng
What was she gonna do with her feelings for him?!?!
Sam buried her face in her hands in exasperation and surrender, muttering "shit" five times to herself.
An action which startled the old lady sitting from across her.
Sam uttered an apology to the old woman.
She had always been well mannered.
Despite the pain, Sam smiled.
Had she been that madly in love with Jace Teng?
To fly halfway around the world just to escape him?
She knew the answer.
She had been that crazy in love with Jace Teng.
She had loved him like a little girl loved a Disney prince.
He had been her dream.
Her "ahia" Jace Teng.
Jace had asked her to call him that.
But she never did.
Never had the heart to.
That was just fucked up.
Did you ever call your crush your "ahia"?
Hell no!
Only a stupid retard would do that!
They grew up together.
Sam, Jace, Jacob, Jaden, Ara, Avery
Well...until she decided to stay away.
She hated that her uncle still laughed about that incident like it was some sort of joke.
Like it was a trivial matter that got out of hand.
It was like a joke.
It was a trivial matter, when you looked at it now.
But not to her.
Never to her.
Jace broke her heart to pieces.
He made her feel like she was just like his kid sister.
That they never had a chance.
He presented her with cold reality when she wanted to believe in fairy tales.
Sam hated that even after all these years, he still affected her that way.
That no matter how beautiful and successful she had become, she was the same girl who stalks his Facebook account, wanting to know if he was dating someone new.
That same girl who no matter how many suitors she had, refused to date anyone because no one ever compared to him.
That same girl who would wait for hours during her birthday, wanting to know if he would greet her.
Waiting if the greeting would change.
That same girl whose heart would break every time the greeting would remain the same, "happy birthday little Sammy".
She never replied to any of his greetings after what had happened.
She had stopped all communication with him.
It was a matter of pride and self preservation.
Or maybe, she just wanted to save herself from all the heartache.
Save a little piece of something for herself.
When will he treat her like a woman?
Will he ever see me any other way?
Will he forever see me as his kid sister?
Those were the questions she had stopped asking herself.
She just didn't want to care anymore.
Sam didn't want to see Jace Teng.
That was the biggest lie in the whole wide universe.
She wanted nothing more than to see him.
She just wished she didn't feel the same.
She had wished so many times that all her feelings would just disappear in a split second.
Every falling star she sees, she wished "I hope to treat Jace Teng like a brother".
But it never happened.
It would never happen she guessed.
She even prayed to God to let her suffer amnesia just so she could forget him.
But it never happened.
She was the same Sam who was in love with Jace Teng.
But times change even when feelings don't.
She decided, this time he'll never know.
Because I'll never ever tell him again.
Never risk having him laugh at her face.
Never risk him rejecting her again.
She didn't want him looking at her in that condescending way.
She never wanted him to look at her like she was his blood sister.
She was the same Sam who loved him, but she was smarter this time.
She knew how to control her feelings.
And she would have her heart intact and unscathed after a year.
She would just get through this year, and she was never gonna see him again.
The thought calmed her down.
And for the first time, Sam smiled with her hands fisted.
Love isn't about ridiculous little words. Love is about grand gestures. Love is about airplanes pulling banners over stadiums. Proposals on jumbo-trons. Giant words in skywriting. Love is about going an extra mile, even if it hurts. Letting it hung out there. Love is about finding courage inside of you that you didn't even know was there.
- Jennifer Flackett, Little Manhattan
Jace Teng breathed the fresh air as soon as he stepped foot on Philippine soil.
He was home.
He smiled in happiness.
He took all his baggages to the driver and went inside the airport to wait for Sam.
He went into a coffee shop since it would be hours until she arrives.
Three hours to be exact.
He didn't mind.
As Jace sat on the chair, his mind wandered.
Samantha Sage Chiu
He didn't know if he was feeling glad or nervous that he was gonna see her today.
She had always had a soft spot in Jace's heart.
She had followed him around like a sick puppy when they were young.
She listened to him when everybody else gave up.
She believed in him when everybody else were doubtful.
She'd believe him if he said he could fly.
She had faith in him.
Pure like water.
They grew up together, and he had treated her like a sister.
He protected her and loved her.
Was it always just like a sister?
He had thought so.
But somewhere along the laughter and jokes, he had loved her a little more than that.
He had the courage to admit that to himself now.
After more than 10 years.
That fear of the unknown caused Jace to lose Sam.
He had hurt her.
He just wished to God he hadn't broken her spirit.
He was shocked to see her picture on the cover of Food and Wine Magazine two years ago.
She had looked different, all grown up.
Gone was the fragile kid who was scared of dogs.
Who asked him to slay all her demons and be her knight in shining armor.
She had grown up all right.
She was a woman of the world now.
Jace had a frown on his face as he remembered that fateful night.
*more than 10 years ago *
They were all having a blast at Jaden and Jacob's 13th birthday party.
Tito Jeron and Tita Ashley threw the twins a rockstar themed birthday with bands and all things cool.
Everyone was grooving to the music and enjoying the food.
Jace was sitting in a quiet corner.
He was 16 years old and was worrying over the fact that he wasn't good enough for Harvard.
It had always been his dream school.
He had worked hard and studied like a mad man to get the best grades in order to get into that school.
Sam sat next to him on the floor.
They were hidden behind the plants.
Jace shook his head and smiled.
She was wearing a floral dress and sandals.
When did she get so pretty?
Jace was surprised with his thoughts.
He wasn't supposed to think that way.
Sam: Jace! Why are you here?
Jace: ahia Jace. I just wanted to think.
Sam: I don't want to call you ahia! You're just three years older than me anyway.
Jace: three?
Jace asked with raised eyebrows, obviously amused.
Sam looked crest fallen.
Sam: fine! Four years then! But I'm about to turn 13 in the next three months!
Jace: don't look like you just lost all your money Sammy!
Sam: don't call me that! I told you I didn't like it!
Jace: why? It's cute! Little Sammy! That's what I always call you! It's gonna remain that way forever.
Sam swallowed the hurt.
Sam: I'm not so little anymore.
Jace was silent for a moment.
She knew Sam had suitors at just 12 years old. Some of his friends even expressed interest in her.
Mga gago! Ang ma manyak! Kitang bata papatulan!
But Jace admitted she was really really very pretty.
With just a few more years for her beauty to mature, she would have boys lining up the gate to catch a glimpse of her.
She was a beauty all right.
Jace: may nanliligaw ba shobs? Pakilala mo Kay ahia ha! Nang ma kilatis ko muna!
Sam was starting to get mad.
Didn't he feel that she liked her?
Sam: marami
Jace: sino? Are Jaden and Jacob courting you?
Sam: hindi! Even if they were, nothing would happen. I like someone else.
Jace: naks! Wala palang pag asa ang kambal! Tsk tsk!
Sam just looked at Jace longingly.
Then she saw the application papers for Harvard.
Sam: are you going to Boston for college?
Jace: I hope so! If I pass the test!
Sam looked at the floor.
Sam: are you gonna be away then?
Jace: I guess so! I'll be home for breaks and holidays! Don't worry, ahia will still come and see you.
Sam's eyes started to water.
Jace: oopppss! Don't cry Sam! I haven't been accepted yet. Ikaw naman!
Sam: you're gonna get in anyway! You're the smartest boy I know!
Jace laughed.
Jace: should I be flattered? How many boys do you know?
Sam just cried.
Jace: nako! Stop it na!
Jace took his handkerchief and wiped Sam's eyes.
While he was wiping her face, he had a good look at her.
She was very beautiful for a 12 year old.
It didn't seem like she was on the awkward stage of puberty.
He was looking at her face closely, memorizing every plane and angle.
He stood frozen on his spot when Sam suddenly kissed him on the lips.
Her lips were soft.
That was the first thought that came to his mind.
Which shouldn't have been.
She was his little sister.
What the fuck!?!?
Jace held her shoulders.
He was trembling in shock.
He pushed her gently away from him.
Jace: shit Sam! What the hell were you thinking?!?! Are you out of your mind! Don't ever do that to other boys! You understand? Do you understand me?
Jace was raising his voice to her.
It was the first time he did that.
Sam had tears rolling in her eyes.
She looked at him in the eye.
Sam: I wanted to do it. There's nothing wrong with that.
Jace: Sam sino ba nagturo sayo niyan? Do you do that with other boys? God! You're just 12!
Sam started crying harder.
Sam: I saw it in fairy tales! I saw mom kiss dad!
Jace rubbed his face.
Jace: Sam we're not your mom and dad okay? Don't ever do that again! Ever! With anyone! Do you understand?
Jace's heart was beating so fast he was afraid it would malfunction.
It was not like it was his first kiss.
He had kissed a lot of girls.
But shit! This was Sam!
Sam: nothings wrong with it! I love you! You're the first boy I ever kissed! And you'd be the last too!
Jace looked at her for a minute in silence.
His brain stopped working.
The Jace Teng who never ran out of things to say suddenly suffered from speechlessness.
Jace: honey, listen. Ahia loves you too okay?
He wasn't able to finish when Sam shouted.
Sam: you're not my ahia okay? I don't want you to be my ahia! I love you! Like a princess loves their prince! I love you!
Jace was starting to panic.
How did a person handle declarations of love?
Jace: Sam you're just 12!
Sam: my mom was twelve when she and dad got together!
Jace: Sam and bata bata mo pa! What do you know about love?
Sam: is that it? Is it my age? It will take a few more years and it won't matter anymore! I'll grow up really fast! I promise! I will!
Jace: Sam, aalis na ako! What do you expect?!
Jace was getting agitated and confused too.
He didn't want to see her crying.
It was getting too painful seeing her cry.
Sam: I'll wait for you! No matter how long it takes. I'll wait Jace. Please.
Jace: Sam, please don't be like this! I love you! Alam mo yan! You're my sister and.......
The moment Jace said the word sister, he saw Sam's face change.
It was all the life drained out of her.
Her eyes were blank for a second.
It scared Jace.
He wanted to take her in his arms.
Fuck the world if they saw a 16 year old and a 12 year old in a tight embrace.
He didn't care what they'd think.
He didn't want seeing her that way.
But before he could do that, Sam spoke.
Sam: do you love Audrey?
Sam asked about Jace's ex girlfriend.
Jace: no. We were over a long time ago. Sam, stop this. Sam listen to ahia....
Sam: can you ever love me like you love her?
Jace didn't know what to say.
Truth be told, he wasn't sure of anything.
He didn't want Sam to have false hopes.
So he took the safer answer.
It would take years for him to realize that it was the wrong one.
Jace: Sam you're my little sister! Magkababata tayo! Years from now we'll loom back and laugh about this.
The moment he said those words, he knew he'd lost her.
He could literally hear her heart breaking to pieces.
But she managed to look at him in the eye, with a smile so sad Jace wanted to snatch all the words back.
Sam: I hope someday I can.
Sam looked at Jace, praying it would be for the last time ever.
She never expected everything to turn out this way.
She wanted and hoped for a happy one.
Sam: well, at least I said it, right? Some people take their whole lives wondering what if? I never wanted to be that person.
Sam said with tears flowing from her beautiful face.
Sam: I hope someday I can call you ahia sincerely, like you always wanted.
Jace was feeling helpless.
How did everything turn out this way?
He was gonna give her a hug when she help her palms up, stopping him from doing so.
Sam: bye
And with that last word, she walked away.
Out of Jace's life.
Jace gave her two weeks.
He figured she needed time to think it over.
He was so surprised to knock into their house one morning and being told she was off to Europe.
She was gonna continue her studies there.
She wasn't coming back.
Her parents were convincing her to go for a long time but she always resisted , preferring the Philippines. It was only two weeks ago that she had a change of heart.
She left yesterday.
Without saying goodbye.
Jace felt hollow after that.
Just like he committed a big mistake.
Like he had let go of a person he couldn't live without.
But, what was over was already over.
He messages her, tried to contact her to talk to her.
But she never replied.
But he always greeted her anyway, to make her know that he cared.
Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "it might have been".
- Kurt Vonnegut
Jace was shaken from his thoughts by the flight announcement.
Sam's flight had arrived.
Jace's heart started to beat irregularly.
His palms were starting to sweat.
They were gonna see each other after almost 13 years.
This was it.
No turning back.
Jace threw caution to the wind and faced his destiny.
Hey guys!
What's up?
Sorry for this chapter! I tried to write an update. Sorry for the mistakes and errors! Too tired to double check!
Tell me what you think!
Drop me a line or two!
Enjoy!